‘Survivor’ Castaway Joaquin – “I Should’ve Done a Million Different Things”

"Survivor: Worlds Apart" (CBS)

Quick Note: We’re going to be bringing you all kinds of “Survivor” fun this season including episode recaps, exit interviews, and Power Rankings with Josh Canfield and Reed Kelly. Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute news and info.

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“After you’ve watched four seasons, it’s basically the same (expletive deleted) over and over.” – Joaquin Souberbielle

That was Joaquin assessment of “Survivor” before the season started. And he’s right. Power couples are quickly divided over and over again.

I spoke with the recently eliminated member of Joaqney (Roquin?) the morning after his dismissal and asked him about the swap, his time as a White Collar, and his short-lived bromance…

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Joaquin Souberbielle: Gordon, my man.
Gordon Holmes: Good morning to you, sir. I did not see that coming last night.
Souberbielle: Yeah, well that makes (expletive deleted) two of us.
Holmes: And what’s this whole Rodney thing? Are you trying to make me jealous?
Souberbielle: Yeah, I was cheating on you brother. I’m sorry. Forgive me, please.
Holmes: I’m going to give you a pass. You were out there, you were alone, you were hungry.
Souberbielle: (Laughs)

Holmes: Were you 100% sure that Joe was going home last night?
Souberbielle: I thought it was perfect. I had Sierra, I came into the tribe, I made her feel great. She didn’t have to put up with those Blue Collars anymore. She literally hung out with me and Tyler the whole time. We threw the challenge and we were going to send Joe home with three other No Collars on the other tribe. That was…that was a (expletive deleted) mistake.
Holmes: Sierra seemed to really hate Dan. Had you talked about getting rid of him first to appease her?
Souberbielle: She hated Dan for her own reasons. But we knew Dan wasn’t a threat. We were like, “Let’s let Dan live a little bit longer.” It was really Joe the entire time.

Holmes: Joe realized pretty quickly what was up. I guess you and Tyler weren’t really speaking with him. Was there ever any talk of trying to deflect what the plan was?
Souberbielle: No. That was a big mistake. I rarely spoke to Joe when we were there. And Mike and Joe got really close. I would see Mike playing with Joe’s hair while they were laying in the sand. (Laughs) That worried me a little. To this day, I should’ve done a million different things.
Holmes: So, all this time they’re acting like you and Rodney were the bromance, when really it was Mike and Joe?
Souberbielle: Yeah, man. It was. There were two bromances. Ours…the Bash Brothers…we were better TV. Mike and Joe got pretty close, but at the end of the day, Sierra (expletive deleted) me.
Holmes: Wait, Bash Brothers?
Souberbielle: I made that up not too long ago. Gordon Bombay, “Mighty Ducks,” you know, the Bash Brothers. The other day I was like, “We’re the Bash Brothers,” and boom…it stuck.
Holmes: I was toying around with Roquin and Joaqney.
Souberbielle: Nah…we’re gonna stick with the Bash Brothers.
Holmes: And you two just hit it off.
Souberbielle: Yeah, it’s like he said, when you’re stuck out here with all of these people and finally there’s somebody you can relate to. Somebody that back home would be like your friend. You totally forget. I forgot about the game, I had someone I could connect to. At the end it was my downfall. And I told him we have to tone it down.  I said, “Your boy Mike is getting jealous. Like I stole you from him. It’s like you’re going out and now you’re cheating with me.” But, Rodney was like, “(Expletive deleted) him, I don’t even (expletive deleted) like him. You’re my boy.” Him and Tyler, those are my votes to win. They’re two of my greatest friends. Rodney came down here for New Year’s Eve. We spend a lot of time together. We’re waiting for that call for our spinoff show.
Holmes: When we were sitting on that beach, did you think you’d end up best friends with a mountain of muscles from Boston?
Souberbielle: I did. I saw what he’s wearing, I saw how he’s walking. And I said I could see myself hanging out with that crazy kid.

Holmes: We know Carolyn has the White Collar idol, we know Jenn has the No Collar idol. Was there any talk about the idol at Escameca beach?
Souberbielle: Yeah, we spoke about it. Everybody kept saying they had no idea. I didn’t believe it. I knew Rodney and Sierra didn’t have it. But, between Dan and Mike…I didn’t trust them.

Holmes: I was at the first Tribal and I thought Max, Carolyn, and Shirin were really tight. But by the time we hit the swap, it seemed like Carolyn was with you and Tyler. What happened there?
Souberbielle: After day three, Tyler, myself, and Carolyn just had a bond that was unbreakable no matter what anybody says. It wasn’t going anywhere. That bond just got stronger and stronger as Max and Shirin got crazier and crazier.

Holmes: Alright, word association time. Let’s start with So.
Souberbielle: Amazing, beautiful, smart, athletic, loyal.
Holmes: Tyler?
Souberbielle: Pretty (laughs), super cool, down to Earth, realist.
Holmes: Mike?
Souberbielle: The guy’s a lover. He’s enthusiastic. A smart guy. Great gameplay.
Holmes: Shirin?
Souberbielle: Cancerous, cynical, annoying, psychotic, delusional.
Holmes: Rodney?
Souberbielle: Hilarious, a clown, he’s a good person at the end of the day.
Holmes:  Joe?
Souberbielle: Ah…cool. I don’t even know. I barely spent any time with Joe. (Expletive deleted), Joe.
Holmes: (Laughs) Dan?
Souberbielle: Dan is annoying, repetitive, beyond enthusiastic. Everything he says is the greatest story ever.
Holmes: Sierra?
Souberbielle: Very smart. Loving, amazing, she’s a very strong woman.
Holmes: Max?
Souberbielle: Max is smart, narcissistic, delusional.
Holmes: Carolyn?
Souberbielle: Warm, loving, nurturer, extremely intelligent.

Holmes: You didn’t have the greatest love for “Survivor” before the game. Did you gain an appreciation for the show when you were out there?
Souberbielle: Yeah, man. I went into it…I was winging it. I didn’t know anything. But, it’s absolutely amazing. I hope I get the chance to do it again because now I know the ins and outs of how the game is really played. I’ll be a fan forever, honestly. I can’t wait to watch the rest of this season. I can’t wait to watch next season just to root these people on. It’s a cult. It’s a cult that I’m glad that I’m a part of.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

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