‘Survivor: Redemption Island’ Recap: Federal Offense

Last Week: Grant found a clue, but still doesn’t have a clue. David was puzzled when Sarita chose Stephanie to do the puzzle. And, Krista called out the Brady Bunch, and they voted for her…a bunch.

39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Let’s take a look at the tribes as they currently stand…

The Ometepe Tribe (wearing orange)

Andrea – 21, Student
Ashley – 25, Nurse
Grant – 29, Yoga Instructor
Natalie – 19, Dancer
Phillip – 52, Former Federal Agent?
Rob – 35, “Survivor” Hall of Famer

The Zapatera Tribe (wearing purple)

David – 31, Defense Attorney
Julie – 50, Firefighter
Mike – 31, Former Marine
Ralph – 45, Farmer
Sarita – 36, Visual Effects Producer
Stephanie – 26, Waitress
Steve – 51, Former NFL Player

Currently Residing on Redemption Island (wearing faith)

Matt – 22, Pre-Med Student
Krista – 25, Pharmaceutical Rep

We start off this week’s fun at Redemption Island where Matt is greeted by his new bunkmate Krista. She’s a big fan of Matt’s positive attitude, and the fact that he has a dry place to sleep.

The two bond over their shared religious belief and their similar hair colors.

The following morning, Steve lets us know that he isn’t happy that he received two votes. Stephanie explains that it has nothing to do with him personally, but it was because he isn’t a strong physical competitor. Oddly enough, Steve takes this personally.

Meanwhile at Ometepe, Ashley and Natalie are plucking their armpit hairs. What’s worse? We’re treated to close-ups.

Note to “Survivor” Editors: Armpit close-ups again? Seriously, knock it off.

While the spa day is going on, Rob is building something, Andrea’s pretending to help, and Phillip is checking on the fire. Ashley lets us know that she isn’t lazy because she’s competed in basketball and beauty pageants. She should use that as her Tribal Council speech when her number is up.

Phillip swings by the salon and asks the ladies to help him with the fire. For some reason he’s annoyed with their lack of effort. Whoa…Phillip and I agree on something. I need a nap.

Over at Redemption Island, Krista’s Bible (her luxury item) shows up in tree mail. Her and Matt share a prayer and seem to be getting along famously.

Redemption Island Challenge: The players will use a grappling hook to retrieve three bags. Each of the bags has something in it, but they’ll have to keep opening them until they find a ball. The players will then use their ball in a table maze. The first person to complete the table maze gets to stay on Redemption Island. The loser doesn’t get to put their buff on eBay.

Andrea and Natalie are in attendance for Ometepe. Julie and David made the trip for Zapatera.

Krista gets her three bags first, but Matt is right behind her. Krista has some trouble with the table maze, Matt doesn’t. Matt remains the King of Redemption Island.

Before Krista leaves, she gives Matt her Bible. See Victoria Jackson, there are positive examples of religion on television.

Andrea seems to take offense to Matt’s close relationship with Krista. Oh man, every time Matt’s nice to somebody he ticks someone else off.

At Zapatera beach, Sarita is worried that she has gotten bacteria into one of her teeth while cleaning them. Julie can’t imagine how anyone who isn’t a dentist could figure something like that out, so she labels Sarita a “drama queen.”

David seems to share this belief and lets Stephanie know that politicking against Sarita is her best bet for survival.

Stephanie takes this bit of advice and apologizes to Steve for voting for him. Then she plants the Russell Stephanie seed that Sarita should go home next. Steve agrees that Stephanie is better at challenges than Sarita.

Chore-gate is continuing over at Ometepe. Rob and Grant agree that the women should be pulling their weight, but don’t intend on being the ones to tell them.

Luckily for them, that’s why God invented Phillip.

Phillip lets Natalie and Ashley know that they need to start chipping in. The best part of this rant? Phillip pronounced Andrea’s name wrong. Somewhere Francesca is screaming at a television set.

Rob tries to calm Phillip down, even referring to himself as the Arafat in the tribe’s peace process. Who had Boston Rob as the first person to reference Yasser Arafat in the pool? Nobody? Didn’t think so…

Immunity Challenge Time: Players will use a slingshot to launch balls at their teammates. The teammates will try to catch the balls in lacrosse-esque nets. Each caught ball is good for a point. First team to five points wins immunity and a trip to a mountain that overlooks San Juan del Sur for a nice picnic lunch.

Fun Fact: San Juan del Sur is where I stayed when I visited “Survivor: Nicaragua.” It is twelve shades of awesome. I’m seething with jealously right now.

Another Fun Fact: This challenge is very similar to one done in “Survivor: Tocantins.” Hopefully nobody will lose a tooth JT-style.

Before the challenge gets underway, Phillip tells JPro that both of his tattoo animals are ready to go. Oh man, that’s like using two Medallions of Power at once.

Sarita will sit out for Zapatera. Stephanie and David will launch balls for Zapatera, Natalie and Phillip will launch balls for Ometepe.

First Launch: Grant catches one ball, the other hits the ground.

Second Launch: Grant catches a second ball, the other hits the ground.

Third Launch: Grant catches a third ball (as Mike rips his shirt), the other hits the ground.

Fourth Launch: Boston Rob catches a ball, the other hits the ground.

Grant rips what’s left of his shirt off and throws it at Mike. Here’s hoping Mike doesn’t rip at his shorts next. Ometepe leads 4 to 0.

Fifth Launch: No balls are caught.

Sixth Launch:
Grant catches one, the other hits the ground. Ometepe wins immunity and reward. We win a commercial break.

We return to see the Ometepians on their reward and…YOU CAN SEE MY HOTEL! Man, I hate Philadelphia in the winter.

During the feast, Boston Rob and Grant notice another clue and manage to sneak it away. As they’re reading it, Phillip catches them. Rob plays it off and tells Phillip that the clue says the idol is back at camp.

Phillip then lets us in on the alliance he has with Rob and Grant. Apparently he calls them “Stealth R Us.” Yeah, it’s so stealth I’m sure Rob and Grant don’t know about it.

To hear Phillip describe it; Rob’s the mentalist, Grant’s the assassin, and Phillip’s the specialist. Sweet nicknames, but Coach is gonna call gimmick infringement on that one.

However, everything isn’t well in the Stealth alliance as Phillip is annoyed that Rob and Grant tried to keep the clue a secret. Apparently hell hath no fury like a lion or a gorilla when they’re provoked. I’m almost positive that’s not how that saying goes.
Although, it makes you wonder what color the sky is in Phillip’s little world. It’s probably like a “Bourne” action movie running 24/7.

Politicking around Zapatera centers around Stephanie vs. Sarita. The argument against Sarita is that she isn’t good in challenges. The argument against Stephanie is that she partnered with the devil and can’t be trusted.

That night at Tribal Council, Ralph thinks the tribe would have done better in the challenge if he had been shooting the balls.

Sarita says she wanted to be in the challenge. Stephanie disagrees, saying that Sarita wouldn’t want to get involved in a physical challenge.

JPro asks if it’s good to sit out so you’re not considered a goat. David jumps on that, saying that’s why Sarita sat out.

Sarita thinks she would have done well in the challenge. Stephanie responds with a one-word phrase that describes the after product of bull food.

When asked to name a few good things about Stephanie, Steve says she’s a “Warrior at heart.” Coach is livid!

David is really pushing hard for Stephanie, saying that trust isn’t the most important issue right now and that winning should be their top priority. Ooof…that’s a weird argument in “Survivor.”

Voting Time: Sarita votes for Stephanie (duh), Stephanie votes for Sarita (double duh), David votes for Sarita, and the rest are super secret.

Probsty tallies and returns. One vote for Sarita, one vote for Stephanie, one vote for Sarita, two votes for Stephanie…and the sixth person to be sent to Redemption Island is…Stephanie.

I think tonight might settle the debate about David’s gameplay. He was hardcore campaigning for Stephanie and it didn’t work. And if you can’t sway Steve, Mike, and Julie, three players who I doubt know much about strategy, then you’re in trouble.

Verdict: I think we’re all ready for a merge. The last couple of votes have been very predictable. But, as long as Phillip is busting out some hilarious speeches, I’m not going to complain too much.

Who’s Going to Win? Julie’s giving me a real Susie-Smith, coast-after-the-merge-to-the-end-of-the-game vibe.

Power Rankings Update: Both Sash and I had Matt as the Redemption Island winner. He had Stephanie in spot 12, I had her in spot 11. So, Sash added a point to his lead. The score is now Team Sash 64, Team Gordon 59.

Also, people have been sending me their Power Rankings picks on Twitter. The people who beat me this week are @SherriErwin and @truedorktimes. Think you can out pick me? Have any questions or comments? Drop me a line on Twitter at @gordonholmes.

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