More Whatnot

Last Week: Dawn won a challenge by carrying lots of weight, Jim and Cochran decided to target Ozzy’s date, and Stacey got to Brandon, but it was a little too late.

39 Days, 20 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Here are the tribes as they currently stand…

The Savaii Tribe (wearing red)
Cochran – 24, Harvard Law Student
Dawn – 41, English Professor
Elyse – 27, Dance Team Manager
Jim – 35, Medical Marijuana Dispensary Owner
Keith – 26, Water Treatment Tech
Ozzy – 30, Slayer of Challenges
Whitney – 27, Country Music Singer

The Upolu Tribe (wearing blue)
Albert – 26, Baseball/Dating Coach
Brandon – 19, Oil Tanker Crewman
Coach – 39, Slayer of Dragons
Edna – 35, Anesthesiologist
Mikayla – 22, Lingerie Football Player
Rick – 51, Rancher
Sophie – 22, Medical Student

Currently Residing on Redemption Island (wearing hatred for Coach)
Christine – 39, Teacher
Stacey – 44, Mortician

The episode starts off with the touching reunion of Stacey and Christine at Redemption (not an) Island. Stacey lets Christine know that Upolu is going to hell with gasoline drawers on.

Are you kidding me?! That’s gold! Why are we just hearing from Stacey right now?!

The following morning, Brandon lets us know that his feelings are hurt because Mikayla doesn’t like him because he’s a Hantz. Yes, that’s the only reason she doesn’t like you.

Then Brandon breaks down and sheds a few tears. It’s like the dude’s trying to top Sugar’s “Most Times Crying in a Season” record.

And we’re off to Redemption Island for the duel. Albert and Mikayla are attending for Upolu, while Whitney and Dawn accepted the invitation for Savaii.

Before the challenge kicks off, Stacey spills the beans to Savaii about who’s in charge at Upolu. They go out of their way to specifically refer to Coach as “Benjamin,” because that’s what adults should call him.

STACEY FTW!

Redemption Island Duel: The players will drop balls into a winding chute, as time goes on they’ll add more balls. First person to drop a ball is eliminated.

Note: If memory serves me, a similar challenge was used in the final three in “Survivor: Tocantins.”

The challenge starts up and there’s not a lot to describe except for me giggling at some of Probst’s ball-centric commentary. Christine does a better job timing the placement of her balls and wins.

Back at Upolu beach, Albert tells Coach about the great information exchange at Redemption Island. In perhaps my favorite moment this season, Brandon chimes in by asking, “Who’s Benjamin?”

Coach has a bit of an odd moment where he says he’ll snap if anyone calls him Benjamin to his face. Apparently his parents have been calling him Coach since he was eighteen.

Over at Savaii, Elyse tells us that she’s perfectly comfortable riding Ozzy’s coattails. Ozzy then shows Elyse what a terrible idea that is by asking Cochran how he spells his name. Cochran understandably takes that the wrong way. Seriously, that’s like asking your wife for her friends’ phone numbers.

Then, after Whitney and Dawn tell everybody about the pecking order at Upolu, Ozzy says if Coach was smart he’d get rid of Albert soon. Keith understandably takes that the wrong way.

Ozzy, buddy, you’re Bizzaro Coach and Keith is Bizzaro Albert. Why don’t you just go around individually insulting everyone’s mothers next?

At Upolu, Albert is really annoyed that Stacey let Savaii know that he and Coach were a team. He’s worried that this will make him a target after the merge. Dude, you’re built like a Mack Truck, you’re going to be targeted either way.

Albert decides to improve his cause by going on an idol hunt. Sure enough, he uncovers a clue. He shares the information with Coach and Sophie.

Coach goes on a hunt of his own but has no luck. So, he prays…and promptly finds it! I wonder if Matt Elrod is jealous that God has a new favorite.

Immunity Challenge Time: Each team has a roasted pig. All of the players will have their hands tied behind their backs. They’ll run to the pig, bite off pieces, and spit them into a bin. The tribe with the most meat in their bin at the end of ten minutes wins immunity, vegetables, spices, bread, an immunity idol clue, and probably trichinosis.

I know I said that the dunking wheel challenge in “Nicaragua” and “Redemption Island” was the grossest challenge ever…but it’s definitely been topped. This was just saliva and hunks of pork being spit into a bin. I seriously may never eat again. And to top it off, pork would get stuck in someone’s teeth and a tribe mate would have to bite it out of their mouths.

Oh…and there was a bin-cam so it looked like the Survivors were spitting directly into my living room. Awesome.

In the end, Savaii had 22 pounds, 12 ounces of gross, while Upolu had 22 pounds, 14 ounces of disgusting. Upolu wins immunity, reward, and apparently over 45 pounds of drool-covered pork.

Politicking around Savaii centers around the Alpha Betas gunning for Cochran and Dawn, Cochran, and Jim targeting Elyse.

Jim realizes he needs a fourth vote, so he approaches Keith about Ozzy’s “Coach needs to get rid of Albert” comment. Keith is torn because Ozzy was his first alliance in the game.

That night at Tribal Council, Ozzy tells J-Pro that he wants to keep the tribe as strong as possible. Elyse thinks that being strong means being strong physically and socially.

Cochran says that the novelty of Tribal Council has worn off and he’s sick of seeing his name on votes.

Elyse sympathizes with Cochran because she assumes he was always picked last for teams. Throw it to Lucas!

We also learn that the challenge left everyone with bloody lips and even a few missing teeth. So gross.

Voting Time: Jim votes for Elyse, Ozzy votes for Cochran, and the rest of the votes are gonna wait for the next paragraph…

Probsty tallies and returns; one vote for Cochran, one vote for Elyse, one vote for Cochran, one vote for Elyse, two votes for Dawn, and the fifth person to be sent to Redemption Island is…Elyse.

Whoa! Where’d those Dawn votes come from?! Are Whitney and Keith going to pretend that there was some miscommunication with Ozlyse?

Verdict: Bit of a shocker there at the end, but it’s nice to see the Savaii tribe doing some strategizing. A bit of a boring Upolu week, but I’m sure Brandon has plenty of crazy waiting for us next week.

Who’s Going to Win? Sophie. Bet on it.

Power Rankings Update: The Cardinals beat the Brewers, and I beat Andrea. I had Elyse in spot fourteen, while she had her in spot twelve. We both predicted Christine would keep her Redemption Island run going. The current score is Team Boehlke 61, Team Holmes 64.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Whitney is voted out this week, Andrea will receive 6 points and Gordon will receive 3 points. Also, each player will pick who they think will win at Redemption Island. If they choose correctly they will receive a bonus point. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: South Pacific” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

Last Week: Both Andrea and Gordon had Stacey in spot fifteen and Christine winning at Redemption Island for a total of sixteen points each. The score is now Team Boehlke 48, Team Holmes 49.

Fun Fact: Andrea is a fan of the Milwaukee Brewers and Gordon is a fan of the St. Louis Cardinals. This development is the latest in a long list of reasons why Gordon dislikes Andrea.

Wanna Play? Tag Gordon (@gordonholmes) in your own Twitter Power Rankings. If you do better than Gordon does, (which is highly likely) he’ll give you credit in his weekly recap.

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Current Score: 48 Got any advice for Andrea? Drop her a line on Twitter.	.	Current Score: 49 Got any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter.

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#1 Albert: Just. Can’t. Seem. To. Move. Albert. Down. Even if he is a snorer. Reasons? See first 3 power rankings.	.	#1 Albert: Gotta love Albert…the strong, silent type. Well, except for the snoring. And I’m assuming he’s silent; the editors never show him talking. But he’s definitely strong. Super strong even. That’s all I have to say.

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#2 Keith: Keith is like, the Savaii Albert and therefore should not be touched until merge. K thx bye.	.	#2 Keith: After last week’s exit interview, Papa Bear hinted that there might be a bit of a showmance going on between Keith and Whitney. That strategy has only ever paid off once in this show (“Boston” Rob and Amber Mariano).

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#3 Coach: This C.R.A.B.S. master has a firm grip of his tribe and is trying his darndest to keep paranoia (aka Brandantz aka Brandon Hantz) under control. The only thing that he doesn’t know about is that Brandantz told Edna she isn’t a part of the core alliance. But Edna doesn’t really have any numbers besides Edna, so….yeah.	.	#3 Whitney: But on the other hand, the one time the showmance strategy did work out they ended up with two million dollars, appearances on “The Amazing Race,” beautiful kids, a show on the History Channel…

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#4 Sophie: We didn’t hear much from Sophie this week, but that is because she is a silent assassin and working her magic within the C.R.A.B.S. alliance. Silent is another word to add on to last week’s brilliant Sophie alliteration.	.	#4 Sophie: During our pre-game interview, Sophie said that she wanted to be the head of a braintrust like the janitor in “Scrubs.” Since the editors aren’t showing much of her, I’m assuming that’s exactly what she’s doing.

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#5 Rick: We found out this episode that Rick isn’t into Albert’s snoring. Oh Rick, stop kidding yourself. You are a snorer if I ever saw one! You are basically the poster child/man for snoring! Anyway, Rick is silent and safe this week.	.	#5 Rick: I’m always excited when I reach the point in the season where I don’t have to look at the cast list anymore while writing these rankings. I was almost there this week, except I forgot about Rick. Ahem…SHOW MORE RICK!

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#6 Whitney: Purple Whitney is sitting pretty for now. She is still in the random 3+2 pretty people alliance (which is actually crumbling as we just found out), but she isn’t a target this week like her bud Elyse. Apparently you can snuggle up to Keith, but not Ozzy. Note taken.	.	#6 Coach: Coach did a fantastic job talking Brandon down after his little meltdown last week. So, why am I bumping the Dragon Slayer down? Because I think it’s odd that he’s so tied to such a loose cannon. That might land him in some trouble.

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#7 Jim: Jim is thinking outside of the 3+2 alliance now that he sees Elyse cozying up to the Oz. I would too—PDA is gross if you’re not a part of it. (Especially Jungle PDA!) I have my fingers crossed that this is a breakout episode for Jim and crazy things are going to happen over at Savaii.	.	#7 Jim: It looks like Jim is prepared to ditch his ill-advised “Three Plus Two” strategy. I think that’s wise. Going to the end of the game with Keith and Ozzy would have been a disaster for him. My only worry for him is that Cochran is a big fan of the big move. That could burn Jim later.

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#8 Brandon: Brandon sure knows how to keep things interesting. And by interesting I mean ‘loca.’ And by ‘loca’ I mean he is a hot mess. However, Coach seems to be taking Brandon under his wing and still recognizes him as a useful part of the tribe. Brandon may still be in the C.R.A.B.S. but it’s only a matter of time until Coach is only left with a S.C.A.R.	.	#8 Dawn: Nice to see Dawn pull out a big win last week. I know it meant a lot to her to get in there and show what she could do after being cut from “Redemption Island.” She’s in a pretty good spot too as she’ll be the swing vote if Jim starts shaking things up at Savaii.

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#9 Ozzy: Things are just not looking good for Ozzy. The more comfortable he gets, the more in trouble he is. He doesn’t know that Keith told people about his idol. He also has no idea that Jim is scheming behind his back. Scandal is a brewing and Ozzy better catch wind of it pronto.	.	#9 Ozzy: With all of the unrest at Savaii camp, Ozzy had better hope that Whitney was the only person Keith told about his idol. Right now it looks like Jim and Cochran will boot Elyse first, but that could change if they’re worried about him hitting the merge with an idol.

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#10. Cochran: Now that Jim is reaching out to him, he may have an edge on Dawn. Is this Cochran’s breakout episode? He somehow finds a way to avoid being voted out every week. Some say luck, I say skill.	.	#10 Cochran: I’m still not 100% positive that Jim isn’t messing with you…although why would he?

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#11. Mikayla: Mikayla sure is hard to place. She isn’t in the core alliance but seems to have gotten into better graces with her tribe, errrrr with Brandon. As long as Edna keeps talking about Buffalo, Mikayla may be safe.	.	#11 Edna: They made it seem like Edna was in trouble last week, but I can’t imagine Coach would send his ace in the hole packing. Either way, I’m moving her down in the rankings just in case I’m wrong about that.

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#12. Elyse: It’s hard out there for a hot girl. In most seasons it helps to be an attractive girl, but in this season you are apparently cursed. Elyse may very well be on the chopping block and have no idea. This could be the “Best. Blindside. EVER!” Please note that this is a quote, not my words.	.	#12 Brandon: How on Earth did Stacey get to Brandon? When somebody is obviously on their way out of the game, they’ll say anything to survive. That’s ‘Survivor’ 101. And yet somehow Brandon fell for it. Something about the Samoan air must be messing with this kid’s head.

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#13 Edna: So apparently Edna is annoying the tribe and is REALLY interested about buffalo hunting. She also has wind that she isn’t part of the main alliance, but is it just a little too late? The one thing she has going for her is that Coach is the one person not annoyed by her antics, and it seems as if Coach is calling the shots.	.	#13 Mikayla: How is Mikayla still on the outside looking in at the majority alliance? Have we seen Mikayla talking strategy with anyone? This leads me to believe that she might still suffer after the fallout of Brandon-gate.

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#14 Dawn: I love Dawn, and I love that she is Dawnminating these challenges, but I just don’t know how she is going to stick around if she doesn’t find an alliance with numbers. I’m really pulling for Dawn this week, and I am hoping that Jim is conducting some awesome blindside. For Dawn’s sake, please!	.	#14 Elyse: It’s always a little sad when an alpha male’s gal pal gets voted out. What’d she ever do? If it was after the merge she’d be OK, but Savaii can’t afford to lose Ozzy’s challenge strength right now.

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#15 Gordon: Just not cutting it this week. First he steals my C.R.A.B.S.  Then he’s all like, “I’m the puzzle guy, I’m the puzzle master!” Nobody cares, Gordo. And did you see the secret scene where he filled my shoes with dead fish? Ughh..the nerve! Gordon? Pshhh. More like GorGONE.	.	#15 Andrea: Dude. You don’t get to just add me to the power rankings whenever you want. Now, I have to make rankings graphics for us. (See above) And I always give you credit when I use C.R.A.B.S. in my recaps. And you never save me any crispy rice! I LOVE the crispy rice!

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Redemption Island Pick – Christine: Christine wins. Hey, get out of her way—she is pullin’ a Matt!	.	Redemption Island Pick – Christine: Stacey proved she’s super strong last week, but Christine has the one-on-one-challenge experience edge. So…I’m going to stick with Christine.

Last Week: Mikayla approached Brandon nicely and still managed to offend, Ozzy might be mistaken in thinking Keith is a friend, and Papa Bear’s time with Savaii came to an end.

39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Here are the tribes as they currently stand…

The Savaii Tribe (wearing red)
Cochran – 24, Harvard Law Student
Dawn – 41, English Professor
Elyse – 27, Dance Team Manager
Jim – 35, Medical Marijuana Dispensary Owner
Keith – 26, Water Treatment Tech
Ozzy – 30, Slayer of Challenges
Whitney – 27, Country Music Singer

The Upolu Tribe (wearing blue)
Albert – 26, Baseball/Dating Coach
Brandon – 19, Oil Tanker Crewman
Coach – 39, Slayer of Dragons
Edna – 35, Anesthesiologist
Mikayla – 22, Lingerie Football Player
Rick – 51, Rancher
Sophie – 22, Medical Student
Stacey – 44, Mortician

Currently Residing on Redemption Island (wearing fun accents)
Christine – 39, Teacher
Papa Bear – 48, Retired NYPD Detective

Tonight’s festivities kick off over at Savaii with Ozzy and Elyse sharing a hammock. Scandal. Elyse asks Oz if the rest of his family is as athletic as he is. Boy if I had a nickel for every time I’ve been asked that…I’d have no nickels.

Seeing the two in the hammock together has Jim raising an eyebrow. He approaches Cochran with the idea of getting rid of Elyse. Cochran’s all for it as he’s interested in anything that buys him another three days.

Meanwhile over at Upolu beach, Brandon inner turmoil continues. Again, he makes a vow to chill out. He even goes so far as to apologize to Mikayla. Mikayla accepts the apology but still doesn’t trust him. Mikayla blames it on his uncle. Who’s his uncle again?

Then, Brandon apologizes to Edna for lying about the C.R.A.B.S. (Coach, Rick, Albert, Brandon, Sophie – TM Andrea Boehlke) alliance. Edna is taken aback by the fact that she’s not an official part of the crew. I’m assuming it’s because the only anagram they can come up with that includes all six initials is B.R.A.C.E.S.

In other news, Lil Hantz is self destructing. It’s like he’s on a twelve-step program and is in the apologizing phase.

Tree mail arrives with everyone’s swimwear and an invitation to Redemption Island. Cochran and Jim will attend for Savaii, while Edna and Brandon will attend for Upolu.

Before the Savaiians make the trek to the arena, Whitney and Elyse try on their bikinis. I think this awesome, but Dawn disagrees. Seeing the youngsters in their swimwear makes her worry that she’s the “Rudy” in the tribe. Rudy went to the final three, I’d be more worried about being the Ramona.

Redemption Island Duel: Players will toss sandbags onto crates. The first person to get a sack on each of the ten crates stays in the game

No, I won’t be making any “sack” jokes. But feel free to make your own.

Before the duel gets underway, Papa Bear tells the Upolians that he’ll join them if he can make it back into the game. Brandon thanks him for that sentiment, then apologizes to Christine for lying to her.

The duel is super close, with Christine finally winning nine bags to ten. Christine Elrod, baby!

The following morning at Upolu, Edna tries to win her way back into her tribe’s hearts by doing their laundry and walking on their backs. It’s a unique strategy, I’ll give her that. It doesn’t work for everyone though as she’s apparently driving people nuts with her constant questions and irritating laugh.

In all fairness to Edna, her laugh doesn’t seem very irritating to me.

Meanwhile over at Savaii, Cochran’s trying to discover how Dawn feels about the Ozzy/Elyse alliance. Dawn isn’t a fan and thinks that they should consider getting rid of Elyse. Good on Cochran for making Dawn think that targeting Elyse is her idea.

Immunity Challenge Time: Three players from each team will hold long poles across their shoulders. Slowly, the other team will assign weight to be placed on the poles. The last team with a person standing wins immunity, a clue to the hidden immunity idol, a rooster, and two hens.

No, I won’t be making any “pole” jokes. But feel free to make your own.

Albert, Brandon, and Stacey will be the weight bearers for Upolu, while Keith, Jim, and Dawn will go for Savaii.

Not much to describe here except for some standing and some straining. Keith is the first one out with 180 pounds. Albert then loses his balance and falls, also with 180 pounds. Jim and Brandon are both in there with 240 pounds, setting a “Survivor” record. Jim and Brandon both don’t last long after that with Jim dropping slightly before Brandon.

It’s down to Stacey and Dawn, both with 140 pounds. Dawn does an amazing job hanging in there despite the fact that the pole has rolled down her back and down to her waist. Stacey eventually ends up in a similar situation, but can’t keep it up. Savaii wins immunity and poultry.

Back at Upolu, politicking centers around Stacey and Edna. Edna tries to talk with Stacey, but Stacey isn’t interested. She claims that Edna hasn’t talked to her since day one and that Edna wouldn’t have been able to carry any weight. Why? Because skeletons can’t lift weight.

Ooo…Stacey burn. Why haven’t we heard from her earlier?

Stacey tries to plant a seed of doubt in Lil Hantz’s head. Telling him that Albert, Sophie, and Mikayla are after him. Smart move by Stacey, and ironic that a Hantz seed was used against a Hantz.

Brandon approaches Coach with this tidbit, but Coach implores him to trust in their alliance. Brandon counters this by asking how many times Coach has been screwed by his alliances in the past. Wow, Brandon finally said something that made sense.

That night at Tribal Council, Coach lets us know that he is impressed by Stacey’s warrior spirit.

Sophie thinks the tribe needs to be strong, but that isn’t physical strength, it’s team unity strength.

J-Pro decides it’s time for some Tribal Council Mad Libs and asks some guy named Rick to fill in the blank to the statement; the most annoying thing about Albert is ______.

Some guy with a super sweet mustache responds, “He snores.”

Brandon is asked about the most annoying thing about Edna. He responds that she has a lot of opinions

Edna disagrees. Apparently she thinks she has a perfectly acceptable amount of opinions.

Mikayla thinks Brandon’s a great kid, but she can’t stop thinking about who his uncle is.

Brandon is proud to be a Hantz, but they’re two different people. This line of questioning makes Brandon emotional. He breaks down saying he wants to be someone that God is proud of and that involves clearing the Hantz name.

Voting Time: No votes are shown.

One vote for Edna, four votes for Stacey, and the fourth person to pay a visit to Redemption Island is…Stacey.

Oooo…Coach and the others go for a hug as Stacey is making her exit. She totally denies them and vows to return to the game.

Verdict: Again, not an explosive episode but the plotlines and characters are still fascinating.

Also, none of the votes have been terribly shocking, but that probably a sign of solid gameplay from the current alliances.

Who’s Going to Win? Watch Rick pull a Runaround Bob and take this whole thing.

Power Rankings Update: Oof…maybe this vote was too predictable. Both Andrea Boehlke and I had Stacey in the bottom slot and we both had Christine winning at Redemption Island for a total of sixteen points each. The score is now Team Boehlke 48, Team Holmes 49.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes