‘Survivor’ White-Collar, Second Chancer Shirin Oskooi Accepts Power Rankings Challenge

Shirin Oskooi (CBS)

QUICK NOTE: XFINITYTV.com is the place to be for all of your bug-eatin’, back-stabbin’, “Survivor” coverage. During the season we’ll have insightful weekly Power Rankings, exit interviews, and full episode recaps. Follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute updates.

“Survivor: Kaôh Rōng” will premiere on CBS Wednesday, February 17, 2015 at 8 p.m. ET with a special 90-minute episode.

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the players will earn.  At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Kaôh Rōng” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

Quick Note: The pre-season rankings are for exhibition purposes only. No points will be awarded based on their content. Ideally, the players are being ranked based on their likelihood of being named Sole Survivor.

Shirin Oskooi’s Pre-Season Rankings

  1. – Nick: Who seeks life coaching from a tall, attractive white guy? You can’t coach privilege, but you can waltz your way to a million bucks with it.  2. – Neal: He has all the God-given attributes to win, concealed by ice cream pants and a bow tie. “A bow tie announces to the world you can no longer get an erection,” as David Sedaris once said, so no one will see him coming.
 3. – Tai: This is a kind, lovely human being. How in the world(s apart) did he get cast for “Survivor”?  4. – Joe: This retired GI Joe American hero has potential to be the season’s bad-ass grandpa.
 5. – Kyle: Holy cow, I didn’t realize the Incredible Hulk was based on a real dude. He is massive. Someone call Vince McMahon.  (RIGHT, GORDON??)  6. – Caleb: A 26-year-old 6-year old burning off a sugar (and social media) high. He should be fun to watch, and hey, Fabio won! ¯_(ツ)_/¯
 7. – Peter: The only doctors who do well on “Survivor” are the medical crew.  8. – Scot: Will his ball-handling ability still command the same pay? Why don’t we ask Gary Hogeboom, Grant Mattos, Steve Wright, Jeff Kent, Brad Culpepper, Cliff Robinson, John Rocker, Kenny Hoang…
 9. – Darnell: Will Darnell live up to the prestige of past “Survivor” postal workers? The good news is, he doesn’t have to “owtu’it” or “obltay” as Dan Foley attempted; he just needs to outlast.  10. – Aubry: To all the female contestants who said they were most like Parvati: Parvati was beaten in this game by a woman named Sandra. Season 32: meet Sandra.
 11. – Julia: Heed Queen Bey. “Okay, ladies, now let’s get in formation. Slay trick, or you get eliminated.”  12. – Cydney: What’s not to like about a sassy, strong, Ivy League woman who hates bigots and cares for her eyebrows? 😉 Her body may scare people ala Alicia Calaway and land her an early jury seat, but at least she can bathe in branch chain amino acids at Ponderosa and reinflate.
 13. – Michele: Harry Potter fan!!! And I like that she compares herself to Parvati…Patil. She loves reading people and the future. #Divination  14. – Anna: For our second installment of Brains vs Brawn vs Beauty, Morgan goes to Vegas!
 
 15. – Jennifer: Zero-vote final Tribal Council potential is strong in this matriarch. Her 38 years of age is geriatric compared to all but one other woman on this cast. I don’t make “Survivor” history; I just cite it.  16. – Liz: The space shuttle Challenger was a marvel built by NASA geniuses meant to soar across the universe.  It also disintegrated 73 seconds into its flight.
 17. – Alecia: Adrenaline junkie, generic young woman who doesn’t know this game well. Here for the scenery…let’s hope she doesn’t blend into it.  18. – Debbie: She’ll have to leash her inner tiger to fit in. But her outer tiger says “Rawr.”

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