More Whatnot

Last Week: Phillip recovered his shorts, Andrea regretted turning on Matt, Grant rewarded Rob’s friendship with cake, Ashley and Natalie refused to do anything that required strategy, and Steve and Ralph were sent to a place that offers redemption.

39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Let’s take a look at the tribe as it currently stands…

The Murlonio Tribe (wearing black)
Andrea – 21, Student
Ashley – 25, Nurse
Grant – 29, Yoga Instructor
Natalie – 19, Dancer
Phillip – 52, Former Federal Agent?
Rob – 35, “Survivor” Hall of Famer

Currently Residing on Redemption Island (wearing a population boom)

Matt – 22, Pre-Med Student
Mike – 31, Former Marine
Ralph – 45, Farmer
Steve – 51, Former NFL Player

Writer’s Note: I hate spelling “Murlonio.” For some reason the proper spelling doesn’t stick in my head. Who do I talk to about having them go back to “Ometepe”?

We start off this week’s show with Ralph making his way to Redemption Island. He’s only there a few minutes before Steve joins the party. They shake hands and exchange hugs.

I find this troublesome. There’s no stress at Redemption Island other than “Who’s going to win the challenge?” There’s no backstabbing or strategy. Are we going to end up with a situation where the person who goes back into the game is BFFs with the entire jury?

Steve does the math and points out that the majority of the jury will be former Zapaterans. Oof…I don’t think I like this.

Meanwhile over at Murlonio, Natalie breaks down a little because she misses her family. If only “Survivor” would do something where a player’s family member could come visit them…

The following morning Tree Mail arrives in the form of a box marked with a Sprint logo.

Sprint…The Now Network

Sure enough, the box contains a Sprint Epic 4G phone that is full of videos from home.

I’m putting the “Proud” count at three.

We get to hear from Natalie’s mom (proud), Andrea’s dad (not proud), Phillip’s sister (not proud), Rob’s sister (proud), Grant’s sister’s husband (not proud), and Ashley’s mother (not proud).

Only two prouds?!

However, the Murlonians weren’t the only ones to receive a phone. It seems like the Sprint folks made a special delivery to Redemption Island too.

Proud count at two.

We see videos from Ralph’s buddy (proud), Michael’s mom (not proud), Steve’s brother (not proud), and Matt’s brother (not proud).

One?! One lousy proud? I’d be proud of my sister for surviving 31 days in the wilderness.

Redemption Island Challenge Time: Each player will try to break a series of four tiles with a ball. First person to break all of their tiles gets to spend time with their loved one. The last person to break all of their tiles will be eliminated.

Round 1: Matt, Ralph, and Steve miss, Mike hits one.

Round 2: All four guys break a tile.

Round 3: Matt, Mike, and Ralph break a tile. Steve misses.

Round 4: Matt, Ralph, and Steve miss. Mike hits his final tile winning “Love” from a family member.

It always weirds me out a little to hear J-Pro refer to it as winning “Love.”

Round 5: Matt and Ralph break their third tiles, Steve misses.

Round 6: Matt and Ralph both break their fourth tiles, Steve is eliminated from the game.

Before Mike can claim his “Love,” J-Pro tells Mike that he has a choice between the Redemption Islanders spending time with their loved ones, or the Murlonians spending time with their loved ones.

Mike quotes some scripture, then decides to do right by the most people and allow the Murlotians to visit with their loved ones.

Probst is shocked, but Mike’s mom isn’t. She knows her son is a hero. Yeah, the military is having a good week.

Back at camp, Ashley is showing her mother around the hut. Apparently it’s Ashley’s responsibility to mark the calendar every day. That’ll shut up those people who think she doesn’t do anything.

Andrea’s dad asks the question that America has been wondering; how does she still look so good after 30 days out in the wilderness? So unfair.

Rob breaks down his strategy to his sister…wait…where’s Amber?! Anywho, he tells her that Grant and Natalie both think they’re going to the end with him, and if they’d just talk to each other he’d be in trouble.

Immunity Challenge Time: Players will race to retrieve a set of puzzle steps. They’ll then place those steps on a giant staircase. First person to place all their pieces and get to the top wins immunity.

Andrea, Grant, and Rob jump ahead with the first set of steps. Grant gets a bit of a lead after the second set but Rob and Andrea are right behind him. During the final set, Rob manages to take the lead, but his legs start to give out on him. It’s ugly. He’s literally using a step as a crutch to get up the stairs. Somehow he manages to complete the final set and win immunity.

Wow, Rob’s a mess. His legs are cramped and he’s dehydrated. Natalie brings him water. He nearly passes out while drinking it.

Yikes, Probst must be having “Heroes vs. Villains” flashbacks to Rob’s collapse.

Politicking around camp seems to be focused on lovely young Andrea. However, Phillip isn’t going to let them have a leisurely afternoon without sprinkling a little crazy on it.

Phillip wants us to know that this has been his plan all along. He wanted to NaOnka his way to the finals. I don’t believe this for one second. Phillip was very close to being the first person out of Ometepe. I think he’s trying to make himself look good in hindsight.

Phillip is also convinced that he has a Final Tribal Council argument to use against Rob that nobody else has thought of. Oh geez, let’s see…

1.    Rob’s already been on the show thirty times?
2.    Rob’s wife is a millionaire and he doesn’t need the money?
3.    Rob will eventually have to stab most people in the back?
4.    Rob lied about where the term “Murlonio” comes from?

Sorry Phillip, those arguments have already been thought of. Unless you’re going to argue that Rob doesn’t deserve votes because he’s a Red Sox fan. That’d totally sway my vote.

That night at Tribal Council, Andrea claims to be confident with the relationships she has formed.  Hmm…

Jeff asks Phillip if it’s a benefit to not be good at challenges. Phillip disregards the questions and goes on about how good he is at challenges. J-Pro’s working for you, Phillip. Keep quiet for once.

Grant thinks being yourself is the best thing you can do in the game, because it’s easy to see through people. How Rob kept from giggling I’ll never know.

Probsty asks if anyone feels nervous about the night’s vote. Nobody raises their hand. That’s amazing. Sorry, that’s AMAZING. How does everyone feel safe? That’s unpossible. (‘Survivor” points for whoever gets that reference.)

Voting Time: No votes are shown.

Probst does his tallying duties and returns; we’ve got one vote for Andrea, one vote for Phillip, two votes for Andrea and the fourteenth person to be sent to Redemption Island is…Andrea.

Verdict: No shocker there. In fact, we haven’t had a shocking vote since Matt was voted out the second time.

Redemption Island is scaring the crap out of me. I can’t help but think the season will fall flat if the ultimate winner comes from there. When it was one-on-one duels it was cool, but now you can stick around by coming in third.

Who’s Going to Win? As if Rob’s argument about leading and manipulating Ometepe wasn’t impressive enough, now he has a series of immunity wins to back it up. It’s going to be a crime when he loses.

Power Rankings Update: Sash and I both had Matt and Mike as our Redemption Island picks. So, we both earn two points. Sash and I both had Andrea in spot six. So, we both earn six points. The current score is now Team Sash 137 to Team Gordon 124. I pitched another perfect game and still can’t gain ground on Sash! Unfair. However, none of the readers did better than I did. Although @truedorktimes gets extra credit for picking all three of the Redemption Island winners correctly.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

Last Week: Phillip proved that while he may not be playing with a full deck, he certainly has a race card, Rob again earned the crown of puzzle king, and Julie showed her hand at Tribal Council and was sent packing.

39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Let’s take a look at the tribe as it currently stands…

The Murlonio Tribe (wearing black)
Andrea – 21, Student
Ashley – 25, Nurse
Grant – 29, Yoga Instructor
Natalie – 19, Dancer
Phillip – 52, Former Federal Agent?
Ralph – 45, Farmer
Rob – 35, “Survivor” Hall of Famer
Steve – 51, Former NFL Player

Currently Residing on Redemption Island (wearing concern)

Julie – 50, Firefighter
Matt – 22, Pre-Med Student
Mike – 31, Former Marine

We start off with the Murlonios returning from Tribal Council. Steve takes Phillip aside and tries to clear the air. Thank goodness. Last week’s episode ruined my whole evening. Phillip accepts the apology, but let’s us know that he doesn’t trust Steve and he’ll be the next to go.

Later on, Rob says that as long as Phillip keeps up his crazy antics he’ll be safe. Thank you, Russell Hantz and NaOnka Mixon for adding that wrinkle to the game. When I get on this show (for the “Survivor: Press vs. Probst” season) I fully intend to walk around insulting people’s mothers.

The following morning Phillip has a conversation with the spirit of his great great grandfather. The topic of conversation? Not the meaning of life, but the location of Phillip’s hidden shorts.

OK, in 2112 when my great great grandson is on “Survivor: Press’ Ancestors vs. Probst’s Ancestors,” I hope I’m too busy eating Ben & Jerry’s Red Velvet Cake Ice Cream in heaven to care about anyone’s missing shorts.

There must be something to it though, cause Phillip manages to find the shorts. He also thinks that like Jack Nicholson said, Julie “Can’t stand the truth.”  Well, maybe Jack Nicholson said that at some point, but I’m pretty sure his famous line had something to do with handling the truth. I could be wrong though, I didn’t consult my great great grandfather.

Meanwhile over at Redemption Island, Matt’s there in the corner, Matt’s there in the spotlight losing his religion. Just kidding, he’s totally still got it, but he’s super bummed about staying in the game.

Redemption Island Challenge Time: “Survivor” shuffle board, baby! The players will slide pucks across a board. If you get all three pucks into the end zone, you stay. If not? You go home.

Before the challenge gets underway, Matt lets Probst know that he’s ready to go if he doesn’t win the challenge.

First Shot: Mike hits the end zone, Matt and Julie miss.
Second Shot: Mike and Julie each get one in the end zone, Matt misses.

Third Shot: Matt hits his shot, Mike and Julie miss.

Fourth Shot: Matt hits another shot, Mike and Julie miss again.

Fifth Shot: Matt lands a third puck, he survives. Mike misses, Julie knocks one of her own pucks off.

Sixth Shot: Mike lands his third puck, he also survives.

Before Julie can go, Jeff asks her why she came on “Survivor.” She breaks down a bit as she explains that her house is in foreclosure and she needed the money. However, she’s happy that she’ll be having peanut butter soon.

Quick Aside: That’s really what this season has been missing. After someone loses at Redemption Island, it doesn’t have the same weight as when they were voted out at Tribal Council in previous seasons. They’ve just become an instant afterthought. If they do Redemption Island again, they need more moments like this.

Back at camp, Andrea lets us know that she’s starting to feel bad about how she played Matt. Rob tries to put her at ease by telling her that everyone is responsible for voting Matt out.

Later, Grant and Rob decide that Andrea should go home soon. They worry that Andrea is too close with the Zapaterans and they don’t want her buddying up with Matt if he returns to the game. Grant says that timing is everything when it comes to voting people out, and it may come down to the immunity challenge.

And then as if on cue…

Immunity Challenge Time: Log roll time, baby! The players will square off in a log roll competition. Last person standing wins immunity, a monster chocolate cake, and ice cold milk.

And…apparently there’s a mysterious package.

First Round: Grant beats Rob, Purple Ashley tops Andrea, Ralph bests Steve, and Phillip defeats Natalie.

Semifinal Round: Grant wins over Purple Ashley, Ralph beats Phillip, and Bobby Brown is disqualified when he does an illegal kick on Daniel LaRusso.

Final Round: Grant beats Ralph after a long contest.

Grant is allowed to choose a cake-eating buddy. To nobody’s surprise he picks Rob. He’s allowed one more cake compadre (yeah, I know, I hated that the second I typed it) and decides on Andrea.

Then, J-Pro tosses the mysterious package to Steve. Apparently it’s for the whole tribe and they’ll open it at Tribal Council.

After that, we learn that the Survivors only have two minutes to eat the cake. Wait, what? Worst reward ever.

Back at camp, everyone is trying to figure out what the twist is. They think the package feels like a deck of cards. I’m hoping it’s a new Medallion of Power.

Boston Rob breaks down his thoughts on the night’s vote. He thinks Steve won’t fight anymore as he’s tired and wants to go home, therefore they should get rid of Ralph. He’s also concerned that the twist may involve voting off two people. If that’s the case, he wants Ralph to go home first, then Andrea to go home second.

Steve tells Natalie and Ashley that he’ll be voting for Rob. Natalie and Ashley promptly relay this information to Rob. This, as you’d imagine, changes Rob’s thoughts on keeping Steve around.

That night at Tribal Council, Rob tells J-Pro that the Zapateran purge will continue.

Probsty points out that once the Zapatatians are gone, the Ometerps will have to turn on each other. Andrea isn’t concerned because she feels her alliance is rock solid.

Steve and Ralph both think that Ralph is going home next.

Grant and Phillip think Steve isn’t as feeble as he looks.

Steve reminds everyone of the time when Boston Rob stabbed Lex Van Den Berghe in the back after Rob asked him to save Amber. Why wasn’t that in the “Previously on ‘Survivor’” montage?!

Voting Time: Ralph votes for Rob and the rest of the votes are secret.

Note: When people were voting, Steve turned to Natalie and said, “Let’s do it.”

Probst tallies and returns, two votes for Rob, four votes for Ralph, and the twelfth person to be sent to Redemption Island is…Ralph.

After Ralph is snuffed, J-Pro tells Steve to open the mysterious package of mystery. Sure enough, it’s a set of cards. Apparently there will be an immediate immunity challenge and then they’ll vote out another player.

Immunity Challenge One Mo’ Time: Probst hands out decks of cards to everyone. All of the cards have symbols on them. Probst will show the players a series of symbols. The players will have to show the symbols back to him. If you get one wrong, you’re out. Last person standing wins immunity.

Round One: Phillip and Natalie are out first. Andrea and Grant are out second. Steve and Ashley are out next…Rob wins immunity.

Voting Time…Again: Andrea votes for Steve, Steve votes for Grant, and the rest will wait.

J-Pro tallies yet again and returns, one vote for Grant, three votes for Steve, and the thirteenth person to be sent to Redemption Island is…Steve.

Verdict: Heh, I feel like the producers were pushing the fast forward button on the Pagonging of Zapatera. And honestly, you’re not going to hear me complaining about it. Hopefully things will pick up now that Andrea’s rock-solid alliance has to vote each other off.

In other news, there are a jillion people on Redemption Island now. It’s making figuring out the Power Rankings a nightmare. It’s like trying to predict a game of Calvinball. (I tweeted that joke a week ago and loved it enough to recycle it.)

Who’s Going to Win? Could the Redemption Islanders form a pack to vote for whoever returns to the game?

Power Rankings Update: Sash and I both had Matt and Mike as our Redemption Island picks. So, we both earn two points. Sash had Steve eighth and Ralph seventh. I had Ralph eighth and Steve seventh. So, we both earn fifteen points. The current score is now Team Sash 129 to Team Gordon 116. Since I pitched a perfect game (…for once…) none of the readers got the best of me. Better luck next week.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes