Archive for January, 2011

An Open Letter to Will Smith

January 28, 2011

Dear Mr. Smith,

When I was a kid, you’d often hear this exchange in the Holmes household.

Little Gordon: Mom, I’m done watching “Ghostbusters.”
Gordon’s Mom: Did you like it?
Little Gordon: It was awesome!
Gordon’s Mom: Good, now go outside and pretend you’re a Ghostbuster while mommy finishes up this box of wine.

Then I’d rush outside and take down imaginary full-torso free-roaming vapors with a stick I was pretending was a neutrona wand. Good times for sure.



Corporate Synergy Has Never Tasted So Good

January 27, 2011

That’s right, free cupcakes, baby!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pitch some wrestling-centric plot ideas to my co-workers over at “Community.”

My Greatest Contribution to Reality Television

January 16, 2011

I was fortunate enough to get to travel to Nicaragua this past summer to visit the set of CBS’s “Survivor.” While I was there I had a chance to chat with reality TV guru Mark Burnett. The topic of “Celebrity Apprentice” came up, and everyone started tossing out their casting picks for the next season.

I popped on my reality TV producer hat and tried to figure out what I’d look for in a “Celebrity Apprentice” contestant. I decided that the ideal candidate would be relatively famous, free-spirited, and certifiably insane.

It was then that I decided that the two people who best fit that description were ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage and Gary Busey. I pitched those two ideas to Mark and we all had a laugh.

For those of you who follow the program (I don’t) you’ll be glad to know that Mr. Busey will in fact be suiting up for Mr. Trump’s next attempt to do whatever that show is intending to do. I will accept all due credit every time Gary sets something on fire or stabs a fellow contestant with a letter opener.

Sadly, Randy Savage was left on the sidelines.

Gordon Holmes Is a Hypocrite

January 10, 2011

I hate hypocrisy. Just the notion of saying one thing and doing another drives me nuts. That’s why writing this blog is going to suck. (I’m sure reading it won’t be much of a picnic either.)

In 1987 you weren’t going to find a bigger Mark McGwire fan outside of Oakland, California than me. Mark played first base, I played first base. My sister was dating the brother of Iowa’s second-string quarterback. Mark McGwire’s brother Dan was Iowa’s first-string quarterback. In my eleven-year-old mind we were practically related.

When McGwire was traded to my beloved St. Louis Cardinals in 1997, that cemented it. Here was the guy who was going to take the reigns of my baseball allegiance  in the post-Ozzie Smith world.


One Bed, Ten Pillows

January 6, 2011

If you look to the left, you’ll see a picture of my bedroom. Some would say it’s a bit forward of me to invite you into my bedroom, but we’re all friends here on

Anywho…I love my bedroom. It’s located in my ancient house which is 120 years old, is located in a historical district, has original hardwood floors, and contains more pro wrestling and ‘Ghostbusters’ memorabilia than the law should allow.

Now if you take a close look at that photo, you’ll realize that there are a ton of pillows on my bed. Why would one bed require so many pillows? How many heads do I have? Chill out, pillow haters. I can explain.


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