‘Survivor’ Recap: Lisa and the Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day

Lisa Whelchel (CBS)

XFinityTV is blowing up their coverage of “Survivor: Philippines.” Every Tuesday, I’ll be squaring off against “Survivor: One World” favorite Kat Edorsson in this season’s Power Rankings challenge. Every Wednesday briefly after the show we’ll have a full episode recap and every Thursday we’ll have an interview with the latest eliminated player. Also, starting October 1st, we’re bringing back the “Survivor” Question of the Week where Jeff Probst and I tackle a wide variety of “Survivor” topics. Follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for all the updates!

Last Week: Russell said he was going to avoid a leadership role and didn’t, Lisa Whelchel and Jeff Kent tried to keep their professional lives under wraps and didn’t, and Zane asked his tribe to send him home and they did.

Quick Note: Calling Jeff Kent “Jeff” on a show that has focused on one main Jeff for 30 years is throwing off my flavor. From now on, I’ll use some variation of “Jeff Kent,” “Kent,” or “Captain Motocross.”

Set Your DVR to Record ‘Survivor: Philippines’

39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Let’s take a look at the tribes as they currently stand…

The Kalabaw Tribe (wearing red)
Carter – Track Coach, 24
Dana – Cosmetologist, 32
Dawson – Insurance Sales, 28
Katie – Student, 22
Jeff Kent – Former MLB Player, 44
Penner – Writer, 50

The Matsing Tribe (wearing blue)
Angie – Student, 20
Denise – Sex Therapist, 41
Malcolm – Bartender, 25
Roxanne – Seminary Student, 28
Russell – Environmental Attorney, 45

The Tandang Tribe (wearing yellow)
Abi-Maria – Business Student, 32
Artis – Computer Engineer, 53
Michael – Professional Speaker, Author, and Coach, 50
Lisa – Former ‘Facts of Life’ Star, 49
Pete – Engineering Graduate, 24
RC – Investment Banker, 27

Tonight’s shindig gets started off over at Casa de Matsing where Russell is thanking his tribe mates for not voting him out. Russell decides that he’s going to let someone else lead so he won’t be on the chopping block anymore. Funny, I’ve heard Russell make that plan before…

Later that evening, Malcolm and Angie get their cuddle on. If “Survivor” Hall of Famer “Boston” Rob Mariano is to be believed, that’s a sure way to tell when someone’s in an alliance.

Roxy calls this cuddling a “Booby Trap.” A joke from Roxy! Well done.

The next morning, RC stumbles over the hidden immunity clue. She immediately shares it with Abi-Maria even though she isn’t sure she can trust her. Abi-Maria proves that she probably can’t be trusted by letting RC know that she isn’t psyched about how close she is to Mike. A little too early for the paranoia there, Abi-Maria.

Over at Kalabaw, Jeff Kent is doing his best to make sure he doesn’t strain his injured knee. He proposes a leisurely game of island checkers so he can sit back and relax. This displeases Penner because he wants everyone to clear out so he can look for the idol.

When everyone eventually runs off to the cave to get out of the rain, Penner goes to town searching for it. He finally figures out that the Kalabaw logo on the top of the rice container is the idol. Unfortunately, that logo is hard to miss, others will probably notice that it’s gone…

Back at Matsing, Malcolm and Angie are still twisted up like a pretzel. Roxanne decides that one of them has to go. She approaches Denise and Russell with her concerns.

Russell proves that he’s a master at the art of stating the obvious by letting us know that Angie has “some boob thing going on.” Well, he’s not wrong.

At Tandang Nation, Lisa’s having trouble bonding with everyone. When she goes off to spend time by herself, the others assume she’s looking for the immunity idol.

However, we learn that she’s just really upset that she isn’t meshing well with her tribe mates. In a sad bit, that makes a ton of sense in light of the recent revelation that she got a divorce shortly before traveling to the Philippines, she has a bit of breakdown. She tells us how she’s always had to take care of herself and isn’t comfortable opening up to others. C’mon, Blair! Pull yourself together! Buddy up with Skupin! Make this work!

The rain continues over at Matsing. Russell’s on fire duty, Denise and Malcolm are working on the shelter…and Roxanne has mentally checked out. That’s weird from someone who was pushing hardcore strategy earlier.

Immunity Challenge Time: Two members from each tribe will run across the course while pulling a large sled. They’ll load up their sled with Tetris-shaped puzzle pieces and return. Then another pair will go out. When they’ve received three sets of puzzle pieces, one pair will work to complete the three puzzles. One member of the tribe will stand on a tower and shout out instructions. The first tribe to complete their puzzles wins immunity, blankets, and a tarp. The second tribe will receive immunity and a tarp. The third tribe…we’ll let’s just say it’s not going to work out well for the third tribe.

Abi-Maria will sit out for Tandang, Dawson will sit out for Kalabaw.

They show the pre-game strategizing and neither Roxanne or Angie want to pull the sled twice. Also, I love that they’re showing pre-game strategizing.

Carter and Kent, Russell and Angie, and Pete and Skup are the first sled pullers. Tandang and Kalabaw get their sets back first while Matsing is having trouble maneuvering the sled.

Artis and RC and Katie and Penner go next. Roxanne and Malcolm are behind them but manage to make up some time.

In the last trip out, Kent and Carter build a lead with Skup and Pete behind them. Russell and Angie are still having problems with their sled.

We finally get all of the pieces back and RC and Pete, Malcolm and Russell, and Penner and Kent are our puzzle teams. Dana, Denise, and Lisa are our tower callers.

Tandang gets their first two sections done quickly. Matsing is just behind them. Kalabaw is having troubles. Probst blames it on them not listening to Dana’s advice.

Finally, everyone’s working on the final puzzle. Tandang completes theirs first to win immunity. Kalabaw and Matsing are neck and neck, with Kalabaw managing to pull off the win.

Russell’s ticked. He chucks one of the puzzle pieces. Probably cause it’s the second time he’s lost a tarp on this show.

Once they get back to camp, Russell apologizes for blowing up again. That’s his second apology this episode. Angie proves she’s a glass-is-half-full kind of girl by saying at least they were close.

Politicking at Matsing centers around Roxanne trying to get rid of Angie. She accuses Angie of being the weakest link…which is weird because Angie pulled the sled twice and Roxanne didn’t.

Denise sums everything up as Angie and Malcolm on one side, Russell and Roxanne on the other and her in the middle. She hopes Malcolm isn’t blinded by the headlights, which might become one of my favorite “Survivor” lines ever.

This also marks the third person who has made reference to Angie’s…assets. It’s a hat rack trick!

That night at Tribal Council, Roxanne says the one thing she’d change about the tribe is that they spend too much energy working around camp.

Denise disagrees, she thinks they need to have fire, water, and shelter to be strong at challenges.

Angie says if she could change one thing about the tribe, it would be that they could have cookies. Probst has no response but to stare. Am I the only one who’s starting to like Angie?

Malcolm tries to play it off, saying they’re all hungry. Probst doesn’t buy it. Malcolm agrees that Angie didn’t give a phenomenal answer.

Next, Roxanne says something about Angie and Malcolm sitting in a tree. Oooo…

Malcolm says that Angie is like a sister to him. Roxanne finds that statement creepy. I’m saddened by the fact that Roxanne didn’t use Christy’s “creepy” sign language from “Survivor: The Amazon.”

Probst literally tells Angie to “wake up” and realize that being in a relationship puts a big target on their backs. It’s like he’s teaching “Survivor 101” and this is a lecture from the Ozzy Lusth/”Boston” Rob chapter.

Voting Time: Roxanne votes for Angie, Angie votes for Roxanne, and the rest of the votes gots some waitin’ to do.

J-Pro takes the votes, reads them, places them in a specific order, has a drink of water, and returns. We’ve got one vote for Roxanne, one vote for Angie, one vote for Roxanne, and the second person to be voted out of “Survivor: Philippines” is…Roxanne.

Verdict: I’ve got to tell you, the hardest part about going out to “Survivor: Philippines” was coming home and having to watch “Survivor: One World.” I was dying to see this cast play the game and they haven’t disappointed so far.

However, I would like to see Kalabaw and Tandang worry about Tribal for a change.

Who’s Going to Win: Boy, it’s tough to stick to my Malcolm prediction. If Matsing keeps losing, there’s bound to be a tribe swap or something and that rarely turns out well for strong people from the smaller tribe.

Power Rankings Results: “Survivor: One World” favorite Kat Edorrson had Roxanne in spot ten, while I nailed it, placing her in spot seventeen. So, the current score is Team Kat: 10, Team Awesome Thunder 17.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

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