The alliance partner and I have been discussing looking for a new place to live. We love the ancient house we’re in now, but it’s become less practical for a few reasons I won’t go into here.
So, I guess the first thing on my to-do list is to figure out what kinds of things I’d want out of a new house. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far…
A Candle Room
Yeah, I used The Police’s “Wrapped Around Your Finger” video for the graphic, but I’d hate to have a room full of candlesticks. What I’m thinking of is a room full of scented jar candles, some votives…maybe some tealights.
Now rest assured that every room in the house would have candles, but this would be more of a staging room. I could go in there, test scents, and figure out what kind of mood I’m in. Oh…there should also be some form of a hyperbolic chamber so I can smell the candle without it being tainted by the scents of the thousands of other candles.
Pots and Pans that are Dishwasher Safe
My alliance partner cooks, I clean. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to do it, because if I were the cook it’d be Apple Jacks and Ramen noodles every night. The only problem I have with this set up is there’s this one pot we have that I’m not allowed to use an S.O.S. pad on.
So, what am I supposed to use? A sponge? No good. Dirty looks? Equally ineffective. What’s the point of a pot like this? It heats things more evenly? I’d settle for some unevenly cooked food in exchange for never having to deal with this pot again.
A Haunted Library
OK, I don’t want a library with an actual full-torso, free-roaming vapor, I just want a library with super-sweet creepy decor. I’m thinking like something out of Disney’s Haunted Mansion ride. There should also be a few shelves reserved for “Ghostbusters” stuff (mine) and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” memorabilia (not mine).
Note: This is where I’d keep the candlesticks. Doy.
In-N-Out Burger Franchise
Should I live on the West Coast or the East Coast? The argument used to be dead even because the West Coast has In-N-Out Burger and the East Coast doesn’t have earthquakes. Well after what happened a few weeks ago, that argument doesn’t hold water anymore.
So, either my next house has a full-on, open-24-hours-a-day, secret-menu-included franchise in the basement or that new house might be located on a California fault line.
A Fireman’s Pole
(Actually, it can be a firewoman’s pole. We don’t discriminate here.)
This isn’t just because it’s super cool. Think of the time I’d save. Walking down a staircase has got to take five seconds off of every day of my life. Over the years that can add up.
Also, every morning I could zip down the pole and say, “Wow, this place is great! When can we move in? You’ve gotta try this pole!” And every morning my alliance partner could question her decision to share a home with a “Ghostbusters” fanatic.