More Whatnot

'Survivor: Blood vs. Water' (CBS)

Quick Note: We’re going to be bringing you all kinds of “Survivor” fun this season including episode recaps, exit interviews, and Power Rankings with Malcolm Freberg. And, we’re inducting three members into the “Survivor: Hall of Fame” starting Wednesday, December 11, 2013. Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute news and info.

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The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Gervase is voted out this week, Malcolm will receive 6 points and Gordon will receive 2 points. Also, each player will pick the players they think will win at Redemption Island. They’ll receive a bonus point for each correct pick. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

NOTE: The winner of Redemption Island was spoiled during this week’s CBS preview. Therefore, we will forgo the Redemption Island bonus point segment of this week’s rankings.

Last Week: Malcolm and Gordon both blew it. They both had Caleb in spot 1. They also both had Laura winning at Redemption Island. So, the score for this round is Team Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame 2, Team Real American Heroes 2. The current total score is Team Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame 119, Team Real American Heroes 127.

Wager Update: Since there was another straight-up tie last week, Malcolm and Gordon will both have to compare the players to sitcom stars. The loser of this week’s rankings will have to compare the players to cars.

Team Glamor and Glitter, Fashion and Fame: 119 Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW	Team Real American Heroes: 127 Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes
1. Tyson is Cosmo Kramer – He’s mainly a big clown, but there’s a method to his madness. Now, according to previews, it looks like we’re going to rocks. If I remember my “Survivor” rules correctly (not a given), what happens is the two people originally tied for votes are safe. And it certainly seems like Tyson will finally be targeted, which would make him safe. Right?	Quick Note: Apparently we’re going to see a purple rock tie breaker this episode. I have no idea how to rank that, so I literally pulled names out of a “Survivor” Hall of Fame coffee mug. 1. Hayden is Prosecuting Attorney Dan Fielding – He’s good looking and he’s going to do his best to lure someone from Tyson’s alliance over to the dark side. Apparently he does it, too.
2. Hayden is Mr. Peterman – Because Hayden inevitably delivers at least two overly dramatic confessionals each episode. And you have to guess that Tyson wouldn’t allow the lead dissenter Hayden to go unattacked. I’m assuming he’s the other half of the tie.	Another Quick Note: And am I wrong in thinking that whichever threesome isn’t the victim of the purple rock is going to be our eventual final three? 2. Gervase is Court Clerk Mac Robinson – It was often said that Judge Stone’s right-hand man was really the smartest person in the room. Gervase was arguably in the best position in the game until this purple-rock business started.
3. Ciera is Newman – The foil to many of the best-laid plans. In accordance with how it looks like the eliminated castaway will be decided, I’m ranking everyone else based on their intrinsic levels of luck. And by my extremely scientific calculations, Ciera has the most – you can’t explain her surviving the first half of the game without tons and tons of luck. She’s obviously in good shape.	3. Katie is Defense Attorney Christine Sullivan – She’s nice, she’s pretty, and she isn’t particularly good at lying. And if she’s on the side that isn’t the victim of the purple rock, she’s probably going to be a millionaire.
4. Monica is Man-Hands – If it requires holding on to an object, Monica’s a lock. Our challenge beast has been fairly lucky to get immunities that play to her strengths; namely, muscular endurance based on body weight. If that luck carries over into rock pulling, she should get out of this alive.	4. Tyson is Judge Harry T. Stone – He’s lovable, hilarious, and always has a trick up his sleeve. Unfortunately, the trick Tyson pulled from his sleeve last week would’ve served him well this week.
5. Katie is George Steinbrenner – We never see her face. Our newly-lazy fashionista is moderately unlucky – she’s the only person to have a body part nearly rot off this season. Luckily, Probst will require her to pick a rock with her hands, and if that poison is trapped in her lower body, it may not negatively affect her odds.	5. Ciera is Bailiff Roz Russell – Um…she proved she can be tough by voting out her mother. And…uh…this analogy is…awful.
6. Gervase is George Costanza – Unluckiest man alive. He was presented with the one food that foiled him thirteen years ago. His niece was immediately booted. He was born somewhere that’d lead him to think cheering for the Eagles was a good idea. He’s the unluckiest man on the beach, and thus the lowest ranked.	6. Monica is Bailiff Bull Shannon – Her strategy isn’t the brightest, but she is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to physicality.

Watch Full Episodes of “Survivor: Blood vs. Water“

"Survivor: Blood vs. Water" (CBS)

IMPORTANT NOTE: “Survivor” Power Rankings dynamo Malcolm Freberg is going to be appearing on “The Bold and the Beautiful” Wednesday, October 30 and Thursday, October 31 at 1:30 p.m. ET on CBS.

Less-Important Note: We’re going to be bringing you all kinds of “Survivor” fun this season including episode recaps, exit interviews, and Power Rankings with Malcolm Freberg. Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute news and info.

[xfinity-record-button id=”6541379645042428112″ program_type=”series”]

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Tyson is voted out this week, Malcolm will receive 1 point and Gordon will receive 7 points. Also, each player will pick the players they think will win at Redemption Island. They’ll receive a bonus point for each correct pick. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

NOTE: If a current player decides to swap places with their loved one at Redemption Island, they’ll also swap places in the rankings. For example; if Hayden switches places with Kat, Kat will take the 9th spot in Malcolm’s rankings and the 10th spot in Gordon’s rankings.

Last Week: Malcolm had Kat in spot seven, Gordon had her in spot eleven. Malcolm had John and Brad winning at Redemption. Gordon correctly picked John and Laura M. So, the score for this round is Team Malcolm 8, Team Gordon 13. The current total score is Team Malcolm 72, Team Gordon 77.

Wager Update: Since Malcolm lost last week’s competition, his rankings for this week will have to rhyme. As the winner, Gordon gets to give official names to each ranking team. The loser of this week’s rankings will have to compare each of the contestants to a song title.

Team Glamor and Glitter, Fashion and Fame: 72 Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW	Team Real American Heroes: 77 Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes
1. Tyson – (My only ambitious, serious attempt at complex rhyming) He believes in nothing, isn’t that nihilism? Oh wait, magic! Thus spawns my favoritism; Also, Miley Cyrus seriously lacks tact: That wrecking ball line, she clearly hacked.	1. Gervase – Who’s in a better spot than Gervase right now? He’s on the powerhouse new Tadhana tribe. He’s best buddies with Tyson, who will take all the bullets. And, with Brad Culpepper out of the game he has no natural enemies.
2. Tina – (Middle school bully with a strong opposition to incest) Tina and Katie, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G… This is getting weird so I’m gunna stop, But this Mommy and Daughter you won’t top.	2. Tina – The winner of the second season of “Survivor” could have been in some serious trouble last week. She blew the challenge…twice and she was the only person to be paired with their loved one in the tribe swap. But, she managed to turn two people who could’ve teamed up against her against each other. Well played.
3. Gervase – (The intro to “Baby Got Back,” remixed) Oh. My. God. Becky, look at his shirt. It is so big. It looks like one of those stupid snuggies. He only wears it because he can fit three people inside. I mean, his shirt, it’s just so huge and so billowy… I mean, LOOK. It’s just so, GREEN. (No, it doesn’t rhyme, but it’s in the proper spirit and I’m a disgruntled Cowboys fan and that shirt is getting on my nerves)	3. Monica – You might not technically be in the driver’s seat over at new Galang, (I think Tina’s really pulling the strings) but it certainly looks like you are.
4. Monica – (To the tune of the Grinch’s song) That was a close one, Monica; That was well played, to stick, a-rouuunnd, But you keep referring to yourself in the third person, And it’s starting to drive me crazy, Mon-icaaaaa.	4. Caleb – Tadhana is such a mess of pre-merge positioning that nobody is even thinking about Caleb’s slick move to get rid of Brad. Caleb’s best bet now is to sit back and let the alphas tear each other apart. That is if Tadhana ever loses immunity.
5. Laura B. – (Haiku) Let me be very clear: I still don’t support tie-dye, But you need not fear.	5. Katie – Oh man, I can’t think of anything worse than being on a tribe with my mom. The last thing I need is her sharing stories about the bunny slippers I wore to summer camp with my tribe mates. That, and I don’t know if my mother has the “Survivor” chops to save my tushy like Katie’s does.
6. Caleb – (To the tune of any Kenny Chesney’s “When the Sun Goes Down”) Just sittin here on my rotting log chair, Drinking coconuts in the hot summer air, Nothing to do but avoid the fray, Cuz all the big strong boys about to go away…	6. Ciera – And the winner of the 2013 “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” tribe swap is…Ciera! Nobody needed this shakeup more than she did. Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than to be good. She should happily throw her vote toward whichever side has the majority at the next Tribal.
7. Katie – (Any song sung by Vanilla Ice ever) YO! Little lady lookin’ fly, But she aint done s**t  ‘xcept almost die; She got rotting feet and a tribe so beat, Good thing yo mama playin’ a game E-LEET. ICEMAN!	7. Tyson – Tyson thinks he’s coming off as being funny with his digs at Aras, but Aras is the type that doesn’t let anything get by him. In a game that’s being called “Do unto others before they do unto you,” Tyson might be tipping his hand a little.
8. Ciera – (Shakespeare, age nine) Mommy being gone, ‘tis a plus for you, That doesn’t mean you’re worth more than poo; But being no good thou shalt no longer rue, Being not a threat makes mine pre-game pick cometh true.	8. Aras – Kudos to Aras and Vytas for playing up the rivalry aspect of their relationship. It almost makes you think they could be convinced to turn on each other. Almost. They’re both way too smart for that. Getting rid of one of them should be a top priority.
9. Hayden – (Tune of LFO’s “Summer Girls”) Hip-hop marmalade spic and span, Saw Kat on Redemption and it all began, She’s the best girl that he ever did see, But she didn’t make the merge, umm sorry oop-sie. You better not switch in, I don’t think she’d let you, She should run the challenge; you’re better off not to, Still in trouble if Tyson keeps Aras, So you best shut up about those coconuts.	9. Laura B. – Mrs. Boneham might be the floatiest floater who ever floated. Is she close with anyone? If I’m her, I’m getting in all of the female ears at new Galang and warning them about what will happen when the Baskauskas unite at the merge.
10. Aras – (Intro to “Age of Aquarius”) The gaaaaaame is in the fifteenth day, And Tysoooon aligns with Gervase; Then Tadhaaaaanaaa may cut their leeeeeader, And the coconut baaandiiiits will steer the game, THIS IS THE DAWNING OF THE AGE OF THE BANDITS (I’m tired of rhyming, damnit)	10. Hayden – Both a Hayden vote and an Aras vote make sense. They’re both going to be serious forces after the merge. The only reason I’m slightly going with Hayden over Aras is because Tyson and Gervase will see that Kat is gone and they’ll realize that they might not have the base they thought they were going to have.
11. Vytas – (Third grader who doesn’t fully understand rhyming) Tribe, bad. Only boy, bad. Mouthy, bad Merge coming, bad. Conclusion, bad. I hoped you enjoyed reading this poem as much as I did writing it thank you goodbye.	11. Vytas – You played it perfectly last week and it bought you some time. The question is; can you do it again? I’m thinking your only move here is to target Laura B. Obviously Tina and Katie won’t turn on each other and Monica has been tight with Tina since the beginning. If we weren’t so close to the merge I’d have Laura B. at the bottom of this list, but I don’t think Galang cares about challenge strength at this point.
Redemption Island Picks: Laura M. and John – (Freestyle battle somewhere in downtown Detroit) Yea, yea, yea… Alright, alright – John sittin’ there all big and muscle-y, Getting’ his back rubbed down by a sweet grand mommy, (crowd: ‘OHHHHHH!!!’) Two smart cookies got all the skills in the Kit, Gunna do work to get rid of Kat. (begin mosh pit and a full crowd rhythmic chant of …) KIT – KAT – KIT – KAT – KIT – KAT (crowd leaves to commit arson)	Redemption Island Picks: Laura M. and John – The good news for Kat; Hayden isn’t going to dump her for being voted out before the merge. The bad news for Kat; he probably will when she loses her first Redemption Island challenge. And Laura and John…for me, for the producers, for “Survivor” fans everywhere…give the idol clue to someone who will use it.

Watch Full Episodes of “Survivor: Blood vs. Water“

'Survivor: Blood vs. Water'/'The Matrix' (CBS/AP)

IMPORTANT NOTE: “Survivor” Power Rankings dynamo Malcolm Freberg is going to be appearing on “The Bold and the Beautiful” Thursday, October 24, Friday, October 25, Wednesday, October 30, and Thursday, October 31 at 1:30 p.m. ET on CBS.

Less-Important Note: We’re going to be bringing you all kinds of “Survivor” fun this season including episode recaps, exit interviews, and Power Rankings with Malcolm Freberg. Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute news and info.

[xfinity-record-button id=”6541379645042428112″ program_type=”series”]

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Tyson is voted out this week, Malcolm will receive 1 point and Gordon will receive 5 points. Also, each player will pick the players they think will win at Redemption Island. They’ll receive a bonus point for each correct pick. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

NOTE: If a current player decides to swap places with their loved one at Redemption Island, they’ll also swap places in the rankings. For example; if Monica swaps places with Brad, Brad will take the 8th spot in Malcolm’s rankings and the 6th spot in Gordon’s rankings.

Last Week: Malcolm had Laura M. in spot seven, I had her in spot eight. We both had the Codys winning at Redemption Island for a single point each. So, the score for this round is Team Malcolm 8, Team Gordon 9. The current total score is Team Malcolm 64, Team Gordon 64.

Wager Update: Since Malcolm lost last week’s competition, he has to compare each ranked competitor to a character from a Keanu Reeves movie. The loser of this week’s rankings will have to rank in rhyme. The winner will get to give official names to both of the teams.

Malcolm’s Current Score: 64 Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW	Gordon’s Current Score: 64 Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes
1. Tyson is Ted from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” – Two guys, unified in absurdity but somehow heroes at the same time. Tyson was shown to have a voice in the tribal decision, so he looks like the pair’s better half. Now, I saw a CBS ad where they show the tribe swap this week, and that massively favors the tribe with the numbers. It’s no coincidence that a lot of Galang gets a bump up. Remember: Be Excellent To Each Other.	1. Tina – Seriously, Probst?! You make up all of these bizarre rules for this season that make Power Rankings mega complicated, then you throw in a tribe swap for fun? What’d I ever do to you? (Besides maybe some lighthearted teasing in my recaps.) Ugh…alright. Rule #1 in ranking a tribe swap is dominant males on the tribe that is down in numbers are in trouble. None of those things apply to Tina.
2. Tina is The Oracle from “The Matrix” – Needed a badass older lady, and there’s a dearth of them in Keanu’s filmography. The Oracle simply sits in a condo chain smoking and spitting truth. Tina just chillaxes and says the right things around camp and isn’t threatening anyone. With daughter dearest in tow, she may have a fresh ally and thus some flexibility if they have to boot someone.	2. Ciera – And another thing, Probst…I thought it’d add to the Power Rankings presentation to have the players’ name match the color of their tribe. Now I’m going to have to redo a bunch of these images. Anywho, Ciera isn’t going anywhere. Nobody’s worried about her.
3. Gervase is Bill from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” – Almost the same as Tyson, but someone has to be relegated to the sidekick whose career peaked with this 1989 tent pole, and I’m still wishy-washy with my feelings about Gerv. The preview looked like the duo didn’t get mixed up, so I expect these two clowns to carry on safely to the merge. Party On, Dudes.	3. Katie – Not to mention the fact that this Wednesday’s episode is going head-to-head with Game 1 of the World Series. Do you think my beloved St. Louis Cardinals get to the World Series every year, Probst?! No. It’s only been four times in the last ten years. Also, Katie’s safe too as long as her gross toes can keep from falling off.
4. Aras is Bodhi from “Point Break” – Everyone reveres the guy and he’s on top of the world, but you get the feeling that he’s going to crash and burn sooner rather than later. This swap should play in his favor: the chaos surrounding a mix-up makes his perceived loyalty more valuable. Still, he’s on everyone’s radar.	4. Gervase – Alright, I’ve calmed down. Fortunately for Gervase, he’s calmed down too.  And the person who was so mad about his post-challenge smacktalk has bigger things to worry about on Redemption Island. Add to that the fact that his Coconut Compadre is a much bigger target than he is and Gervase is in good shape.
5. Katie is one of those half-human/half-demon things from “Constantine” – You remember how they were all half-rotted away? Yup, that’s about all we know of Katie from last week. Her being reunited with Tina after professing her desire to beat mommy should be fun to watch, though I imagine they’ll work together initially. Katie suddenly seems the safest of the original Tadhana.	5. Tyson – It occurred to me that I don’t remember much about Tyson from Tocantins other than his epic hilariousness. So, I went back and watched some clips and realized that he was a challenge force. I wonder if I’ve forgotten about that because of the “Heroes vs. Villains” debacle. I wonder if everyone out there has forgotten about it too…
6. Caleb is Johnny Utah from “Point Break” – You weren’t sure if he was going to side with the FBI or the surfers, and you weren’t sure if he was actually ever doing the right things, but you knew you liked Johnny Utah. Same with Caleb – we don’t know who he’s going to side with, or if he’s playing smart at all, but he’d definitely empty an entire handgun clip into the sky. Not having Colton around makes his perceived threat level lower.	6. Monica – Oh, Monica…you must be a nervous wreck. You were sent home immediately after a tribe swap in your last season. I wouldn’t worry about it too much this time. The odds are good that you’ll end up with people from your Galang alliance.
7. Kat is Annie from “Speed” – She’s relatively helpful and likeable, but most importantly she’s had her license suspended. And if there’s one member of the cast I don’t really want on the roads, it’s Kat. If she’s pissed at Monica, watch out for Kat, who’s never been in the majority at Galang, to start considering other options.	7. Caleb – Caleb’s the toughest one to rank this week. Could Monica want revenge for Brad? Can Caleb fade into the background like he did before? Can a fractured former Tadhana stick together? Too many variables!
8. Monica is Mary Ann (the wife) from “Devil’s Advocate” – Really picked this just because Monica is the Devil’s (Brad’s) Advocate out there; feel free to revel in my cleverness. But she’s just kind of there, and you kind of like her, but she’s also a little annoying at times, and now it looks like Kat’s butting heads with her. I honestly have no clue how safe she is, especially considering hubby being on RI, so this placement is cautious pessimism.	8. Aras – The Coconut Campadres are on to you, Aras. And frankly, they should be. You’re someone who might benefit from dirtying up your game a bit. Sophie Clarke had a smart strategy where she wanted to have at least one enemy. You could learn from that.
9. Hayden is Officer Jack Traven from “Speed” – He was a likeable, athletic, daredevil hero who hooked up with Annie. Such is Hayden, who seems to be the popular dude around old Tadhana. Swap may hurt him – went from being in a good spot to losing numbers, plus having a loved one apparently makes you a bigger target this season. Some returnees may use this as an opportunity to eliminate a big threat.	9. Vytas – Depending on how this swap turns out, Vytas could find himself in on the chopping block. Nobody wants to see the brothers reunite at the merge and this might be the best opportunity to take one of them out.
10. Vytas is Constantine from “Constantine” – Nobody denies that he’s a no-nonsense bad ass, but he’s not a very smooth character either. Vytas is in good shape around camp and is a rock star in challenges, but every now and then it seems like something comes out of his mouth that probably shouldn’t have. A lot like Hayden, a swap may put him on the bottom and he’s got a target because Aras is still around. Also, somebody let him know Coach already patented meditative posing for the cameras.	10. Laura B. – Aras thinks you’re an easy vote, but not necessarily a smart vote. That should keep you in the game as long as you’re on Aras’s tribe. You’d better hope you two pick similar buffs.
11. Ciera is Joan of Ark from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” – Ms. Of Ark, while a formidable military commander in her time, was kind of worthless in San Dimas in 1989. Ciera’s probably a capable provider at home, but she’s not really doing much on the island. A swap isn’t going to affect how large a liability she is in the challenges, but hooray for my preseason pick not on the bottom of the list anymore! (…barely)	11. Kat – Kat will never be safe as long as she’s looked at as part of a duo. Nobody’s saying it, but everyone must be terrified of Hayden. For this reason Kat is going to have a target on her back as long as he’s still in the game.
12. Laura B. is that lady who got blown up trying to get off the bus from “Speed” – She was kind of whiny and talked too much and was completely responsible for blowing herself up. I actually think this is my most apt comparison. If no one figures out how to handle or use her, she remains an easy boot.	12. Hayden – Who’s the strongest challenge competitor on the tribe that’s down in numbers? Mr. “Big Brother.” And, this is why I’m not a fan of tribe swaps. Challenge strength is an advantage before the merge and a liability after. A swap takes Hayden’s advantage away prematurely.
Redemption Island Picks: John and Brad are Neo and Agent Smith from “The Matrix” – Good guy vs. bad guy, simple as that. Laura M can be Trinity, the female collateral damage of their battle, to round out my final metaphor quite nicely. Side note: John is losing my affection fast — why the hell would you give the clue to Monica again when there’s been 0 change to the status quo? What’d you expect to happen?	Redemption Island Picks: Laura M. and John – Mark my words; Brad Culpepper’s buff is going to be a’blazin’ if there is a puzzle at the end of the next duel. And John, if you get another clue, don’t waste it on Monica. The clue is currency and you’re going to need someone on your side if you get back into the game.

Watch Full Episodes of “Survivor: Blood vs. Water“

'Survivor: Blood vs. Water' (CBS)/'The Simpsons' (Fox)

Quick Note: We’re going to be bringing you all kinds of “Survivor” fun this season including episode recaps, exit interviews, and Power Rankings with Malcolm Freberg. Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute news and info.

[xfinity-record-button id=”6541379645042428112″ program_type=”series”]

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Tyson is voted out this week, Malcolm will receive 1 point and Gordon will receive 5 points. Also, each player will pick the players they think will win at Redemption Island. They’ll receive a bonus point for each correct pick. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

NOTE: If a current player decides to swap places with their loved one at Redemption Island, they’ll also swap places in the rankings. For example, if Monica swaps places with Brad, Brad will take the 10th spot in both Malcolm’s and Gordon’s rankings.

Last Week: Malcolm had Brad in spot 13, Gordon had him in 12. Malcolm had both of the Codys surviving at Redemption, Gordon only had Candice. So, the score for this round is Team Malcolm 15, Team Gordon 13. The current total score is Team Malcolm 56, Team Gordon 55.

Wager Update: Since Gordon lost last week’s competition, he has to compare each ranked competitor to an animated character. The loser of this week’s rankings will have to compare the competitors to Keanu Reeves movie roles.

Malcolm’s Current Score: 56 Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW	Gordon’s Current Score: 55 Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes
1. Tyson – I’m bored leaving people in the same top spots all the time, so I’m semi-arbitrarily shuffling my list. Tyson is my favorite so this was overdue, but I’ve been waiting for some legitimate hi-jinx to affirm my affection, and finally we got some. If Galang refuses to talk strategy, they deserve to be coconut water deprived, and dammit, the Coconut Bandits are going to do it. The fact that they bonded over this and formed a tight two is a good thing too I suppose, but significantly less important than the inherent hilarity.	1. Tina is Velma from “Scooby Doo” – She’s smart, she’s respected, and she’s not a physical threat. In her alliance of five we’ve got Fred’s leadership putting a target on his back, Daphne’s loud husband putting a target on her back, and Scooby and Shaggy sneaking off to steal Scooby Snacks. Meanwhile, Velma just kicks back and enjoys her position as the least meddling kid.
2. Gervase – I’m coming to terms with the idea that my opinion on Gervase will change on a weekly basis, and this week I love him. No obnoxious yelling at the challenges? Check. Being a member of my new favorite absurd alliance? Check. Saying to Monica what all of Galang was thinking about her husband? Check. Also, am I the only one who heard ‘koo-doos’?	2. Hayden is Launchpad McQuack from “DuckTales” – He’s big, he’s likable, and his tribe manages to crash every challenge during the landing. Not only that, but apparently he was loyal enough to Brad to risk pulling rocks in a tie breaker. This game is like a hurricane.
3. Vytas – We didn’t get shown if there was any communication between Hayden and Vytas before the re-vote, but considering Hayden’s struggle I’m guessing there wasn’t? So Vytas single handedly and independently kept the tribe from going to rocks? So Vytas is the new Cochran? …no, that’s not fair. Vytas made a good call to preserve his game and didn’t hurt his position. And he doesn’t wear glasses. And he’s not ginger. And he’s done a push-up before.	3. Vytas is Bugs Bunny – He’s probably the smartest guy out there, everybody seems to like him, but he has a bit of a dark side. Vytas probably didn’t love having to send the game’s big shield packing, but that’s much better than being sent to Redemption Island because you grabbed the wrong rock. Now we can watch him strike out the rest of the cast like they’re the Gas House Gorillas.
4. Tina – Didn’t participate in the challenge, didn’t comment on Brad, didn’t talk about mysteriously drained coconuts. But quiet is good for Tina’s game at this stage and drama is bad, so while her family members watching at home are disappointed, they shouldn’t be – their girl’s in good shape.	4. Gervase is Tramp from “Lady and the Tramp” – “You can never tell when he’ll show up, he gives you plenty of trouble. I guess he’s just a no-count pup…but I wish that he were double.” Gervase’s list of “Survivor” offenses is long; he has insulted women, he took a breather during a challenge, he talked trash after a challenge, he snuck out to drink coconuts. But, nobody cares. Everybody loves Gervase.
5. Hayden – Has anyone ever crossed out a name indecisively at Tribal before this? Watching his wheels spin at the vote could be read as the goofy guy that can’t figure out what’s going on, but he’s already proven via confessional he understands the game, so I’m interpreting it as him weighing all the implications of a re-vote switch. He ended up on the wrong side of it, but it’s an easy enough mistake to explain away and shouldn’t hurt him.	5. Tyson is Stewie Griffin from “Family Guy” – What the deuce? Mr Apostol says the most hilarious, inappropriate things, but the only people who can hear him are a cartoon dog and a television audience. Fortunately for Tyson, I haven’t seen a cartoon dog wandering around Galang beach.
6. Aras – Not a Coconut Bandit and thus not my favorite anymore. This blatant offense against communist Galang would not be digested well by their noble leader Aras, who probably won ‘Best Sharer’ in kindergarten. Seriously though, the other two guys bonding without him is a red flag he’s unaware of, and the Baskasfkawkeaksdkas brothers are going to stand out as the biggest combined threat soon. I’m sticking with my preseason prediction that this perception hurts Aras more than Vytas.	6. Katie is Rapunzel from “Tangled” – At every turn Rapunzel gets shut down by her more experienced mother. But, she seems likable enough and knows how to cook.
7. Laura M. – Listen lady — I’ve been in your corner since pre-season, but you’ve got to stop getting teary eyed whenever you wipe the floor with Ciera (says the guy with no kids and whose Mom let him win things occasionally). Completely unacceptable. I hate when Gervase brags, but I’d love to see you spike a puzzle piece in celebration.	7. Aras is Ned Flanders from “The Simpsons” – Well, hey-diddly-ho there, tribemate-areeno… Who loves Aras? Everybody! What’s not to love? He’s a great guy, he’s a hard worker, he’s ridiculously positive. Who wants to go to the end with him? Nobody! And now that Tyson and Gervase realize this, it could be bad news for the former champ.
8. Laura B. – Attention Future Survivors: WEAR TIE DYE. You will look silly and I will mock you for it, but I’m now convinced it gives you +10 challenge prowess. Lady Boneham is proving to be capable in the water, but is unforgivably lacking in crab dietary knowledge.	8. Laura M. is Popeye from…uh…”Popeye” – Laura M. is basically the iconic sailor man, except instead of getting her power from spinach, Laura gets her power from crushing her daughter’s hopes and dreams. (Note: I went with Popeye because I have no idea how good Jessica Rabbit is at puzzles.)
9. Caleb – I never thought I’d be jealous of Colton Cumbie. Just last week I wrote things about Caleb ‘quietly maneuvering’ and not being a force — what a chuckle Tadhana must have been having at my expense. On principle, I love his taking control and fighting instead of just accepting the results of whatever Brad decided. I love the insight that Brad’s poor leadership, even considering his muscle, could possibly be the reason they were losing. I love that he did it loud and proud and last minute at Tribal, and now John has competition for my heart. The problem is now he’s the figurehead leader on a really bad tribe, and that’s not a great spot. Just ask Brad.	9. Laura B. is Invisible Smurf from “The Smurfs” – Remember the one Smurf that was all important in the beginning, but then Gargamel made him invisible and it’s like he never existed? Except occasionally you’d see him during Smurfberry reward challenges? That’s Laura.
10. Monica – So everyone everywhere on Earth thinks throwing the clue away was brilliant because she kept a target off herself. And, as much as I was yelling at the TV when it happened, it probably was the right move for Monica. But because we’re likely to see that exact situation again, and because I’m kind of weird in that I like having idols in my pocket, I argue that some other castaways should keep a clue if it’s given to them. This was the right move for Monica because she’s not a power player – her best bet to win is to not take over the game but to fade into the background and slip to the end. That is not, however, a winning strategy for everyone. People who are viewed as threats and/or driving forces in the game, currently people like Caleb or Vytas or Aras, could use an idol to great effect. John’s epic mishandling of the situation shouldn’t scare everyone else off. Because of the public nature of the clues it has to be handled carefully and creatively, but the idol is still a massive advantage and weapon if used properly. So good move Monica, but it shouldn’t necessarily be mimicked every week.	10. Monica is LeFou from “Beauty and the Beast” – If Brad is this season’s big, burly, not-quite-aware-of-what-people-really-think-of-him Gaston, then surely Monica is his sidekick LeFou. I liked the move to burn the clue. If John wasn’t able to find the idol with two clues, I’d assume it’d be tough to find it with just one. So, she was figuratively burning a target that the Codys were trying to place on her back. From this week’s preview it looks like Monica offers to take Brad’s place at Redemption Island. But I can’t imagine he’ll let her. “No one takes Tribal Council abuse like Gaston…”
11. Katie – She makes funny faces at tribal and she’s not as terrible as Ciera. So yeah.	11. Caleb is Pinky from “Pinky and the Brain” – A mismatched duo where the smart one always gets it wrong and the supposedly simple one gets it right? Works for me. Now here’s hoping Caleb‘s last-minute move doesn’t make him to risky to keep around.
12. Kat – I’m really thrown by who gets told to sit out for Galang. I understand the logic behind not letting Kat do a puzzle, but why not rowing? For whatever reason, she’s on the bottom of a tribe that never has to go to Tribal, but once they do she’s going camping with the Codys.	12. Kat is Ariel from “The Little Mermaid” – The question is; who’s the Ursula who stole her voice?
13. Ciera –  No one is more thrilled than I that you got bailed out bigger than Wall Street last week, but it still may be a temporary stay of execution. Your tribe hasn’t won a thing, and all the boys seem to get along and think you’re about as useful as a doodie-flavored lollipop. As much as I don’t want you this low, you have to be until there’s some sort of switch/merge.	13. Ciera is the Baby from the “Tom and Jerry” episode “Tot Watchers” – I know this one is obscure, but stay with me. Remember the one where Tom and Jerry have to watch after a baby and it gets away and crawls into a construction site? There are a dozen times where the baby should be a goner, but blind luck keeps saving it. Now, is the Five Guys breakup the steel beam Ciera needs to keep crawling, or has her luck finally run out?
Redemption Island Picks: Candice and John – Brad’s ego isn’t going to let his wife sub in, which actually increases the odds of him surviving his first truel. But I, along with the rest of the civilized world, am rooting for the Codys so hard my heart hurts. Also, can we discuss “Survivor” potentially giving us a “Hunger Games,” Peeta and Katniss scenario? What if they’re both at the last RI before re-entering the game and it could be the greatest “Survivor” love story ever? Do the Codys get a shot at double Redemption?	Redemption Island Picks: Candice and John are The Wonder Twins from “Super Friends” – They don’t quite fit in with everyone else, but you’d better watch out when they’re together. The only difference is instead of animals or water-based items, these two transform into challenge juggernauts. Bad news for Mr. Culpepper.

Watch Full Episodes of “Survivor: Blood vs. Water“

'Survivor: Blood vs. Water' (CBS)

Quick Note: We’re going to be bringing you all kinds of “Survivor” fun this season including episode recaps, exit interviews, and Power Rankings with Malcolm Freberg. Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute news and info.

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The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Tyson is voted out this week, Malcolm will receive 5 points and Gordon will receive 3 points. Also, each player will pick the players they think will win at Redemption Island. They’ll receive a bonus point for each correct pick. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

NOTE: If a current player decides to swap places with their loved one at Redemption Island, they’ll also swap places in the rankings. For example, if Gervase swaps places with Marissa, Marissa will take the 12th spot in Malcolm’s rankings and the 10th spot in Gordon’s rankings.

Malcolm’s Current Score: 0 Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW	Gordon’s Current Score: 0 Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes
1. Aras – He wasn’t around much. When he wasn’t dragging Gervase’s limp form through obstacle courses, he was probably balancing on fallen tree trunks doing a yoga tree pose, basking in the restorative, meditative irony of it all. Aras is just doing Aras, and he’s not going anywhere.	1. Aras – Alright, I’m going to apologize in advance for how sexist this Power Rankings is going to look. But, the facts are the tribe that lost the immunity challenge has a dominant all-male alliance and the tribe that won almost got clobbered and we know next to nothing about their alliances. Aras is super safe at this point. But I have to ask; why did he vote for Gervase? My bet is it was to throw people off of their super-secret alliance.
2. Hayden – Also quiet, but he’s smack in the middle of the loved ones male clique. From what we were shown, these guys are in the best position in the foreseeable future. Hayden is better than the next two on the list for calling them all “meatheads.”	2. Hayden – He’s likable, he’s a challenge stud, and he’s in the dominant Tadhana alliance. Best of all, if the Super Tadhana Bros. group breaks down, Brad will be the first target.  The former “Big Brother” champ is truly the head of the household.
3. Caleb – What is a Southern Shake and where can I get one? Same rationale as Hayden: because he has a penis, he got into his tribe’s majority. Though if they let Brad (I’m not using Probst’s pet name ‘Culpepper’) run things for long – which is a big if – the different sexual orientation could become an issue. No worries yet, though.	3. Tyson – With Rupert chillaxing over at Redemption Island, the Galangers are hurting for challenge strength and Tyson might be the best challenge competitor out there. Add to that his ability to start fires with his mind and you have a very valuable tribe member.
4. Vytas – Brilliant to come out with his past to everyone. Even more brilliant to be born a boy.	4. John – Poor, John. He had to see the love of his life fly for a billion hours to get to the Philippines only to be booted after ten minutes. Then, he had to watch Rupert pull his knight-in-shining-armor act and save Laura. Welcome to the new era of “Survivor,” buddy. The good news is; you’ll be fine. You’re in the middle of a strong alliance and I wouldn’t be surprised if your wife hands you an immunity idol clue in the next couple of days.
5. Tyson – The returnees appear to be a bit physically inferior, especially following the suicide of Captain Tie-Dye. This puts a premium on fit boys, thus increasing both Aras’s and Tyson’s value. I also have to admit an odd sense of disappointment we don’t get leopard print this year.	5. Vytas – Don’t get me wrong, Vytas…I love that you’re keeping your options open with the Tadhana women. I just hope you’re keeping it a secret so it doesn’t come back to bite you.
6. Tina – The run on boys is over. From what little we saw of the returnees’ camp, Tina seemed to be getting along with everyone fine. Combine that with the niche she carved for herself as a capable puzzle assembler/killer of her child’s ambitions and she’s in great shape.	6. Tina – Just to make sure the following point doesn’t get lost, I’m going to put it in bold and italics; Tina, Laura M., and Monica killed that puzzle. How those three managed to pull victory from the jaws of defeat was inspiring. That being said, I wish I had a better understanding of the Galang alliances. I’m going to assume that Aras is running the show and he’s keeping Tina around as a “Winner” buffer.
7. Monica – The scenes with her and Colton were interesting but ambiguous. Wasn’t really sure what to make of it, though if Colton blows his lid like we’ve been led to believe he will, she may lead the charge against him? *shrug* No real strong feelings on Monica yet.	7. Laura M. – Same deal as Tina, Laura. You guys were awesome. But, you’re in the middle of the pack because I have no idea what’s going on at Galang.
8. Kat – Similar to Monica, the biggest thing she did in ninety minutes was interact with Colton, though admittedly in a much more entertaining fashion. Hard to see where the alliance lines are going to fall in their camp, but Kat seems fun and athletic enough to be safe for now.	8. Monica – See Laura M.
9. Ciera – That whole being born a girl thing isn’t looking like the best decision right about now. My pre-game pick seemed to do all the right things, including not take any of the flack for the puzzle in the challenge, and seems safer than the other ladies on her beach.	9. Brad – The leader of any majority alliance is always in a little danger. In Brad’s case, he’s so big and brash that I could see some people already figuring out ways to send him home. But, it’s probably too soon for Tadhana to get rid of such a strong challenge competitor.
10. Laura M. – I was disappointed we didn’t get anyone’s rationale nor her reaction to being (expletive deleted) on in the pre-game vote. She survived it, and was part of Team Daughter Curb-Stomp at the challenge, but whatever that initial negative reaction was from her tribe mates was, it may not disappear over three nights.	10. Gervase – The only water-related thing worse than Gervase’s challenge performance was the “Dexter” finale. (Tip your waitresses, folks!) Seriously though, I caught the live show and it was way worse than they showed. However, when it comes out that Marissa was voted out because Tadhana is mad at Gervase, wouldn’t that make Gervase the ideal person to align with?
11. Brad– Give credit where credit is due: the guy spearheaded a surefire alliance by bonding over Y-chromosomes.Now that that’s out of the way, that whole counting thing may be a bit of an issue down the road. He’s also not been coy about wanting to be declared Grand Emperor of Tadhana, and his muscle isn’t nearly as valuable per scarcity as Aras and Tyson’s. I think he’s OK for now, but when the testosterone inevitably boils over the surface, he could be a mutiny victim.	11. Caleb –  I’ve gone on record saying that Caleb is my favorite person in the known universe (sorry, Malcolm). But, he’s lucky that he’s already in the dominant alliance because he was a part of that puzzle meltdown. It might be smart to lay low and be super useful around camp this week.
12. Gervase – I felt a moment of sympathy for him during the challenge: guy’s not an original gangster, he’s an old gangster. But the gloating afterwards was like a third-string, bench-warming kicker mocking the opposing starting quarterback after a loss. After the premiere we know he’s no good in the water, he’s loud and obnoxious when he has no right to be, and the thirteen years off he’s bragging about are a hindrance more than an asset. The only redeeming quality here is that he’s competitive with his niece, and I don’t think he bites the bullet for her on RI.	12. Rachel – The only reason Rachel is so low on this is because she isn’t a dude bro. She did very well in the challenge and appears to be well liked at Tadhana Beach.
13. Rachel – Girl played in stealth mode for the first episode. No idea what’s going on with Senora Tyson, but she doesn’t appear to be the biggest target of the He Man Woman Hater’s Club yet.	13. Laura B. – I know it seems like Laura B. should have a huge target on her back because of the Boneham’s day-one disaster, but I think Galang has bigger fish to fry. At this point Laura should keep her head down and go into a Sandra Diaz-Twine “anyone but me” defense.
14. John – I’m sorry, I didn’t hear a word he said the entire time because I was lost in his eyes. I did a fist pump when he didn’t sub in for wifey on RI; it was the correct, rational decision. But then his eyeballs leaked fluid for the next three days and I’m concerned he’s going to do something dumb come duel (truel?) time and break my heart.	14. Ciera – You were part of the puzzle debacle and you have a uterus. That’s going to put a target on your back. Fortunately though, it looks like you, Brad, and Vytas did some bonding while being terrible at starting fires.
15. Colton – I go out on a limb and support the kid, allow myself to believe in Remix Colton, and now it looks like we’re about to get more of that flamboyant fury that hell hath not. And no one’s dumb enough to put up with that again.	15. Kat – Power Rankings veteran Kat was having a quiet episode up until the weird, mid-challenge blow-up with Colton. Without a clear picture of the alliances at Galang, I worry that she could be in trouble if someone’s hoping to take Colton to the end. Although, when he said he was going to hit her with a paddle, he could’ve meant it in a nice way.
16. Katie – Seems all the post-loss blame fell on her shoulders. It doesn’t matter if she was actually being helpful or not, the perception around camp is that she didn’t pull her weight. Add on that whole femininity thing and she’s in bad shape.	16. Katie – A Tadhana tribe that is down numbers and ruled by an all-male alliance is going to be focused on challenge strength if they lose again. That is bad news for you, Katie.
17. Laura B. – You poor thing. Out of the pan and into the fire. There’s a chance that someone at the returnees’ camp puts a target on their own back and delays the execution (*cough* Colton *cough*), but getting bailed out of RI was completely misguided.	17. Colton – You’re crying, you’re yelling, you’re crying. So many emotions. The best part was when Monica asked if she could trust you or if you were going to stab her in the back and you responded, “Yes.” Right now, you’d better be hoping that someone powerful wants to Phillip Sheppard you to the end, otherwise you’re going to be bunking at Redemption Island.
Redemption Island Picks: Candice and Rupert –We got a preview of their challenge for next week, and it’s a throwback to the final immunity in “One World.” It looks like you need to stay calm and have steady hands (I’d be screwed), and I like Candice’s odds the best. She also gets a bonus because if hubby dearest does something strategically stupid and takes her spot, a cool-under-pressure army doctor should be a lock to win this event.Rupert got to play hero and it was oh so sweet and touching and genuine and vomit. Terrible strategy for both him and his lady. So now he has to win challenges to stay in the game, and he’s certainly not bad historically in that regard, but this week’s event plays less to his strengths than some.I think Marissa’s toast. Think of her situation: her first individual challenge ever is against two people now with 7 seasons of experience between them, and the usual pressure to perform is multiplied by do-or-die circumstances AND having an audience of fellow castaways. I truly feel pity for her, and will be rooting for her to pull it off – Rupert goes home and I’m happy on principle, Candice goes home and I get John all to myself. But it’s a challenge that demands patience and calm, and those didn’t seem to be her strong points. I’m not optimistic.	Redemption Island Picks: Candice and Rupert – If it was a straight-up challenge between three newbies or three returnees, I’d think Marissa had a serious shot to advance. But trust me, Redemption Island is stress central. Rupert and Candice’s experience will make the difference. The main question here is; will Candice continue to feed Rupert for the next three days?Fun Fact: I participated (and emerged victorious) in this challenge during my visit to the Philippines. Check out my first-hand account.

Watch Full Episodes of “Survivor: Blood vs. Water“