‘Survivor: One World’ Recap – Warning: Horrible Strategy Ahead

'Survivor: One World' (CBS)

Last Week: The SaLadies finally got the best the guys, Bill failed a puzzle after multiple tries, Colton might’ve told a few little lies, and poor alpha-male Matt had to say his goodbyes.

39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Let’s see where the two tribes currently stand…

The Salani Tribe (wearing teal)
Alicia –  25, Special Ed Teacher
Chelsea – 26, Medical Sales
Christina – 29, Career Consultant
Kat – 22, Timeshare Rep
Kim – 29, Bridal Shop Owner
Monica – 41, Ex-NFL Player’s Wife
Sabrina – 33, High School Teacher

The Manono Tribe (wearing orange)
Bill – 28, Stand-Up Comedian
Colton – 21, College Student
Jay – 25, Model
Jonas – 37, Sushi Chef
Leif – 27, Phlebotomist
Michael – 30, Banker
Tarzan – 64, Plastic Surgeon
Troyzan – 50, Swimsuit Photographer

Set your DVR to record “Survivor: One World”

Quick Aside: They were hinting at big things tonight. Consider me giddy.

Business kicks off immediately after Tribal Council, as the Manotians are returning to camp. Michael is not pleased that they’ve voted off one of their strongest members.

The Zan Bros. (Troy and Tar) have a bit of a pow-wow where they decide that they have enough numbers to keep Michael around for a while. They agree that Bill is much more dangerous and should go home next. Shouldn’t be too hard to get Colton on board with that plan.

Another Quick Aside: Leif might be sleeping in a box.

The next morning we meet up with Monica as she prepares a delicious snail breakfast. Escargross? Nah…they’re starving, it’s cool.

Jonas and Troyzan swing by afterward and ask if they can make a trade for use of the women’s fishing equipment. The women don’t go for it, as they think feeding their enemy isn’t such a great idea.

Remember when people were afraid to make alliances on “Survivor” because it seemed mean? The game has come quite a long way.

Reward Challenge: Teams will take turns using a slingshot to shoot coconuts at a huge wall of targets. The first team to hit five targets in a line (horizontal, diagonal, or vertical) wins their choice of three rewards. The choices are pillows and blankets, a tarp, or donuts and coffee.

Bill will sit out for Manono.

Not a ton to describe here except for some coconut launching. A bit of a wrinkle is; it’s easy to hit the targets, but hard to destroy them completely. This leads to a lot of half-broken targets (or half unbroken if you’re a pessimist).

In a hilarious moment, Tarzan keeps calling Jonas, “Jason.” Meh…it’s not like they’ve been stranded on the same beach for over a week. Oh wait…

The score is even for a while, but the women eventually put five in a row and win the reward. The women can…not…be…stopped!

Tarzan is not impressed with this victory and claims that their win was all luck. The women brush off this diss and choose the tarp.

Hmm…as the women are leaving, Leif congratulates them. “Boston” Rob would not approve.

This week’s “Survivor” Original is my Power Rankings partner John Cochran! He is definitely an original. Here’s hoping he’s a winner this week too.

Back at camp, Sabrina lets us know how annoyed she was at  Tarzan for downplaying her team’s coconut marksmanship. (Markswomanship?) She may have said something derogatory about his rear end too. Since this is a family site, I won’t repeat it.

Meanwhile, Leif slips up and tells Bill that Colton was gunning for him. As you’d imagine, this does not please Bill.

Michael takes this opportunity to tell Colton that Leif was leaking information to Bill. Smart move, Michael. Colton shows off his sensitive side by referring to Leif as a “munchkin” and saying he needs to be sent back to Oz.

Quick Aside: Far be it from me to say what people should be offended by; but I don’t think people would be cool with Leif using a derogatory gay term to refer to Colton.

When Colton confronts Leif with this, Leif admits that he made a mistake. Colton thinks that move just sealed Leif’s fate. He then refers to him as an “Oompa Loompa.”

Sigh…

Next up, the teams receive tree mail in the form of a puzzle. Kat greets this news with a seemingly innocent comment about Alicia’s questionable puzzle prowess. Alicia promptly burst into flames.

Immunity Challenge Time: The teams will split up into pairs. One pair at a time, they’ll cross a teeter-totter to get to a puzzle. Once they’ve completed their puzzle they’ll receive a key. They’ll then return to the start and the next duo will go. Once all three duos have retrieved keys, they’ll unlock some locks and release their tribe’s flag. First tribe to release their flag wins immunity.

Jonas will sit out for Manono.

Colton and Tarzan make quick work of the first puzzle and jump out to an early lead over Chelsea and Alicia.

While Chelcia continues to struggle with the first puzzle, Michael and Jay complete the second task. Maybe Kat was right…

Finally, the women peek over at the guys’ puzzles to get a clue. Tarzan, as I’m sure you guessed, does not approve of that strategy. He yells out, “Cheater!” several times.

Jay, who doesn’t say much, gets in one of the lines of the night when he turns to Salani and clearly says, “You guys suck. You know that?” So much short-sighted strategy this season.

The women finally finish that first puzzle, but by then the guys’ lead is too great. Troyzan and Bill complete the third puzzle and return with the final key. Leif unlocs the locks and Manono reclaims immunity.

In the post-game wrap-up, Alicia admits that she totally blew it with that first puzzle. And yet, no apology for Kat.

Christina thinks this challenge disaster might work in her favor as everyone is annoyed with Alicia.

Later at Manono, Bill wants to talk to Colton about strategy, but Colton isn’t having it. He tells Bill off, letting him know that he’s wishy-washy and sure to be the next one to go home. So subtle.

Colton makes it clear that when he doesn’t like someone he doesn’t want to be around them or see them. Bill tries to press the issue, but Colton walks away from him.

Colton then comes up with the brilliant idea that the guys should go to Tribal Council instead of the women. Wait? Can a team give away immunity?

Anywho, he continues with this bat-feces-crazy line of thinking and for some reason, his other misfits aren’t putting their feet down to stop it. In fact Tarzan thinks this is a wonderful idea. Tarzan thinks Leif should go home because of his accidental leak.

Are you kidding me? Guys, you’re going to go to Tribal Council eventually.

That night at Tribal Council, the guys show up ready and willing to go down in “Survivor” history as the dumbest tribe ever.

I’m absolutely at a loss here. This is twelve shades of stupid. And my head is starting to hurt from banging it against this nearby wall.

Probst asks for a sane explanation as to why they’re there. He does not receive one.

Troyzan claims they’re there to vote out Leif because he let the cat out of the bag.

Leif admits to giving up the info. But he hopes that putting himself up for elimination proves that he has integrity.

Damnit, now my wall is dented.

Jay thinks the move to go to Tribal isn’t super bright, but he wants to stay strong with his alliance.

Colton thinks Bill is obnoxious and loud and that being a stand-up comic isn’t a real job.

Colton’s a bully.

Bill gets a little emotional as he explains his poor upbringing and how he’s doing everything he can do to get by.

Colton admits to going to a private, all-white school. Wait, they still have all-white schools?

Colton then takes it to a new level by saying that there is a black person in his life, his housekeeper. But, they treat her like she’s family.

Where’s the Tylenol…?

Bill finally snaps and calls Colton out on never having worked a day in his life.

Then, and this is good, Tarzan is worried that this conversation is painting Colton in the wrong light. Probst gets a nice zinger by saying, “Painted by who?” There’s a reason that dude has 40 Emmys.

Tarzan follows that gem up by ranting that race doesn’t matter because we have a black president.

Voting Time: Colton votes for Bill and recommends he take his broke (posterior) home, Bill votes for Leif, and the rest of the votes aren’t shown.

Probst tallies and returns; we’ve got one vote for Leif, four votes for Bill, and the fourth person to leave “Survivor: One World” is…Bill.

Verdict: That was just rough to watch. It started with stupid strategy and ended with uncomfortable class/race ugliness. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get an ice pack for my head and take a shower.

Who’s Going to Win: Jason…er…Jonas.

Power Rankings Update: Christine Shields Markoski and John Cochran nailed it as they both had Bill in spot fifteen. I guess a tie is a step in the right direction for the guys. The current score is now Team Salani 46, Team Manono 34.

Programming Note: There won’t be any new “Survivor” recaps for the next two episodes. I’ll miss you all terribly.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

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