‘Survivor’ Power Rankings Round 3: Did Varner Made Abi-g Mistake? Edition

"Survivor: Second Chance" (CBS)

Quick Note: We’re going to be bringing you all kinds of “Survivor” fun this season including episode recaps, exit interviews, and Power Rankings with Jenn Brown and Max Dawson. Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute news and info.

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The Rules: Each week our three combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the three players will earn. For example, if Woo is voted out this week, Jenn and Max will each receive sixteen points and Gordon will receive fourteen points. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Second Chance” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

Last Week: Jenn had Peih-Gee in spot fourteen, Max had her in spot sixteen, and Gordon had her in (yikes…) spot four. The current score is Team Jenn 31, Team Max 29, and Team Gordon 19.

Important Note: These rankings are not based on who is most likely to win the entire season. Players tend to rank the players based on their safety in the next episode.

Watch Full Episodes of “Survivor: Second Chance”

Jenn’s Score = 31

Any questions for Jenn? Drop her a line on Twitter: @jenncantdance

Max’s Score = 29

Any questions for Max? Drop him a line on Twitter: @fymaxwell

Gordon’s Score = 19

Any questions for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

 1. Jeremy: Dude has an idol and is on a strong tribe. He’s making bonds with Spencer, he’s a likable guy. I think he’s gonna be around for a while. That idol grab was incredible. So sneaky. I like him.
  1. Jeremy: Jeremy marshalls the troops. Jeremy makes Joe his own personal meat shield. Jeremy bonds with his tribemates over Andrew’s meet cute story yet manages to conceal that the love of his life is pregnant with their third child. Jeremy forges ties with the lad who bested him for the title of Mr. Survivor. Jeremy looks like a boss while snagging nuBayon’s idol at the immunity challenge. You read Gordon Holmes. You’re a fan of this show. You do the math.
 1. Jeremy: Those San Juan del Surians are good at scooping up those immunity idols, aren’t they? So, he’s got the numbers on his sub-tribe.  And, his old Bayon buds are in power on their tribes. It’s looking more and more like the baby Val’s carrying is going to have his or her education paid for by CBS.
  2. Kelley: She also has an idol and is on a tribe that cannot lose. Her tribe is safe. The only reason she isn’t #1 is because I haven’t seen her really making strong alliances with people here.
 2. Kelley: Kelley Wentworth is proving that she is as good at playing “Survivor” as she is about retweeting every mention of her name. In addition, she gives amazing .GIF. Is anyone else getting excited about the prospect of her throwing Terry under the bus?
 2. Kelley: While Terry is banking on the new Ta Keo never losing a challenge, Kelley is taking a much more realistic approach. With her voting with the former Bayonians, they’ll have no problem splitting the vote to keep Terry from using his non-existent idol.
  3. Terry: I don’t see Terry going anywhere anytime soon.   3. SpencerWhen the new tribe divisions were revealed many superfans immediately assumed that Spencer and Stephen would gravitate toward one another, bro down, and possibly even fall in love. Please. “Survivor” fans hate gamebots. I can guarantee that Spencer and Stephen seethe when they think about how contrived each other’s confessionals must be. “He’s probably calling himself ‘a student of the game,'” Spencer complains to Kimmi while simultaneously rolling his eyes and making a side-to-side motion with his closed hand. “Tryhard,” groans Stephen as Spencer fastidiously folds and unfolds his cargo pants over and over again.
 3. Joe: Joe, Joe…Joe of the Jungle, strong as he can be. Joe, Joe, Joe of the jungle, watch out for that tree! That one over there that you just built a hammock on. And hollowed out and turned into a Keebler Elf bakery. And baked your tribe some delicious cookies. You’re the best, Joe. I’ll be sad when we talk the morning after you lose your first individual immunity challenge.
  4. KEITH NALE: I didn’t even see him this episode. Except for that amazing secret scene where he makes fun of Joe. Keith is also on a tribe that cannot lose. So he is safe and fine and hilarious and he’s great.
  4. Terry: These three guys must be…
 4. Tasha: I believe the measure of a good pro wrestler is if they can have good matches with bad wrestlers. It’s the same with “Survivor.” It’s always much more impressive when someone can make the most out of bad situations.
 5. Ciera:
 5. Keith: …having so, so much fun not…
 5. Andrew: People love to accuse “Survivor” of favoritism. But, if that’s the case, Andrew would’ve ended up on a tribe with five model/law students.
 6. Spencer: Spencer! You’re doing great making bonds and making friends and all the stuff you said you would do. It seems like nearly getting voted out was a great thing for you. Hopefully you keep this up, cause I’d like to see you go far. Also I really want to know what your girlfriend’s reaction was to that little segment.
 6. Joe: …playing “Survivor.”
 6. Ciera: Ciera is going to get to the merge. That’s bad news for people who aren’t Ciera.
 7. AndrewThis guy, along with Tasha, found his way from the bottom to the top with a very compelling argument and some luckily placed crazies. I think his tribe will lose and continue to lose, but I don’t think him or Tasha are going anywhere.   7. Ciera: There’s good invisible and there’s bad invisible. Ciera isn’t doing – or even saying – much. But at least she’s present. Attendance counts in “Survivor.”
 7. Keith: There’s got to be some kind of “Odd Couple”-esque sitcom with Joe and Keith in development at CBS, right?
 8. Stephen: This guy caught a lucky break. Made a new alliance, has a new tribe full of less testosterone-y men, he has Spencer. They can geek out on the show together. That’s great for him. I think he’s safe.
  8. Stephen: I’d like to have a word with Stephen’s crossfit instructor.
 8. Kass: Hey, what’re you doing this high up?
  9. Joe: I love Joe. And this is maybe the highest I’ll rank him unless he finds an idol. Because even though he is on an unbeatable tribe, I think he will be the first to go the second they get a chance. He’s too likable. He needs to stop smiling so much. He needs to cut off his manbun.
  9. Monica: Remember what I said about “good invisible” and “bad invisible”? I fear that Monica may have crossed over into “bad invisible” territory in the last episode, which is a shame. Monica generously forwent confessionals in Samoa so that Russell Hantz could have an opportunity to periodically explain his side of things to the audience. Let. Monica. Speak.
 9. Stephen: Everyone thinks the swap went in Stephen’s favor, but he’s still on the same beach as his biggest nemesis. Yes, this is a branch joke.
  10. Tasha: See Andrew Savage. The only reason she is this low is because I believe Savage to have a better social and physical game currently. He’s a talker more than she is, and that move at the challenge with Varner was a wildcard thing to do, which is a trait I could see coming back to bite her later in this game.
  10. Kimmi: I see what you did there, Varner. You dirty dog. After the challenge you conspicuously mouth “Kimmi and Monica” in Wigles’ direction so that nuBayon has a reason to be suspicious of them. That’s a very, very slick way of paying Kimmi back for the whole Australia tiebreaker thing.
  10. Monica: We don’t get to see much of you, which is a crime. I didn’t even have to re-do your graphic with a new tribe color.
 11. Monica: SHE HAD A CONFESSIONAL. Holy (expletive deleted). Even though it was monotone, mundane, and literally just stating two sentences of straight facts, she had a confessional. So, I guess she is on the show.
 11. Kelly: At this point nothing short of an outlandish disaster is sending nuBayon to Tribal Council any time soon. That said, if by some odd chance they should finish behind Angkor… LOL, who am I kidding. There’s no way. It’s just not happening.
  11. Kimmi: Wow…if I didn’t update these graphics I’d have almost all Bayon magenta in the top eleven.
 12. Kelly: It’s like they don’t want her or Kimmi to be on the show.
 12. Tasha: Make no mistake: Angkor is screwed. Not only are they subsisting on slop and sleeping in dentists’ chairs in the ice-cold Have-Nots room; they’re also contending with Peak Abi. If there’s anyone who can make it out of this disaster alive it’s Tasha, who knows something about surviving a disastrous tribe. Side note: the green pom-pom headband is so incongruous with Tasha’s no-nonsense demeanor and jacked quads. It’s like somebody put a five-year-old girl’s Easter headband on an inside linebacker.
 12. Abi-Maria: You know those wavy, inflatable arm guys you see at car dealerships and during NXT Women’s Champion Bayley’s entrance? You never know which way those wacky guys are going to go! The same thing with our buddy Abi. She says she’s loyal, but has yet to be loyal to her alliance. Ever.
  13. Kimmi: I still don’t know who this is or if she has had any impact on this game. My guess is no.   13. Andrew: For anyone who ever wondered what Jeff would be like if he were cast on a season of “Survivor” Andrew is your answer.
 13. Spencer: I’ve heard it said that the best way to get someone to like you isn’t to do them a favor, but to get them to do you a favor. That’s exactly what Spencer did with Jeremy. Well played, sir. Now, Spencer still has an uphill battle  because he’s surrounded by old Bayoners, but Jeremy might still be annoyed at Stephen over the whole idol hunting thing in episode two.
  14. Kass: She isn’t going anywhere.
  14. Abi-Maria: After the look Abi gave Woo last week following Peih-Gee’s ouster I’m afraid to even type Abi’s name on my computer, let alone critique her game.
 14. Woo: I’m sure you’ll be fine. Abi-Maria doesn’t seem like the type to hold a grudge.
  15. Abi-Maria: Guys, I have NO idea how Abi keeps sticking around. She is a loose cannon that has more emotional ups and downs than I do when I’m trying to get attention from my cat. And that is a (expletive deleted) ton of ups and downs. Trust me. My cat doesn’t like me most of the time. How she has made it this far blows my mind. Either people are going to carry her to the end because anyone can beat her, or someone is going to come to their senses and get tired of the seemingly ceaseless drama she creates and get rid of her.
  15. Jeff: “Survivor” breakdowns are typically the prerogative of forty-something female castaways. Hence Lisa Whelchel and Dawn filled their respective camps’ wells with their tears before and after every vote, while Monica Culpepper lost the ability to speak in anything other than the third person for 39 consecutive days. After the last immunity challenge, however, Varner’s mid-life manipause sent him into a Walter White-like fugue state during which he completely lost his grip on the game. A week ago I put Varner at number 1. This week I worry that he’s a hot flash away from playing himself out of his second chance. That said, Lisa, Dawn, and Monica all made it to the final 3, so…
 15. Kelly: Yeah, Angkor is in pretty bad shape with their lack of food, and shelter, and tribe harmony, and anything else. But, the next immunity challenge involves blindfolds, so it isn’t a slam dunk for any of the tribes. If new Bayon goes to Tribal, Kelly’s my bet for their boot.
  16. Woo: Woo, man…you are at the wrath of Abi-Maria. A girl who somehow cannot get voted out no matter how much (expletive deleted) she stirs up. It’s like she’s invincible. And now you’re on her list. You are in trouble. The only reason you aren’t last is because you contribute a great physical advantage for the tribe that Jeff doesn’t.
  16. Woo: DAN IS…WRONG AGAIN!
  16. Terry: Yeah, I know Angkor should lose every challenge from here to forever, but what if new Ta Keo throws one? What if Joe gets hit by lightning?
 17. Jeff: Varner. I love you, dude. You’re hilarious. But if your tribe goes to tribal next, I think you and Woo are on the chopping block. Your sneaking pissed off Tasha, one of the heads of your tribe’s alliance. You flipped your lid and let the other tribes know what was going on. Bad moves. You were on the top and now you’re on the bottom. I don’t want to see you go home but I think it’s happening, because I can’t see your tribe winning and I can’t see anyone keeping you around over Woo.
 17. Kass: Kass.
  17. Jeff: It hurts to have you this low, but you made your own bed last week with your post-challenge meltdown. Tandrew only needed you for one week and they seem like the type to value Woo’s challenge prowess over your vote.

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