One Bed, Ten Pillows


If you look to the left, you’ll see a picture of my bedroom. Some would say it’s a bit forward of me to invite you into my bedroom, but we’re all friends here on

Anywho…I love my bedroom. It’s located in my ancient house which is 120 years old, is located in a historical district, has original hardwood floors, and contains more pro wrestling and ‘Ghostbusters’ memorabilia than the law should allow.

Now if you take a close look at that photo, you’ll realize that there are a ton of pillows on my bed. Why would one bed require so many pillows? How many heads do I have? Chill out, pillow haters. I can explain.

For starters, there are four standard pillows. Two for me to rest my ridiculous hairstyle on and two for whoever is foolish enough to share a bed with me to rest his/her (we don’t judge here) head on.

This medium-sized pillow with the cool swirly designs serves a very important purpose. I use it to prop my ankles up becauseĀ I have poor circulation in my feet.

But Gordon, wouldn’t that make things worse for your circulation? Blood flowing uphill? Not really, the veins leading into my feet are wide and healthy. The ones leading out are conjested. So basically my legs are like a roller coaster.

These super huge pillows rest to my left and right while I’m off in dream land. You see, some people kick or punch in their sleep. I drop “Macho Man” Randy Savage-style elbows while I sleep. That’s also why I don’t keep steel folding chairs in my room.

They actually serve two purposes as without them I’d surely roll off of the bed and splatter my brains all over my sweet original hardwood floors.

I keep these two snazzy pillows over my face and chest while I sleep. When paired with the pillows to my left and right, it kind of creates a cool “sleeping in a coffin” effect.

Yeah…it’s a “Twilight” thing. Team Edward FTW.

That, and if someone ever broke in they wouldn’t see me. Well, they’d see a pair of roller coaster-esque legs, promptly get freaked out, and run off (hopefully without my XBox).

And finally we have this little number. Whatever would you use such a tiny pillow for? Tiny guests? No, don’t be silly.

It’s my dream pillow.

Every morning I wake up with the previous night’s dream fresh in my mind. If it was a dream I enjoyed, I whisper what happened into the dream pillow to save it for the next night. If it was a dream I didn’t enjoy, I keep it to myself.

Actually, I have no idea what all of these freaking pillows are for. I’m told they’re to look make the bed look pretty.

However, those pillows are only on the bed when the bed is made. And in the interest of keepin’ it real…the bed is only made once every two weeks.

When the pillows aren’t on the bed they rest in a corner of the bedroom. And you can’t see it from the picture, but we even have a cool wicker basket type thing to keep them in.

So if you want to get technical, those pillows spend more time making the wicker basket type thing look pretty than they do making the bed look pretty.

But I have to admit, that corner of the bedroom is stunning.

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2 Responses to “One Bed, Ten Pillows”

  1. Amy Says:

    My husband drops WWF elbows when he sleeps. Maybe I need to get him some coffin pillows. Or, I could sleep in the wicker basket with all the extra pillows. Looks comfy.

  2. penpusherpen Says:

    loving the idea of a dream pillow, … and loving your bedroom too, it does look stunning..xPenx

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