More Whatnot

Note: You can’t tell from this post’s picture, but Jeff Probst’s heart is actually breaking as he snuffs that torch.

NFL Legend Jimmy Johnson has wanted to be on “Survivor” his whole life. No, I don’t suck at math. I know that Jimmy Johnson is 67 years old and “Survivor” just turned 10. But, Jimmy has been dreaming of a “Survivor”-style adventure since he was young enough to be a member of La Flor.

The good news for Jimmy? He got to live out one of his life-long dreams.

The bad news for Jimmy? It only lasted for three episodes.

I spoke with Jimmy the morning after Marty and his alliance sent him packing. We discussed his rocky relationship with that other Jimmy, how he begrudgingly became Espada’s leader and how Fox NFL analyst Terry Bradshaw would do in a sandbag-tossing challenge.

Gordon Holmes: Too soon, Jimmy.
Jimmy Johnson: I understand. I didn’t want to talk to you this soon either. (Laughs)

Gordon: What’s been the reaction from the Fox Sports team?
Jimmy J.: Actually, they’re all disappointed. I thought I’d get a lot of ribbing, but more than anything they wanted to see me go further. They’re irritated that Marty put together the group to vote me off.
Gordon: How do you think Terry Bradshaw would have done in last night’s sandbag tossing challenge?
Jimmy J.: Terry could have won the whole thing. (Laughs) If we had Terry tossing those bags I wouldn’t be talking to you today.

Gordon: Now, I’d imagine you’ve been hearing people say, “Put me in the game, Coach” your entire life. However, I’m assuming it’s never been more annoying than to hear those words coming out of Jimmy T.’s mouth.
Jimmy J.: Well, Jimmy’s kind of a volatile person and he obviously wanted to play a bigger part in the challenges. And it just didn’t work out that way. Tyrone was going to take most of the shots, but Jimmy T. kept on bugging me and bugging me. So, we threw him in there. That’s just his personality. Some of the tribe members wanted to vote Jimmy T. off the first week, but I convinced them to keep him for the simple reason that I thought there might be some physical challenges down the road.
Gordon: Did you know Jimmy T. was gunning for you?
Jimmy J.: No, I knew that he didn’t think that we had a great relationship, although I thought personally he was fine. I think he wanted to be a little more out front than what he was and what the other tribe members wanted him to be.
Gordon: They didn’t show this, but during the gutter challenge in the first episode, Jimmy T. was trying to distract the La Flor puzzle team by yelling instructions at them. This seemed to annoy you. Did I read your reaction right?
Jimmy J.: Yeah, I always felt like we needed to concentrate on what we needed to do and not worry about the opponent. But, like I said, Jimmy T.’s a volatile person and he’s going to be hollering things at our tribe, their tribe, anyone who’s around there.

Gordon: Marty was the one who pulled the strings to get you out of there last night. Did you have any idea that he was behind your early exit?
Jimmy J.: No, that was a real surprise because Marty and I had talked on numerous occasions. And I thought that Jill and him had an alliance but I didn’t realize Daniel was in there at all. I tried to convince them, I told them, “Nothing would make me happier than to see one of you win the million dollars. I’m not going to win the million dollars. So I can help you win.” I tried to convince them that I wasn’t a threat, but Marty still felt like I was a threat.

Gordon: When we spoke before the game, you described your strategy that nobody would vote for you to win the million. Do you think it hurt your case that Sandra Diaz-Twine used a similar strategy to win “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains”?
Jimmy J.: I don’t know if the previous episodes had anything to do with it.

Gordon: What would you have done differently?
Jimmy J.: I think that some of the women on our tribe had started to come around to my way of thinking. And even though I didn’t have an alliance with them I could have gotten one with them, and in hindsight probably should have. I tried to make it through the beginning of the game without an alliance, but that didn’t work for me.

Gordon: You mentioned during your final statement that being on “Survivor” was more stressful than being in the Super Bowl. I think that’s a pretty strong statement.
Jimmy J.: You’ve got to take into account that I’m 67 years old, so it’s more taxing than it’d be on a younger person. But the biggest thing that affected me was not having any sleep. It was so difficult with the pouring down rain, and our shelter leaking, and sleeping on bamboo. Not getting any sleep really bothered me. And I lost 18 pounds in that short period of time.

Gordon: You told me before the game that you were going to do your best to avoid the leader role. That didn’t seem to work out.
Jimmy J.: I got thrown into it. In “Survivor” the people out front, the leaders are usually the first voted out. I told everybody, “I don’t want to be the leader. I don’t want to be the boss.” And after a couple of days there were arguments about the shelter and which way to do this and which way to do that and they said, “You’ve at least got to help us make decisions.” I said, “I’ll help you make some of the decisions, but you’ll have to contribute ideas. I’m not going to be the boss of this tribe.”
Gordon: Now were you a born leader or is this something that developed as you made your way through the ranks of college and pro football?
Jimmy J.: I think it just came through the years. I was the first one in my family to get a college education, and even in high school we had a very successful team where I had my first individual successes. So I guess it started back in high school.

Gordon: You’ve dreamed of doing an adventure like “Survivor” for you entire life. How did it live up to your expectations?
Jimmy J.: It was everything that I thought it was going to be and more. But it was more difficult than I thought it was going to be. I thoroughly enjoyed the adventure. I think it’s made me a bigger “Survivor” fan now than I was before the experience. But there’s no way in the world that you can watch it on television and really feel the impact of how difficult it really is. No sleep, no food, cold at night and hot in the day…it really wears you down.

Gordon: You spent nine days on a beach with next to nothing. What do you take back from that experience that you can apply to your everyday life?
Jimmy J.: I think the biggest thing is my appreciation for what we have. And an understanding for what people around the world (and even in this country) don’t have. When people don’t have plenty of food and proper housing…it makes me appreciate the luxuries we have here.

Gordon: OK, time for our first-ever round of celebrity word association. Let’s start with Yve.
Jimmy J.: Nice.
Gordon: Marty?
Jimmy J.: Conniving.
Gordon: Jill?
Jimmy J.: Smart.
Gordon: Tyrone?
Jimmy J.: Hardworking.
Gordon: Dan?
Jimmy J.: Hmm…maybe that says something about Dan, I can’t think of a word for him. He’s just there.
Gordon: Jane?
Jimmy J.: Impressive.
Gordon: Holly?
Jimmy J.: Emotional.
Gordon: Jimmy T.?
Jimmy J.: Volatile.

Gordon: Benjamin “Coach” Wade and I have been ranking the players each week, and for two weeks in a row he’s made it clear that there is only one “Coach” on “Survivor.” Do you have a response to that comment?
Jimmy J.: I went to “Survivor” as Jimmy J., not as “Coach.”

Gordon: Did you ever figure out what those howler monkeys were trying to say to you?
Jimmy J.: (Laughs) That was one of the more fun times, because the monkeys were fairly quiet until I started hollering at them.
Gordon: And given the choice between conversing with howler monkeys and Jimmy T., which would you prefer?
Jimmy J.: The howler monkey usually made more sense.

Quick Note: You can follow me on Twitter for “Survivor” updates at @gordonholmes.

Last Week: In the undercard matches, Holly got the best of Dan with her “Sandy Shoe Submarine” maneuver while NaOnka bested Fabio with her patented “Sock Swipe.” In the main event, Shannon was putting his “Homosexuality Accusation” finishing move on Sash when his tag team partner Chase turned on him and joined the Majority Minority Alliance (man, that’s confusing).

39 Days, 20 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Here are the tribes as they currently stand…

The La Flor Tribe aka The Young Tribe (wearing yellow)

•    Alina – 23, Art Student
•    Benry – 24, Club Promoter
•    Brenda – 27, Paddleboard Company Owner
•    Chase – 24, Race Car Jackman/Country Singer
•    Fabio – 21, Student
•    Kelly B. – 26, Medical Student
•    Kelly S. – 20, Nursing Student
•    NaOnka – 27, P.E. Teacher
•    Sash – 30, Real Estate Broker

The Espada Tribe aka The Older Tribe (wearing blue)

•    Dan – 63, Real Estate Executive
•    Holly – 44, Swim Coach
•    Jane – 56, Dog Trainer
•    Jill – 43, E.R. Doctor
•    Jimmy J. – 67, Former NFL Coach
•    Jimmy T. – 48, Commercial Fisherman
•    Marty – 48, Technology Executive
•    Tyrone – 42, Fire Captain
•    Yve – 41, Homemaker

Quick Note: Jeff Probst has promised us one of the meanest things he’s ever seen on “Survivor” tonight. I’m betting NaOnka tells Fabio the truth about Santa Claus.

We start off back at La Flor camp and the whippersnappers seem to be happy with their decision to send Shannon back to Louisiana.

NaOnka isn’t buying it though, she thinks the rest of the tribe is, “faker than faux fur.” In our pregame interviews she used that exact phrase to describe how she was willing to play the game.

The following morning we meet up with the elderly. Apparently they’re looking for monkeys. Their theory is where there are monkeys, there is sure to be food. Well, that’s Marty’s theory. Jimmy Johnson’s theory is that he can communicate with the monkeys. He hoots and hollers at them, but doesn’t get them to hand over the food.

Marty lets us know that he doesn’t like having a celebrity on his team. I’m not sure I follow his logic. Jimmy’s celebrity doesn’t give him an advantage. If anything it draws focus from other players and allows certain players and alliances to sneak under the radar.

Marty and Jill are next seen discussing strategy, she wants to reveal the idol to the rest of the tribe to gain their trust. That’s different. I kind of like that strategy.

We jump back to La Flor where Fabio is using the scuba mask to blow on the fire again. He tells the rest of the tribe that when he stands up after blowing on the fire he feels dizzy. Have we learned nothing from Michael Skupin?!

Fabio tells us his strategy is to be out-there and crazy. Mission accomplished, my friend.

Back at Espada, Marty shows everyone his immunity idol. It’s shaped like a key. I’m not sure why they didn’t name it the Key of Immunity.

Jimmy T. applauds this bold move…literally. He thinks this makes the tribe five times stronger.

Jill thinks Marty’s stock went up, which is good for her. Jill is smart, she has a power player in her pocket. He can make the moves and if the tribe turns on them, Marty can take the hit.

Next up, Dan lets us know that the conditions are getting the best of him and he’s worried that the tribe is going to think he’s a weak link. He says he’s strong, just not as strong as Tyrone.

(DING!)

Oh, sorry. My Understatement Bell just went off.

Back at La Flor, the Majority Minority Alliance is discussing who to take out next. They’re worried that Alina and Kelly B. might have the hidden immunity idol. A blonde with a purple streak in her hair who I’ve never seen before says she only trusts the core five members of the alliance.

Immunity and Reward Challenge: Both tribes will race into a field to recover 10 tribe-colored barrels. Once they have their barrels they’ll place them in a triangle pattern (similar to bowling pins). Then they’ll try to throw sand bags onto the barrels from a distance. The first tribe to get a bag on all ten barrels wins immunity and a “Survivor” garden that includes spices, fruit and other goodies.

Sadly, this reward does not include delicious Nicaraguan Tona Beer.

Note: XFINITY TV does not encourage drinking.

Medallion of Power Advantage: The mysterious Medallion of Power will utilize its awesome strength to reduce the number of barrels by two.

La Flor elects not to use the MoP.

I spoke with Rob Cesternino from “Survivor: The Amazon” last week. (How’s that for a name drop!) He had an interesting thought that every time you don’t use the MoP it’s hurting you and every time your opponent doesn’t use it it’s helping you. So, it’d make sense to use it every time you have it. I argued that in last week’s Hay Mate challenge, you got a 25% advantage (1 out of 4 balls) and in this challenge you’d only get a 20% advantage (2 out of 10 barrels). I’d save it for the bigger advantages.

But, he’s the “Smartest Player Never to Win ‘Survivor'” and I’m a jerk with a blog, so what do I know?

Jimmy J. jumps into coach mode and tells each player which barrel to go for. He’s drawing up the play like it was NFL game day.

The younger tribe retrieves their barrels first, but just barely. The younger tribe also gets their barrels into place first. Probst gives Dan a hard time about not being very mobile.

Tyrone and Benry start off tossing sand bags for their respective teams. Tyrone jumps out to a big 5 to 2 lead pretty quickly.

Note: They don’t even say Espada or La Flor on the scoreboard.

The younger tribe makes a comeback and ties it at six. Jimmy T. lets Jimmy J. know that he wants into the game. And by “lets Jimmy J. know,” I mean “tells Jimmy J. incessantly.”

“Throw it to Lucas!”

Benry goes on a tear and puts La Flor up nine to seven.

Jimmy J. pulls Tyrone and puts in Jimmy T. but it’s too late, La Flor wins immunity and reward.

As the tykes pick up their reward, NaOnka and Kelly B. both discover an immunity idol clue.

Sure enough, the second the two get back to camp NaOnka pushes Kelly B. over to get the clue. In the ensuing chaos some bananas were squished. Careful ladies, James was voted out over a much less serious banana-related etiquette infraction.

NaOnka follows this up by giving her own audition speech for “Heroes Vs. Villains: Part Deux” by telling us she’ll push Kelly B. so hard her leg will fall off. What’s worse? She didn’t mention which leg.

Back at Espada, Jimmy T. tells everyone that he feels his talents aren’t being properly used. Jimmy J. defends his strategy of sticking with Tyrone in the challenge.

Eventually everyone breaks into groups and starts discussing voting strategies. Marty tells us that he wants Jimmy J. out so the tribe will “Lose their daddy” and everyone will have to come to him. That just sounds creepy.

Jill doesn’t care who goes home as long as it’s Dan, Holly or Jimmy J.

Jimmy T. and Dan are both on board for voting for Jimmy Johnson. Jane and Tryone both seem to be leaning toward Dan.

In other news, Jane and Holly have created some kind of an alliance. Hopefully Holly took more than 3 seconds before deciding on an alliance mate this time.

That night at Tribal Council, Jimmy T. again complains about not being put into the challenge sooner. He also complains about not having an opportunity to lead. Look out, JPro. He may want to host next.

Dan defends his physical prowess saying he’s not the strongest or the weakest. Jill politely disagrees. Jane also points out that Dan has had major knee surgery.

Nobody points out that his alligator shoes are waterlogged. That can’t help.

Jimmy T. claims there are four weak players on the team. Probst asks everyone individually if they think they’re a weak player. The only person to admit to being weak is Jimmy J.

Voting Time: Jimmy T. votes for Jimmy J., Jimmy J. votes for Dan and the rest of the votes aren’t shown.

JPro does some serious tallying and returns. One vote for Jimmy J., one vote for Dan, four votes for Jimmy J. and the third person voted out of “Survivor: Nicaragua” is…Jimmy Johnson.

And I’m not sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of “Taps” being played gently by a distraught CBS executive.

Too soon for “Christmas Story” quotes?

Verdict: We’re getting quite a mix this season. We’ve got Jerry Springer-esque players like NaOnka, Holly and Shannon and some really strong players like Brenda, Jill and Marty. I’m still digging this season.

But wait, what was Probst’s meanest thing ever? NaOnka pushing Kelly B.? Kelly B. wants to be treated like everyone else, and everyone else would’ve been pushed.

Who’s Going to Win? Jill has Marty thinking he’s the puppet master, but she’s the one who figured out the clue and decided to reveal the idol to the tribe. She’s a force.

Power Ranking Results: Coach and Randy called it, they had Jimmy Johnson in spot eighteen. I had him in spot sixteen. So, the current score is Team Dragon Slayer 30, Team Truth Seeker 22.

What Do You Think? Will you stop watching this season now that Jimmy Johnson is gone? Was NaOnka pushing Kelly B. one of the meanest things in “Survivor” history? Would you rather be trapped in a room with NaOnka or Jimmy T.?

Last Week: The tribes were split between the young and the wise, Shannon pitched an alliance made up entirely of guys, and Wendy couldn’t save herself after several long-winded tries.

39 Days, 20 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Here are the tribes as they currently stand…

The La Flor Tribe aka The Young Tribe (wearing yellow)

•    Alina – 23, Art Student
•    Benry – 24, Club Promoter
•    Brenda – 27, Paddleboard Company Owner
•    Chase – 24, Race Car Jackman/Country Singer
•    Fabio – 21, Student
•    Kelly B. – 26, Medical Student
•    Kelly S. – 20, Nursing Student
•    NaOnka – 27, P.E. Teacher
•    Sash – 30, Real Estate Broker
•    Shannon – 30, Pest Control Company Owner

The Espada Tribe aka The Older Tribe (wearing blue)

•    Dan – 63, Real Estate Executive
•    Holly – 44, Swim Coach
•    Jane – 56, Dog Trainer
•    Jill – 43, E.R. Doctor
•    Jimmy J. – 67, Former NFL Coach
•    Jimmy T. – 48, Commercial Fisherman
•    Marty – 48, Technology Executive
•    Tyrone – 42, Fire Captain
•    Yve – 41, Homemaker

Quick Note: Jeffrey Probst has promised us an awesome Tribal Council. Has he ever steered me wrong? No. Has he ever hurt my feelings?  Totally.

We start off with Espada after Tribal Council. Holly is regretting voting Wendy out. If only she’d known before Tribal about Wendy’s amazing blister-free feet.

The following morning, the Espada gentlemen are not pleased with how uncomfortable the shelter is. A morning meeting is held, and assignments are handed out by Jimmy Johnson. (He’s on this show! Why didn’t anyone tell me?!)

Jimmy T. pitches an action item involving fishing which is quickly shot down by Tyrone. Oh Tyrone…didn’t you watch last week’s episode? Jimmy T. will not not be not heard!

Marty lets us know that he’s stepping back and letting Jimmy J. assume the leadership role. Because “Survivor” rule #1 states that being a leader is a poor strategy.

Meanwhile at La Flor they allow Kelly Purple to speak. She claims that she’s never gone so long without bathing. Fabio/Jud/Judson/Judweiser doesn’t share that problem.

Next we meet up with Sash and NaOnka. Apparently NaOnka is concerned because she hasn’t been approached for an alliance yet. Sash lets her know that he’s half Jamaican and he wants to bring as many minorities to the end as possible. He dubs Brenda the “Asian Sensation.” I’m not sure if I condone this nickname, but it’s leagues better than “Kelly Purple.”

Back at Espada, the tribe is knitting and chasing kids off of their lawn. Oh, and Jill is eating snails. Holly has a fit over this for some reason. She takes the remaining snails and throws them away. Escargot-gate!

Holly claims that Dan was making fun of her. So, she does what any rational person would do and fills his shoes with sand and sinks them in the ocean. Wow, that’s a special brand of crazy.

Later, Dan notices that his alligator shoes are missing. He also lets us know that those shoes cost $1,600. Wow, that’s a special brand of crazy.

Holly starts to feel bad and calls a tribe meeting. She confesses to throwing out Dan’s shoes and apologizes. She’s like Russell with a conscience.

Tyrone has an early bid for line of the night saying, “I’m going to keep one eye on her, and one eye on my shoes.”

Holly lets them all know that she intends to play a trustworthy game from that point on. Tell Wendy that.

Back at La Flor, the tribe is watching cartoons and making Colorforms. Oh, and NaOnka is flipping out because one of her socks is missing. NaOnka does the mature thing and swipes Fabio’s socks.

Fabio takes exception to this and an argument ensues. This all could have been avoided if she’d offered to trade him a handful of magic beans. She thinks he isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer. He conveniently proves this by sticking his face in the fire.

Back at Espada, Jimmy J. takes Holly aside to discuss her problems with the game. Jimmy gives her a one-on-one pep talk and she seems to feel better.

Quick Note: La Flor did a march as they made their way into the challenge. I didn’t dig last week’s dance, but the march was well choreographed. Bravo.

Immunity Challenge: A player from each side will have to dive into a mud pit and crawl under a rope obstacle. Then, they’ll have to dig in a pile of hay for a ball that is covered in twine. Once they’ve handed off their ball, another member of their tribe will enter the mud pit. Once all four of the balls have been retrieved, a member of their tribe will untangle the balls. From there, members of the tribe will have to pass the balls to a final member using shields. The final member will try to bounce the ball into a barrel. The first tribe to sink all four balls wins immunity. The winning team will also receive either a tarp or a collection of fishing gear.

Note: This is an updated version of a challenge the press ran (and dominated) in Nicaragua.

Medallion of Power Advantage: If Espada uses the MoP, they’ll only have to sink three balls.

Espada decides to use the mysterious power of the MoP to magically place a ball into the barrel. Actually, Jeff just dropped a ball into the barrel.

Dan will sit out for Espada, NaOnka will sit out for La Flor. Brenda, Alina, Kelly Purple and Kelly B. will be on mud duty for La Flor, while Jimmy J., Holly, and Jane will go for Espada.

The younger tribe manages to find all four balls before the older tribe gets their three. And oddly, none of the players tried my sweet face-first-dive-into-the-hay strategy.

However, Espada’s ball-passing team (Tyrone especially) does a good job and takes home the first immunity for the older tribe.

The MoP will not be denied.

Espada chooses the fishing gear over the tarp. Somewhere Russell Swan is shaking his head.

Back at Espada, a hidden immunity idol clue is found in the fishing gear. The older tribe does a much better job than Alina and Kelly B. of deciphering the clues. Jill in particular figures it out and sends Marty and Dan out to get it.

Marty digs around and eventually uncovers it. In a hilarious moment he keeps saying he’s got an idol, then he pauses, looks at Jill and says, “We’ve got the idol.”

Politicking around La Flor seems to center around Brenda or NaOnka. Alina, Kelly B. and Shannon are worried that Brenda and Chase are becoming a couple. However, the other guys want NaOnka out due to the socks scandal.

NaOnka shares her boot order with Brenda and Shannon is at the tippy top. Brenda thinks she can get Sash, Kelly Purple and Chase to vote with her.

Chase tells Brenda that Shannon wants her out. Brenda does not take this well.

And…the power goes out. Not in Nicaragua, in my house. What’s worse? It fried my DVR. Big props and much love to TxVoodoo for getting me a copy of the end of the show.

OK, we’re back.

Brenda plays Chase like a fiddle, asking him why he needs Shannon. She got all up into his ego. Brenda is a champ.

Alina caught wind of what was going on and shared it with her alliance (which looks to be Shannon, Fabio, and Kelly B. at this point).

That night at Tribal Council, Shannon takes a tame question and drives it out of the park. He in no uncertain terms lets Chase know that if Brenda doesn’t stay with him that he’ll be the next to go.

Jud tries to be the peacemaker, but Shannon isn’t having it. Shannon’s on fire, digging into Chase for being a part of two alliances.

Sash tells Shannon that he thinks he’s digging his own grave. Shannon takes this opportunity to ask Sash about his sexuality. Not sure why that was the next logical progression in the conversation…

Sash lets Shannon know that he’s probably had more beautiful girlfriends than he has and that Shannon’s game wouldn’t do well in New York.

Shannon parries that comment by replying, “New York’s full of a bunch of gay people, yeah.” He also points out that New York has more gay people than Louisiana.

Wow, that reminds me of that line from that Sinatra song, “Start spreading the not-at-veiled homophobic remarks.”

Fabio again tries to get Shannon to calm down, but the cat is out of the closet…er…bag.

JPro eventually regains control. Alina tells Jeff that Shannon has never lied to her, but Chase has.

NaOnka then confesses that she thinks her head is on the chopping block because she didn’t compete in the challenge. She then starts getting into it with Fabio saying he “Always has something smart to say.”

I find that hard to believe.

At this point Jud is begging to vote.

Voting Time: Fabio votes for Brenda, Brenda votes for Shannon, Shannon votes for Brenda, Sash (aka the Biggest Bachelor in New York) votes for Shannon, and the rest of the votes will be tallied by the biggest bachelor in Nicaragua.

One vote Shannon, one vote Brenda, one vote Shannon, one vote Brenda, one vote Shannon, one vote Brenda, two votes Shannon, and the second person voted out of “Survivor: Nicaragua” is…Shannon.

Note: It looks like Kelly B. and Benry broke ranks and voted for Shannon.

Verdict: Wow, Mr. Probst did not steer us wrong. This season is off to a hot start, let’s hope they can keep it up.

Who’s Going to Win? Loving the pairing of Marty and Jill, but my fingers are crossed for Kelly B.

Power Rankings Results: Coach had Shannon in spot twelve, I had him in spot six. So, the current score is Team Dragon Slayer 12, Team Truth Seeker 6.

What Do You Think? Was that the biggest Tribal Council meltdown ever? Could you forgive Holly for sinking your shoes? Are you on Team Fabio or Team NaOnka?

An excerpt from “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure”
Dottie: “Don’t you want to see the rest of the movie?”
Pee-Wee: “I don’t have to see it, Dottie. I lived it.”

I lived this first episode of “Survivor: Nicaragua.”  The good folks at CBS were nice enough to let me tag along for the first three days of filming, so I’m going to bring you all of the behind-the-scenes tidbits I can squeeze out of my brain. And sorry, Pee-Wee…I’m going to watch it too.

Alright, I’m excited. Let’s do this.

We start off with Mr. Probst giving us a look at the harsh Nicaraguan terrain. He explains that this is where ancient rainforests battle for survival against some of the world’s youngest volcanoes.

Oh, ancient vs. young…I see what he did there.

Two tribes are making their way through the jungle, but they don’t seem to be divided by age. However, all of the young people are wearing brightly colored clothes and all of the older folks seem to have a blue motif going. Coincidence?

We hear from young Judson first, he explains how real the wildlife is. It turns out there are no fences like at the zoo. Thanks, Jud. Oh, and congratulations on having such an astute observation be our first impression of you.

Then we meet some guy named Jimmy Johnson. Apparently he may have coached some football team that Eagles fans prefer not to talk about.

Oh, and Brenda lets us know that she’s single. I think her exact words were, “Single, single, single, single.”

And then from atop an impressive rock formation, Mr. Probst says something about…

39 Days, 20 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Note: He may have actually just said “One Survivor.” I wasn’t paying close attention.

The tribes meet up with Jeff on a lovely, sandy beach. We get a chance to meet the first of two Kellys, this one being Kelly Bruno. Her right leg was amputated when she was only six months old. She doesn’t intend to tell anyone about it right away because she doesn’t want anyone to make assumptions about her.

Behind-the-Scenes Tidbit: Several people could tell Kelly B. had a prosthetic leg before the game began.

Next up, Marty lets us know that he has no idea why Jimmy Johnson is in this game. To whip the old folks into shape, that’s why!

Medallion of Power Challenge: The Medallion of Power (or MoP) has been hidden in the jungle. The first person to find it gets to keep it for his or her tribe. Pretty straight-forward challenge if you ask me.

JPro doesn’t even give them his trademark, “Survivors, ready? Go!” he just tells them to get started whenever they feel like it. Maybe we’re getting a more laid-back Probst this season. Relaxed introduction aside, the players take off in a mad dash to try to find this mysterious artifact.

Behind-the-Scenes Tidbit: Dan is slow. As in sloooooow. As in, I’d assume that’s as fast as McDonald’s Grimace runs.

Finally, Brenda (I think she’s single) spots the MoP in a tree. She scales the tree and snags it for her tribe.

Behind-the-Scenes Tidbit: As they were walking back, Jimmy T. would not stop complaining about how the challenge involved no strategy and how the other tribe would be in trouble once the challenges involved strategy. I think Mr. T. is not long for this game.

Quick Aside: Am I crazy, or does Jimmy T. sound just like Uncle Leo from “Seinfeld”?

Marty is very pleased that Brenda (who he thinks is on his tribe) found the Medallion even though he doesn’t even know what it does. Probst lets him know that it would be good for him…if she were on his tribe.

Dun dun dun…

You got Probsted! Jeff lets them know that the players 40 and older will become the Espada tribe and the players 30 and under will become the La Flor tribe.

The players in their 30s have to go home.

OK, so here are our tribes as they currently stand. Finally…

La Flor Tribe aka The Young Tribe (wearing yellow)

• Alina – 23, Art Student
• Benry – 24, Club Promoter
• Brenda – 27, Paddleboard Company Owner
• Chase – 24, Race Car Jackman/Country Singer
• Jud – 21, Student
• Kelly B. – 26, Medical Student
• Kelly S. – 20, Nursing Student
• NaOnka – 27, P.E. Teacher
• Sash – 30, Real Estate Broker
• Shannon – 30, Pest Control Company Owner

Espada Tribe aka The Older Tribe (wearing blue)

• Dan – 63, Real Estate Executive
• Holly – 44, Swim Coach
• Jane – 56, Dog Trainer
• Jill – 43, E.R. Doctor
• Jimmy J. – 67, Former NFL Coach
• Jimmy T. – 48, Commercial Fisherman
• Marty – 48, Technology Executive
• Tyrone – 42, Fire Captain
• Wendy – 48, Goat Rancher
• Yve – 41, Homemaker

Chase is very disappointed that he won’t have Jimmy Johnson on his team. He thinks his tribe is missing out on a strong leader. Apparently he’s under the belief that being a leader is good in “Survivor.” Has he ever seen this show?

After buffs are passed out, Jeff gives Brenda the option of trading the mysterious (and stylish) MoP for flint and fishing gear. Whatever they decide to give up, Espada will get.

La Flor eventually decides on…a commercial break.

Fortunately for you, there are very few commercials in my recaps. La Flor chooses the fishing gear.

Shannon rationalizes this decision by saying the younger tribe should beat the older tribe in challenges no matter what.

We meet up with Espada back at their camp and Jimmy Johnson’s hair is already looking pretty sweet. Jimmy lets us know that he’s a little worried that there could be Eagles or Redskins fans on his tribe…or writing his recaps…

We’re then treated to the quickest alliance in “Survivor” history. Holly approaches Wendy, they share a mutual respect, and they become an alliance. This all happened within the span of about five seconds. Holly even punctuated it by saying, “I’m with you all the way!” It was so quick. Like a game of alliance tag.

Wendy lets us know that the first step in her strategy is to not be the first person voted out. Make fun of Wendy all you want, but that’s a good strategy.

She also says that her husband thinks she’ll be the first person voted out. There’s some moral support for ya.

Jane then proves her “Survivor” cred by starting a fire without flint. That almost never happens.  Go, Jane.

Meanwhile at Casa La Flor, Judson manages to step on something and puncture his foot within three minutes of arriving at camp. Then he stabs himself in the finger with a crab claw. If only there had been fences…

And maybe worse than the multiple bleeding wounds, Judson is dubbed “Fabio” by Shannon. Rough start for Fabio.

When Shannon is done handing out derogatory nicknames, he corners Chase and explains why they should start an Alpha Male Alliance. Shannon then wins some hearts by explaining why he doesn’t want a woman to win. Apparently he’s concerned there may be a woman President of the United States some day. Is he auditioning for “Heroes Vs. Villains 2”?

Behind-the-Scenes Tidbit: The biggest thorn tree in the world is about two feet away from the La Flor shelter. I’m worried someone’s going to stumble off to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and get a thorn in the eye.

Kelly B. decides that she can’t hide her prosthetic leg much longer, so she calls a group meeting to show it to everyone. Shannon shows his sweet side yet again, saying they have to get rid of her because she’d get sympathy jokes from a jury.

That night at the Espada camp we’re treated to a long shot of an NFL legend puking. That, or Jimmy Johnson was doing his best Donovan McNabb impersonation.

The next morning we find Chase and Brenda flirting with each other. Chase doesn’t want to make promises to two separate alliances, but Brenda is way cuter than Shannon.

Me? I think Chase should align with Brenda. Why? Because if she stabs him in the back, it’ll be great fodder for a country song.

And I have to admit, I may have written Brenda off too quickly in my pre-game analysis. She seemed to have Chase eating out of the palm of her hand. “As deceptive as a Decepticon,” indeed.

Later, Alina and Kelly B. find the first hidden immunity idol clue. Apparently the clue is very difficult to decipher. Meanwhile, Russell Hantz smiles. Then he punches a kitten and kicks an orphan.

Alina is not pleased that she was with Kelly B. when she found the clue. She shares Shannon’s belief that taking Kelly B. to the final Tribal Council is a recipe for second place.

Meanwhile at Espada camp, Jimmy Johnson is giving a pre-challenge speech to rally the troops. For real.

I love “Survivor.”

Before we can start the immunity challenge, the youngins do a bizarre dance to announce their presence.

Yeah, I love “Survivor” a little less.

Immunity Challenge Time: Five players from each team are given rain gutters and are stationed on different levels of a multi-leveled structure. They’ll try to configure the gutters so that water can flow from the top of the structure into a stationary gutter below. The stationary gutter leads into a vat. A lone team member will stand on top of the structure and use a bucket to pour water down the gutters. Once enough water has traveled into the vat, it will trigger a mechanism that will release a set of jigsaw-style puzzle pieces. The last four members of the tribe will then try to put that puzzle together. The first tribe to complete their puzzle wins immunity.

Medallion of Power Advantage: If Espada elects to use the MoP, JPro will pour a bucket of water into their vat. The bucket will fill the vat a fifth of the way. If Espada uses the MoP, it will be available for La Flor to use at the next challenge.

Espada decides to make a statement by holding onto the MoP.

Behind-the-Scenes Tidbit: Jeff Probst swung by before the challenge to see what we thought of Espada not using the MoP. I thought it was a smart move and that they should save it for a more physical challenge. JPro disagreed, thinking the older tribe should do anything they can to get an early numbers advantage.

The Jimmys, Dan, Tyrone, and Marty will hold the gutters for Espada, while Judson, Shannon, Sash, Benry, and Chase will hold the gutters for La Flor. Holly and NaOnka will man the buckets on top of the structure for their respective tribes. Yve, Wendy, Jillian, and Jane have puzzle duty for Espada, while the Kellys, Brenda, and Alina will go for La Flor.

The water La Flor is using is yellow, while Espada’s water is blue. It’s kinda fun, like they’re using Kool-Aid.

The challenge starts and both tribes employ a quickest-path-between-two-points-is-a-straight-line strategy. NaOnka and Holly are really going for it at the top of the structure. Both are hustling to deposit the water as quickly as possible.

Behind-the-Scenes Tidbit: The challenge crew was hoping the gutter portion would involve a lot more strategy. I think they had envisioned a jagged, pieced-together mess.  Surely Jimmy Johnson being splashed in the face with blue water would have made for amusing footage. However, the guys in La Flor outsmarted them. Before the challenge started they came up with the straight gutter strategy. Espada saw this and quickly copied them.

La Flor’s bin filled up first and their puzzle pieces dropped. Espada’s pieces dropped shortly afterward. However, the youngsters plowed through the puzzle to claim immunity. It wasn’t even close.

Behind-the-Scenes Tidbit: Jimmy T. tried to confuse the La Flor puzzle crew by shouting contradicting instructions to them. However, since nobody could possibly confuse Jimmy T.’s voice with a young person, all it did was confuse the Espada team. Jimmy J. was not pleased with this strategy.

Back at Espada camp, Jimmy T. tells the tribe that he’s gunning for Jimmy J. That sound you heard in the background is a CBS executive crying.

However, Jimmy J. thinks Wendy is the weakest link. Holly is not pleased to hear this seeing as she aligned with Holly after a grand total of five seconds.

Wendy knows she’s in trouble because she hasn’t made any strong bonds. Add that to the fact that Holly has stopped talking to her, and she’s right to be concerned.

So who’s going home? The Cowboy or the Cowgirl?

That night at tribal council, Jeff says something about fire representing life. Is that new?

Jane (Espada’s MacGyver) admits that something Jeff said in an article inspired her to learn how to make fire. Winning Emmys and changing lives, that guy.

Jimmy J. goes out of his way to make it known that he’s not the leader and nobody will give him the million dollars. Jimmy T. tells Jeff that he doesn’t buy that for a second.

Wendy thinks people don’t like her because nobody asked her her age. Now, I’m not old and wise enough to be a part of the Espada tribe, but even I know not to ask a woman her age. The rest of the tribe agrees with me.

Jeff lets everyone know it’s time to vote…and Wendy interrupts him! Who are you to question the almighty power of the torch snuffer?!

JPro graciously allows this interruption and Wendy takes the opportunity to give a few reasons why the tribe should keep her around. The best reason? Because she doesn’t have any blisters.

Behind-the-Scenes Tidbit: Jeff tried to start the voting about three times and Wendy kept interrupting him with new reasons to keep her around. Jeff later said that he doesn’t want anyone to ever leave Tribal Council feeling like they didn’t get to speak their mind.

Voting Time: Tyrone votes for Wendy Jo and the rest of the votes are secret.

Jeff tallies and returns; one vote for Wendy, one vote for Yve, four votes for Wendy, and the first person voted out of “Survivor: Nicaragua” is…Wendy.

Her husband was right!

Behind-the-Scenes Tidbit: Poor Wendy got so lost after being voted out of Tribal Council. She must’ve wandered around that graveyard for five minutes.

Verdict: The first episode of any non all-star season always has a little too much “getting to know you” for my taste. But I’m encouraged by how interesting I’m finding Shannon, Brenda, and Judson. Hopefully we’ll hear from Kelly S., Sash, Benry, Dan, and the other silent Survivors next week.

Who’s Going to Win? I don’t know why I always include this section, because I’m always wrong. But so far I’m sticking with my Marty and Kelly B. picks.

What Do You Think? Who is your early favorite? Would you have used the MoP? Should a millionaire be allowed to play “Survivor”?