Archive for July, 2011

More Whatnot Contest: Why the Crap Aren’t You Watching ‘Community’?

July 28, 2011

As some of you may know, I appeared on Rob Cesternino’s “Rob Has a Podcast” er…podcast a few months ago to talk about CBS’s hit reality show “Survivor” and NBC’s cult favorite comedy “Community.”

Quick Question: Can you appear on a podcast if it’s only audio?

Odds are, due to Rob’s status as a “Survivor” favorite, that the majority of people listening to the podcast were there to hear about “Survivor.” At one point, Rob caught me off guard and asked me to give my best pitch as to why people should watch “Community.”

And I choked. I don’t remember what I said, but it was beyond stupid.



Left/Right Review for ‘Cowboys and Aliens’

July 28, 2011

The popular theory is that the right side of the brain controls emotions, while the left side controls more analytical thinking. So the left side of my brain enjoys an intelligent story with creative execution, and the right side of my brain likes lightsabers, People’s Elbows, and explosions. An example of this is the right side of my brain loves “Armageddon” and the left side of my brain hates it. Understand? No? Picture the right side of my brain with a beer and the left with a martini, oh, or how about my right side is a ten year old, and the left is Roger Ebert.

Plot: A man (Daniel Craig) wakes up in the middle of the Old West. He doesn’t know who he is or how he got there. He also doesn’t know why he’s wearing a strange, mechanical bracelet. Then…you know…aliens attack.


More Whatnot Reader Poll

July 20, 2011

OK, I need you to look at the picture below and tell me whether it’s a bust of Ludvig Van Beethoven or Kurt Russell.

Russell or Beethoven?

I anxiously await your responses.

My Reoccurring ‘Survivor’ Dream

July 18, 2011

Survivor Press vs ProbstHad the “Survivor” dream again over the weekend. Here’s how it always goes…

I’m participating in an All-Star season of “Survivor.” The location changes; it’s been Gabon, it’s been Australia, it’s been Nicaragua. (EDIT: Once it was in King Koopa’s castle from ‘Mario Kart.’) The cast members change; Colby Donaldson, Jessica “Sugar” Kiper, Tamara “Taj” George, and others have made appearances.

Here’s what always stays the same…


How I’d Book Money In the Bank

July 17, 2011

How I Think Money In the Bank Will End
The popular theory has Punk winning the world title, but dropping the belt to a Money In the Bank Winner (probably Alberto Del Rio). This sounds about right. As Chicago is booing the crap out of the ending, they’ll be able to pretend it’s because people are upset that the hated Del Rio is the champion, while they’ll be booing because Punk won’t be leaving with the title. Also, this allows them to avoid the “Fire Cena” stipulation.

Now let’s take a look at how I’d do it…


Introducing the C.M. Punk Ice Cream Bar

July 12, 2011

C.M. Punk truly has his finger on the pulse of today’s wrestling fan.

During last night’s live in-ring contract negotiation, he tried to convince WWE head Vince McMahon to bring back the beloved WWE Ice Cream Bar. For those of you who know nothing of this tasty treat, it’s basically an ice cream bar with chocolate on one side and a cookie featuring the image of a WWE superstar on the other.

Make this happen, Vince.

And God bless you, C.M. Punk.

Even More Whatnot…

Five Smurfs Who Ended Up on the Cutting-Room Floor

July 8, 2011

The eagerly-anticipated* Smurfs movie is hitting theaters in the next couple of weeks.

*Someone’s gotta be eagerly anticipating it…right?

Sadly, it simply isn’t possible for all of the Smurfs, Smurflings, and side characters such as Puppy, Johan, and Big Mouth to receive adequate screen time in a 90-minute film. Fortunately, we here at have scored an exclusive look at some of the Smurfs who didn’t make the final cut.


Four Reasons Not to Be Mad at Tom Hanks for ‘Larry Crowne’

July 6, 2011

Tom Hanks’s latest directorial effort “Larry Crowne” was stomped into the ground this past weekend by a pack of poorly written transforming robots…

And it only received a 35% rating on…

And the trailer featured around forty of Julia Roberts’s trademark awkward laughs…

But there are still some reasons to love the guy, right?


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