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‘Survivor’ Castaway Malcolm: “JT Was Trying to Screw Us, 100%”

March 23, 2017

“Survivor: Game Changers” (CBS)

QUICK NOTE: XFINITY.com is the place to be for all of your bug-eatin’, back-stabbin’, “Survivor” coverage. During the season we’ll have insightful weekly Power Rankings, exit interviews, and full episode recaps. Follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute updates.

Watch Full Episodes of “Survivor: Game Changers”

Malcolm Freberg: I love/hate you right now.
Gordon Holmes: You love/hate me?! What did I do?
Freberg: You picked me to win, you jackaloon!
Holmes: YOU TOLD ME TO!
Freberg: I need the adults in my life to save me from myself sometimes, you should have known better.
Holmes: Let me paint a picture for you; a sweaty me in the jungles of Fiji and you with your gorgeous mane of hair saying, “Oh no, we’re going to do this together. Pick me to win and we’re gonna take this whole thing.” My only crime is believing in you.
Freberg: You’re not allowed to put blame on me today. I’m very tender and fragile and I just want to be spooned. So really, you can’t be mean to me today.
Holmes: We’re all hurting today.

Holmes: Alright, I stayed up last night coming up with the perfect opening question when I really just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. But, I’m a professional, so here’s what I came up with; what the (expletive deleted), man?
Freberg: (Laughs) I’m feeling the exact same way. Months and months later, I’m going to try to help you out and explain what happened, but there’s going to be some guesswork involved.

Holmes: JT goes up to Brad and says you’re targeting Sierra. Do you think he was screwing you guys or was he trying to trick them?
Freberg: JT was trying to screw us 100%. He goes over there and says, “They’re voting for Sierra.” And he didn’t do that for idol purposes. I don’t know if JT knew about their idol. But, he was trying to tell Brad he was safe because that was JT’s closest ally at the time. And, he wanted them to vote for Sandra. I think had JT felt that it was going to go that way, if he felt the other tribe was going to listen to him, he would’ve voted for Sandra instead of Sierra. The biggest thing that wasn’t really shown was JT freaking out before the vote because he got the feeling that they weren’t going to vote for Sandra.
Holmes: Do you think there was a point where he told them to vote for Sandra?
Freberg: Oh yeah, absolutely. Didn’t they show that?
Holmes: I don’t think so, it’s a blur.
Freberg: He absolutely told them to vote for Sandra. I think three-quarters of the way through Tribal, and they only showed half a dozen of those huddles, but there were at least twenty. We were standing up and moving around. And at one point he looked terrified. I think he knew they weren’t going to go for Sandra, but he didn’t want to tell us what had happened.

Holmes: Was the plan always to vote for Sierra?
Freberg: Yeah, it seemed pretty straight forward. It was six on five. Our thought was that she’d never find an idol. I love her in real life, we’re friends outside the show. She’s a rodeo girl, but she hates getting her fingernails dirty on “Survivor.” The consensus was that’d she’d be the last person to find an idol. And the idea that someone would hand it off, like Tai did, didn’t cross our minds. It was a huge move so early in the game. You’d have to be 100% sure to give up your own safety in a blind, pre-merge vote. Obviously JT made it a lot easier on them. And even if he flips, we could probably pull in Hali.

Holmes: Hali told Sandra to vote for Brad. The way it worked out, it would’ve saved you. Do you think this was a plan of hers to get rid of him while allowing her to vote for you and look like she had stuck to tribal lines?
Freberg: I like Hali. But, I can’t explain her thinking. She had a habit of saying things at Tribal that don’t make the most sense. With Hali though, we wanted to keep her safe. There was a feeling that the game was going to keep going along the original tribe lines. We couldn’t know that she was in such a terrible spot. We didn’t know what went on with the Caleb vote. So, we were trying to keep her safe. And we didn’t think we needed her vote because we thought JT was with us 100%.

Holmes: The original concept of the show was; you’re a community and every three days you’re going to vote someone off. Before anyone had ever thought of an alliance, you’d imagine someone would be voted off because they weren’t helping around camp or they weren’t getting along with everyone. You were voted off by a different community. Twists are twists and it’s weird to say something is unfair, but was last night unfair?
Freberg: Obviously I feel that way because I’m talking to you after a couple of episodes. (Laughs) It crossed my mind at the time. It doesn’t feel quite right. I think that the social aspect is the best part of my game. So, not even having a chance to talk or play with these other people before Tribal is sort of…well…it’s a first. It’s not like any vote before. At first I thought it was unfair to the other tribe. We were so confident going into that Tribal. I felt bad for the new Mana. And if a twist goes bad for you, you’re going to hate it. If they ever do it again you’re going to hear me screaming on Twitter. From a game perspective I’m a super traditionalist. Put one idol out there and do straight votes with no twists and I’m the happiest guy. But, it’s hard for me to knock it as a fan, because it was great TV. And whenever it’s something like that that’s so talked about, that’s why we get to do this seventeen years later. You can’t be mad at it.
Holmes: Oh, I can be mad at it.

Holmes: It looked like you and JT were targeting Sandra. How serious were you about that? Because she’s looking like the shield of shields at this point.
Freberg: JT and I got really close. Half an hour after the swap me and JT were bromancing hard on the beach. I was cheating on you.
Holmes: Yeah, how hard was this bromancing?
Freberg: (Laughs) You’d be sitting at the camp staring at us, twiddling your thumbs. So, we were tight. And my old tribe encouraged it because we needed to bring people to our side. But, Aubry and Sandra are feuding hard. Every time it comes up for discussion Sandra doesn’t like Aubry and Aubry doesn’t like Sandra. When JT starting throwing around the name Sandra, I was like “Sure, whatever.” But everyone’s name comes up. I couldn’t tell you who would’ve gone home if we’d gone to Tribal alone. I wanted Michaela gone, to be honest with you. And if it was a regular Tribal Council, Varner might’ve been in trouble because he blew a huge lead in that challenge. It was much worse than it looked.

Holmes: Sierra and Hali are acting like they’re not Dirty 30 buddies. Do you buy it?
Freberg: Yes and no. Me and Hali were on good terms on the first tribe. The game is playing out so divided along the tribe lines. It was just us vs. them. So, to see Sierra say what she said about Hali at Caleb’s Tribal Council, it’s like, “Holy (expletive deleted), Sierra.” It wasn’t surprising in the context of the way the game was playing.

Holmes: Was there any chance to look for the Nuku idol?
Freberg: Yeah, besides JT stranding us on the raft. Where we were like, “Good move, JT. This is hysterical. You’re toast if we go to Tribal.” After that, we had a group hunt before the last Tribal. We went out looking for it as a team. We were digging, and we came up empty. Early on I didn’t look much because it seemed like the game was moving so slow. Playing too hard put a target on people. I just sat on my hands and it was driving me crazy.

Holmes: I’m going to blow your mind. I want to try a word association exercise.
Freberg: What’s that?!
Holmes: I know. It’s this crazy new thing I’m trying. Let’s start with Tony.
Freberg: Thoroughbred.
Holmes: Sandra?
Freberg: Honey pot.
Holmes: Hali?
Freberg: Loca.
Holmes: Aubry?
Freberg: That’s my girl.
Holmes: Caleb?
Freberg: Donkey Mode Cow-Weenie.
Holmes: Troyzan?
Freberg: Biggest penis I’ve ever seen on a man.
Holmes: Oh.
Freberg: Fun fact.
Holmes: Varner?
Freberg: Sassy pants.
Holmes: Michaela?
Freberg: Abi-Maria.
Holmes: Oh…I was going to ask why you were targeting her. Nevermind. Classic Ciera?
Freberg: (Laughs) My twin.
Holmes: Let’s finish with JT.
Freberg: Son-of-a-bitch, bastard idiot.
Holmes: (Laughs) Subtle. Actually, let’s do a few more since you were at a Tribal with them. Sierra?
Freberg: Giant.
Holmes: Tai?
Freberg: Manipulated.
Holmes: Debbie?
Freberg: What the (expletive deleted)?
Holmes: And Brad?
Freberg: Impressive.

Holmes: My heart and soul are bruised…but I think they will heal.
Freberg: (Laughs)
Holmes: You are the wind beneath my wings. You are sunshine on a cloudy day.
Freberg: (Laughs)
Holmes: (Expletive deleted) (Expletive deleted)
Freberg: I feel the same way. It’s going to be hard to do the rest of my interviews with this erection I just sprouted.
Holmes: (Laughs)
Freberg: (Laughs)
Holmes: Sprouted?
Freberg: And that’s how we end interviews.
Holmes: And scene.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

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‘Survivor’ Malcolm: “I’m Still Snarky, and Talking Trash, and My Ego Is Somewhere in the Stratosphere”

March 6, 2017

Malcolm Freberg (CBS)

QUICK NOTE: The good folks at XFINITY sent me deep into the Fijian wilderness to bring you an exclusive look at “Survivor: Game Changers.” While I was there I conducted interviews with “Survivor” host Jeff Probst and the entire 20-person cast. I also captured exclusive photos and other behind-the-scenes tidbits. So, be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute updates.

Name: Malcolm Freberg
Age: 29
Hometown: Hermosa Beach, CA
Previously Played On:
“Survivor: Philippines” – Finished 4^th and Jury Member
“Survivor: Caramoan” – Finished 9^th & Jury Member
Best Known For: Asking a bro to, “Hold up.” Then using two idols to eliminate Phillip Sheppard.

Gordon Holmes: You know the deal, everything you say here stays here until next winter.
Malcolm Freberg: Right.
Holmes: I only share information with people I’m rooting for.
Freberg: (Laughs)
Holmes: (Whispers) Malcolm’s targeting you.
Freberg: Right, everything stays here except for the sexual innuendos.
Holmes: My wife…she described this trip as “Gordon’s going to see his boyfriend.”
Freberg: (Laughs) And that’s how I got my third case of syphilis.

Freberg: Hey, I’m mad at you.
Holmes: Why?
Freberg: The Power Rankings have me freaking out because I talked a lot of (expletive deleted) about Brad in the Power Rankings.
Holmes: You think he can read?
Freberg: Well, we know he can’t count.
Holmes: I think of it this way; the Power Rankings gave you an unfair advantage. You’re in the trenches, you really have to study the game.
Freberg: You could say that being on “Survivor” twice, being on one of the worst tribes ever, being on the bottom of Stealth R Us, these things would battle harden me. They’d prepare me for “Survivor: Game Changers.” When people ask me what really prepared for this, I say the Power Rankings.
Holmes: I’ve got bad news for you, you’re not the only Power Ranker out here. You’ve got Ciera, you’ve got Andrea…
Freberg: Oh yeah! You’ve got a lot of…ugh…
Holmes: You’re screwed.
Freberg: It’s true.
Holmes: The playing field is even. Which is good, you’ve got to earn this million.
Freberg: Instead of just having it handed to me…which I was hoping for.
Holmes: Instead of Sia storming the stage to write you a check for taking care of a chicken.
Freberg: I tell you, I’m going to be the biggest animal advocate this season. (Laughs) I’ll take the sure hundred grand.
Holmes: Sia is the new Sprint.

Holmes: What’ve you been up to since we saw you on Caramoan?
Freberg: Working, I’ve been working in editorial for the last couple of years. I’m a managing editor for a start-up pop-culture website. And honestly, it plays a big role here. I haven’t worked in an office since college. It hurt my soul to do it. And when you can deal with managing creatives, you can deal with any egos on the planet.
Holmes: That’s very true.
Freberg: I think that will help out here. Living in the same place, a couple of relationship came and went. But, from that you learn a little emotional maturity that wasn’t there the first time around. It’s been four years and a lot of stuff has happened.

Holmes: Your bio says your hair is two inches longer. How is that going to help you?
Freberg: Did I write that?
Holmes: Yeah, I circled it. Seemed important.
Freberg: I write such nonsense that I can’t remember everything. It keeps the flies off of your back like the tail of a warthog. (Sings) When I was a young wart hog.
Holmes: This is a pretty bad interview.
Freberg: (Laughs) No, I got it cut before I came out because my mom said I had split ends. So, it looks good. It’ll flow very gracefully.

Holmes: Let’s see here…you also claim to be more mature. I do not believe you.
Freberg: To be honest, this is weird, almost a fifth of my life has gone by. It’s been four years… so closer to a sixth. A lot of stuff goes by. I was talking to Probst about this and I said I feel like an older, more mature guy. I’m still snarky, and talking trash, and my ego is somewhere in the stratosphere.
Holmes: Obviously.
Freberg: From an emotional intelligence standpoint, I’ve been through some relationships that didn’t work out. This time around when you talk about people you want to model your game after, I want to incorporate a little Penner and Denise from the Philippines. Like Penner with Lisa Whelchel and Denise with everybody. I want to make more human connections this time.

Holmes: You’re no longer with So?
Freberg: Right, it ended three months ago. We’re on good terms now.
Holmes: Sorry to hear that, and that’s great that it ended on a positive note. However, she was a member of the “Worlds Apart” Dirty 30.
Freberg: A couple of the clowns from the Dirty 30 are here. And I know them due to my relationship. I don’t approve of any of their hashtags or shenanigans. But, they’re here and you have to deal with them. But Hali and gargantuan Sierra, I don’t really know what to expect from them. Hali is wandering around the beach, she’s giving me Brenda vibes from Caramoan. Just wandering aimlessly in her own little world. And Sierra…she’s a literal big flirt. I don’t 100% know how they’re going to play it this time. I have to keep them at arm’s reach because I don’t know what they’re going to do inside the game.

Holmes: What do you make of all this “Game Changers” business?
Freberg: I used to work at a bar called Game Changers. It was three months and my boss was a drug addict and evil. So, I had flashbacks, but I was excited once I calmed down.
Holmes: Was this a sports bar?
Freberg: Yeah, and they’d have murals of various icons. And all the dishes had names like the Jerome Burger Bettis or something. Terrible puns. But yeah, I’ll take it.
Holmes: How are you a game changer? How did you change the game, Malcolm Freberg?
Freberg: (Laughs) I hope you ask everybody this question.
Holmes: Don’t you worry.
Freberg: Cause I’m shaking my head at some of these people. “Tall Sierra, how did you change the game?” I think I’ve earned it.
Holmes: Handsome challenge studs have played before, Malcolm.
Freberg: Yeah, but my short answer is; Probst new favorite term is “Live Tribal Councils.”
Holmes: Meaning the vote hasn’t been decided yet.
Freberg: Meaning everyone is trying to figure it out in the moment. I think I can take the lion’s share of credit on that one. Throwing out idols at Tribal, I did that multiple times. And since then, once a season someone tries to pull something that I think I influenced. I think I’m the generator of live Tribal Councils. And that didn’t exist until I had some half-cocked idea to start waving idols around. Now it’s a mainstay.

Holmes: When I heard that subhead I looked around…
Freberg: Yeah, not everyone fits that description.
Holmes: But I wondered if maybe he thought these were people who were going to change their personal games.
Freberg: Oh…I imagine that’s the interpretation some people are going to have to go for. Because I can’t see Hali Ford saying she changed the game.
Holmes: She did jump all in with the naming of the Merica tribe.
Freberg: I take it back. That’s wonderful.
Holmes: She should have named it after her mother.
Freberg: That’s the hardest thing. When people find out you’re going back, they say, “Will you name the tribe after me?” Everybody wants me to do it. And I have like eighteen suitors for this thing.
Holmes: The name is always something like, “Oh, it’s the Fijian word for harmony.”
Freberg: I was going to go with “The Noble Warriors.”
Holmes: I want something like “The Thunder Fire All-Stars.”
Freberg: (Laughs)
Holmes: I just want to hear Probst say it.
Freberg: “Team Lightning Force Voltron.”
Holmes: I wonder if I bring it to all of you today, someone will remember it twenty days from now.
Freberg: “Holmes wanted it.”
Holmes: Anywho, back to the point of this, are you going to change your game?
Freberg: You have to if you’re 0 and 2. I think if you asked me right after the first times I played, I would’ve been defensive about people saying I was more social than strategic. I would’ve been defensive that my big moves were not always at the best time. But once you’ve had more distance and you’re more self-aware, you realize that I’m not the cold-hearted…I think I told you I was going to be like Brian Heidik.
Holmes: Oh yeah, before “Survivor: Philippines” you were telling me how you were going to be the biggest villain ever. And I was like…get outta here…you’re adorable.
Freberg: (Laughs) And that’s just not how it works out here. You can’t fake anything. You’re going to end up being who you are. Brad’s going to end up being Brad…unfortunately. So, now knowing that I’m a dominant social player who has a creative mind for strategy, rather than a dominant strategic player, I know that making a big flashy move at the wrong time isn’t the best strategy to play the game. That self-awareness has to be applied or we’re going to be commiserating on the phone about this. And you won’t break your string of not picking the winner, because you know who you have to pick.
Holmes: Everyone I pick to win “Survivor” loses. I can’t do that to you again.
Freberg: We’re going to do this together.
Holmes: I can’t have this on my conscience. You’re my favorite human being on this planet…and I’m a married man
Freberg: Let the record show that we’re spooning right now. We’re going to break this together. Or…you’re not going to pick me and I’m going to win and I’m going to laugh at you so hard. You’re not even going to get an exit interview. I’m just going to laugh for ten minutes.
Holmes: I hate your dumb face.
Freberg: (Laughs)

Holmes: Alright, what do you think of this cast?
Freberg: A lot of strong players, which is good for me. Camouflage…meat shields is Jeremy’s term for it…which is clever. There are a lot of people who fit the definition of “Bro.” And you remember the Three Amigos, I can bro-down when I need to. If I can get a lot of meat shields, it works well for me. It’s fun to have JT and Ozzy around. A couple of old legends.
Holmes: You don’t get as much credit for this as someone like Cochran, but you’re a “Survivor” geek. You know your stuff. So, to be out here with those guys has got to be cool.
Freberg: Oh yeah. These are the guys I grew up watching. I used to love JT. I never loved Ozzy, but I loved JT. And so you see people and you get excited. But, you see someone like Cirie, who you also liked as a strategist, and you remember what she wanted to do in “Heroes vs. Villains” where she wanted to get rid of targets early. I loved watching you on my TV, but you might be an early target for me.
Holmes: Who else are some early targets?
Freberg: Cirie and normal-sized Ciera.
Holmes: Classic Ciera.
Freberg: Yes, Ciera Classic. I loved watching her on TV. She swings for the fences. But when I see someone who’s like me and knowing that I wouldn’t want to play with me. So, she’s a target.

Holmes: Anyone you’re excited to align with?
Freberg: Caleb might be a fun one. He looks like a big old puppy dog. He’s only played for nine days, he’s never been to a Tribal Council. Of everyone out here he’s got the least experience. JT…he’s a good ol’ boy from the south. He’s every guy I went to high school with. And weirdly, if Brad Culpepper doesn’t hold my Power Rankings against me, he’s an ex-football guy and I’m an ex-football guy. I grew up with guys like that. I know how to make them happy. He could be my Phillip this year. Like with Stealth R Us…ow…hurts my heart to talk about it….
Holmes: What was your nickname again?
Freberg: I don’t talk about it. I’ve literally cauterized that part of my brain so I don’t think about. But, if I could get into that position with Brad, I’d do it. I know how to play a guy like that.

Holmes: You’ve played with Andrea before…
Freberg: Yeah, I voted for her a couple of times. She sat on my idol and got me booted. And it’s funny because outside of this we’re friendly. Inside of this we’re very mistrusting of each other. I tried to get her out many times in Caramoan. And she’s aware of my scheming. I’d imagine her alert is high.

Holmes: You were in the same position as Michaela and Zeke. They’re playing before anyone has had a chance to see their season. How do you handle them?
Freberg: That could be an easy early bond for me. Zeke looks like a little English villain and Michaela is really cute, really athletic. I have no idea what they did, so it’s a little bit of arm’s reach. But, if they’re wandering around and they don’t know who to go to, that could be a connection. “I’ve done exactly what you’re doing.” It’s a very easy way to start a conversation.

Holmes: We’ve got four people from Kaoh Rong.
Freberg: I know…it’s a little cringey in my book. There’s a couple of Brains, Aubry and Tai worked together. But, everyone knows to keep an eye on it. Nobody here is a dummy. In this case it’s a blessing because nobody is going to let them get away with it. I’m not going to sweat about it as much as you are in this heat.
Holmes: Joke is on you, smart guy. I can edit that little comment right out.

Holmes: Are you a part of any pre-season alliances? Is anyone dumb enough to hitch their wagon to you?
Freberg: (Laughs) It was very quiet. I didn’t reach out to anybody. I got a lot of messages, but I kept them at arm’s reach. When I was on Caramoan, I wasn’t contacted because nobody knew who I was beforehand. I was out of it. But I knew what happened afterwards. Here, I was expecting it to be like Caramoan with people calling at all hours, and from what I understand it didn’t happen. I’m hoping I’m not outside the loop.
Holmes: If you don’t know who the mark at the table is…it’s you.
Freberg: (Laughs) Exactly. That could be the situation. But, I’m hard to get rid of early. My reputation is likable, useful, rational.
Holmes: Well, that’s your reputation to your face.
Freberg: Exactly. That’s what I tell myself in the mirror every morning when I do my daily affirmation. So, I have to hope that if everyone is talking, I can float long enough to figure out what’s going on.

Holmes: People are always winking and smiling in the pre-game. Are you doing any of that?
Freberg: You have to. If you’re not doing that, you’re throwing the wrong signals. Poor Aubry, who I hope I like out there. I like Cochran a lot and she’s like Lady Cochran. She has resting bitch face. She sits there, she colors her coloring book, and she snarls at it. Not intentionally. But she is snarling.
Holmes: Extreme coloring.
Freberg: Just grinding that crayon into the paper. If you’re not smiling and winking then you’re setting yourself up for trouble because everyone else is doing it. But you have to find a balance so you’re not doing it too much.
Holmes: Who’s doing it too much?
Freberg: As you’d expect, Brad is the loudest person in pre-game. He’s yelling about his bags at the airport. Classic temper tantrum from Brad. Nobody else is talking like Brad is talking. Who knows what’s going through his head. I just assume his skull is three times the density of everyone else’s.

Holmes: I’ve been doing this for a long time. I think the highlight of my career as a
“Survivor” journalist was when you, Cochran and I were at Comic Con and the reporter from TMZ called Cochran…
Freberg: Colton! (Laughs)
Holmes: Has he given you any advice?
Freberg: Not advice, so much. I talk to Cochran, I talk to Denise. It’s not game advice so much as trying to be very positive.
Holmes: Denise is a sex therapist, is that why you’re calling her?
Freberg: No, I’m fine there. I can give you her number though.

Holmes: Alright, I’m going to give you a reason someone might use to get rid of you. I need you to counter it.
Freberg: Got it.
Holmes: Malcolm has got some challenge skills. Let’s bounce him before he makes a run for it after the merge.
Freberg: Did you watch the end of Philippines? The ball was supposed to stay still for half an hour and two minutes into it it was a hundred feet above my head.
Holmes: Didn’t you get a second chance in that one?
Freberg: Yeah, and I lasted about thirty seconds.
Holmes: Oh, now who needs the sex therapist?
Freberg: (Laughs) Well played. But when it comes to the individual immunity challenges, I’m not Joe, I’m not Ozzy. I can’t stand in one place for a while. I’m not going to win the carnival games. I’m not that good. And I plan on Keyser Soze this thing. Maybe come up with a little limp early on.

Holmes: Malcolm’s way too crafty. He pulled that business with the two idols. Can’t trust him, let’s send him home now.
Freberg: I did pull a thing with two idols. But remember, I gave away my idols to save my alliance. I’ve gone all the way to the end with someone. I’ve rode and died…that doesn’t sound right.
Holmes: Rode and dode.
Freberg: I’ve rode and dode with the Three Amigos until I crashed and burned. When I have an idol, you’re going to be aided by that.

Holmes: Malcolm’s good at finding idols. I don’t want to worry about that. Let’s get rid of him.
Freberg: If that happens…there’s no defense for that. I’ve even thought if I do find it early, I’ll act really panicked like I can’t find it. If I’m not looking for it, they’ll assume I found it.

Holmes: If there is a twist, what could it be?
Freberg: I hate twists.
Holmes: Too bad. That’s not the game you signed up to play.
Freberg: Just have immunity idols. Swaps are always a problem. After a swap, I’m easy pickings. But, these days you have to count on it. Please no Redemption Island. I’m OK with Exile Island. Redemption Island, those aren’t the games I’m good at. They have to match for girls and guys, so it’s not speed or strength. I can do puzzles, but balancing and cards and holding a ball between your toes…I’m never going to win.

Holmes: I’ll give you a twist, you tell me if it’s awesome or awful. Hidden immunity idols?
Freberg: Awesome.
Holmes: Redemption Island?
Freberg: Awful.
Holmes: Exile Island?
Freberg: Awesome.
Holmes: Medallion of Power?
Freberg: Awful. (Laughs)
Holmes: Extra vote?
Freberg: Awesome because it never works out and makes me laugh.
Holmes: If you got it, would you just burn it?
Freberg: I wouldn’t burn it. I’ve thought about this. I think it’s better use is as leverage.
Holmes: Steal a vote?
Freberg: Awful.
Holmes: Eliminate a juror?
Freberg: Awesome. I loved that. I thought that was a fun twist.

Holmes: Alright, I have in my hand a deck of cards…
Freberg: It’s all games with you.
Holmes: It’s just gimmicks. I don’t have the energy to ask anything insightful.
Freberg: You just want to go run your challenge.
Holmes: You win eight challenges in a row, then you come talk to me.
Freberg: (Laughs)
Holmes: OK, I have seventeen cards in my hand. Everyone is in here except for you, Michaela, and Zeke. I left them out because we don’t know anything about them. I’ll hand you three cards at random. You tell me who you vote out first, who you work with and eventually eliminate, and who you take to the end.

Round One: Sierra, Caleb, and Ozzy
Freberg: We’ll get rid of Yeti Sierra. It’ll make me feel more confident because I won’t feel so short. Ozzy…align with him as a meat shield. And I’ll take Caleb to the end because how can you vote for a guy whose picture looks like that.

Round Two: Andrea, Ciera, and Sandra
Freberg: You get rid of normal-sized Ciera first because she’s too much like me. Sandra can come to the middle, but you can’t let her get too far because she’s going to win. Andrea to the end because I can outtalk Andrea. I won’t say that about everyone out here, but I can outtalk Andrea.

Round Three: Troyzan, Cirie, and Tai
Freberg: This is a good game. You’ve gotta go, Cirie out first. She’s a problem. Tai is my alliance. Even though I’d love to play with Tai and do a Penner/Lisa Whelchel situation because he’s so emotionally turbulent. And Troyzan at the end because I can’t see the jury awarding a man who amended his name for “Survivor.”
Holmes: Your final argument could be, “This guy takes pictures of women in bikinis for a living. He’s won enough.”
Freberg: He’s won life.

Round Four: Sarah, Brad, and Debbie
Freberg: I think Sarah first. She looks scared. Her eyes are always moving quickly, she doesn’t seem sure of herself. Everyone else I have a read on. Debbie…I’d team up with Debbie. I can play with Lady Coach. Brad to the end. His demeanor plus NFL money…he can’t win.

Round Five: Jeff, Tony, and Aubry
Freberg: I get rid of Jeff first. He was so all over the place last time. I’d like to play with Jeff, but with these cards… Aubry can’t go to the end again. We’ll align. I’m an inner-nerd and she’s 100% nerd. And Tony is a little scary, if I get to the end and it comes down to me and him, I’m more well-spoken.

Holmes: Alright, two left. Work with one and boot the other.

Round Six: Hali and JT
Freberg: Hali to the end because JT’s has got that charm.

Don’t miss the two-hour season premiere of “Survivor: Game Changers,” Wednesday March 8, 2017 at 8 p.m. ET.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

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‘Survivor: Blood vs. Water’ Power Rankings – Automobile Edition

December 10, 2013

'Survivor: Blood vs. Water' (CBS)

Quick Note: We’re going to be bringing you all kinds of “Survivor” fun this season including episode recaps, exit interviews, and Power Rankings with Malcolm Freberg. And, we’re inducting three members into the “Survivor: Hall of Fame” starting Wednesday, December 11, 2013. Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute news and info.

[xfinity-record-button id=”6541379645042428112″ program_type=”series” cid=”45576771592″]

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Gervase is voted out this week, Malcolm will receive 3 points and Gordon will receive 2 points. Also, each player will pick the players they think will win at Redemption Island. They’ll receive a bonus point for each correct pick. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

Last Week: Malcolm had Katie in spot five. Gordon had her in spot three. So, the current score is Team Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame 124, Team Real American Heroes 130.

Wager Update: Gordon lost last week’s rankings. So, this week he has to compare the characters to cars.


Team Glamor and Glitter, Fashion and Fame: 124 Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW	Team Real American Heroes: 130 Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

1. Tyson – My emotions were on a rollercoaster ride with him this week. Obviously I love Tyson, but then he goes all weepy Lisa/Dawn on us with overly dramatic background music and I have traumatic flashbacks. Then he redeems himself with a penis joke and I love him again. Then at Tribal… I mean it was a better performance than Monica and Gervase, but still wasn’t brilliant. He managed not to scream and wet himself a la Coconut Bandit #2, but it seemed a touch classless to low-blow Katie on the way out when he only got her booted via luck. Still, he’s playing great – Tyson should be safe with his idol, and if he makes the end I think he wins against anybody.	1. Monica Is a Shopping Cart with a Shaky Wheel– (OK, not technically a car, but it has four wheels, so work with me.) The preview is making it look like Monica is worried about her alliance with Tyson and Gervase. How is that possible when Tyson literally risked picking rocks to save her? Anywho, it’s late in the game and they already have all of their groceries packed up and it’s too late to switch now.

2. Monica – Where’d she go? If Monica doesn’t win the challenge each week, we apparently don’t get to see her until Tribal – though once we got there, she revealed math skills that could rival only her husband. Monica probably can’t win this thing and everyone knows it, so both sides are fitting her into their end-game plans.	2. Gervase Is a ’65 Ford Mustang Convertible with a “Who Farted” Bumper Sticker– It’s super cool, the ladies love it, and it’s a classic. But, there’s one easy-to-fix, yet glaring problem. In Gervase’s case, it’s his mouth. The main reason Ciera flipped last week was because Gervase basically told her she would be the fourth person out.

3. Gervase – Rollercoaster, again. Shutting down Caleb at RI was perfect, he finally won a challenge, and I can even understand his ice cream choices. I found myself leaning towards Team OG … until Tribal. His poor phrasing was a major part of pushing Ciera away, then the guy got so rattled he nearly pooped himself, which he compensated for by shouting a bunch like an angry child. Watching from home, he came off terribly. All that being said, he does have a winning resume, but he needs both Tyson and Hayden to go home first.	3. Tyson Is the Batmobile – Actually, this analogy isn’t accurate. Tyson isn’t the Batmobile, this whole season is. Why? Because it’s been an unpredictable, action-packed ride. And who’s behind the wheel? An athletic, smart, super-brave (and that rock picking move was brave) soon-to-be rich guy. Best of all, his utility belt has an immunity idol tucked into it.

4. Hayden – Mr. Candice is nothing but an ancient memory now — Hayden is officially my new man-crush. Getting loud the first night. Working it pre-challenge. Working it harder and shamelessly post-challenge. Getting pissed off at the prospect of losing. Having the best quote ever: “Who gives a f*$% about 2nd or 3rd?!” EPIC SILHOUETTE SHOT. This is a guy after my own heart — and that’s not even acknowledging the brilliance of that Tribal. Watch out kids: the BB champ wins this against anyone but Tyson at a final tribal. Obviously he’s the primary target of the majority, but I think he survives the next vote thanks to Grandma Morett…	4. Ciera Is a Toyota Prius – Yeah, the move you made last week was expensive, but it could really pay off in the long run. Your move now is to let everyone know how much you respect Tyson’s game. How your mother respects Tyson’s game. How Katie and Tina respect Tyson’s game. Anything to get Gervase and Monica to realize the second-place game they’ve set up.

5. Ciera – I’ve been shamelessly in her corner for a long time now, but I wanted to kick her in the head for reading that clue out loud, and I think last week officially scratched her chances of winning. I’m obviously a fan of big moves at Tribal, but her jumping ship from the majority at the last minute basically equates to her admitting she screwed up by joining them in the first place. Now, because her mom is basically a destroyer of everyone’s redemption dreams, there’s a very real threat of her getting back in the game. I’m guessing Boss Tyson will see this threat, and won’t let Ciera hang around to potentially form an end-game pair.	5. Hayden Is K.I.T.T. from “Knight Rider” – It’s good looking, it performs well, and it really shocks people when it finally says something. Hayden killed it last week. His number was up and he picked apart Tyson’s foursome like a champ. It’s going to come down to him and Ciera this week and I think the thing that’s going to send Hayden packing is the fear that he could bust out an immunity streak. You’ve also got to factor in the belief that he might be the only one who can beat Laura at Redemption.

Redemption Island Picks: Laura and Katie – I’m never not picking Laura again, and Tina looks to be ready to roll over for her unlucky little girl. With a chance to get back in so close, you know Grandma BeastMode is going to kick it into an extra gear on the chance Ciera survives the vote.	Redemption Island Picks: Laura and Tina – Are we ready to give Laura the “Female Ozzy Lusth” nickname? She certainly seems well on her way to earning it. And on the other side, I’ve bet against Tina and lost twice. Also, Tina’s better and puzzles and bested Katie in their only physical confrontation this season.

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‘Survivor: Blood vs. Water’ Power Rankings – Sitcom Edition

December 3, 2013

'Survivor: Blood vs. Water' (CBS)

[xfinity-record-button id=”6541379645042428112″ program_type=”series” cid=”45576771592″]

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Gervase is voted out this week, Malcolm will receive 6 points and Gordon will receive 2 points. Also, each player will pick the players they think will win at Redemption Island. They’ll receive a bonus point for each correct pick. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

NOTE: The winner of Redemption Island was spoiled during this week’s CBS preview. Therefore, we will forgo the Redemption Island bonus point segment of this week’s rankings.

Last Week: Malcolm and Gordon both blew it. They both had Caleb in spot 1. They also both had Laura winning at Redemption Island. So, the score for this round is Team Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame 2, Team Real American Heroes 2. The current total score is Team Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame 119, Team Real American Heroes 127.

Wager Update: Since there was another straight-up tie last week, Malcolm and Gordon will both have to compare the players to sitcom stars. The loser of this week’s rankings will have to compare the players to cars.


Team Glamor and Glitter, Fashion and Fame: 119 Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW	Team Real American Heroes: 127 Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

1. Tyson is Cosmo Kramer – He’s mainly a big clown, but there’s a method to his madness. Now, according to previews, it looks like we’re going to rocks. If I remember my “Survivor” rules correctly (not a given), what happens is the two people originally tied for votes are safe. And it certainly seems like Tyson will finally be targeted, which would make him safe. Right?	Quick Note: Apparently we’re going to see a purple rock tie breaker this episode. I have no idea how to rank that, so I literally pulled names out of a “Survivor” Hall of Fame coffee mug. 1. Hayden is Prosecuting Attorney Dan Fielding – He’s good looking and he’s going to do his best to lure someone from Tyson’s alliance over to the dark side. Apparently he does it, too.

2. Hayden is Mr. Peterman – Because Hayden inevitably delivers at least two overly dramatic confessionals each episode. And you have to guess that Tyson wouldn’t allow the lead dissenter Hayden to go unattacked. I’m assuming he’s the other half of the tie.	Another Quick Note: And am I wrong in thinking that whichever threesome isn’t the victim of the purple rock is going to be our eventual final three? 2. Gervase is Court Clerk Mac Robinson – It was often said that Judge Stone’s right-hand man was really the smartest person in the room. Gervase was arguably in the best position in the game until this purple-rock business started.

3. Ciera is Newman – The foil to many of the best-laid plans. In accordance with how it looks like the eliminated castaway will be decided, I’m ranking everyone else based on their intrinsic levels of luck. And by my extremely scientific calculations, Ciera has the most – you can’t explain her surviving the first half of the game without tons and tons of luck. She’s obviously in good shape.	3. Katie is Defense Attorney Christine Sullivan – She’s nice, she’s pretty, and she isn’t particularly good at lying. And if she’s on the side that isn’t the victim of the purple rock, she’s probably going to be a millionaire.

4. Monica is Man-Hands – If it requires holding on to an object, Monica’s a lock. Our challenge beast has been fairly lucky to get immunities that play to her strengths; namely, muscular endurance based on body weight. If that luck carries over into rock pulling, she should get out of this alive.	4. Tyson is Judge Harry T. Stone – He’s lovable, hilarious, and always has a trick up his sleeve. Unfortunately, the trick Tyson pulled from his sleeve last week would’ve served him well this week.

5. Katie is George Steinbrenner – We never see her face. Our newly-lazy fashionista is moderately unlucky – she’s the only person to have a body part nearly rot off this season. Luckily, Probst will require her to pick a rock with her hands, and if that poison is trapped in her lower body, it may not negatively affect her odds.	5. Ciera is Bailiff Roz Russell – Um…she proved she can be tough by voting out her mother. And…uh…this analogy is…awful.

6. Gervase is George Costanza – Unluckiest man alive. He was presented with the one food that foiled him thirteen years ago. His niece was immediately booted. He was born somewhere that’d lead him to think cheering for the Eagles was a good idea. He’s the unluckiest man on the beach, and thus the lowest ranked.	6. Monica is Bailiff Bull Shannon – Her strategy isn’t the brightest, but she is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to physicality.

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‘Survivor: Blood vs Water’ Power Rankings – Classic ‘Survivor’ Edition

November 25, 2013

'Survivor: Blood vs. Water' (CBS)

NOTE: “Survivor” Hall of Fame voting is underway! Let us know who you think should be in the Class of 2013 and follow us on Twitter (@SurvivorHall) for news and updates.

[xfinity-record-button id=”6541379645042428112″ program_type=”series”]

Last Week: Malcolm and Gordon both had Laura in spot eight. They also both had Vytas winning at Redemption Island. So, the score for this round is Team Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame 9, Team Real American Heroes 9. The current total score is Team Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame 117, Team Real American Heroes 125.

Wager Update: Since there was a straight-up tie last week, Malcolm and Gordon will both have to compare the players to past seasons of “Survivor.” The loser of this week’s rankings will have to compare the players to sitcom stars.


Team Glamor and Glitter, Fashion and Fame: 117 Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW	Team Real American Heroes: 125 Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

1. Caleb is “Survivor: Fiji” – No one really remembers, willingly or otherwise, that it exists. And that’s the spot our silent Alabaman hunter is sitting in. Clearly he’s no dummy – his response to Probst’s question about Monica’s reward sacrifice was shockingly good – and hopefully he’ll continue to sneak through the impending melee.	1. Caleb is “Survivor: Fiji” – I haven’t rewatched “Survivor: Fiji” since the original airing. All I remember is Dreamz stabbing Yau-Man in the back over a car. That’s how I feel about Caleb. All I’m going to remember about him is getting the best of Brad.

2. Katie is “Survivor: One World” – Remember how we were all shocked about how good looking everyone was? And then nothing happened for 39 days? Katie’s fashion sense is second to none on the beach (though she needs to step it up, I’ve been getting let down recently), but not a whole lot’s going on game-wise. That latter fact is a point in her favor – she should be able to sneak through a vote or two unscathed.	2. Gervase is “Survivor: Samoa” – If the Coconut Compadres can weather whatever happens this week, they’ll ride off into the sunset with Tyson getting grief from the jury and Gervase coming off scot-free. So basically, he’s the Natalie White to Tyson’s Russell Hantz.

3. Gervase is “Survivor: China” – My favorite season of “Survivor” for the guy in the best spot to win. He’s not getting targeted, but is charismatic and has built a good resume for the final three. He probably needs one more big move to propel him to the end, but Vegas odds are shortest on the OG.	3. Monica is “Survivor: Thailand” – There wasn’t much drama in “Survivor: Thailand.” It was pretty obvious after a while that Brian Heidik was going to run the table. I feel the same way about Monica. I’m pretty sure she’s either going to the end as someone’s goat, or she’s going to get taken out by the great Tadhana uprising.

4. Hayden is “Survivor: Gabon” – Underrated season that’s kind of awesome in its own fun way. Everyone’s favorite houseguest-turned-castaway isn’t doing much except dropping emphatic cliché’s, but he’s clearly brilliant socially. That likeability is going to get him in trouble soon, but he’s done a good job of keeping himself out of the crosshairs thus far.	4. Hayden is “Survivor: Philippines” – He’s a young, good-looking, challenge threat with long hair who needs to commit to his original tribemates. If he doesn’t, he’s a goner. Sound like anyone else we know?

5. Ciera is “Survivor: Micronesia – Fans vs. Favorites” – Lackluster in the first half, then mind-blowingly awesome after the merge. That’s how my girl’s game is going right now, especially after last week. Not only does she deftly behead her mom, but that little idol lie to Katie was beautiful. She’s starting to build her resume for the win, but others might be recognizing that too, and thus she’s not completely safe as a goat anymore. Her moving down this list reflects her becoming a threat, and thus is also a good thing for her chances to win.	5. Katie is “Survivor: The Australian Outback” – For my money, Colby taking your mother to the final two was the dumbest move in “Survivor” history. For “Blood vs. Water” the dumbest move might be someone letting you get to end. You’ll have a ton of friends on the jury and no real blood on your hands.

6. Tyson is “Survivor: All-Stars” – There was once this guy named Robert who hailed from the metropolitan Boston area, and on his first “Survivor” season a billion years ago he was kind of loud and fun, but didn’t really impress anyone with stellar gameplay. Then that guy came back for “All-Stars,” blew everyone’s minds, and no one even remembers his humble beginnings anymore. Such is Tyson, who’s transformed from a guy who was happy to simply taunt weeping girls in Tocantins, into Machiavelli reborn. He’s on top of the pecking order and holding an idol, but he’s also wearing a target the size of Utah on his back. Shots across his bow are imminent.	6. Tyson is “Survivor: Redemption Island” – Tyson’s buddy “Boston” Rob was able to learn from his mistakes and pitch an almost perfect game his fourth time around. Tyson now finds himself in a similar position. If he can use the idol at the right time, he can quell the Tadhana uprising and put himself in the driver’s seat.

7. Monica is “Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites” – I was there, and to this day I’m not sure if it was brilliant or a train wreck, but it was most certainly a mess. Monica sometimes does great things (immunity challenges) sometimes obnoxious things (referring to self in the third person) and sometimes dumb things (changing vote at Tribal). As 7 is a magic number for crazy Tribals, Monica’s going to be an untrustable wildcard that no one will be willing to stake their game on. If everyone turns on Tyson and he catches wind of it, I’m suspecting Monica as an idol boot.	7. Ciera is “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains” – Is there a term for someone who is voted out immediately after flipping? I’m thinking specifically of Candice, but I’m guessing the same would hold true for John Fincher. And the irony is; Ciera’s going to get heat for her move, but technically she didn’t flip. Either way, I’m thinking she gets Finchered this episode.

9. Redemption Island Picks: Vytas is “Survivor: Nicaragua” – Entertaining but slightly evil at the same time. Laura is “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains” – Non-stop intensity. I’m honestly rooting for Tina now – her foul mouth has won me over — but I’m not thrilled about her odds against Bearded Yoga Hunk and Grandma Puzzle Beast.	Redemption Island Picks: Vytas and Laura are “Survivor: All-Stars” – Why? Because sending Tina home is their first order of business.

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‘Survivor: Blood vs. Water’ Power Rankings – Beverage Edition

November 19, 2013

'Survivor: Blood vs. Water' (CBS)

NOTE: “Survivor” Hall of Fame voting is underway! Let us know who you think should be in the Class of 2013 and follow us on Twitter (@SurvivorHall) for news and updates.

[xfinity-record-button id=”6541379645042428112″ program_type=”series”]

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Tyson is voted out this week, Malcolm will receive 3 points and Gordon will receive 5 points. Also, each player will pick the players they think will win at Redemption Island. They’ll receive a bonus point for each correct pick. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

Last Week: Malcolm and Gordon both had Vytas in spot ten. Malcolm had Tina in spot nine while Gordon had her in spot eight. So, the score for this round is Team Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame 19, Team Real American Heroes 18. The current total score is Team Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame 108, Team Real American Heroes 116.

Wager Update: Since Gordon lost the ranking portion of the competition last week, he’ll compare the players to drinks. The loser of this week’s rankings will have to compare the players to past “Survivor” seasons.


Team Glamor and Glitter, Fashion and Fame: 108 Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW	Team Real American Heroes: 116 Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

1. Gervase – I’ve watched that Hot Dog eating contest every 4th of July, so I know that Gervase’s crazy leaping at the challenge was a carefully crafted strategy to take advantage of kinetic energy to help the grubs down his throat. For this brilliant gamesmanship, he get’s my top spot.	1. Caleb Is a Glass of Water – A glass of water is always an option. It’s always there. It isn’t impressive, but it’s reliable. I’d bet Caleb is going to get to the finals, but he’ll find himself there with two players who have much more intriguing stories.

2. Caleb – He’s like a monk sworn to silence. A monk who can’t track old women, sports flannel and — I only just realized this – wears a cap with his initials sewn in.	2. Gervase Is Sweet Tea – There isn’t a drink on this planet I’d rather have than a properly prepared sweet tea (no lemon!) and there isn’t a better place in this game than being in Gervase’s shoes. He’s making calls, but Tyson is taking the bullets. If the tide turns against the Coconut Compadres, Tyson’s elimination will be Gervase’s early warning system. The man who was present for the first day of “Survivor’s” first season is making a strong case for being the last man standing on the last day of their most recent season.

3. Tyson – Everything’s going his way, which I couldn’t be more thrilled about. Only problem is that it seems everyone is aware he’s calling the shots, and sooner or later he’s going to be targeted. That idol may make things fun in the near future.	3. Ciera Is a Vegetable Smoothie – Yeah, it sucks to drink something like this, but it’s going to be good for you in the long run. For Ciera, voting her mother off is the best move she can make. It immediately takes a target off of her back and makes her an attractive third for either the Caleb/Hayden or Gervase/Tyson alliances.

4. Ciera – I obviously sympathize with shaky hands, and thus am rooting for her more than ever. Now please oh please go after your mom – it helps your positioning moving forward, plus it gives you something (FINALLY) to boast about if you make it to the end.	4. Hayden Is a Caffeine Free Diet Vanilla Cherry Coke – Why such a complicated drink? Because nobody has more decisions to make at this point than Hayden. The Coconut Compadres are going to come for him. He’s too nice, too fit, and too unscathed at this point. He needs to solidify with his old Tadhana buddies and make a solid four-person alliance.

5. Monica – With the amount of negative reaction she’s generated around camp – last week it was panicking when she had immunity, then changing her vote for an emotional reason – Monica is going down soon for being uncontrollable, or getting taken all the way to the end.	5. Tyson Is a Fruit Punch Capri Sun – You’re so darn fun. Just a pleasure to watch. Tyson’s always been the king of the one liner and a solid force in challenges, but watching him orchestrate his gameplan has been great fun. Here’s hoping he can navigate the dwindling down of his alliance.

6. Katie – Her surviving last week was a lot closer than I thought it’d be. That being said, she poses no threat anymore and should be able to limp into the big alliance posing as more stable as Monica, then work her way into the new endgame majority that will have to form soon. Also, bonus points for her ability to ignore her mother’s wholly unnecessary support during the challenge.	6. Katie is a Strong Cup of Coffee – No rest for you, Katie. Not yet, anyways. The alliance is going to split. You just have to stay on your game until it does because you’re an easy, non-offensive target.

7. Hayden – His two best traits are social maneuvering and dramatically stating the obvious. I think that, if Aras and Vytas start dominating RI, he may get cut so as to knock one of the fit brothers out.	7. Monica Is a Bottle of Tequila – Why tequila? Because that’s where a lot of bad ideas start. And swapping your vote at Tribal was a bad idea. What if Vytas had played an idol? Your alliance would be done. A worse idea? Telling your tribe you changed your vote to stick it to Vytas! How can they trust you to follow a plan? Was it worth it to get a dig at Vytas that he won’t see for another 5 months?

8. Laura – Whelp, this is an easy choice. It’s in Ciera’s best interest for you to go because she needs to appear as weak as possible. No one wants a blood pair left in the game, so everyone else is excited for it to happen. And you’ve already proved you can knock competitors out of RI, giving the remaining safe-feeling castaways another reason to send you packing. Sorry Grandma.	8. Laura Is Whatever Drink She Likes Best – Colton claims that he quit to save Caleb’s game. Whether or not you believe that is up to you. Laura has a genuine chance to make a big difference in her daughter’s life. As a member of the jury, Laura would put her daughter at least 1/5th of the way to a win. And as an advocate on the jury, she could be even more powerful. So, when Ciera cashes that million-dollar check, make sure drinks are on her.

9. Redemption Island Picks: The Baskauskai – I really want them to win just so we can watch façade-free Vytas blame it all on his little brother some more. If we get a puzzle at RI, Tina could challenge the boys, but then I remember that fish puzzle she epically fumbled a few weeks ago, let out a small giggle, and put all my money on the boys.	Redemption Island Picks: Aras and Vytas Are a Pineapple Margarita – Aras is the sweet inside and Vytas is the salty outside. Perfectly paired with a post-game hamburger. However, I’m not positive that this pick is a slam dunk, because Tina has shown to be good at puzzles and was able to hold her own in the sumo duel with Katie.

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‘Survivor: Blood vs. Water’ Power Rankings – ‘Ghostbusters’ Edition

November 12, 2013

'Ghostbusters'/'Survivor: Blood vs. Water' (Sony/CBS)

Note: We’re going to be bringing you all kinds of “Survivor” fun this season including episode recaps, exit interviews, and Power Rankings with Malcolm Freberg. Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute news and info.

[xfinity-record-button id=”6541379645042428112″ program_type=”series”]

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Tyson is voted out this week, Malcolm will receive 6 points and Gordon will receive 5 points. Also, each player will pick the players they think will win at Redemption Island. They’ll receive a bonus point for each correct pick. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

Last Week: Malcolm had Aras in spot ten. Gordon had him in spot nine. Gordon picked Laura M. returning to the game for a bonus point. So, the score for this round is Team Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame 10, Team Real American Heroes 10. The current total score is Team Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame 89, Team Real American Heroes 98.

Wager Update: Since Gordon lost the ranking portion of the competition last week, he’ll compare the players to lines from his favorite movie, “Ghostbusters.” The loser of this week’s rankings will have to compare each of the contestants to a drink.


Team Glamor and Glitter, Fashion and Fame: 89 Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW	Team Real American Heroes: 98 Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

1. Caleb – I don’t think his quietness is a choice; I now believe Caleb can only enunciate words when people try to vote him out. So as long as he’s silent, he’s safe. The minute he speaks, he’s in trouble.	1. Gervase:“You don’t act like a scientist…You’re more like a game show host.” – Dana Barrett That’s the beauty of the game Gervase is playing; he’s part of the team that’s making the smart moves, but he isn’t taking any heat for it.

2. Ciera – Holy role-reversal, Batman. I’m now convinced my girl, who only accomplished a whole lot of nothing pre-merge, has suddenly found her strategy sweet-spot as her mother’s keeper. I want to believe she muttered an expletive when mommy won RI, but then pulled herself together to wrangle in her blood and is now sitting pretty. Their being a pair will become an issue, but not just yet.	2. Caleb: “If there’s a steady paycheck in it, I’ll believe anything you say.” – Winston Zeddemore Caleb was willing to make the big move when he felt his back was against the wall, but that was against an easy target like Brad. Can he pull off something similar against “Survivor” veterans when the time comes? Who knows. But for now he’s just going to go with the flow.

3. Gervase – I see you, Gerv. He’s the voice in our new Glorious Emperor Tyson’s ear, which is the best place to be. He’s not perceived as the ringleader, he’s not a massive threat, but he’s got some control over the actions. Now burn that Eagles shirt and I may really be excited for you.	3. Ciera: “My uncle thought he was Saint Jerome.” – Alice the Librarian And your mother seems to think she’s “Boston” Rob. Honestly, I never thought there’d come a situation where it would make sense for someone to vote out their loved one, but Ciera might be there. I think sticking with the Lonely Hearts Alliance is her best way to win and I don’t think Laura will be willing to take a backseat.

4. Hayden – Sitting in a good spot, similar to Caleb and Ciera, and should be safe for a few votes. Only lower because the muscles and charm are going to make him more threatening.	4. Hayden: “All my data points to something big on the horizon.” – Dr. Egon Spengler Vytas has an obvious target on his back. Tina looks like she’s going to blow things up after Tribal. Nobody knows what Laura is really thinking. After all of those problems have been taken care of, Hayden’s likability and challenge strength are going to become an issue. If he wants to get to the end, he’s going to have to be responsible for the next big move.

5. Katie – She’s so wildly innocuously on the bottom of the bottom alliance that she’s, logically, safe. She has the best chance to weather the storm about to be unleashed on the new group of outliers. Best bet is to bury her head in the sand somewhere – which according to CBS is all she’s been doing anyway – and hope the big alliance fractures before they do away with her.	5. Tyson: “You are a legitimate phenomenon.” – Dr. Peter Venkman When you send the game’s most dangerous player to Redemption Island in the same episode where you discover an immunity idol using only second-hand clues, you’re having a pretty solid week. What’s next? I think you have to make everyone in your block feel like they’re the third person in your alliance with Gervase.

6. Tyson – Our resident magic fan just pulled an idol out of his ass – er, I mean ground – with the driest ‘Ta-Da,” ever, and it was amazing. He finally pulled off his coup and has the power now, but when this oversized alliance starts splintering, he’ll end up in the crosshairs quickly. I think his best bet is to keep the pedal to the floor and try to power his way to the end (because that works really well, trust me…).	6. Monica: “The neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.” – Dr. Egon Spengler What does Monica do? She’s a swing vote in a situation that won’t require a swing vote for much longer. If I were her, I’d ruffle as few feathers as possible while listening to everything everyone has to say.

7. Monica – Good on her for catching Tina’s fumble, though I suspect it played less a role in the flip than simple good judgment. I suspect Monica will either go in a few weeks or make it all the way to the end: everyone seems to be unsure of what to do with her and/or annoyed by her. Like the rest of her alliance, she’s good for a bit.	7. Katie: “No offense, guys, but I’ve gotta get my own lawyer.” – Winston Zeddemore Remember your buddy Ciera? It’s time to get on her good side. Fortunately, there are bigger fish to fry than you, so you’ll have some time to maneuver.

8. Laura – Don’t get me wrong – I enjoy you talking trash from ten feet above your tie-dyed namesake, but it seems like there may be too much mouthiness. Safe for a short while because the majority won’t turn on itself so soon, but you’re effusiveness + baby girl (who I, in the nicest way possible, hope turns on you) are going to paint a big shiny bull’s-eye on your back in a few votes.	8. Tina: “I couldn’t help it. It just popped in there.” – Dr. Ray Stantz It’s not every day you get to call out “Australian Outback” winner Tina on a social mistake. But, she sure jammed her foot into her mouth last week with her fifth-place comment to Monica. And on top of that, it looks like she’s going to pick a fight with Tyson after Tribal. She needs to regroup and fast. If Vytas wins immunity, something he’s already proven that he’s capable of, she’s a goner.

9. Tina – Whoa. One little thing goes against Tina and sweet old lady grows fangs and wings and starts swinging a red pitchfork at all ye damned souls. While not a challenge threat, it looks like her new awful tactic is to mouth off at everyone who wronged her, and the new power alliance won’t let her blow up their games for long.	9. Laura: “It’s whatever it wants to be.” – Dr. Egon Spengler You’re never really going to fit in with the Lonely Hearts Alliance. That ship has sailed. But, that alliance has a great shot of propelling your daughter into the final three. So, do you make some moves and try to get to the end yourself? You could do that, you’re very capable. Or, could you be more valuable as a jury vote? Be everyone’s friend, then get voted out peacefully. Be Ciera’s advocate on the jury. This season is fascinating.

10. Vytas – Aras being gone should lower his threat level in the eyes of everyone else, but if it were up to me, I’d send both brothers to Redemption ASAP and let one eventually knock out the other. They’ll likely wipe out almost anyone who shows up, but eventually will have to eliminate one of themselves. Plus it’ll be fun to predict the RI victors each week as simply ‘The Baskauski’ — very Hogwarts.	10. Vytas: “This reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole in your head.” – Dr. Peter Venkman Think of how big a blindside last week vote must’ve been to have Vytas boasting the way he was. That’s quite the lesson in “Survivor.” Unfortunately, it probably came too late for him to do anything about it.

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‘Survivor: Blood vs. Water’ Power Rankings – Song Title Edition

November 5, 2013

'Survivor: Blood vs. Water' (CBS)

[xfinity-record-button id=”6541379645042428112″ program_type=”series”]

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Tyson is voted out this week, Malcolm will receive 8 points and Gordon will receive 7 points. Also, each player will pick the players they think will win at Redemption Island. They’ll receive a bonus point for each correct pick. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

NOTE: If a current player decides to swap places with their loved one at Redemption Island, they’ll also swap places in the rankings. For example; if Ciera switches places with Laura M., Laura M. will take the 1st spot in Malcolm’s rankings and the 2nd spot in Gordon’s rankings.

Last Week: Malcolm has Laura B. in spot five, I had her in spot nine. We both had Laura M. and John surviving at Redemption. So, the score for this round is Team Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame 7, Team Real American Heroes 11. The current total score is Team Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame 79, Team Real American Heroes 88.

Wager Update: Since Malcolm lost last week’s competition, he’ll have to compare each of the contestants to a song title. Gordon decided to do it too because it sounded like fun. The loser of this week’s rankings will have to compare each of the contestants to a line from their favorite movie.


Team Glamor and Glitter, Fashion and Fame: 79 Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW	Team Real American Heroes: 88 Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

1. Ciera – “Feeling Good” by Nina Simone – “It’s a new day, it’s a new dawn, it’s a new life.” All of the sudden I look prophetic (though not on a week-to-week basis with Power Rankings; I don’t think I’ve won a round in a month). My pre-game pick is the least threatening person on the beach, which is exactly where you want to be at the merge. She should actually be rooting against her mom at RI: should Laura M. get back in, the ‘pair’ threat can get applied and she becomes an easy boot.	1. Gervase – “De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da” by The Police – When everyone else wants to talk strategy, Gerv just wants to kick back and relax. He’s letting Tyson make all of the big calls, but he’s high-profile enough that he should be able to dodge any “Coattail Rider” or “Too Under the Radar” labels.

2. Caleb – “Silent Night” by Anyone Who’s Ever Released a Christmas Album – Remember when we all went mad for Caleb’s big move to get rid of Brad? I think there must be a secret scene on the editing floor of CBS where Caleb’s tongue gets in the way of a machete – which may just be the best thing at this stage of the game for him. His fading into the background is looking good right about now.	2. Ciera – “Bring on the Night” by The Police – Actually, I only picked this title because Sting never wrote a song called “Bring on the Merge.” Ciera finds herself in an awesome spot right now. She’s isn’t super tight with anyone, so it’s not a game killer if she looks for a better deal. And, she’s done so poorly in challenges that nobody is threatened by her. Oddly enough, the worst thing that could happen to her is her mother getting back into the game…

3. Katie – “Miss Independent” by Kelly Clarkson – According to her grandbaby-craving mother, she’s not really into the whole ‘flirting’ thing. Plus she seems to have a new fashion statement every time she goes to Tribal, which is disturbingly often. I don’t think she’ll be the first target of the inevitable pair-targeting, but she does seem like an easy boot for a post-merge alliance.	3. Katie – “Wrapped Around Your Finger” by The Police – This works because of how tied you are to your mother and because of how hard she’s trying to marry you off. At any rate, you’re in a great position now, but you need to do something to stand out a little bit and not just be “Tina’s girl.”

4. Hayden – “Smooth Operator” by Sade – The way he handled Kat was textbook, making her feel involved in the decision not to switch at RI. And he’s completely correct; not being a pair will bolster his strength moving forward. Merge is bad news for the fit charmer, but there are bigger, scarier, Baskauskvaskararas-er fish to be fried first.	4. Tina – “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” by The Police – The big question coming out of last week’s episode was; why let Vytas and Aras get to the merge together? Well, Tina’s pulling the strings at new Galang and she probably has some kind of secret alliance with the boys. She’s been killing it so far, no reason to think she’d drop the ball on a seemingly easy vote last week.

5. Gervase – “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks – NO I’M NOT CALLING GERVASE A BITCH. I just have no idea if he’s a bitch or a lover or a child or a mother or a sinner or a saint and I do not feel ashamed. My opinion on him changes weekly and I still am not sure how I feel, but he’s similar to Tyson in game position: they’re making other people targets which keeps them from becoming one, at least until everyone wises up to it.	5. Caleb – “Invisible Sun” by The Police – Maybe this would be more accurate if it was “Invisible Son.” Nobody’s worried about Caleb at this point. He isn’t bothering anyone. He isn’t a challenge threat. He’s got some serious room to maneuver.

6. Tina – Pre-historical Caveman Mating Hymn – Katie needs to start wearing a helmet or she may wake up with a lump on her head and betrothed. Tina has been rock solid thus far, and usually I’d say an older woman at the merge is perfectly safe, but being a past-winner and part of a pair may catch up to her soon.	6. Monica – “One World (Not Three)” by The Police – OK, maybe I picked this song because it plays into an easy “One World” joke. But, this week Galang, Tadhana, and Redemption Island are all coming together. It’s going to become obvious to Monica quickly that she’s kind of a woman without an alliance. Fortunately, she isn’t an obvious target and will have a chance to get in good with other people.

7. Monica – “The Lady Killer Theme” by Cee Lo Green – In the past two weeks, she’s been a driving force behind knocking out two women who thought they were safe via girl power. Monica could care less about chromosomal matches, and is plowing ahead with making moves to get rid of unstable tribemates. No idea where she’s going to fit in come merge time, but don’t thiiiink she’s a target yet.	7. Tyson – “Demolition Man” by The Police – He will blow up his alliance, he will eat all your food, he totally believes in magic. Tyson is awesome. So, we’re going to have eleven people at this merge and his new alliance has five members. Can they pull over someone else? Probably. Can they pull some voting shenanigans to lead Aras and Vytas to vote in another direction? Probably. A lot of options.

8. Tyson – “Amish Paradise” by Weird Al – It’s a hilarious song that’s actually incredibly intelligent. Tyson leading the charge come merge time should keep him safe for a bit, but he’s going to be all over other castaway’s radars after a few votes. His neck is officially exposed, though, so if the boys below catch wind of his schemes, he becomes a target.	8. Hayden – “Message in a Bottle” by The Police – “Walked out this morning, don’t believe what I saw…a hundred, billion bottles washed up on the shore.” Hayden needs to be really careful. Yeah, he’s in the majority alliance and the Baskauskas Bros. are the obvious first target, but once they’re gone Hayden is next. Tyson has shown he’s willing to break alliances to set himself up the way he wants.

9. Hayden – “Gaston” from the “Beauty and the Beast” Soundtrack – This is actually my favorite Disney song ever; it’s smart and funny, but in reality it’s actually about the evil villain, and Vytas seems to be embracing that role. He could just play off his ability to build trust with women as a positive thing, but instead enjoys telling us every chance he gets about how brilliantly, calculatingly manipulative he is. Don’t get me wrong — it’s great for “Survivor” and seems to be working, but him and his brother are in trouble with the arrival of the merge.	9. Aras – “Man in a Suitcase” by The Police – Why this song? Because Aras is going to have to pack up and head to Redemption if he doesn’t win immunity. The new Team Tyson can easily pull over Laura B. or Laura M. if they come back from Redemption. And if John comes back and they can’t swing him, they can mislead Aras and Vytas into voting for a red herring.

10. Aras – Gregorian Chant – Screw “Survivor,” all he wants to do is meditate on mountaintops, then throw in a celebration fail for good measure. Aras and his brother, who’s starting to look more and more like a Bizarro Aras, are now all over everyone’s radar. They’re going to have to be doubly crafty and probably need someone else to make a mistake if they’re to survive the next couple votes.	10. Vytas – “Next to You” by The Police – “He couldn’t stand it for another day. His brother Aras was so far away.” Vytas managed to survive two very trying cycles and now he’s made it to the merge. Smooth sailing, right? Probably not. I’m betting the Baskauskas that doesn’t win immunity is going to Redemption. And, I’m giving Aras the edge because Vytas has no individual immunity experience.

Redemption Island Picks: John – “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips – Because the RI challenge is about holding on… GET IT?!? Laura B is probably S.O.L. for this challenge, so no more tie-dye tear. It should come down to whether the very muscle-heavy John is able to hold on longer than the older but lighter Laura M. I think it’s a coin-flip, but what is certain is that Tyson –who won this challenge in Tocantins – will make some sort of ridiculous comment in the hours it will take to resolve.	Redemption Island Picks: Laura M. – “Mother” by The Police – Tough call on this one. But, I went with Laura M. because it’s an endurance challenge and being lightweight seems like it will serve her well. I picked “Mother” because Laura M. returning could seriously mess up Ciera’s game. By herself, Ciera is a well-liked, under-the-radar member of the dominant alliance. With Laura M. back in the game, Ciera is tied to a very prominent challenge force. “Won’t she leave me alone?!”

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‘Survivor: Blood vs. Water’ Power Rankings – Malcolm’s Poetry Edition

October 29, 2013

"Survivor: Blood vs. Water" (CBS)

IMPORTANT NOTE: “Survivor” Power Rankings dynamo Malcolm Freberg is going to be appearing on “The Bold and the Beautiful” Wednesday, October 30 and Thursday, October 31 at 1:30 p.m. ET on CBS.

Less-Important Note: We’re going to be bringing you all kinds of “Survivor” fun this season including episode recaps, exit interviews, and Power Rankings with Malcolm Freberg. Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@gordonholmes) for up-to-the-minute news and info.

[xfinity-record-button id=”6541379645042428112″ program_type=”series”]

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Tyson is voted out this week, Malcolm will receive 1 point and Gordon will receive 7 points. Also, each player will pick the players they think will win at Redemption Island. They’ll receive a bonus point for each correct pick. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

NOTE: If a current player decides to swap places with their loved one at Redemption Island, they’ll also swap places in the rankings. For example; if Hayden switches places with Kat, Kat will take the 9th spot in Malcolm’s rankings and the 10th spot in Gordon’s rankings.

Last Week: Malcolm had Kat in spot seven, Gordon had her in spot eleven. Malcolm had John and Brad winning at Redemption. Gordon correctly picked John and Laura M. So, the score for this round is Team Malcolm 8, Team Gordon 13. The current total score is Team Malcolm 72, Team Gordon 77.

Wager Update: Since Malcolm lost last week’s competition, his rankings for this week will have to rhyme. As the winner, Gordon gets to give official names to each ranking team. The loser of this week’s rankings will have to compare each of the contestants to a song title.


Team Glamor and Glitter, Fashion and Fame: 72 Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW	Team Real American Heroes: 77 Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

1. Tyson – (My only ambitious, serious attempt at complex rhyming) He believes in nothing, isn’t that nihilism? Oh wait, magic! Thus spawns my favoritism; Also, Miley Cyrus seriously lacks tact: That wrecking ball line, she clearly hacked.	1. Gervase – Who’s in a better spot than Gervase right now? He’s on the powerhouse new Tadhana tribe. He’s best buddies with Tyson, who will take all the bullets. And, with Brad Culpepper out of the game he has no natural enemies.

2. Tina – (Middle school bully with a strong opposition to incest) Tina and Katie, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G… This is getting weird so I’m gunna stop, But this Mommy and Daughter you won’t top.	2. Tina – The winner of the second season of “Survivor” could have been in some serious trouble last week. She blew the challenge…twice and she was the only person to be paired with their loved one in the tribe swap. But, she managed to turn two people who could’ve teamed up against her against each other. Well played.

3. Gervase – (The intro to “Baby Got Back,” remixed) Oh. My. God. Becky, look at his shirt. It is so big. It looks like one of those stupid snuggies. He only wears it because he can fit three people inside. I mean, his shirt, it’s just so huge and so billowy… I mean, LOOK. It’s just so, GREEN. (No, it doesn’t rhyme, but it’s in the proper spirit and I’m a disgruntled Cowboys fan and that shirt is getting on my nerves)	3. Monica – You might not technically be in the driver’s seat over at new Galang, (I think Tina’s really pulling the strings) but it certainly looks like you are.

4. Monica – (To the tune of the Grinch’s song) That was a close one, Monica; That was well played, to stick, a-rouuunnd, But you keep referring to yourself in the third person, And it’s starting to drive me crazy, Mon-icaaaaa.	4. Caleb – Tadhana is such a mess of pre-merge positioning that nobody is even thinking about Caleb’s slick move to get rid of Brad. Caleb’s best bet now is to sit back and let the alphas tear each other apart. That is if Tadhana ever loses immunity.

5. Laura B. – (Haiku) Let me be very clear: I still don’t support tie-dye, But you need not fear.	5. Katie – Oh man, I can’t think of anything worse than being on a tribe with my mom. The last thing I need is her sharing stories about the bunny slippers I wore to summer camp with my tribe mates. That, and I don’t know if my mother has the “Survivor” chops to save my tushy like Katie’s does.

6. Caleb – (To the tune of any Kenny Chesney’s “When the Sun Goes Down”) Just sittin here on my rotting log chair, Drinking coconuts in the hot summer air, Nothing to do but avoid the fray, Cuz all the big strong boys about to go away…	6. Ciera – And the winner of the 2013 “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” tribe swap is…Ciera! Nobody needed this shakeup more than she did. Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than to be good. She should happily throw her vote toward whichever side has the majority at the next Tribal.

7. Katie – (Any song sung by Vanilla Ice ever) YO! Little lady lookin’ fly, But she aint done s**t ‘xcept almost die; She got rotting feet and a tribe so beat, Good thing yo mama playin’ a game E-LEET. ICEMAN!	7. Tyson – Tyson thinks he’s coming off as being funny with his digs at Aras, but Aras is the type that doesn’t let anything get by him. In a game that’s being called “Do unto others before they do unto you,” Tyson might be tipping his hand a little.

8. Ciera – (Shakespeare, age nine) Mommy being gone, ‘tis a plus for you, That doesn’t mean you’re worth more than poo; But being no good thou shalt no longer rue, Being not a threat makes mine pre-game pick cometh true.	8. Aras – Kudos to Aras and Vytas for playing up the rivalry aspect of their relationship. It almost makes you think they could be convinced to turn on each other. Almost. They’re both way too smart for that. Getting rid of one of them should be a top priority.

9. Hayden – (Tune of LFO’s “Summer Girls”) Hip-hop marmalade spic and span, Saw Kat on Redemption and it all began, She’s the best girl that he ever did see, But she didn’t make the merge, umm sorry oop-sie. You better not switch in, I don’t think she’d let you, She should run the challenge; you’re better off not to, Still in trouble if Tyson keeps Aras, So you best shut up about those coconuts.	9. Laura B. – Mrs. Boneham might be the floatiest floater who ever floated. Is she close with anyone? If I’m her, I’m getting in all of the female ears at new Galang and warning them about what will happen when the Baskauskas unite at the merge.

10. Aras – (Intro to “Age of Aquarius”) The gaaaaaame is in the fifteenth day, And Tysoooon aligns with Gervase; Then Tadhaaaaanaaa may cut their leeeeeader, And the coconut baaandiiiits will steer the game, THIS IS THE DAWNING OF THE AGE OF THE BANDITS (I’m tired of rhyming, damnit)	10. Hayden – Both a Hayden vote and an Aras vote make sense. They’re both going to be serious forces after the merge. The only reason I’m slightly going with Hayden over Aras is because Tyson and Gervase will see that Kat is gone and they’ll realize that they might not have the base they thought they were going to have.

11. Vytas – (Third grader who doesn’t fully understand rhyming) Tribe, bad. Only boy, bad. Mouthy, bad Merge coming, bad. Conclusion, bad. I hoped you enjoyed reading this poem as much as I did writing it thank you goodbye.	11. Vytas – You played it perfectly last week and it bought you some time. The question is; can you do it again? I’m thinking your only move here is to target Laura B. Obviously Tina and Katie won’t turn on each other and Monica has been tight with Tina since the beginning. If we weren’t so close to the merge I’d have Laura B. at the bottom of this list, but I don’t think Galang cares about challenge strength at this point.

Redemption Island Picks: Laura M. and John – (Freestyle battle somewhere in downtown Detroit) Yea, yea, yea… Alright, alright – John sittin’ there all big and muscle-y, Getting’ his back rubbed down by a sweet grand mommy, (crowd: ‘OHHHHHH!!!’) Two smart cookies got all the skills in the Kit, Gunna do work to get rid of Kat. (begin mosh pit and a full crowd rhythmic chant of …) KIT – KAT – KIT – KAT – KIT – KAT (crowd leaves to commit arson)	Redemption Island Picks: Laura M. and John – The good news for Kat; Hayden isn’t going to dump her for being voted out before the merge. The bad news for Kat; he probably will when she loses her first Redemption Island challenge. And Laura and John…for me, for the producers, for “Survivor” fans everywhere…give the idol clue to someone who will use it.

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‘Survivor: Blood vs. Water’ Power Rankings – Keanu Reeves Edition

October 22, 2013

'Survivor: Blood vs. Water'/'The Matrix' (CBS/AP)

IMPORTANT NOTE: “Survivor” Power Rankings dynamo Malcolm Freberg is going to be appearing on “The Bold and the Beautiful” Thursday, October 24, Friday, October 25, Wednesday, October 30, and Thursday, October 31 at 1:30 p.m. ET on CBS.

[xfinity-record-button id=”6541379645042428112″ program_type=”series”]

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Tyson is voted out this week, Malcolm will receive 1 point and Gordon will receive 5 points. Also, each player will pick the players they think will win at Redemption Island. They’ll receive a bonus point for each correct pick. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: Blood vs. Water” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

NOTE: If a current player decides to swap places with their loved one at Redemption Island, they’ll also swap places in the rankings. For example; if Monica swaps places with Brad, Brad will take the 8th spot in Malcolm’s rankings and the 6th spot in Gordon’s rankings.

Last Week: Malcolm had Laura M. in spot seven, I had her in spot eight. We both had the Codys winning at Redemption Island for a single point each. So, the score for this round is Team Malcolm 8, Team Gordon 9. The current total score is Team Malcolm 64, Team Gordon 64.

Wager Update: Since Malcolm lost last week’s competition, he has to compare each ranked competitor to a character from a Keanu Reeves movie. The loser of this week’s rankings will have to rank in rhyme. The winner will get to give official names to both of the teams.


Malcolm’s Current Score: 64 Any advice for Malcolm? Drop him a line on Twitter: @MalcolmWHW	Gordon’s Current Score: 64 Any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

1. Tyson is Ted from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” – Two guys, unified in absurdity but somehow heroes at the same time. Tyson was shown to have a voice in the tribal decision, so he looks like the pair’s better half. Now, I saw a CBS ad where they show the tribe swap this week, and that massively favors the tribe with the numbers. It’s no coincidence that a lot of Galang gets a bump up. Remember: Be Excellent To Each Other.	1. Tina – Seriously, Probst?! You make up all of these bizarre rules for this season that make Power Rankings mega complicated, then you throw in a tribe swap for fun? What’d I ever do to you? (Besides maybe some lighthearted teasing in my recaps.) Ugh…alright. Rule #1 in ranking a tribe swap is dominant males on the tribe that is down in numbers are in trouble. None of those things apply to Tina.

2. Tina is The Oracle from “The Matrix” – Needed a badass older lady, and there’s a dearth of them in Keanu’s filmography. The Oracle simply sits in a condo chain smoking and spitting truth. Tina just chillaxes and says the right things around camp and isn’t threatening anyone. With daughter dearest in tow, she may have a fresh ally and thus some flexibility if they have to boot someone.	2. Ciera – And another thing, Probst…I thought it’d add to the Power Rankings presentation to have the players’ name match the color of their tribe. Now I’m going to have to redo a bunch of these images. Anywho, Ciera isn’t going anywhere. Nobody’s worried about her.

3. Gervase is Bill from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” – Almost the same as Tyson, but someone has to be relegated to the sidekick whose career peaked with this 1989 tent pole, and I’m still wishy-washy with my feelings about Gerv. The preview looked like the duo didn’t get mixed up, so I expect these two clowns to carry on safely to the merge. Party On, Dudes.	3. Katie – Not to mention the fact that this Wednesday’s episode is going head-to-head with Game 1 of the World Series. Do you think my beloved St. Louis Cardinals get to the World Series every year, Probst?! No. It’s only been four times in the last ten years. Also, Katie’s safe too as long as her gross toes can keep from falling off.

4. Aras is Bodhi from “Point Break” – Everyone reveres the guy and he’s on top of the world, but you get the feeling that he’s going to crash and burn sooner rather than later. This swap should play in his favor: the chaos surrounding a mix-up makes his perceived loyalty more valuable. Still, he’s on everyone’s radar.	4. Gervase – Alright, I’ve calmed down. Fortunately for Gervase, he’s calmed down too. And the person who was so mad about his post-challenge smacktalk has bigger things to worry about on Redemption Island. Add to that the fact that his Coconut Compadre is a much bigger target than he is and Gervase is in good shape.

5. Katie is one of those half-human/half-demon things from “Constantine” – You remember how they were all half-rotted away? Yup, that’s about all we know of Katie from last week. Her being reunited with Tina after professing her desire to beat mommy should be fun to watch, though I imagine they’ll work together initially. Katie suddenly seems the safest of the original Tadhana.	5. Tyson – It occurred to me that I don’t remember much about Tyson from Tocantins other than his epic hilariousness. So, I went back and watched some clips and realized that he was a challenge force. I wonder if I’ve forgotten about that because of the “Heroes vs. Villains” debacle. I wonder if everyone out there has forgotten about it too…

6. Caleb is Johnny Utah from “Point Break” – You weren’t sure if he was going to side with the FBI or the surfers, and you weren’t sure if he was actually ever doing the right things, but you knew you liked Johnny Utah. Same with Caleb – we don’t know who he’s going to side with, or if he’s playing smart at all, but he’d definitely empty an entire handgun clip into the sky. Not having Colton around makes his perceived threat level lower.	6. Monica – Oh, Monica…you must be a nervous wreck. You were sent home immediately after a tribe swap in your last season. I wouldn’t worry about it too much this time. The odds are good that you’ll end up with people from your Galang alliance.

7. Kat is Annie from “Speed” – She’s relatively helpful and likeable, but most importantly she’s had her license suspended. And if there’s one member of the cast I don’t really want on the roads, it’s Kat. If she’s pissed at Monica, watch out for Kat, who’s never been in the majority at Galang, to start considering other options.	7. Caleb – Caleb’s the toughest one to rank this week. Could Monica want revenge for Brad? Can Caleb fade into the background like he did before? Can a fractured former Tadhana stick together? Too many variables!

8. Monica is Mary Ann (the wife) from “Devil’s Advocate” – Really picked this just because Monica is the Devil’s (Brad’s) Advocate out there; feel free to revel in my cleverness. But she’s just kind of there, and you kind of like her, but she’s also a little annoying at times, and now it looks like Kat’s butting heads with her. I honestly have no clue how safe she is, especially considering hubby being on RI, so this placement is cautious pessimism.	8. Aras – The Coconut Campadres are on to you, Aras. And frankly, they should be. You’re someone who might benefit from dirtying up your game a bit. Sophie Clarke had a smart strategy where she wanted to have at least one enemy. You could learn from that.

9. Hayden is Officer Jack Traven from “Speed” – He was a likeable, athletic, daredevil hero who hooked up with Annie. Such is Hayden, who seems to be the popular dude around old Tadhana. Swap may hurt him – went from being in a good spot to losing numbers, plus having a loved one apparently makes you a bigger target this season. Some returnees may use this as an opportunity to eliminate a big threat.	9. Vytas – Depending on how this swap turns out, Vytas could find himself in on the chopping block. Nobody wants to see the brothers reunite at the merge and this might be the best opportunity to take one of them out.

10. Vytas is Constantine from “Constantine” – Nobody denies that he’s a no-nonsense bad ass, but he’s not a very smooth character either. Vytas is in good shape around camp and is a rock star in challenges, but every now and then it seems like something comes out of his mouth that probably shouldn’t have. A lot like Hayden, a swap may put him on the bottom and he’s got a target because Aras is still around. Also, somebody let him know Coach already patented meditative posing for the cameras.	10. Laura B. – Aras thinks you’re an easy vote, but not necessarily a smart vote. That should keep you in the game as long as you’re on Aras’s tribe. You’d better hope you two pick similar buffs.

11. Ciera is Joan of Ark from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” – Ms. Of Ark, while a formidable military commander in her time, was kind of worthless in San Dimas in 1989. Ciera’s probably a capable provider at home, but she’s not really doing much on the island. A swap isn’t going to affect how large a liability she is in the challenges, but hooray for my preseason pick not on the bottom of the list anymore! (…barely)	11. Kat – Kat will never be safe as long as she’s looked at as part of a duo. Nobody’s saying it, but everyone must be terrified of Hayden. For this reason Kat is going to have a target on her back as long as he’s still in the game.

12. Laura B. is that lady who got blown up trying to get off the bus from “Speed” – She was kind of whiny and talked too much and was completely responsible for blowing herself up. I actually think this is my most apt comparison. If no one figures out how to handle or use her, she remains an easy boot.	12. Hayden – Who’s the strongest challenge competitor on the tribe that’s down in numbers? Mr. “Big Brother.” And, this is why I’m not a fan of tribe swaps. Challenge strength is an advantage before the merge and a liability after. A swap takes Hayden’s advantage away prematurely.

Redemption Island Picks: John and Brad are Neo and Agent Smith from “The Matrix” – Good guy vs. bad guy, simple as that. Laura M can be Trinity, the female collateral damage of their battle, to round out my final metaphor quite nicely. Side note: John is losing my affection fast — why the hell would you give the clue to Monica again when there’s been 0 change to the status quo? What’d you expect to happen?	Redemption Island Picks: Laura M. and John – Mark my words; Brad Culpepper’s buff is going to be a’blazin’ if there is a puzzle at the end of the next duel. And John, if you get another clue, don’t waste it on Monica. The clue is currency and you’re going to need someone on your side if you get back into the game.

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