‘Survivor: South Pacific’ Recap: The Dumbest Move in ‘Survivor’ History?

Last Week: Ozzy thought his alliance was totally dead-na, Brandon searched for the idol because he was misled-na, and Rick cast the deciding vote to boot Mikayla and keep Edna.

Quick Aside for Zelda Fans:
Doesn’t it look like Ozzy has a Tri-Force on his chest?

39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Here are the tribes as they currently stand…

The Savaii Tribe (wearing red)
Cochran – 24, Harvard Law Student
Dawn – 41, English Professor
Jim – 35, Medical Marijuana Dispensary Owner
Keith – 26, Water Treatment Tech
Ozzy – 30, Slayer of Challenges
Whitney – 27, Country Music Singer

The Upolu Tribe (wearing blue)
Albert – 26, Baseball/Dating Coach
Brandon – 19, Oil Tanker Crewman
Coach – 39, Slayer of Dragons
Edna – 35, Anesthesiologist
Rick – 51, Rancher
Sophie – 22, Medical Student

Currently Residing on Redemption Island (wearing hatred for the term “Upolosers”)
Christine – 39, Teacher
Mikayla – 22, Lingerie Football Player

We get down to business over at Upolu beach. Edna points out the obvious by saying that Brandon’s wild mood swings make him a tough person to have an alliance with. In other news, water is wet and the sky is blue.

Rick lets Coach know that he’s worried about Brandon’s loose cannon ways. Coach compares Lil Hantz to Lennie from “Of Mice and Men” and says sometimes you have to put a bullet in someone’s head.

Tell me about the immunity idols, George…

Redemption Island Duel: Each player will take apart a crate and use the pieces to build a bridge. They’ll cross the bridge, then use some of the pieces to complete a puzzle. First person to complete the puzzle wins immunity.

Albert and Sophie are in attendance for Upolu, while Ozzy and Cochran represent the Savaii delegation.

The duel is very even. Albert shows his allegiance by openly rooting for his buddy Mikayla.  Christine manages to cross her bridge first, but Mikayla is right behind her.

The puzzle portion involves recreating a logo that’s featured in the Redemption Island set. Mikayla doesn’t figure it out. Christine does. Christine wins yet again.

Ozzy isn’t sure where Christine will go once the tribes merge. Um…has he been paying attention to the way she’s been tearing apart Upolu every time Probst lets her talk? He thinks it might a good idea to send someone to Redemption Island to knock her out.

An Open Letter to Ozzy Lusth

Dear Ozzy,

You are an amazing physical specimen. Maybe the best challenge performer in “Survivor” history. In a footrace, or a swimming competition, or a tree-climbing contest you would decimate Christine.

However, the Redemption Island Duels aren’t physical competitions. What’re you going to do if you ask to get voted out and then have to beat Christine in Monopoly or Tiddlywinks or a sweater knitting contest, or any other bizarre competition John Kirhoffer comes up with?

Think about it.

Your Friend In Time,

Back at Savaii, Ozzy proves that they don’t have access to XFINITYTV.com on the beach. He tells Cochran that his “Worst-Case Scenario” plan is to send himself to Redemption Island to get rid of Christine.

Ozzy even agrees to give his idol to someone in the hopes that they’ll give it back to him when he returns.

Somewhere Erik Reichenbach is stoked that his Dumbest Move in “Survivor” History moment in Micronesia could possibly be topped.

Over at Upolu, Coach is harnessing his chi in an attempt to figure how to cheer up his tribe. He comes to the conclusion that the best way to do this is to “find” the hidden immunity idol with the entire group.

This isn’t a terrible idea. Everyone on the tribe who doesn’t know he has it (Brandon, Edna, Rick) are already pretty loyal to him.

Before they start their wild goose chase, Brandon and Coach lead the tribe in a prayer asking for help finding the idol and winning the next challenge. Sophie is understandably wigged out that Coach is praying for an idol he already has in his pocket.

As they’re “looking” for the idol, Sophie and Coach discover tree mail that tells everyone to use body paint to turn themselves into identical sets of twins for the challenge.

They return to camp with the idol and Brandon takes this as a sign that the man upstairs is on their side. I guess that’s true if Coach happens to be sleeping on the bunk above you.

Immunity Challenge Time:
One set of twins will be callers, while the other two sets of twins will be blindfolded and attached to a rope. The blindfolded twins will follow the rope to retrieve bags of masks. Once they have all of the masks they’ll have to put the masks in a proper order. First team to do this wins immunity and an exclusive sneak preview screening of Adam Sandler’s new movie “Jack and Jill.”

What?! That’s why they’re twins?! Oh man, I’d throw that challenge in a heartbeat.

Oof…and Whitney’s super psyched at the prospect of seeing that movie. Her enthusiasm for that movie dials back her hotness by about 20%.

Coach and Rick, Brandon and Edna, and Sophie and Albert are paired up for Upolu. While Keith and Dawn, Ozzy and Whitney, and Jim and Cochran are twins of Savaii.

Wow, these paint jobs are amazing. It’s like “Braveheart” mixed with “Avatar”

Quick Note: Yes, Brandon and Albert have on body paint bras.

Another Quick Note: You know, I pick on Brandon quite a bit in these recaps, but I think deep down he’s a good kid who is letting his brain get the best of his instincts. At least he has a sense of humor enough to go on national TV painted up like that. I hope he comes out of this “Survivor” experience with a lot of good things to build on.

Yet Another Quick Note: If I were in this challenge I’d paint my face like the Ultimate Warrior and my tummy like Kamala.

Jim and Cochran will call for Savaii while Coach and Rick will call for Upolu.

Not a lot to describe early on except for some comical bumping into things. Savaii did have a bit of a lead, but Upolu was able to make it up when the Savaii twins became tangled in their ropes. Cochran, who is responsible for the hooking and unhooking of the pairs, is apparently screwing this up royally.

Upolu has all of the masks first, but Savaii isn’t too far behind. Coach makes like Burt Bacharach and says a little prayer for his tribe. Apparently it works as Upolu wins immunity.

Ozzy is not pleased. He violently kicks at walls and slams his hands down on the table. While he’s going ballistic, Coach leads the Upolutians in a prayer. A merciful God wouldn’t make you watch “Jack and Jill.”

When Probsty asks Ozzy what happened, Ozzy has a fit. He doesn’t throw Cochran under the bus specifically. But it didn’t take much to connect the dots.

After the break, we meet up with Upolu as they’re watching the movie. Coach lets us know that the movie is funny, but it has a message that family comes first. Jeez, Coach…spoiler alert.

Meanwhile, Ozzy still hasn’t calmed down over what he considers an easy win. It’s almost like their manager called to the bullpen and asked for the wrong pitcher.


Ozzy doesn’t beat around the bush, as he says that Cochran cost them the challenge. Cochran says he feels horrible and should be held accountable. Ozzy thinks his previous plan isn’t such a good idea now that he’s faced with the prospect of actually going through with it. Way to be a stand-up guy, Oz.

The tribe eventually comes to the conclusion that Cochran can redeem himself by going to Redemption Island and eliminating Christine. It’s amazing how the tribe went from “You suck, you blew it” to “You can totally beat Christine” within a few cuts.

The following morning, Ozzy claims that he had a dream that he should be the one to take out Christine. Cochran agrees with Ozzy’s nighttime inspiration, saying it’s more likely that Ozzy would be able to come back into the game.

Keith and Jim, however, are worried that the merge might not be as soon as they think it is.

That night at Tribal Council, Ozzy admits to blaming Cochran for the immunity challenge loss.

Cochran confesses that he had panicked during the challenge.

Dawn tells us about their plan to oust Christine.

OK, am I the only one who watches the show where Christine Elrod hates her old tribe? It’s on Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET on CBS.

Ozzy tells Probst that he’s prepared to go to Redemption Island for his tribe. He sees it as redemption for not following his heart during “Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites.”

He also tells us that his plan is to tell Christine that Cochran pulled a fast one on the tribe by finding the immunity idol and using it against them.

Quick Aside: I disagree with this move too. Wouldn’t it be better to act like Ozzy was an outcast? If he gets back into the game he would have a reason to pretend to side with Upolu. He’d be like a “Survivor” sleeper cell.

Keith doesn’t love this idea. He thinks it’s Cochran’s chance to be a team player.

Voting Time: Cochran votes for Ozzy and the rest of the votes aren’t shown.

J-Pro…you know…tallies. He asks if anyone wants to play the hidden immunity idol. Ozzy plays like he’s changed his mind, but instead he hands the idol to Cochran. So weird.

Three votes for Ozzy, and the seventh person to pay a visit to Redemption Island is…Ozzy.

Verdict: Ozzy mentioned this exact strategy during the pre-game interviews. I thought he meant it as a last-ditch effort. Apparently I was wrong.

I always felt like JT giving Russell the idol in “Heroes vs. Villains” was more of a big gamble than a dumb move. How was JT supposed to know Russell was the devil?

This seems like a way bigger gamble with a very small upside. If he’s sent packing by the Christine Express next week, or if the merge doesn’t happen and he finds himself squaring off against Cochran, he’s going to look dumb. So, I’ll reserve judgment.

Who’s Going to Win: Upolu might have this in the bag. Go Sophie.

Power Rankings Update: Andrea Boehlke pitched back-to-back perfect games! She had Ozzy in spot twelve and Christine winning at Redemption for a total of thirteen points. I had Ozzy in eleven and missed the Redemption Island extra point. The current score is Team Boehlke 88, Team Holmes 89. Tweeter @SherriErwin also picked a perfect game and became the first Tweeter to defeat me all season. Don’t get used to it, Sherri…

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

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