‘Survivor: Cagayan’ Episode 3 Recap: MENSAd


'Survivor: Cagayan' (CBS)

NOTE: XFINITY TV is the place to be for all sorts of “Survivor: Cagayan” back-stabbin’, torch-snuffin’ fun. We’ll have Power Rankings with “Blood vs. Water” competitor Ciera Eastin, every Wednesday evening we’ll bring you a recap of the most recent episode, and every Thursday you’ll be able to watch the previous night’s episode and read an interview with the eliminated contestant. Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for immediate updates.

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Last Week: A cop received some back-up, LJ found an IDL, and beautiful butterfly Brice was released into the wild.

39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Let’s take a look at the tribes as they currently stand.…

The Appari Tribe (wearing orange)
Cliff – Former NBA Star, 46
Lindsey – Hairstylist, 29
Sarah – Police Officer, 29
Tony – Police Officer, 39
Trish – Pilates Trainer, 48
Woo – Martial Arts Instructor, 29

The Luzon Tribe (wearing green)
J’Tia – Nuclear Engineer, 30
Kassandra – Attorney, 41
Latasha – Accountant, 37
Spencer – Economics Student, 21

The Solana Tribe (wearing purple)
Alexis – Student, 21
Jefra – Miss Kentucky Teen USA, 22
Jeremiah – Model, 34
LJ – Horse Trainer, 34
Morgan – Ex-NFL Cheerleader, 21

We’re back at Beauty Beach after Tribal, and the resident hot girl isn’t a happy camper. She shows she’s got some strategy chops by calling out Jeremiah in front of everyone. She asks why he flipped after being the one to come to her with the idea of an alliance.

Jeremiah says “ya know” about a dozen times in his response.

Morgan then approaches one of the cute girls (Alexis) and tells her that they targeted her because of Jeremiah’s maneuvering. Morgan’s doing a solid job of showing she’s not just a pretty face. Ya know?

The next morning, tree mail hints at a blindfold challenge. You can almost hear Mark Burnett giggling in the background.

The Brain-o’s show their smarty smartiness by doing a dress rehearsal.

J’Tia really hopes they can win some food because she’s feels responsible for them starving…for some reason.

Reward Challenge Time: Pairs of blindfolded players will wander out into the wilderness in the search of items. A caller on top of a tower will try to direct them. The first tribe to get all of their items and a tribe flag and hoist them up a tower will win hens and a rooster, the second tribe will win a dozen eggs, the third tribe gets nothing.

So, wait…this is like an immunity challenge, but the winner gets a prize? That’s unique.

Also, why not just have them try to catch the chickens while blindfolded?

Woo, Sarah, and Morgan will sit out.

Latasha, Alexis, and Cliff are the callers.

The challenge starts off and it is several shades of hilarious. LJ took so many shots to the groin. Like a whole episode of “AFV” worth.

Beauty manages to win this disaster. However the real drama happens when J’Tia takes forever to get her tribe’s flag up the tower and the Brawnies sneak in from behind to claim second.

Back at Casa de Lovely, the whole tribe uncovers the immunity idol clue. LJ breathes a sigh of relief, Morgan…not so much.

Later, Alexis is confused as to how chicken babies are made. They’re nice enough to explain it to her without prefacing it with “When a hen loves a rooster very much…”

Not to let the proceedings get too mushy, Jeremiah twists the head off of one of the chickens. Life, reproduction, and death all encapsulated in one segment. Go “Survivor.”

Over at Muscle Beach, Cliff tells Lindsey that he’s ready to get his blindside on. Sarah, having been told by Tony that Cliff is gunning for her, wants our favorite NBA player gone. She approaches Woo with this idea and he’s all for it. Apparently he thinks that one of the non-millionaires should win the million. Yeah, of course a non-millionaire would say that.

Later on, Tony tells us that he was lying about Cliff gunning for Sarah. Oh man.

Tree mail arrives and talks about “Sinking the Shot.” I bet the team with an NBA player does well.

Oh wait, the team with the NBA player on it is considering throwing the challenge. Sarah and Trish are for it, Woo seems like he’s on the fence.

Immunity Challenge Time: Players will dive down into the ocean to retrieve five buoys. They’ll then shoot those buoys into a basket…basketball style. First two tribes to sink all five shots wins immunity.

Quick Aside: This is seriously a challenge on the season Cliff Robinson is on? Why not just have a home run derby for Jeff Kent?

Tony and Lindsey will sit for Brawn. Alexis will sit for Beauty.

The challenge starts off…and…J’Tia…is…bad at retrieving buoys. It isn’t a total disaster though, because Trish and Sarah are having mysterious problems retrieving their buoys as well.

The Beauties quickly get all of their buoys and are raining threes. They sink all five of the shots before the other tribes have even retrieved theirs. Very impressive.

Meanwhile, Spencer is single-handedly getting his tribe back into the challenge. The problem is, J’Tia can’t retrieve his rebounds after he misses a shot. J’Terrible.

It comes down to a shootout between Spencer and former NBA All-Star Cliff Robinson and…SPENCER WINS!

Yeah…no, Cliff totally won. But Spencer did a fantastic job.

Back at Smarty Central, Spencer is understandably frustrated. He’s the tribe’s only challenge competitor while J’Tia is like a person wearing roller skates and oven mitts.

Latasha and Kass are considering sending J’Tia home. But, for fear of J’Tia murdering them, decide not to clue her in.

That night at Tribal Council, J’Tia claims she did the best she could in the challenge and in high stress situations she usually rises to the top. Yeah, you rose to the top, you just didn’t have a buoy in your hands.

Latasha thinks J’Tia has been weak in most of the challenges.

Kass thinks the rice dumping was an emotional response, not a sign that J’Tia isn’t loyal. SHE DECIDED TO LET YOU STARVE.

Spencer says if he sticks around he’ll be solidly with the group.

Kass thinks people will be watching this Tribal and yell at her not to do something stupid. OK, that’s creepy. I was just doing that. What number am I thinking of Kass?

Voting Time: Spencer votes for J’Tia, J’Tia votes for Spencer, and the rest of the votes are secret.

J’Pro tallies and returns. We’ve got one vote for J’Tia, one vote for Spencer, one vote for J’Tia, and the fourth person to be voted out of “Survivor: Cagayan” is…J’Tia.

OK, would you have blamed Latasha and Kass if they’d covered their heads when J’Tia went for her torch?

Verdict: Challenge ineptitude, totally imploding an entire tribe, the rice incident…J’Tia’s got to go down as one of the worst “Survivor” players of all time, right? She might be a perfectly nice person, but this game is not for her.

But yeah, I’m really liking this season. Interesting characters, great challenges, good times.

Power Rankings Results: Ciera had J’Tia in spot fourteen, I had her in spot fifteen. So, the current score is Team Ciera 24, Team Gordon 27.

Who’s Going to Win? Looks like we’ve got a tribe swap coming up next week. Personally, I’m not a fan. The game is now wide open.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

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