Archive for September, 2009

The ‘Survivor: Samoa’ Power Rankings Challenge: Round 2

September 30, 2009

The Rules: Each week, “Survivor: Tocantins’s” Tamara “Taj” George and your beloved “Survivor” recapped Gordon “Truth Seeker” Holmes will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of that Thursday’s episode will determine the amount of points the two combatants will earn. For example, if John is voted out this week, Taj will receive 10 points and Gordon will receive 14 points. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Samoa” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

Last Week: Mike was taken out of the game for medical reasons, earning both Taj and Gordon 19 points. Also, Betsy was voted out by Foa Foa earning Taj 7 points and Gordon 14 points. The current score is now Taj: 26, Gordon: 33.

Betting on the “Survivor: Samoa” Power Rankings Challenge is strongly discouraged.

Taj’s Picks:

Rank Last Week Contestant Comment
1 1
Jaison: I like his quiet, but firm demeanor.  He has actually acquired the “trust” of Evil Russell for NOW.   He could possibly have the ability to blindside Evil Russell and take control of his tribe.  I wonder if he’ll follow his instincts and get rid of Evil Russell before Evil Russell decides to get rid of him.  Notice how everything concerns Evil Russell?
2 2 Russell H.: Did anybody see the same “Survivor: Samoa” Preview that I did?  Is everyone on the Foa Foa Tribe a little slow?  Russell told them blatantly that he was “searching for an idol.”  One of the twists on this season’s show is that there are two idols, one for each tribe, but they are hidden in the other tribe’s camp.  Hence, Yasmin was chosen to go over to the other camp for no apparent reason with a note.  Even if Evil Russell decides to use the idol, is he really safe?  But give the guy credit for his honesty after lying about Hurricane Katrina.
3 5 Russell S.: Good Russell pulled out a can of “whoop a–“ during that last challenge.  He’s Galu’s chosen leader, and is leading by example.  Since Galu seems to be cleaning up on all of the challenges, he is so safe!
4 4 Erik: He was so tough in the last challenge.  I can’t believe he’s from California.  He reminds me of a New Yorker with his strength and swagger.  It must be the bartender in him.  Lol!  I wish we could see more of him.  In fact, I want to see more of Galu period!
5 8 Brett: He was strong in the challenge.  Keep him for now.  Especially since this tribe seems to have brought a good luck charm with them to the island.  Between Evil Russell and Foa Foa losing every week, I barely know the Galu Tribe.
6 6 Dave: He sort of looks like Coach to me with the hair.  Still not enough information to comment.
7 14 Laura: The girl can shoot the long ball.  I want to see more!
8 9 Kelly: I want to see more!
9 13 Monica: See Kelly.
10 16 John: If I had to get rid of one of these guys it would be him.  He seems whine-y and too cute to get dirty.
11 12 Yasmin: Wow!  I thought that maybe with a strong alliance you could go far.  I was wrong.  What can I say?  I want to try, “Shut the hell up!”  Who are you to come into someone else’s camp insulting them and yelling?  You clearly want to go home.  Other than tribal council where you had no choice, did I see you really search for the idol or observing Foa Foa’s camp to take back vital information?  No!  You could have really sealed your fate in a good way with a better attitude.  If you make it to the merge your only hope is that your tribe is dominant.
12 10 Shannon: I really want to like you.  You’re making it really hard though.  With your mullet and headband I thought for sure you would be a blast.  You have to know that with your behavior, if your tribe loses, you’re on the chopping block for sure.  They haven’t seen Yasmin freak out completely yet.  Just you.  Work on your attitude.  The only reason I don’t have her lower on this scale is because her tribe keeps winning.  Lucky Shambo!
13 3 Mick: What a guy.  I love him but he’s not very aggressive.  What in the world were they thinking making him the leader?  Oh yeah, he is very handsome!  Hopefully, he and Jaison will come together and take over the tribe.  If not, the girls might take him.  Lol!
14 11 Elizabeth: Nice girl, too damn smart!  I’m still stuck on the three degrees.  The women in this tribe better start thinking for themselves.  God forbid if they continue to lose.  They will be picked off one by one or however Evil Russell wants them out of there.
15 15 Natalie: A cute, quiet follower.  Probably won’t make it to the merge if her tribe continues to lose.
16 18 Ashley: She needs to toughen up a bit.  She’s not asserting her personality enough to be taken seriously.
17 17 Ben: I want to believe he’s not truly a racist pig but “Survivor” doesn’t provide the castaways with a script.  That’s all him!  Granted, Yasmin is a loud mouth but his comments were completely unnecessary.  He needs to be voted out – those people have enough to deal with out there already without his primitive, racist comments adding fuel to the fire.  Yasmin is better than me.  Jeff, I wish I could see the extra footage of that tribal council.  I know you ripped him a new one!

Gordon’s Picks:

Rank Last Week Contestant Comment
1 1
Good Russell S.: Now, this might just be a rumor…but I’ve heard there’s a second tribe lurking somewhere in Samoa. Surely whoever is running that tribe is doing a fantastic job keeping ten people under the radar. If that person existed, they would surely deserve this week’s top spot.
2 2 Evil Russell H.: Love him or hate him, you have to admit Evil Russell has Foa Foa wrapped around his stubby finger. Add to that the tenacity to find an immunity idol without a clue and you’ve got a dangerous player. I can’t put him higher than Good Russell though, because he’s going to be at a serious numbers disadvantage when they merge.
3 4 Brett: Between having strong guys like Brett and having…you know…socks, I don’t see why Galu won’t continue to dominate the immunity challenges.
4 6 Dave: If you paid super close attention to last week’s episode, you may have seen Dave say something. In those brief sentences, he appeared to be witty and well liked. That’s really all I have to go on. That and he’s part of the yoga quartet they teased during the promo. Ask Ace Gordon from Gabon and Coach from Tocantins how far yoga will get you in this game.
5 8 Laura: Hysterical dissing of Shambo + being able to sink a shot from three-point range during the challenge = high place in the Power Rankings. Hey, when you make your own power rankings you can make your own rules.
6 7 Erik: I don’t know if anyone noticed this, but Erik was the man during the immunity challenge. He sunk a shot, he was physically imposing in the brawl, he didn’t steal anyone’s girlfriend…well done.
7 5 Elizabeth: Liz seems to be playing a very smart game. She’s contributing during challenges, being a good soldier, and not making any waves. If she gets to the merge, she might become a force to be reckoned with.
8 3 Jaison: This week’s preview seemed to hint at Jaison turning on Evil Russell. Or, was that just an editing trick? He said it’s either “Him or me.” But he doesn’t say who the “Him” is. I’m thinking that “Him” is probably Ben.
9 9 Mick: Mick reminds me of Dan from “Survivor: Gabon.” He’s in good shape, he seems like a nice guy, but he doesn’t seem to really be connecting with any of his tribe mates. I think he’s done once the tribes merge.
10 12 Kelly: OK, this was a joke last week, but seriously how am I supposed to rank people who have little to no screen time? I know the “Adventures of Evil Russell” is extremely entertaining, but it’s gotten to the point where it obvious Foa Foa is going to lose immunity because we haven’t been shown anything from Galu.
11 13 Monica: There’s a bit of a problem. I professed my love for Laura thinking she was wearing the awesome 80s socks in my recap. Upon further review, it was Monica. Now I’m torn between Laura’s wit and Monica’s socks. Can you tell I’m scrambling to find things to say about the contestants who have no screen time?
12 17 Ben: It kind of amazes me in this age of media awareness that someone would go on national television and make unfortunate comments that could haunt him after the show. That being said, I think Evil Russell likes having Ben around to take the heat off of him.
13 10 Yasmin: Let’s see…Emmy-winner Jeff Probst gives you a chance to visit the opposing tribe, what do you do? Create alliances? Gather information?  Nope, you call a meeting where you put all of them down and pick a fight with their resident hothead. However, the fact that Good Russell sent her in the first place might mean they have some kind of early alliance. Or, he was sick of listening to her too.
14 15 John: Not much from John this week, but he should be concerned that Galu’s dominance is making it so immunity strength isn’t an important factor. If he’s still annoying them, he could be on the chopping block.
15 11 Natalie: I think everyone who is on Foa Foa that isn’t a physical threat needs to be on full alert. Betsy was a valuable member of the tribe, but was sent home because she couldn’t contribute in challenges…or so Evil Russell would have us believe.
16 18 Shannon: C’mon, Shambo! What they call hell, you call home! I’ve got enough stupid “Rambo” references to last the entire season, but they’ll all go to waste if you keep doing things like breaking the fishing equipment.
17 16 Ashley: Ashley’s in the same boat as Natalie, but Ashley doesn’t seem to tow the Evil Russell line the way the rest of the tribe does. I think that’s enough of a reason for her to be the next on Evil Russell’s hit list.

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‘Survivor’ Castaway Interview – Mike Borassi and Betsy Bolan

September 25, 2009

It was a rough night for the older folks on “Survivor” last night. Forty-eight-year-old police officer Betsy Bolan was voted off of Foa Foa for having the audacity to not completely trust “Evil” Russell H…and she got off easy. Sixty-eight-year-old personal chef Mike Borassi had to leave the game after nearly having a heart attack during the dreaded Schmergen Brawl immunity challenge. We caught up with both of them the day after the show’s airing to find out how tough the challenge really was, who’s on to Russell’s lying ways, and (GASP!) why they both like big-mouth Ben…

Gordon Holmes: Mike, how are you feeling?
Mike Borassi: It’s a little early here for me being in California, but I’m OK.
Gordon: I meant after being taken out of the game last night, we never got any kind of “And Mike was fine” update during the show.
Mike: The game was pretty tough. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve done some crazy things in my life. It was over 100 degrees.  All of us were really dehydrated since Russell was dumping our water. We hadn’t eaten much. So we went into this thing in not too good of condition. Everyone gave 110% and it got out of control. And one point we weren’t concentrating on getting the balls, we were just hitting each other. For me, I blew my engine. An hour later I was fine. When I went to the clinic after the game I was sitting up, eating ice cream, and making everybody laugh. I asked if I could go back into the game and they said once you’re out you’re out.

Gordon: Now you mentioned Russell dumping out the water. Also, he burned Jaison and Marisa’s socks. Was there any clue this kind of sabotage was going on?
Betsy Bolan: I had no idea, and I had a pair of socks missing too! Russell’s plan did work, because I was aggravated with Liz because I thought she was wearing my socks.
Mike: People were drying their socks on a stick, and I said “Don’t put them over the fire or they’ll burn.” And they did. And I said, “I told you, jerks.” I thought the wind was blowing them in.

Gordon: So last night, it seemed like Russell found the immunity idol while he was surrounded by Foa Foa members.  How did everybody miss that?
Betsy: I don’t really remember. I don’t know if Mike and I were there.
Mike: We were getting papaya. We were out looking for food. He was acting suspicious the whole time, so after a while we just ignored him. He’s digging around, he tells me he’s going to go out and kill a pig.
Betsy: It got to the point where I couldn’t even look at Russell, so I couldn’t care less what he was doing. But, it cost me.
Gordon: It seems like you suffered an identical fate to Marisa where you were honest with him about not trusting him, and the next thing you know you’re going home.
Betsy: Yeah, and I probably should have shut my mouth. But it’s so hard being there! He’s such a snake. He just really rubbed me the wrong way.
Mike: Plus it’s different when you’re in that situation. You’re wet, you’re tired, you’re hungry. You don’t think straight.
Betsy: But I didn’t think Russell had that much control. I told him I didn’t trust him and I didn’t think it’d bite me in the butt that hard.
Mike: The first day I’m out there he tells me, “Don’t worry, you’re safe.” Safe from what?! He says it’s my people coming after me. I didn’t have any people. I’ll give him that though; he really played with our heads.
Gordon: And things like pretending to be a fireman, everybody bought that?
Mike: Betsy, you didn’t.
Betsy: I didn’t. When he first told me I said, “Oh cool, a fireman.” Then after about 15 minutes I’m thinking, “This guy is not a fireman. Firemen have heart and soul and this guy doesn’t have either one of them.”

Gordon: Betsy, what was going through your mind during Yasmin’s big speech?
Betsy: She was just going on and on. I knew she was turning everybody off. But that’s just her. That’s Yasmin.
Mike: I wasn’t there, but my impression was, “Actress! Actress! Thank you, we’ll let you know.”
Gordon: Were you surprised with how heated it got when she went toe to toe with Ben?
Betsy: Oh no, not at all, not with Ben. And not with Yasmin either. It was perfect for both of them to go off on each other.
Mike: I think both of them love to shock people.
Betsy: Yeah, so it was right up their alleys.

Gordon: Jeff Probst mentioned that he and Ben got into it at tribal council last night. We only get to see about three minutes of tribal, so what’d we miss?
Betsy: Oh yes, I wish they showed that because Ben was so disrespectful. And I do like Ben but he just doesn’t know when to quit.
Mike: I like him too as a person, but a lot of times I was like, “Will you shut up?  What’s wrong with you?  You’re looking like a (expletive deleted).”
Betsy: Yeah, he was very disrespectful to Jeff Probst.
Mike: He was playing the outlaw, he has a tattoo that says “Outlaw.”
Gordon: An outlaw and a cop on the same tribe. “Survivor” brings people together.
Betsy: Perfect.
Gordon: And I don’t have many rules, but one of them is “Don’t Mess with Jeff Probst.”
Betsy: (Laughs) Exactly!

Gordon: I’m surprised to hear you both say you like Ben. The vibe I get from our readers is Russell’s a jerk, but he has charisma. They flat out despise Ben. What aren’t we seeing?
Betsy: He is really funny. He’s really really funny. Not when he’s calling people, “From the ghetto.” I don’t like that sense of humor. But he could make me laugh really hard.
Mike: He’s basically a good kid, but he wanted to shock people.
Betsy: He is young. He has a lot of growing up to do.
Mike: He was handy, he got the fire started, he caught geckos. I was glad he was around.

Gordon: Mick is the tribe leader, but we’re not seeing anything from him. Is he an effective leader?
Mike: Wishy-washy.
Betsy: He had a tough time leading.
Mike: He was a reluctant leader, he didn’t want that position.
Betsy: But look at who he had to lead!
Mike: And after talking to Mick, I think he has a lot of indecision in his personal life, so I don’t think this helps him at all. But, he’s a great guy.
Betsy: Yeah.

Gordon: OK, Betsy…what happens if you catch Russell speeding in New Hampshire?
Betsy: (Laughs)
Mike: Lockdown!
Betsy: I don’t want to get in trouble with my Chief, so I’m going to say “No comment” on that one!

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‘Survivor: Samoa’ Episode 2 Recap: Don’t Push Probst

September 24, 2009

We give Jeff Probst a lot of grief here on the “Survivor” blog, but in all honesty he’s a very likable guy and a true professional. He absolutely deserves the second Emmy he won Sunday night. Congrats, J-Pro.

OK, enough of that crap…back to making fun of him.

39 Days, 20 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Here are the tribes as they currently stand…

Foa Foa (wearing yellow)

  • Ashley – 22 – Spa Sales
  • Ben – 28 – Bar Manager
  • Betsy – 48 – Police Officer
  • Elizabeth – 33 – Attorney
  • Jaison – 28 – Law Student
  • Mick – 33 – Doctor
  • Mike – 62 – Personal Chef
  • Natalie – 26 – Pharmaceutical Sales
  • Russell H. – 36 – Oil Company Owner

Galu (wearing purple)

  • Brett – 23 – T-shirt Designer
  • Dave – 38 – Fitness Instructor
  • Erik – 28 – Bartender
  • John – 25 – Rocket Scientist
  • Kelly – 25 – Hair Stylist
  • Laura – 39 – Office Manager
  • Monica – 25 – Law Student
  • Russell S. – 42 – Attorney
  • Shannon – 45 – Sales
  • Yasmin – 33 – Hair Stylist

We start off at Foa Foa camp where Evil Russell and Betsy are having a bit of a run in. They agree to disagree when it comes to trusting each other. Betsy’d better watch it, Marisa was voted out for much less last week. In other Evil Russell news, he’s looking to add Jaison to his “Dumb Girl Alliance.” He may want to consider changing that name; it can’t be good for recruitment.

At Galu, Yasmin, my pick to take the whole thing, lets us all know how much she hates the outdoors. Is it too late to change my pick? She also lets us know that something about the outdoors makes her walk, “Like I have a stick up my butt.” After typing that sentence I realize I’m going to have to start lying to my parents about what I do for a living.

Then, in what might be the most amazing thing in “Survivor” history, Evil Russell finds the hidden immunity idol WITHOUT ANY CLUES! Clearly Russell’s evil powers are far too much for us normal mortals to comprehend.

Immunity Challenge Time: Three members of each tribe will wrestle with three members of the other tribe to try to retrieve three balls. They’ll throw the balls to their teammates who are on platforms. The players on the platforms will try to shoot baskets that are located on the opposite side of the field. First team to three wins. The winning tribe will also receive fishing gear and a special twist that will be revealed after the challenge. Galu has to sit out one woman, they choose Monica, which is a shame because her knee-high socks were awesome.

This is a tough challenge to describe, but it was easily the most violent “Survivor” challenge I’ve ever seen. Liz scored first for Foa Foa, but Mike is clearly hurting. The second point of the game goes to Galu after John figures out the perfect trajectory for his shot. Clearly he took wind resistance into account before shooting.

Probst has decided that he’s seen enough roughhousing. Next person to get ugly is getting tossed from the challenge. He will turn this challenge around right now and take all of you home! Don’t test him, mister.

Immediately afterward, Ben makes like Johnny Lawrence from the Cobra Kai and sweeps Good Russell’s leg. J-Pro doesn’t like that and gives Ben the boot. Put him in a body bag, J-Pro.

When the game starts back up, Foa Foa is down one man. Galu takes advantage of this, feeding a ball to Erik who scores the second point.

In the final round, Mike is worthless. He’s wandering around, clearly out of it. This second numbers advantage can’t be surmounted as Laura hits the winning shot.

The twist is revealed to be that Good Russell gets to send one of his tribe members to Foa Foa. That tribe member will get to attend Foa Foa’s tribal council. Good Russell chooses Yasmin to go. Probst hands her a piece of paper for her to read once she arrives at the camp. I’m guessing it’s a clue to the no-longer-hidden immunity idol.

The “Survivor” medical team is brought in to check on Mike and he does not look good. They take his blood pressure, then ask him to stand up. He promptly collapses. That’s gotta be a bad sign. The medical team decides they can’t let him stay in the game. Probst sends Foa Foa back to camp and tells them they’ll still be going to tribal council.

Back at Galu, Shambo is off trying to catch fish with the spear. Um…I think someone named Shambo should be fishing with a bow and arrow. She doesn’t have any luck and even manages to lose pieces of the gear. This does not go over well with the rest of Galu. The highlight of this exchange is Shambo explaining that there is good news because there are plenty of fish out there. Monica wins my eternal love by saying, “You’ll never believe it! There’s fish in the ocean!” Between that comment and the socks, she’s my new “Survivor” girlfriend.

Meanwhile, Yasmin is doing her best to make everyone at Foa Foa hate her. Yeah, she basically hosts a town hall meeting where she tells Foa Foa that they’ve been too easy to beat and she wants to help them. Yeah…I’m definitely gonna change my pick.

Afterwards, she opens the piece of paper. Sure enough, it’s a clue to the idol. The clue points to a tree. She says there are too many trees to search. Well yeah, if you don’t have evil super powers.

To complete her trio of questionable moves, Yasmin pulls Ben aside to have a talk with him. Apparently Ben tackled her during the challenge and she didn’t like it. While a misunderstanding like this could be solved with a simple statement like, “I’m sorry. I was just trying to do my best for my tribe and got carried away in the heat of the moment,” Ben thought it better to say something like, “Listen, Grammar School…” As you’d imagine, that didn’t go over well with Yasmin. He was smart enough to wait until she wasn’t around to say, “She’s pretty close to being a hooker.”

To complete his wide variety of questionable moves, Ben decides to chop wood while everyone else is trying to sleep. Have Ben and Yasmin ever seen this show before?

In spite of all of Ben’s craziness, the tribe is still considering voting off Betsy to keep the tribe strong for challenges. Evil Russell lets us know that he’s for Betsy going home because she doesn’t trust him. See, every once in a while I’m capable of calling something.

That night at tribal council, Ben gives his take on his discussion with Yasmin. He takes the opportunity to insult her grammar again and call her “Ghetto trash.”

Evil Russell has Ben’s back saying you don’t come into someone’s house and insult their family. OK, I’ve got it! For all you fans of “The Shield:” Evil Russell is Vic Mackey and Ben is Shane Vendrell. Anyone?

Betsy points out that she is the only person who brought her bag to tribal council. She doesn’t understand why she’s on the chopping block and Ben’s isn’t.

Ben also told Jeff that he didn’t know he was playing by, “Your kind of sissy rules.” That’s a good way to get an Emmy upside the head, buster.

Voting Time: Betsy votes for Ben, Ben votes for Betsy, the rest are all secretive and whatnot. One vote for Betsy, one vote for Ben, two votes for Betsy, three votes for Betsy, four votes for Betsy, and the second person voted out of “Survivor: Samoa” is…Betsy.

Verdict: Sure, Evil Russell is evil and all…but at least he’s a little likable. Ben makes me feel like I need a shower. It looks like this season is slipping into a Gabon-esque clash of personalities. I didn’t say that’s necessarily a bad thing.

Who’s Going to Win? Yow…clearly Foa Foa is in bad shape. And since we’ve spent such little time with Galu it’s tough to pick someone from over there. I guess for the time being I’m going with Monica. And yes, I’m basing this decision mainly on the socks.

What Do You Think? Who’s worse, Ben or Evil Russell? Should Ben have gone easier on Yasmin in the challenge because she’s a female? What do you think of the season thus far?

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Tamara ‘Taj’ George Accepts the ‘Survivor’ Power Rankings Challenge!

September 23, 2009

You’d think after the sound trashing he took at the hands of “Survivor: Gabon’s” Charlie Herschel during last season’s Power Rankings Challenge that Gordon Holmes would smartly decline to participate in the Power Rankings for “Survivor: Samoa.”

Well, Gordon Holmes has never claimed to be a smart man.

In fact, Gordon threw the gauntlet down to one of “Survivor: Tocantins’s” most beloved stars, the lovely and talented Tamara “Taj” George.

And she has accepted.

The Rules: Each week, Taj and Gordon will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of that Thursday’s episode will determine the amount of points the two combatants will earn. For example, if John is voted out this week, Taj will receive 16 points and Gordon will receive 15 points. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Samoa” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

Taj’s Picks

Rank Last Week Contestant Comment
1 –
Jaison: I think he’s one of the most underestimated castaways so far due to the mildly funny stereotypes that are being placed upon him. I see Jaison going far if he can remain under the radar and avoid Evil Russell. I see him winning because he’s smart enough to make the right moves at the right time with no one realizing he’s doing it.
2 – Russell H.: I like the guy because I’m watching his shenanigans from home but if I was there I would be very suspicious of him. For now he’s safe! It’s only a matter of time before the rest of the tribe puts two and two together and band against him. Dr. Evil is safe for now.
3 – Mick: Harmless comes to mind when I think of this guy. He’s strong and cute! He hasn’t done anything to alienate his tribe, which makes him an asset in the beginning.
4 – Erik: I like him because he’s tough and rugged. Plus, I like his name (I named my first born Eriq, lol!)
5 – Russell S: I like him in the leadership role. Other than “Shambo,” everyone seems to like him. I see him going deep into the merge because he seems like a very likeable guy.
6 – Dave: He’s safe because he hasn’t presented himself as a threat yet. The show edits seem to be focusing mostly on Evil Russell so we haven’t had a chance to really see what the other guys are planning. Dave seems strong-willed and ready to play.
7 – Betsy: I love her intuition. She just knows something is not right with Evil Russell and as soon as she can put her hand on it he’s in trouble. She’s tougher than most people give her credit because she’s “older” but don’t underestimate a cop with an accent like hers.
8 – Brett: I like him because he’s already challenging the cute, jerk John. Nobody cares about rocket science when your stranded on a damn beach with no food. So far, I like him. I want him to stick around a little longer.
9 – Kelly: Cute girl, fun tattoos but she needs to show a little more spunk if she plans to stick around for a while.
10 – Shannon: As long as she doesn’t get anyone on her tribe frustrated she won’t get voted out. “Shambo” reminds me of Sandy from my season, as long as we were winning she was safe. She just might be an easy vote if necessary.
11 – Elizabeth: Anyone with degrees from three different ivy-league schools shouldn’t be trusted. She reminds me of a politician. Lol! And for that same reason she just might be able to outsmart all of the other castaways to win it all.
12 – Yasmin: She needs to find an alliance now. She doesn’t seem very athletic and she’s appears to be a quiet player. The only way she might be able to avoid an early exit is to align with one of the stronger players as soon as possible.
13 – Monica: I didn’t see enough of her in the first episode to be able to make a solid comment on her. It’s too early to coast your way through the game. She’s going to have to make a strong move to make it to the merge.
14 – Laura: Another ghost in the first episode. Clearly not her fault. No one received any shine because of Evil Russell. I would love to see her make a strong move next week to set up the girl for the merge.
15 – Natalie: If we were at the mall and ran into each other I would absolutely love this girl. But, she’s stranded on a beach with 9 other people looking for a reason to get rid of her. She doesn’t seem tough enough for the long run. Sorry Ma’am!
16 – John: What a handsome guy! Why is it the cute guy turned out to be a little anal? I would want to get rid of him simply because he’s worried about the damn wind direction. Kinda reminds me of Carolina from my season sweeping the great outdoors. Completely annoying!
17 – Ben: What a d—! He’s the guy I would want to pop a few times just for fun. Where’s the southern-boy charm? No one wants to be stuck on a beach with no food with someone who is clearly picking on others for brownie points.
18 – Ashley: I think she’s sweet! Unfortunately, this game is not for sweet castaways. If her tribe continues to lose immunity challenges she could be voted off because she’s considered a weak link.
19 – Mike: I’m totally biased on this one especially after hearing him speak. This guy was supposed to be on my season but by the grace of God Samoa has to deal with him. Yeah! I just can’t look at his man-boobs one more week!

Gordon’s Picks

Rank Last Week Contestant Comment
1 – Good Russell S.: Who doesn’t love Good Russell? It’s like he’s Mike Brady and Galu is the Bunch! As a liked leader, he’ll be safe for a while. It may cost him when they merge, but he’s super safe for the time being.
2 – Evil Russell H.: Rest assured, the “Most Evil Villain in the History of Forever” isn’t going anywhere soon. I actually don’t hate his strategy, but he’s laying it on far too thick. He’ll stick around for a while, but there’s no way he’s taking that million-dollar check back to Dayton.
3 – Jaison: While it sounds like a little thing, Evil Russell burning Jaison’s socks could come back to be a big deal. On any kind of camping outing I’ve ever been on, they always stress how important it is to keep your feet dry. I hope this doesn’t cost Jaison in the long run. Either way, I’d hate to be Evil Russell at the reunion show when he and Jaison meet up.
4 – Brett: Brett’s cute, Brett’s in good shape, Brett’s probably decent in challenges…this strikes me as the “Survivor” trademark “Physical threat male voted out shortly after the merge.” I’ll put him in the middle of the pack now, but I don’t expect him to go much further then first stages of the jury.
5 – Elizabeth: This girl has got three degrees from three different colleges? Wow…she probably has the whole rest of the game traced out on the beach somewhere with line graphs and Excel spreadsheets. She’d better hope nobody walks over to that side of the beach.
6 – Dave: Look at Dave…kind, unassuming Dave. He isn’t bothering anybody. Why on Earth would you vote off Dave? But that’s his plan, you see. And I’m on to him. You can’t fool me, Dave.
7 – Erik: I was going to write Erik off the same way I did Brett until I reread his bio. His hobbies include stealing women from their boyfriends. Hmm…that sounds like someone who might start to rub people the wrong way.
8 – Laura: Laura’s the kind of person you have to look out for in this game, she’s young enough to be an asset in challenges and old enough to keep her mouth from getting her into trouble. She could steal this thing if people aren’t paying attention.
9 – Mick: If Marisa is to be believed, then Mick is really disappointing the tribe with his leadership skills. I’m sure he’ll be safe because of his physical attributes for a while, but what kind of alliances can he be making if he’s already turning off his tribemates?
10 – Yasmin: Yasmin is my pick to take the whole thing. She helped her team gain a ton of ground in the opening challenge. She could fly under the radar after the merge and walk away the sole survivor.
11 – Natalie: Wait, there’s someone named Natalie on this show? That doesn’t sound right. I’m pretty sure I’d remember a super attractive young lady running around in her bathing suit. Oh well, I’ll take your word for it.
12 – Kelly: See Natalie.
13 – Monica: See Natalie and Kelly. Alright, this has gone too far. Because “Survivor” has become the “The Evil Russell Show” we missed out on not one, not two, but three lovely ladies?! Oh, Evil Russell…does the depths of your cruel heart know no bounds?
14 – Betsy: I like Betsy a lot. She clearly sees through Evil Russell’s façade. That being said, is he smart enough to see her seeing through his façade? Evil Russell has booted people for much less.
15 – John: Aren’t rocket scientists supposed to be super smart? John, stop annoying your tribe or you’re going to be calculating the wind resistance of your flight out of Samoa.
16 – Ashley: As a member of Evil Russell’s “Dumb Girl Alliance,” you’d think Ashley was safe. However, Marisa was a founding member of that club too, so maybe not…
17 – Ben: During my Friday chat with Marisa, she said Ben was rubbing the entire tribe the wrong way, and if she hadn’t scared Evil Russell, then Ben would have been the next to go. But with that being said, maybe Evil Russell will keep him around to play the Evil Lenny to his Evil Squiggy.
18 – Shannon: Yes, you have an awesome nickname and a double-awesome haircut. But that does not excuse you from participating in tribe functions such as the swim meet or the bake off. That’s Strategy 101! I wonder what other mistakes she’s going to make?
19 – Mike: If Foa Foa drops the next immunity challenge, (and with Evil Russell around camp, that’s a distinct possibility) they’re going to go into “Strengthen the Tribe” mode. That does not bode well for Mike.

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‘Survivor’ Castaway Interview – Marisa Calihan

September 18, 2009

If there was a lesson to be learned from the premiere of ‘Survivor: Samoa,’ it’s that you should never cross Russell H. We had a chance to sit down with Marisa Calihan, the woman who learned that lesson the hard way, the day after she was voted out of the game.

Gordon Holmes: Are there any CBS representatives in the room?

Marisa Calihan: No, there aren’t.

Gordon: That’s too bad, because I want you to smack them for me.

Marisa: (Laughs)

Gordon: For the past three seasons, the first person voted off is a beautiful woman. I don’t support this trend.

Marisa: And it’s usually a strong one too! I’ll give them a proverbial slap.

Gordon: I appreciate that.

Gordon: How did you enjoy your time on “The Russell H. Show?”

Marisa: What a good way to put it. I don’t know if I’d say it was enjoyable. The challenges were awesome. Seeing the way the crew worked was beautiful. Now, “The Russell Show?” That guy was a creep. I didn’t enjoy being around him ever. Ben was horrible too.

Gordon: I noticed that you and Ben the redneck bar manager from L.A. had it out too. What did we miss last night?

Marisa: As you could see, Russell poured out all of our water. And you have to boil your water before you pour it in the canteens so you don’t get parasites. The water had just been boiled and was very hot. And Ben started bossing me around and I hadn’t slept all night. And he’s telling me to use my common sense and he’s yelling at me and that didn’t fare too well with me. And to be honest, everything you saw, I was very under control. I could have gone downtown with that boy very quickly. Everyone else liked me a lot.

Gordon: Did the others have issues with Ben?

Marisa: Everyone did. Ben was Russell’s target before I told Russell I was worried about him. As soon as Russell found out I wasn’t part of his “Dumb Girl Alliance” I was a target of his.

Gordon: Is “Dumb Dark-Haired Girl” the worst nickname ever?

Marisa: I’m not dumb but I do have dark hair. It’s an incorrect nomenclature.

Gordon: Do you have a nickname for Russell?

Marisa: Gosh, this is really good. Can I take a second? I want to make sure it’s a good one.

Gordon: Take your time.

Gordon: Was last night the first time you learned of Russell’s sabotage with the water and the socks, or did you know while you were out there?

Marisa: No. I’ll tell you what, he burned my socks too. My socks were drying out, and sure enough the next morning they were gone. That was an enlightenment.

Gordon: Is there some kind of “Survivor” rule about destroying others’ property?

Marisa: I guess it didn’t apply this season if there was one. I had no idea that he was doing such wicked things.

Gordon: Did the other members of the tribe know he was doing that?

Marisa: No. I’ve spoken to some of them, and all of them are shocked.

Gordon: We didn’t get a chance to get to know many people last night. Could you give us a brief description of each of your tribemates starting with Ashley?

Marisa: Young, naïve, but spirited.

Gordon: Ben?

Marisa: A poser, I think he’s afraid of women and I think he’s weak.

Gordon: Betsy?

Marisa: Intuitive, strong, and kind.

Gordon: Elizabeth?

Marisa: Sneaky…conniving.

Gordon: Jaison?

Marisa: Diplomatic and capable.

Gordon: Mick?

Marisa: He turned out to be kind of a disappointment.

Gordon: Mike?

Marisa: Mike is hilarious, kind-hearted, and fun.

Gordon: Natalie?

Marisa: She’s tougher than I thought she’d be. But I think she’s a little too trusting.

Gordon: And finally, our buddy Russell?

Marisa: I think Russell H. is…just a really sad person, and he’s a bully. I’d be ashamed if I were him.

Gordon: Now a lot goes into even getting on “Survivor.” Could you give us a brief look at what you have to go through just to become a contestant?

Marisa: I send in my audition tape and get a call that they’re interested in seeing me. I had to get a week off of class, and have to arrange for make-up work. But, of course I can’t tell them what I’m doing so they think I’m full of crap. I go through this whole thing where you stay in a hotel. You can’t speak to a soul, you can’t even leave your hotel for a whole week. You’re getting tests, psychological tests, they’re trying to make sure that you aren’t someone who’s going to lose it and kill people on the island. But, they also want to make sure you’re interesting. When you get further you start getting shots, you’re getting shots for malaria, and typhoid fever, and hepatitis A, everything you can imagine. You’re getting all this before you even know you made it. So then you wait…and you wait…and you wait. And then one day you get a call, and you get to go on “Survivor.” All of the sudden the race is on and you have to rearrange your entire life without telling anyone why. You have to make sure you have enough money to support yourself while you’re away, and when you get home. It’s insanity. It’s so much work to even get to that point.

Gordon: And after all that you were sent home after three days by Russell. Did you think of a nickname for him yet?

Marisa: He’s a slimy little gnome.

Gordon: That works.

Gordon: You looked so sad last night, my heart really went out to you.

Marisa: Well, that was a two-hour tribal council and those guys were really raking me over the coals. And I didn’t get up and go crazy because I didn’t want that to be seen in front of the whole world. It was really hard to have people bullying me like that.

Gordon: But in all fairness, how much of that two hours was actually Jeff Prosbt fixing his hair?

Marisa: (Laughs) Very little, actually.

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‘Survivor: Samoa’ Episode 1 Recap: The Most Evil Villain Ever?

September 17, 2009

Richard Hatch? A kitten.

Jerri Manthey? The girl next door.

Jonny ‘Fairplay’ Dalton? A saint.

None of these so-called “Survivor Villains” can hold a candle to Russell Hantz. (more…)

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