‘Survivor H.V.V.’ Episode 13 Recap: Family Matters

Last Week: The rock in Rupert’s shorts was a successful ruse, Sandra finding an idol was welcome news, Russell proved once again that he has a short fuse, and both Candice and Danielle were left singing the blues.

39 Days, 20 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Here is the tribe as it currently stands…

The Yin Yang Tribe

Rupert Boneham – 45
Colby Donaldson – 35
Sandra Diaz-Twine – 34
Russell Hantz – 37
Jerri Manthey – 38
Parvati Shallow – 27

Quick Aside: I’ve always been of the belief that no jury would ever let someone win “Survivor” twice. It’d be like admitting that someone was better than all of them. And here we are, with a two-in-six chance (three-in-six if you count Rupert…which I don’t) of that happening.

We start off after tribal council and Rupert is giddy to still be alive and kicking. Parvati, on the other hand, is very concerned. She lets us know that she’ll continue to play with Russell so she can get rid of Colby, Rupert, and Rupert’s beard.

The next morning, the Yin Yangers are greeted by tree mail in the form of a Palm Pre by Sprint.

Sprint – the Now Network

The phone features a cryptic clue as well as videos from each of the remaining players’ family members. Colby’s brother Reed, Parvati’s dad Michael, Sandra’s uncle Fernando, Russell’s wife Melanie, Jerri’s sister Jennifer, and Rupert’s wife Laura are all featured in the videos.

Reward Challenge: Before the challenge is introduced, we get to meet the family members behind the videos. I can neither confirm nor deny the rumor that it got a little dusty in the Holmes family living room during this segment.

With that being said, I’d have to rank Russell’s reunion with his wife a solid eight on the creep-o-meter. It’s just weird to think of him as a functional member of society with a wife and family. I now have both the heebies and the jeebies.

The Rules: The Survivors will have to go to the ocean to fetch a pail of water. They’ll throw that water toward their family member who will dump the water they’re able to catch into another bucket. First team to fill that bucket with enough water to trigger the cool see-saw wins reward. Reward will be a trip to the Blowholes, which if I’m not mistaken is where the “Survivor: Samoa” opening was filmed. They’ll also be given a Palm Pre by Sprint to record the day’s events.

I haven’t commented on J-Pro’s hats this season, but that orange number is awesome. I have a birthday in August if anyone is contemplating getting me a gift.

The challenge gets underway and there’s not a lot to describe except for water being tossed and caught.

I take that back, I’ll describe how Colby was angrily chewing out his brother for his lack of water-catching ability. I’ll also describe how Fernando was trying to swipe the water Russell was throwing to his wife…which was awesome.

It looked like the Hantzs were going to take it, but the Mantheys surpassed them to win the reward.

Jerri is given the opportunity to take two people with her, she chooses Parvati and Sandra. Russell is not amused. As he hugs his wife goodbye he says, “She screwed up.”

While the ladies and their family members are enjoying their reward, they learn that they can toss a coconut into the blowhole and it’ll launch into the air with the water burst. No word on if a drunken Iron Man would try to shoot it out of the sky afterward.

Next up, they were treated to a delicious picnic lunch. They were also each given four immunity idols. I may have made up that last part.

Afterward, Jerri expresses concern that Russell may try to get revenge on her for not taking him on the reward. Overreacting to something small? That doesn’t sound like Russell at all.

Sure enough, back at camp Russell is furious over who Jerri chose to take on the reward. Rupert, showing that he’s a much better competitor than I’d given him credit for, is totally feeding Russell’s anger. Go Rupert.

Russell is so frustrated that he makes a deal to go to the final three with Rupert and Colby. I don’t buy this for a second. There’s no way Russell thinks he could beat Colby or Rupert in front of a jury.

That night, Rupert decides to do some carpentry while the other members of the tribe are trying to sleep. He’s sawing wood, breaking things, blowing an airhorn, setting off explosives, scratching blackboards. Seriously, Rupert? That’s like an entry-level “Survivor” mistake.  That’s sneaking-beef-jerky or washing-your-underwear-in-the-water-pot level stupid.

Immunity Challenge: Players will stand against a post with their hands out. On the back of their hands will be a pole. If their hand drops, their poles drop. Last person with both of their poles up wins immunity.

Fun Fact: Crystal Cox was eliminated from this challenge in one second in Gabon.

Another Fun Fact: Colby is eliminated from the challenge in 15 seconds. Crystal’s record is safe!

Sandra is out next, followed by Russell and Jerri. It’s down to Parvati and Rupert.

Rupert struggles to keep his pole standing (Oh, grow up!) and is eventually eliminated. Parvati wins immunity.

Back at camp, Russell is relieved that he doesn’t have to get rid of Parvati. He decides to flip on the guys.

Meanwhile, Sandra approaches Rupert about getting rid of Russell. Rupert immediately shares this information with Russell.

Russell, who is unhappy with this latest development, flat out asks Sandra if she’s with him or against him. She bluntly replies, “I’m against you.”

I think the most under-appreciated highlight of this season has been when Russell and Sandra are brutally honest with each other. Good times.

Sandra lets Rupert know how she feels about him by saying, “Loose lips, sink ships.”

Jerri sums up the bizarre strategy around camp by saying, “This camp has turned into crazy town.”

That night at tribal council, Sandra makes the case that Rupert was trying to cause problems between her and Russell. Russell isn’t sure if he buys that.

Parvati tells Jeff that the Villains need to stick together because they can’t beat a Hero in front of the Hero-heavy jury.

Jeff announces that tonight is the last night a hidden immunity idol can be played.

Voting Time: Sandra votes for Rupert, confident that he’ll vote for her to win the million, Rupert votes for Sandra, and the rest of the votes are secret.

Jeff goes to tally, tallies, then returns. Jeff asks if anyone wants to play the idol, Sandra stands and retrieves it from her bra. That’s a popular hiding place this season.

One vote for Rupert, one vote for Sandra, one vote for Rupert, one vote for Sandra, the fifteenth person voted out and the seventh member of the jury is…Rupert.

The tribe has something to say, and that something is that they don’t want you in the game anymore. Maybe that’s why I don’t get to write catchphrases.

In Other News: When the voting was showed, the final tally would have been four to two in favor of booting Rupert.

Verdict: It seems like there’s a pretty definitive jury-voting pecking order. Colby would win over Jerri, who’d win over Sandra or Parvati, who’d win over Russell.

The one thing that would make the finale mind blowing? If Colby had been faking it all season. If he turned it on in the last two immunity challenges and won the whole thing. I doubt that will happen. But it’d be cool.

Who’s Going to Win? If Jerri can get into the final three she’s a millionaire. If I’m Russell, I want to take Parvati and Sandra because they’re former champions. If I’m Parvati or Sandra, I want to take Russell and the other champion. If I’m Colby, I feel terrible for yelling at my brother on national television.

Power Rankings Results: Tocantins favorite, S.W.V. superstar, and former Power Rankings champion Tamara “Taj” George had Rupert in spot six, so did I. Rocky and Apollo tie at six points apiece. The final score for the season is All Stars 111, Team Gordon 124.

I’d like to thank my family, my friends, and both of my fans for supporting me. This Power Rankings victory is for you.

Even More “Survivor” Business: We’re going to have interviews with all of the final five next week as well as Jeff Probst’s surprising thoughts on the best “Survivor” players of all time.

What Do You Think? Who’s going to win this thing? Who are your picks for the best “Survivor” players of all time? Did seeing Russell with his wife give you the creeps?

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