Archive for the ‘Wrestling Whatnot’ Category

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My Stupid Little King Kong Bundy Story

March 6, 2019

BundyLife as an independent professional wrestler is certainly never dull. You get to travel great distances for an ever-changing amount of pay, wear flashy costumes, and rub elbows with people you were terrified of as a child.

Like the 6’4”, 458-pound giant known as King Kong Bundy.

Before my wrestling career, I knew him as the monster that chewed on Hulk Hogan’s head inside of a steel cage at Wrestlemania II and the sadistic sicko who body-slammed the diminutive (4’4”) Little Beaver at Wrestlemania III. But, after a while on the indy scene, I knew him as one of a collection of formerly big-league guys having fun and making a few bucks while trying to take as few bumps (or falls) as possible.

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Which WWE Royal Rumble Winner Has Taken the Most Finishers?

January 28, 2017

royalrumbleIt’s January, which means it’s time for WWE fans across the world to prep for the Royal Rumble by watching every past edition of the event.

(We all do that, right?)

Anywho, I was watching the part in the 2004 edition where the Big Show gets hit by everyone’s finishers and I thought, “In wrestling reality, you can only survive a few finishers unless it’s Wrestlemania or you’re Kurt Angle. Big Show should have been stretchered out.”

Then I thought, it’d be interesting to see which winner has taken the most finishers during their time in the ring. To see what degree of punishment they went through.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. It’s not that interesting. But, here it is anyways…

Note: This write-up is not even close to being scientifically accurate. The camera isn’t always on the winner. So, someone could’ve snuck one in there. Also, I don’t know what Chainz or Timothy Well’s finishers were. Also, I’m not always the most observant person. In short, don’t use this list to settle any bets.

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Four Cheap and Effective Ways to Improve Pro Wrestling

June 12, 2012

The WWE has found itself in a bit of a rut recently. Injuries and suspensions have left their roster depleted, storylines and characters aren’t quite popping like they used to, and nobody on the undercard seems prepared to grab the reigns and make a name for themselves. And worst of all, these problems are sure to become more pronounced when Raw moves to a permanent three-hour format.

Now while most proposed solutions tend to delve into specifics (“Turn Cena!” “Push Ziggler!”), I’m more interested in the little things the creative team can be doing to help turn the ship around…

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How Do You Solve a Problem Like John Cena?

March 30, 2012

Hulk Hogan headlined his first Wrestlemania in 1985 when he was 32 years old. He went on to perform at the main event level until Wrestlemania 19 in 2003.

John Cena is 34.

Maybe the Hulkster is an extreme case, but it’s absolutely conceivable that the former Doctor of Thuganomics could be hustling, proving loyalty, and providing respect for another seventeen years. I’m sure Vince McMahon is cool with this as Cena has proven to be a reliable merchandise mover and squeaky clean front man for the company, but you have to wonder what’s next for him creatively.

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A Look at John Cena’s New T-Shirt

February 28, 2012

Click to Enlarge

You’re probably wondering, “Why did you doodle an otter t-shirt on your John Cena drawing, Gordon?” Good question. What really happened was I had doodled a picture of an otter.

THEN I doodled a picture of John Cena’s head.

THEN the meeting I was in went long and John Cena ended up getting an upper torso. It just so happened that the two works of art overlapped.

However, the catchphrase, “Hustle, Loyalty, Otters?” That’s only because the slogan “You Can’t See Me and My Two Layers of Fur That Keep Me Warm When I Swim in the Winter” didn’t fit.

Even More Whatnot…

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Wrestling Posters

August 31, 2011

I snagged a Wacom for my birthday and I’ve been obsessed with it. As in, I sit down on the couch with it when I get home after work, then crawl up to bed seven hours later. So, here are some of my early efforts…

CM Punk Promo Poster Wrestlemania X-Seven Poster Wrestle War '89 Poster

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A Super Brief Chat with WWE Divas Champion Kelly Kelly

August 5, 2011

Facebook and Twitter followers probably know that I’ve been cranking out a ton of wrestling content this week with interviews with Hulk Hogan, Rob Van Dam, Kane, and Edge. However, I recently did a fifth interview that slipped through the cracks.

You see, I was only scheduled to interview Kane at SDCC’s Mattel booth. However, once I finished up, it turns out that some outlet had stood up WWE’s Divas Champion Kelly Kelly. (Who on Earth would do that? Ever?)

They asked if I wanted to interview her, and I (shockingly) said “Yes.”

Unfortunately, I didn’t have any questions prepared and we were cut off when she had to run to another event. Generally my style is to start with fun banter, then move onto deeper topics, so all I was left with was fun banter. Not really something to base an XFINITYTV interview around.

But, some fans may find in entertaining, so here it is…

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How I’d Book Money In the Bank

July 17, 2011

How I Think Money In the Bank Will End
The popular theory has Punk winning the world title, but dropping the belt to a Money In the Bank Winner (probably Alberto Del Rio). This sounds about right. As Chicago is booing the crap out of the ending, they’ll be able to pretend it’s because people are upset that the hated Del Rio is the champion, while they’ll be booing because Punk won’t be leaving with the title. Also, this allows them to avoid the “Fire Cena” stipulation.

Now let’s take a look at how I’d do it…

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Introducing the C.M. Punk Ice Cream Bar

July 12, 2011

C.M. Punk truly has his finger on the pulse of today’s wrestling fan.

During last night’s live in-ring contract negotiation, he tried to convince WWE head Vince McMahon to bring back the beloved WWE Ice Cream Bar. For those of you who know nothing of this tasty treat, it’s basically an ice cream bar with chocolate on one side and a cookie featuring the image of a WWE superstar on the other.

Make this happen, Vince.

And God bless you, C.M. Punk.

Even More Whatnot…

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Is Pro Wrestling Ready for a Homosexual Hero?

June 24, 2011

Sometimes it’s tough being a pro wrestling fan.

For starters, everyone assumes you’re a moron who thinks it’s a legitimate athletic contest despite the fact that wrestling has been out of the closet (so to speak) since the mid 80s. Then there’s the ridiculous number of wrestlers who have dropped dead over the years due to drug use. And you can follow that up with storylines that sometimes border on the idiotic.

Not to mention the subtle (and not so subtle) racism, xenophobia, and homophobia.

Oh yeah…that.

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