More Whatnot

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Coach is voted out this week, Andrea will receive 2 points and Gordon will receive 10 points. Also, each player will pick who they think will win at Redemption Island. If they choose correctly they will receive a bonus point. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: South Pacific” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

Last Week: Andrea Boehlke pitched back-to-back perfect games! She had Ozzy in spot twelve and Christine winning at Redemption for a total of thirteen points. Gordon had Ozzy in eleven and missed the Redemption Island extra point. The current score is Team Boehlke 88, Team Holmes 89.

Wanna Play? Tag Gordon (@gordonholmes) in your own Twitter Power Rankings. If you do better than Gordon does, (which is highly likely) he’ll give you credit in his weekly recap.

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Current Score: 88 Got any advice for Andrea? Drop her a line on Twitter.	.	Current Score: 89 Got any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter.

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#1 Sophie: Finally folks, it is time for the mergey-merge! And I thought last week was rough. Now what do I do? Well, I don’t start out with Alpha Males and I don’t start out with Savaii peeps.  Sophie is smart and savvy enough to realize where the numbers are. I also love how real Sophie is: she notices if you’re being sketchy about praying and she only laughs if she finds the movie funny. (Future Sophie suitors, take note!)	.	#1 Sophie: Yikes, making picks the week of the merge is the worst. Especially if you aren’t sure a merge is coming. The best bet is to put people who are safe either way higher in the listing. Sophie is a perfect example of this. Without a merge, they’ll probably axe someone like Edna. With a merge, challenge threats like Albert and leaders like Coach are in trouble.

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#2 Coach: In theory, Coach should be a target heading into merge-town. However, Coach has his tribe intact, he has an idol, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Ometep—oh, I mean Upolu Pagongs Savaii.	.	#2 Brandon: Brandon’s another one that falls in the same category as Sophie. If there’s no merge, he’s safe as he is Coach’s right hand, and if there is a merge, he won’t be an obvious target for the Savaiians.

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#3 Dawn: Personally, I think that Savaii is screwed. They don’t have the unity of Upolu or the CRABS; they don’t even have an alliance name for goodness sake! However, of anyone on Savaii, Dawn is less of an immediate merge target: she isn’t an Alpha Male or a girlfriend of an Alpha Male. Mama is safe for a few rounds.	.	#3 Rick: OK, the more I think about these rankings the more of a headache I’m getting. If there’s a merge, either Ozzy or Christine are coming back and making a beeline for Savaii, thus making the numbers even. Add to that the fact that both teams have an immunity idol. I have no idea what’s going to happen. However, I doubt Rick will be a target either way.

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#4 Albert: Alpha Male, Yes. (Apparently I love saying Alpha Male.) However, when it comes down to Upolu vs. Savaii, C.R.A.B.S. vs NoName, I can’t see Albert’s alliance turning on him right now.	.	#4 Whitney: Under-the-radar, riding coattails, “Survivor” ninja…whatever you want to call it, Whitney is doing it. Her worst-case scenario right now is Upolu aims for her for fear of a more obvious target playing an idol.

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#5 Rick: Rick is not just any Mustache. He is a loyal Mustache. Since Rick is loyal to his tribe and Coach, he will probably go pretty far. And then be blindsided silently.	.	#5 Edna: Alright, we’re getting down to the people who are in big trouble depending on if we hit mergeville or not. If there’s no merge and Upolu loses immunity, Edna is going home. Coach simply can’t afford to raise any doubt amongst his C.R.A.B.S. alliance.

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#6 Brandon: So we have established that he looks pretty darn good in a bra and likes to have outbursts at Tribal Council. Normally this is recipe for pre-merge oustings, but once you make the merge, isn’t this possibly a guy you want to sit next to in the end? I think Coach sees Brandon as someone who he can use for votes, since Brandon has pledged his loyalty and honestly and what have you.	.	#6 Dawn: Why’s Dawn this low? Don’t we love her on the XFINITY TV Power Rankings? Yes we do, but say there’s no merge and Cochran is still holding the immunity idol. Jim, Whitney, and Keith won’t turn on each other while Dawn’s still around.

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#7 Cochran: Cochran was really good at being on the chopping block and finding a way to come back to camp each night. Now that he has the idol and it’s merge time, the world is his oyster. These next few episodes are critical to how Cochran’s end game plays out. He could be loyal, flip, flop, swap, betray, stay. Exciting but scary stuff.	.	#7 Cochran: What can I say about Cochran? He went from being next to go to Redemption Island to being handed an immunity idol. The kid’s bulletproof! However, he may have the most question marks surrounding him this week. If there’s no merge and Savaii loses immunity, he’d better play that idol and hope to jump to Upolu after a merge. And what if Ozzy returns and asks for his idol back?

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#8 Edna: I don’t think Edna will be a target this episode, but since she is someone who knows her placement in her tribe, she may try to mix things up or flip. In doing so, she could be seen as a flipper and put a target on her back.	.	#8 Albert: Tribe swaps and merges are never good for challenge threats, and Albert is definitely the biggest challenge threat on Upolu. I’d hate to see him go, but out of everyone left in the game, I’d bet he has the best chance to Redemption Island his way back into the game.

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#9 Whitney: I don’t think Whitney herself is a huge merge target, but everyone and their mom’s cat’s cousins can see that her and Keith have a strong love bond. Couples tend to get targeted these days on” Survivor,” so Whitney’s days may be numbered.	.	#9 Jim: If Jim’s following all the angles, he has to be a little worried that Ozzy might come back into this game and jump to Upolu. Why wouldn’t he? Ozzy has already been stabbed in the back by his Savaii tribemates. And, why wouldn’t Upolu take him in? He was voted out by Savaii. And who’d ever believe that Ozzy asked to be sent to Redemption Island?

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#10. Jim: Jim took a pretty drastic drop. Why? Well, in mergey-merge land, he is a target for being an Alpha Male, will probably be seen as smart and strategic, and he is on Savaii. Wah wah.	.	#10 Coach: As the obvious leader over at Upolu and a returning player, there’s gotta be a big target on the Dragon Slayer’s back. I think his alliance will stay loyal for a while, but it looks like this episode might come down to which tribe can give the idol to the right person on their team.

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#11. Keith: Keith is normally awesome but now has three things going against him. He is an individual immunity threat. He is on Savaii which seems to be less intact than Upolu. He has an island girlfriend. Three strikes you’re out…to Redemption.	.	#11 Keith: Jim hinted that Keith is basically Savaii’s version of Albert, and I think he’s right. The reason Keith gets the bottom spot this week is because I think Upolu is tighter than Savaii. It’s not out of the realm of possibility that Upolu could pull Ozzy, Cochran, or even Christine onto their side.

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Redemption Island Pick – Ozzy: Unfortunately, all good Elrods must come to an end. Would it be awesome if Christine pulled it off? YES. Will she? Ehhhhh I’m thinking this is the last we see of Christine “legitimate force” Shields.	.	Redemption Island Pick – Ozzy: Basically this comes down to Christine’s impressive streak vs. Ozzy’s challenge prowess legacy. My gut tells me that Ozzy can do it. If he doesn’t, last week will go down as the dumbest move in “Survivor” history. Erik Reichenbach (“Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites”) will be giddy.

Last Week: Ozzy thought his alliance was totally dead-na, Brandon searched for the idol because he was misled-na, and Rick cast the deciding vote to boot Mikayla and keep Edna.

Quick Aside for Zelda Fans: Doesn’t it look like Ozzy has a Tri-Force on his chest?

39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Here are the tribes as they currently stand…

The Savaii Tribe (wearing red)
Cochran – 24, Harvard Law Student
Dawn – 41, English Professor
Jim – 35, Medical Marijuana Dispensary Owner
Keith – 26, Water Treatment Tech
Ozzy – 30, Slayer of Challenges
Whitney – 27, Country Music Singer

The Upolu Tribe (wearing blue)
Albert – 26, Baseball/Dating Coach
Brandon – 19, Oil Tanker Crewman
Coach – 39, Slayer of Dragons
Edna – 35, Anesthesiologist
Rick – 51, Rancher
Sophie – 22, Medical Student

Currently Residing on Redemption Island (wearing hatred for the term “Upolosers”)
Christine – 39, Teacher
Mikayla – 22, Lingerie Football Player

We get down to business over at Upolu beach. Edna points out the obvious by saying that Brandon’s wild mood swings make him a tough person to have an alliance with. In other news, water is wet and the sky is blue.

Rick lets Coach know that he’s worried about Brandon’s loose cannon ways. Coach compares Lil Hantz to Lennie from “Of Mice and Men” and says sometimes you have to put a bullet in someone’s head.

Tell me about the immunity idols, George…

Redemption Island Duel: Each player will take apart a crate and use the pieces to build a bridge. They’ll cross the bridge, then use some of the pieces to complete a puzzle. First person to complete the puzzle wins immunity.

Albert and Sophie are in attendance for Upolu, while Ozzy and Cochran represent the Savaii delegation.

The duel is very even. Albert shows his allegiance by openly rooting for his buddy Mikayla.  Christine manages to cross her bridge first, but Mikayla is right behind her.

The puzzle portion involves recreating a logo that’s featured in the Redemption Island set. Mikayla doesn’t figure it out. Christine does. Christine wins yet again.

Ozzy isn’t sure where Christine will go once the tribes merge. Um…has he been paying attention to the way she’s been tearing apart Upolu every time Probst lets her talk? He thinks it might a good idea to send someone to Redemption Island to knock her out.

An Open Letter to Ozzy Lusth

Dear Ozzy,

You are an amazing physical specimen. Maybe the best challenge performer in “Survivor” history. In a footrace, or a swimming competition, or a tree-climbing contest you would decimate Christine.

However, the Redemption Island Duels aren’t physical competitions. What’re you going to do if you ask to get voted out and then have to beat Christine in Monopoly or Tiddlywinks or a sweater knitting contest, or any other bizarre competition John Kirhoffer comes up with?

Think about it.

Your Friend In Time,
Gordon

Back at Savaii, Ozzy proves that they don’t have access to XFINITYTV.com on the beach. He tells Cochran that his “Worst-Case Scenario” plan is to send himself to Redemption Island to get rid of Christine.

Ozzy even agrees to give his idol to someone in the hopes that they’ll give it back to him when he returns.

Somewhere Erik Reichenbach is stoked that his Dumbest Move in “Survivor” History moment in Micronesia could possibly be topped.

Over at Upolu, Coach is harnessing his chi in an attempt to figure how to cheer up his tribe. He comes to the conclusion that the best way to do this is to “find” the hidden immunity idol with the entire group.

This isn’t a terrible idea. Everyone on the tribe who doesn’t know he has it (Brandon, Edna, Rick) are already pretty loyal to him.

Before they start their wild goose chase, Brandon and Coach lead the tribe in a prayer asking for help finding the idol and winning the next challenge. Sophie is understandably wigged out that Coach is praying for an idol he already has in his pocket.

As they’re “looking” for the idol, Sophie and Coach discover tree mail that tells everyone to use body paint to turn themselves into identical sets of twins for the challenge.

They return to camp with the idol and Brandon takes this as a sign that the man upstairs is on their side. I guess that’s true if Coach happens to be sleeping on the bunk above you.

Immunity Challenge Time: One set of twins will be callers, while the other two sets of twins will be blindfolded and attached to a rope. The blindfolded twins will follow the rope to retrieve bags of masks. Once they have all of the masks they’ll have to put the masks in a proper order. First team to do this wins immunity and an exclusive sneak preview screening of Adam Sandler’s new movie “Jack and Jill.”

What?! That’s why they’re twins?! Oh man, I’d throw that challenge in a heartbeat.

Oof…and Whitney’s super psyched at the prospect of seeing that movie. Her enthusiasm for that movie dials back her hotness by about 20%.

Coach and Rick, Brandon and Edna, and Sophie and Albert are paired up for Upolu. While Keith and Dawn, Ozzy and Whitney, and Jim and Cochran are twins of Savaii.

Wow, these paint jobs are amazing. It’s like “Braveheart” mixed with “Avatar”

Quick Note: Yes, Brandon and Albert have on body paint bras.

Another Quick Note: You know, I pick on Brandon quite a bit in these recaps, but I think deep down he’s a good kid who is letting his brain get the best of his instincts. At least he has a sense of humor enough to go on national TV painted up like that. I hope he comes out of this “Survivor” experience with a lot of good things to build on.

Yet Another Quick Note: If I were in this challenge I’d paint my face like the Ultimate Warrior and my tummy like Kamala.

Jim and Cochran will call for Savaii while Coach and Rick will call for Upolu.

Not a lot to describe early on except for some comical bumping into things. Savaii did have a bit of a lead, but Upolu was able to make it up when the Savaii twins became tangled in their ropes. Cochran, who is responsible for the hooking and unhooking of the pairs, is apparently screwing this up royally.

Upolu has all of the masks first, but Savaii isn’t too far behind. Coach makes like Burt Bacharach and says a little prayer for his tribe. Apparently it works as Upolu wins immunity.

Ozzy is not pleased. He violently kicks at walls and slams his hands down on the table. While he’s going ballistic, Coach leads the Upolutians in a prayer. A merciful God wouldn’t make you watch “Jack and Jill.”

When Probsty asks Ozzy what happened, Ozzy has a fit. He doesn’t throw Cochran under the bus specifically. But it didn’t take much to connect the dots.

After the break, we meet up with Upolu as they’re watching the movie. Coach lets us know that the movie is funny, but it has a message that family comes first. Jeez, Coach…spoiler alert.

Meanwhile, Ozzy still hasn’t calmed down over what he considers an easy win. It’s almost like their manager called to the bullpen and asked for the wrong pitcher.

Ahem…

Ozzy doesn’t beat around the bush, as he says that Cochran cost them the challenge. Cochran says he feels horrible and should be held accountable. Ozzy thinks his previous plan isn’t such a good idea now that he’s faced with the prospect of actually going through with it. Way to be a stand-up guy, Oz.

The tribe eventually comes to the conclusion that Cochran can redeem himself by going to Redemption Island and eliminating Christine. It’s amazing how the tribe went from “You suck, you blew it” to “You can totally beat Christine” within a few cuts.

The following morning, Ozzy claims that he had a dream that he should be the one to take out Christine. Cochran agrees with Ozzy’s nighttime inspiration, saying it’s more likely that Ozzy would be able to come back into the game.

Keith and Jim, however, are worried that the merge might not be as soon as they think it is.

That night at Tribal Council, Ozzy admits to blaming Cochran for the immunity challenge loss.

Cochran confesses that he had panicked during the challenge.

Dawn tells us about their plan to oust Christine.

OK, am I the only one who watches the show where Christine Elrod hates her old tribe? It’s on Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET on CBS.

Ozzy tells Probst that he’s prepared to go to Redemption Island for his tribe. He sees it as redemption for not following his heart during “Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites.”

He also tells us that his plan is to tell Christine that Cochran pulled a fast one on the tribe by finding the immunity idol and using it against them.

Quick Aside: I disagree with this move too. Wouldn’t it be better to act like Ozzy was an outcast? If he gets back into the game he would have a reason to pretend to side with Upolu. He’d be like a “Survivor” sleeper cell.

Keith doesn’t love this idea. He thinks it’s Cochran’s chance to be a team player.

Voting Time: Cochran votes for Ozzy and the rest of the votes aren’t shown.

J-Pro…you know…tallies. He asks if anyone wants to play the hidden immunity idol. Ozzy plays like he’s changed his mind, but instead he hands the idol to Cochran. So weird.

Three votes for Ozzy, and the seventh person to pay a visit to Redemption Island is…Ozzy.

Verdict: Ozzy mentioned this exact strategy during the pre-game interviews. I thought he meant it as a last-ditch effort. Apparently I was wrong.

I always felt like JT giving Russell the idol in “Heroes vs. Villains” was more of a big gamble than a dumb move. How was JT supposed to know Russell was the devil?

This seems like a way bigger gamble with a very small upside. If he’s sent packing by the Christine Express next week, or if the merge doesn’t happen and he finds himself squaring off against Cochran, he’s going to look dumb. So, I’ll reserve judgment.

Who’s Going to Win: Upolu might have this in the bag. Go Sophie.

Power Rankings Update: Andrea Boehlke pitched back-to-back perfect games! She had Ozzy in spot twelve and Christine winning at Redemption for a total of thirteen points. I had Ozzy in eleven and missed the Redemption Island extra point. The current score is Team Boehlke 88, Team Holmes 89. Tweeter @SherriErwin also picked a perfect game and became the first Tweeter to defeat me all season. Don’t get used to it, Sherri…

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

Quick Note: Andrea and I have a deal where when she wins, I’ll lead the next week with an Albert photo and when I win I’ll lead with a Mikayla photo. In the case of a tie we’d use a picture of Elyse. Since Elyse is out of the game, it only seemed fitting to use a picture of Brandon Hantz wearing a bra. Yes, I’m aware that there are some things you can’t unsee.

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Sophie is voted out this week, Andrea will receive 2 points and Gordon will receive 4 points. Also, each player will pick who they think will win at Redemption Island. If they choose correctly they will receive a bonus point. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: South Pacific” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

Last Week: A perfect game from both sides as Andrea and Gordon both had Mikayla in spot thirteen and Christine winning Redemption Island. The current score is Team Boehlke 75, Team Holmes 78.

Wanna Play? Tag Gordon (@gordonholmes) in your own Twitter Power Rankings. If you do better than Gordon does, (which is highly likely) he’ll give you credit in his weekly recap.

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Current Score: 75 Got any advice for Andrea? Drop her a line on Twitter.	.	Current Score: 78 Got any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter.

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#1 Coach: I didn’t think I’d see the day where I put a returning player on top of the rankings, but here we are! Sure, there was a little disturbance in the S.A.C. when Albert and Sophie voted to keep Mikayla against his wishes. However, we saw that Coach has the majority of his alliance-mates in order. At the very least he has C.R.E.B. intact, which IS a thing (it’s a cellular transcription factor, duh) and there is a good possibility that things will be patched up with Sophie and Albert. Oh, and he has an idol.	.	#1 Keith: Now that things have settled down a bit over at Savaii, it looks like Keith has moved back into his position as stud who’s super safe until mergeville. And if Elyse is to be believed, he and Whitney have a bit of a showmance going on. Could Keith and Whit (I agree, they need a nickname) go the distance and pull a Boston Rob/Amber? Doubtful. But he’s good for now.

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#2 Sophie: I honestly feel Sophie isn’t getting the credit she deserves in the Albert-Sophie alliance. I think she is doing more than just nodding her head and batting those baby-blues. Speaking of, have you seen her eyes? Incredibly fierce eyes. I believe Sophie is a silent assassin and although she voted against the numbers in her tribe this week, she is savvy enough to get back in with the crew.	.	#2 Jim: Yeah, yeah…Jim’s running things over at Savaii beach. Big deal. What impresses me is, both Elyse and Semhar have said how grossed out they are by the fact that Jim has dated his former students. HE’S NEVER HAD ANY STUDENTS! Best of all, he’s not making up lies that make him look awesome (ala Russell Hantz, Katrina fireman/dog rescuer), he’s making up lies that could make him look like a decent dude if he’s ever found out. Hilarious.

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#3 Jim: I have a love/hate relationship with Jim. First, he makes my life really easy by creating this 3+2 alliance and thus the Power Rankings are super simple. Then, he does this awesome blindside and messes up 3+2 and makes my rankings of Savaii close to impossible. He seems to be the only one dictating moves at this point, so I deem him safe this week. I hate/love you, Jim!	.	#3 Albert: Everyone’s making a big deal about the Upolu Five breaking up. I don’t buy it. Sophie and Albert could have easily turned Brandon against Coach if they wanted to by mentioning the immunity idol. I think it was just a disagreement where they decided to let Rick make the final call. I think they’ll stick together for a while longer.

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#4 Rick: Well, here’s a classic rags to riches story! Mustache man goes from invisible to making huge decisions. Mustache spoke at the duel and I swooned. Then he spoke later in the episode and I bit my fist. It’s probably because I’m biased and totally Team Alphie (sounds better than Sophbert, right?) but I actually think he made the right decision for himself to not piss of Coach.	.	#4 Sophie: Like I said with Albert, I think things are fine with her and Coach. However, they will have to be wary of how loyal Brandon and Edna (and apparently Rick) are to the Dragon Slayer. Quick Note: Sophie dropped me a line to let me know that she didn’t like how her Power Rankings photo had a white background. So, I added some disgusting, half-chewed pork.

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#5 Brandon: I think it’s detrimental to keep Brandon so high in the rankings because I too am a man of my word and I also thinking smoking marijuana is going against your word and I’d rather put him this high even though from the beginning I wanted someone else high but I stick to my word. Does this make sense? Of course not, it doesn’t have to!	.	#5 Coach: Congrats, Coach. You won one last week. You get to keep your pocket Edna around for at least one more round. However, there is no more doubting who the power player on Upolu is. If your alliance breaks up, or heads into the merge down numbers, there’s going to be a huge target on your back.

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#6 Dawn: In a world where nobody is really safe on Savaii, Dawn has done a great job proving herself valuable to the tribe. I don’t think Ozzy has it out for Dawn like he does any of the others, and Dawn seems to be tight now with Cochran and Jim, so if something crazy happens she could be safe.	.	#6 Whitney: Is it ‘Crazy’ to ‘Stand by Your Man’? Definitely not. No alliance is ‘Written in Stone’ in fact, many ‘Fall to Pieces.’ Worst case, she’ll still have a boyfriend ‘After the Fire Is Gone.’ (I’d like to thank Wikipedia for their help with that caption.)

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#7 Albert: Although I applaud Albert for playing for his own end game, it was Coach who got his way last week. While normally this could be a “dun dun dun” moment for Al, let’s not forget that he and Sophie know about the idol, which gives Coach incentive to patch things up.  Although he came close, close only showed that he’s thinking of moves but Coach is really the one in control over at Upolu.	.	#7 Rick: Rick! He speaks! He casts a vital swing vote! He…uh…he’s kinda boring. Although, it is funny that someone who was specifically anti-Coach during the pre-game interviews (and he had no idea that Coach was going to be returning) ended up siding with him.

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#8 Whitney: Whitney went back to being “purple” this episode which gives me some hope she will make it past this round. However, with the beautiful train-wreck that is Savaii, there is literally no telling who is next to go.	.	#8 Dawn: Who’s had the best transformation so far this season? Coach. The change from pawn to prince has been fascinating. Second best transformation? Dawn. Remember her rough beginning? Is this the same woman who totally called out Ozzy last week during his hissy fit? Awesome. And all the Savaiians who have left the game seem to love and respect her. Put her in front of the jury and I can think of six kids who are going to get shiny new bicycles when their mom cashes a million-dollar check.

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#9 Keith: Keith is starting to remind me more and more of a South Pacific Grant. He’s cool, collected, amazing at challenges and everyone loves him. Although I think he is safe for now, I think he will inevitably be blindsided down the road. I wonder if he will talk to Coach at the reunion.	.	#9 Brandon: OK, here’s some truth for you…never (as in EVER) tell your tribe to vote you out. I think you’re safe because you’re Coach’s boy. But you’re playing a dangerous game.

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#10. Edna: Mikayla has a point. How DID Edna get this far? Girl must be doing something right. I mean, according to Mikayla’s logic, Edna is like 2 foot something, 65 pounds or something ridiculous — just a little pixel of a thing!  However I do believe that if Upolu loses she will be next to go because she was never in the C.R.A.B.S. and people like Brandon and Coach are men of their words, you know.	.	#10 Cochran: Cochran and Dawn are both in a good position IF they can make it to the merge. They’re not quite out of the woods yet though, as we don’t know when the merge will take place.

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#11. Cochran: Cochran is just so cute and nerdy and I can’t wait to meet his mom, but I don’t know what to do with him! I can’t pretend he is running things. And since Ozzy has the idol and has apparently had something against Cochran from the beginning, I feasibly can’t put him any higher in the chance that Ozzy turns the tables on little ole Cochran.	.	#11 Ozzy: The previews are hinting that someone has asked to go to Redemption Island. Ozzy talked about this exact strategy in our pre-game interview. Does that mean he’s going to go? Maybe not, Savaii could win immunity, the tribe could decide that ousting Christine or Mikayla isn’t that important (as they’d be likely to switch to Savaii). Either way, this strategy is dumb. Can Ozzy beat Christine in a foot race? Yup. Can he beat her in Chutes and Ladders? Who knows.

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#12. Ozzy: So the previews for next week say that a person asks to go to Redemption Island and it is the most strategic gamble in “Survivor” history. Ummmmmmm. Can anybody see anyone else besides Ozzy asking to be sent to Redemption Island at this point?	.	#12 Edna: Coach saved you last week. He can’t do it again this week without getting rid of one of his original five alliance. The Dragon Slayer can’t do that without going against his statement that the best alliances start early and ride it until the end.

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Redemption Island Pick – Christine: Matt—errr, I mean Christine wins. Although I think Christine will eventually be de-Elroded, I don’t think Mikayla will be the one to do it. First of all, with challenges like shuffleboard it’s not like you have to be super skilled or strong. Second, when Sophie says “Christine is the worst person to come back” I sense foreshadowing. Goodbye, Mikayla, I too hope “Survivor” helps you with your modeling career. What—I’m being genuine!	.	Redemption Island Pick – Mikayla: Is it bad to bet against Christine’s hot streak? Totally. Do I need Mikayla to stay in the game so I have someone’s picture to use when I win the Power Rankings? Absolutely.

Last Week: Stacey and Christine spilled the beans about the Upolu alliance, Albert buttered up Coach by helping him find the immunity idol, and Jim upset the applecart by turning on Elyse and voting her out.

Note: I shouldn’t write these recaps when I’m hungry.

39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Here are the tribes as they currently stand…

The Savaii Tribe (wearing red)
Cochran – 24, Harvard Law Student
Dawn – 41, English Professor
Jim – 35, Medical Marijuana Dispensary Owner
Keith – 26, Water Treatment Tech
Ozzy – 30, Slayer of Challenges
Whitney – 27, Country Music Singer

The Upolu Tribe (wearing blue)
Albert – 26, Baseball/Dating Coach
Brandon – 19, Oil Tanker Crewman
Coach – 39, Slayer of Dragons
Edna – 35, Anesthesiologist
Mikayla – 22, Lingerie Football Player
Rick – 51, Rancher
Sophie – 22, Medical Student

Currently Residing on Redemption Island (wearing buffs they hope they won’t have to burn)
Christine – 39, Teacher
Elyse – 27, Dance Team Manager

This episode kicks off with a very dejected Ozzy returning to Savaii camp. He tells the rest of the tribe that he’s done with alliances and is now a free agent. Jim, Whitney, and Keith try to talk him out of it, but Ozzy thinks they need to be honest with each other.

Dawn calls Ozzy out, saying he’s been hiding stuff from them. He agrees, admitting that he has the immunity idol.

Ozzy then tells the tribe they’re forgetting about Redemption Island. Keith lets him know that if he wants them to send him there, they will.

Wha what? Two things. First, Dawn…loving her. Second, Ozzy’s blowing up his game. I haven’t seen a meltdown like this since Brandon Hantz admitted to gunning for Mikayla.

OK, so that wasn’t that long ago.

The following morning, Cochran claims that Ozzy is acting like a “stupid bitch.” Whoa! I thought Cochran’s mom was watching this show. Machetes, blindsides, and curses…they grow up so fast on the island.

Meanwhile over at Upolutucky, Coach lets us know that he’s made the decision to not tell Brandon about the immunity idol. The Dragon Slayer is wise.

So, Brandon spends some time looking for it. His Hantz idol sixth sense helps him uncover one of the clues. He shares the clue with Coach, then continues looking for the idol.

Coach is a little wigged out as the determination Brandon is showing reminds him of Russell. The accent helps too.

Redemption Island Duel: It’s “Survivor” shuffle board. The first player to knock all four of the opposing player’s pucks off of the board will stay in the game.

Keith and Ozzy are attending the day’s festivities for Savaii, while Sophie and some dude with a mustache and a cowboy hat attend for Upolu. Before the challenge gets underway, Christine breaks down a little as Redemption Island is lonely…and not an island.

Christine scores first, knocking off one of Elyse’s pucks. Elyse responds by knocking off one of Christine’s.

The guy in the cowboy hat openly roots for Christine. She responds by not-so-subtly rubbing her nose with her middle finger. Oof…Cochran’s mom is witnessing all kinds of bad behavior tonight.

Christine scores again. Elyse follows that up by accidentally knocking off one of her own pucks. Doh. Christine has three pucks left on the board, Elyse only has one.

Christine misses with her next shot. Elyse doesn’t. Christine two, Elyse one.

Christine misses again, Elyse doesn’t. Each player has one puck left on the board.

Christine hits her shot, and since this isn’t little league, Elyse doesn’t get fair ups. So, Elyse has been eliminated from “Survivor: South Pacific.”

Over at Upolu, Edna confesses that she’s worried about her place in the game because of Brandon’s admission that she isn’t in the alliance. She figures her best plan of attack is to cozy up to Coach. Coach tells her he has her back because he feels like she’ll lay down her “Survivor” life for him. That’s certainly a new one.

Back at Savaii, Ozzy realizes that crying about his woobie probably wasn’t the best way to win friends and influence people. He takes Keith aside and they bro it out. Buddies again.

Immunity Challenge Time: Three players from each team will build a wheelbarrow. They’ll push the wheelbarrow through a zig-zag course. At two places they’ll untie knots on coconut-dropping contraptions. Once all the knots are untied, coconuts will drop into their wheelbarrow. Then they’ll have to deconstruct the wheelbarrow and create an ‘Angry Birds’-esque slingshot. They’ll then use then launch the coconuts at a series of targets. First team to take out all of their targets wins immunity, a trip to the sliding rocks, and an immunity clue.

Fun Fact: Challenge creator John Kirhoffer said this challenge is in his top-five favorite challenges of all time.

Another Fun Fact: These are the same sliding rocks they used for a reward during “Survivor: Samoa.” I went there during my visit and it was equal parts super fun and freezing cold.

Edna will sit out the challenge for Upolu.

Mr. Mustache, Brandon, and Sophie will do the first leg for Upolu, while Cochran, Dawn, and Ozzy will go for Savaii.

Team Upolu jumped out to a big lead as Team Savaii had a tough time maneuvering the cumbersome wheelbarrow.

Albert, Coach, and Mikayla had slingshot duties for Upolu and a decent lead. They’d already hit a few targets before Jim, Whitney, and Keith got to take their first shots.

Mikayla had a tough time working the slingshot. She was only using one hand and wasn’t getting enough distance on her shots. Apparently that made the difference as Savaii was able to catch up and win the challenge.

Back at Upolu, politicking seems to center around Mikayla vs. Edna. Coach is definitely gunning for Mikayla as she wasn’t accepting his coaching during the challenge. You’d think a professional athlete would be more open to that. (What? Lingerie football is a professional sport.)

Albert, on the other hand, tells Mikayla he’s going to keep her safe.

Quick Aside: Stacey did say that she thought Albert and her were close during her exit interview.

Albert makes the argument that Mikayla is better at challenges and that Edna is a strategy threat. Sophie and Rick (I looked his name up) seem to agree.

Brandon, however, gave his word that Edna would be the group’s sixth member, and he will stick to it because God hates “Survivor” blindsides or something.

I’ve said this about a dozen times; God has bigger business to attend to than “Survivor.”

Albert takes his case to Coach, but Coach takes the blame for losing the challenge because Mikayla wouldn’t follow his direction. Coach knows that Edna would have listened. Albert is worried that Edna is faking her loyalty to Coach.

So, we have Sophie and Albert wanting Edna and Coach and Brandon gunning for Mikayla. Rick and his mustache are the swing vote.

That night at Tribal Council, Coach makes the case that they could have won the challenge if they’d let Albert take all the shots.

Edna doesn’t like being the scrawniest player on the team, but apparently it is what it is. Way to make your case there, Edna.

Brandon says they have to be up in numbers at the merge and the next challenge is “detrimental” to the way the game turns out. He might’ve meant “crucial.”

Albert and Sophie think loyalty isn’t as important as numbers at the merge. Coach disagrees. Albert counters with a solid argument saying loyalty can be faked, but strength can’t be.

Oooh…

I check my watch and apparently it’s time for Brandon’s Tribal Council confession. Apparently they made a pact to stay an alliance of six through the merge and Mikayla isn’t part of that six.

Albert keeps with his strong showing going by saying they’re still loyal, they’re just having a difference of opinions.

Brandon says he’d rather be voted out than to play with dishonest people. He follows that up by admitting that he’d rather keep Mikayla, but that he gave his word to his alliance.

Coach tries to explain that you have to be careful with what you say in this game, but Brandon isn’t having it. Half-truths and withholding information are just as bad as lying.

Voting Time: Brandon votes for Mikayla, Mikayla votes for Edna, Albert votes for Edna, and Edna votes for Mikayla (and wishes her well in her modeling career). The rest of the votes aren’t shown.

What?! Hidden votes? That’s withholding information! The producers are liars!

Anywho, the lying liar Jeff Probst tallies and returns. One vote for Mikayla, one vote for Edna, one vote for Mikayla, one vote for Edna, one vote for Mikayla, one vote for Edna, and the sixth person to pay a visit to Redemption Island is…Mikayla.

Verdict: Brandon turned up the crazy toward the end, but he wasn’t able to top Ozzy’s self-destructive showing. Strong effort though.

Another solid episode with good drama and gameplay from both tribes. But, I think I’m ready for this season to hit mergeville.

Who’s Going to Win: I don’t think the divide between Coach and Albert is going to be a big deal. It wasn’t like Albert outted his idol or anything. So, I’m sticking with Sophie.

Power Rankings Update: A perfect game from both sides as Andrea Boehlke and I both had Mikayla in spot thirteen and Christine winning Redemption Island. The current score is Team Boehlke 75, Team Holmes 78.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

Last Week: Dawn won a challenge by carrying lots of weight, Jim and Cochran decided to target Ozzy’s date, and Stacey got to Brandon, but it was a little too late.

39 Days, 20 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Here are the tribes as they currently stand…

The Savaii Tribe (wearing red)
Cochran – 24, Harvard Law Student
Dawn – 41, English Professor
Elyse – 27, Dance Team Manager
Jim – 35, Medical Marijuana Dispensary Owner
Keith – 26, Water Treatment Tech
Ozzy – 30, Slayer of Challenges
Whitney – 27, Country Music Singer

The Upolu Tribe (wearing blue)
Albert – 26, Baseball/Dating Coach
Brandon – 19, Oil Tanker Crewman
Coach – 39, Slayer of Dragons
Edna – 35, Anesthesiologist
Mikayla – 22, Lingerie Football Player
Rick – 51, Rancher
Sophie – 22, Medical Student

Currently Residing on Redemption Island (wearing hatred for Coach)
Christine – 39, Teacher
Stacey – 44, Mortician

The episode starts off with the touching reunion of Stacey and Christine at Redemption (not an) Island. Stacey lets Christine know that Upolu is going to hell with gasoline drawers on.

Are you kidding me?! That’s gold! Why are we just hearing from Stacey right now?!

The following morning, Brandon lets us know that his feelings are hurt because Mikayla doesn’t like him because he’s a Hantz. Yes, that’s the only reason she doesn’t like you.

Then Brandon breaks down and sheds a few tears. It’s like the dude’s trying to top Sugar’s “Most Times Crying in a Season” record.

And we’re off to Redemption Island for the duel. Albert and Mikayla are attending for Upolu, while Whitney and Dawn accepted the invitation for Savaii.

Before the challenge kicks off, Stacey spills the beans to Savaii about who’s in charge at Upolu. They go out of their way to specifically refer to Coach as “Benjamin,” because that’s what adults should call him.

STACEY FTW!

Redemption Island Duel: The players will drop balls into a winding chute, as time goes on they’ll add more balls. First person to drop a ball is eliminated.

Note: If memory serves me, a similar challenge was used in the final three in “Survivor: Tocantins.”

The challenge starts up and there’s not a lot to describe except for me giggling at some of Probst’s ball-centric commentary. Christine does a better job timing the placement of her balls and wins.

Back at Upolu beach, Albert tells Coach about the great information exchange at Redemption Island. In perhaps my favorite moment this season, Brandon chimes in by asking, “Who’s Benjamin?”

Coach has a bit of an odd moment where he says he’ll snap if anyone calls him Benjamin to his face. Apparently his parents have been calling him Coach since he was eighteen.

Over at Savaii, Elyse tells us that she’s perfectly comfortable riding Ozzy’s coattails. Ozzy then shows Elyse what a terrible idea that is by asking Cochran how he spells his name. Cochran understandably takes that the wrong way. Seriously, that’s like asking your wife for her friends’ phone numbers.

Then, after Whitney and Dawn tell everybody about the pecking order at Upolu, Ozzy says if Coach was smart he’d get rid of Albert soon. Keith understandably takes that the wrong way.

Ozzy, buddy, you’re Bizzaro Coach and Keith is Bizzaro Albert. Why don’t you just go around individually insulting everyone’s mothers next?

At Upolu, Albert is really annoyed that Stacey let Savaii know that he and Coach were a team. He’s worried that this will make him a target after the merge. Dude, you’re built like a Mack Truck, you’re going to be targeted either way.

Albert decides to improve his cause by going on an idol hunt. Sure enough, he uncovers a clue. He shares the information with Coach and Sophie.

Coach goes on a hunt of his own but has no luck. So, he prays…and promptly finds it! I wonder if Matt Elrod is jealous that God has a new favorite.

Immunity Challenge Time: Each team has a roasted pig. All of the players will have their hands tied behind their backs. They’ll run to the pig, bite off pieces, and spit them into a bin. The tribe with the most meat in their bin at the end of ten minutes wins immunity, vegetables, spices, bread, an immunity idol clue, and probably trichinosis.

I know I said that the dunking wheel challenge in “Nicaragua” and “Redemption Island” was the grossest challenge ever…but it’s definitely been topped. This was just saliva and hunks of pork being spit into a bin. I seriously may never eat again. And to top it off, pork would get stuck in someone’s teeth and a tribe mate would have to bite it out of their mouths.

Oh…and there was a bin-cam so it looked like the Survivors were spitting directly into my living room. Awesome.

In the end, Savaii had 22 pounds, 12 ounces of gross, while Upolu had 22 pounds, 14 ounces of disgusting. Upolu wins immunity, reward, and apparently over 45 pounds of drool-covered pork.

Politicking around Savaii centers around the Alpha Betas gunning for Cochran and Dawn, Cochran, and Jim targeting Elyse.

Jim realizes he needs a fourth vote, so he approaches Keith about Ozzy’s “Coach needs to get rid of Albert” comment. Keith is torn because Ozzy was his first alliance in the game.

That night at Tribal Council, Ozzy tells J-Pro that he wants to keep the tribe as strong as possible. Elyse thinks that being strong means being strong physically and socially.

Cochran says that the novelty of Tribal Council has worn off and he’s sick of seeing his name on votes.

Elyse sympathizes with Cochran because she assumes he was always picked last for teams. Throw it to Lucas!

We also learn that the challenge left everyone with bloody lips and even a few missing teeth. So gross.

Voting Time: Jim votes for Elyse, Ozzy votes for Cochran, and the rest of the votes are gonna wait for the next paragraph…

Probsty tallies and returns; one vote for Cochran, one vote for Elyse, one vote for Cochran, one vote for Elyse, two votes for Dawn, and the fifth person to be sent to Redemption Island is…Elyse.

Whoa! Where’d those Dawn votes come from?! Are Whitney and Keith going to pretend that there was some miscommunication with Ozlyse?

Verdict: Bit of a shocker there at the end, but it’s nice to see the Savaii tribe doing some strategizing. A bit of a boring Upolu week, but I’m sure Brandon has plenty of crazy waiting for us next week.

Who’s Going to Win? Sophie. Bet on it.

Power Rankings Update: The Cardinals beat the Brewers, and I beat Andrea. I had Elyse in spot fourteen, while she had her in spot twelve. We both predicted Christine would keep her Redemption Island run going. The current score is Team Boehlke 61, Team Holmes 64.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Whitney is voted out this week, Andrea will receive 6 points and Gordon will receive 3 points. Also, each player will pick who they think will win at Redemption Island. If they choose correctly they will receive a bonus point. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: South Pacific” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

Last Week: Both Andrea and Gordon had Stacey in spot fifteen and Christine winning at Redemption Island for a total of sixteen points each. The score is now Team Boehlke 48, Team Holmes 49.

Fun Fact: Andrea is a fan of the Milwaukee Brewers and Gordon is a fan of the St. Louis Cardinals. This development is the latest in a long list of reasons why Gordon dislikes Andrea.

Wanna Play? Tag Gordon (@gordonholmes) in your own Twitter Power Rankings. If you do better than Gordon does, (which is highly likely) he’ll give you credit in his weekly recap.

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Current Score: 48 Got any advice for Andrea? Drop her a line on Twitter.	.	Current Score: 49 Got any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter.

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#1 Albert: Just. Can’t. Seem. To. Move. Albert. Down. Even if he is a snorer. Reasons? See first 3 power rankings.	.	#1 Albert: Gotta love Albert…the strong, silent type. Well, except for the snoring. And I’m assuming he’s silent; the editors never show him talking. But he’s definitely strong. Super strong even. That’s all I have to say.

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#2 Keith: Keith is like, the Savaii Albert and therefore should not be touched until merge. K thx bye.	.	#2 Keith: After last week’s exit interview, Papa Bear hinted that there might be a bit of a showmance going on between Keith and Whitney. That strategy has only ever paid off once in this show (“Boston” Rob and Amber Mariano).

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#3 Coach: This C.R.A.B.S. master has a firm grip of his tribe and is trying his darndest to keep paranoia (aka Brandantz aka Brandon Hantz) under control. The only thing that he doesn’t know about is that Brandantz told Edna she isn’t a part of the core alliance. But Edna doesn’t really have any numbers besides Edna, so….yeah.	.	#3 Whitney: But on the other hand, the one time the showmance strategy did work out they ended up with two million dollars, appearances on “The Amazing Race,” beautiful kids, a show on the History Channel…

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#4 Sophie: We didn’t hear much from Sophie this week, but that is because she is a silent assassin and working her magic within the C.R.A.B.S. alliance. Silent is another word to add on to last week’s brilliant Sophie alliteration.	.	#4 Sophie: During our pre-game interview, Sophie said that she wanted to be the head of a braintrust like the janitor in “Scrubs.” Since the editors aren’t showing much of her, I’m assuming that’s exactly what she’s doing.

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#5 Rick: We found out this episode that Rick isn’t into Albert’s snoring. Oh Rick, stop kidding yourself. You are a snorer if I ever saw one! You are basically the poster child/man for snoring! Anyway, Rick is silent and safe this week.	.	#5 Rick: I’m always excited when I reach the point in the season where I don’t have to look at the cast list anymore while writing these rankings. I was almost there this week, except I forgot about Rick. Ahem…SHOW MORE RICK!

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#6 Whitney: Purple Whitney is sitting pretty for now. She is still in the random 3+2 pretty people alliance (which is actually crumbling as we just found out), but she isn’t a target this week like her bud Elyse. Apparently you can snuggle up to Keith, but not Ozzy. Note taken.	.	#6 Coach: Coach did a fantastic job talking Brandon down after his little meltdown last week. So, why am I bumping the Dragon Slayer down? Because I think it’s odd that he’s so tied to such a loose cannon. That might land him in some trouble.

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#7 Jim: Jim is thinking outside of the 3+2 alliance now that he sees Elyse cozying up to the Oz. I would too—PDA is gross if you’re not a part of it. (Especially Jungle PDA!) I have my fingers crossed that this is a breakout episode for Jim and crazy things are going to happen over at Savaii.	.	#7 Jim: It looks like Jim is prepared to ditch his ill-advised “Three Plus Two” strategy. I think that’s wise. Going to the end of the game with Keith and Ozzy would have been a disaster for him. My only worry for him is that Cochran is a big fan of the big move. That could burn Jim later.

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#8 Brandon: Brandon sure knows how to keep things interesting. And by interesting I mean ‘loca.’ And by ‘loca’ I mean he is a hot mess. However, Coach seems to be taking Brandon under his wing and still recognizes him as a useful part of the tribe. Brandon may still be in the C.R.A.B.S. but it’s only a matter of time until Coach is only left with a S.C.A.R.	.	#8 Dawn: Nice to see Dawn pull out a big win last week. I know it meant a lot to her to get in there and show what she could do after being cut from “Redemption Island.” She’s in a pretty good spot too as she’ll be the swing vote if Jim starts shaking things up at Savaii.

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#9 Ozzy: Things are just not looking good for Ozzy. The more comfortable he gets, the more in trouble he is. He doesn’t know that Keith told people about his idol. He also has no idea that Jim is scheming behind his back. Scandal is a brewing and Ozzy better catch wind of it pronto.	.	#9 Ozzy: With all of the unrest at Savaii camp, Ozzy had better hope that Whitney was the only person Keith told about his idol. Right now it looks like Jim and Cochran will boot Elyse first, but that could change if they’re worried about him hitting the merge with an idol.

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#10. Cochran: Now that Jim is reaching out to him, he may have an edge on Dawn. Is this Cochran’s breakout episode? He somehow finds a way to avoid being voted out every week. Some say luck, I say skill.	.	#10 Cochran: I’m still not 100% positive that Jim isn’t messing with you…although why would he?

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#11. Mikayla: Mikayla sure is hard to place. She isn’t in the core alliance but seems to have gotten into better graces with her tribe, errrrr with Brandon. As long as Edna keeps talking about Buffalo, Mikayla may be safe.	.	#11 Edna: They made it seem like Edna was in trouble last week, but I can’t imagine Coach would send his ace in the hole packing. Either way, I’m moving her down in the rankings just in case I’m wrong about that.

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#12. Elyse: It’s hard out there for a hot girl. In most seasons it helps to be an attractive girl, but in this season you are apparently cursed. Elyse may very well be on the chopping block and have no idea. This could be the “Best. Blindside. EVER!” Please note that this is a quote, not my words.	.	#12 Brandon: How on Earth did Stacey get to Brandon? When somebody is obviously on their way out of the game, they’ll say anything to survive. That’s ‘Survivor’ 101. And yet somehow Brandon fell for it. Something about the Samoan air must be messing with this kid’s head.

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#13 Edna: So apparently Edna is annoying the tribe and is REALLY interested about buffalo hunting. She also has wind that she isn’t part of the main alliance, but is it just a little too late? The one thing she has going for her is that Coach is the one person not annoyed by her antics, and it seems as if Coach is calling the shots.	.	#13 Mikayla: How is Mikayla still on the outside looking in at the majority alliance? Have we seen Mikayla talking strategy with anyone? This leads me to believe that she might still suffer after the fallout of Brandon-gate.

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#14 Dawn: I love Dawn, and I love that she is Dawnminating these challenges, but I just don’t know how she is going to stick around if she doesn’t find an alliance with numbers. I’m really pulling for Dawn this week, and I am hoping that Jim is conducting some awesome blindside. For Dawn’s sake, please!	.	#14 Elyse: It’s always a little sad when an alpha male’s gal pal gets voted out. What’d she ever do? If it was after the merge she’d be OK, but Savaii can’t afford to lose Ozzy’s challenge strength right now.

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#15 Gordon: Just not cutting it this week. First he steals my C.R.A.B.S.  Then he’s all like, “I’m the puzzle guy, I’m the puzzle master!” Nobody cares, Gordo. And did you see the secret scene where he filled my shoes with dead fish? Ughh..the nerve! Gordon? Pshhh. More like GorGONE.	.	#15 Andrea: Dude. You don’t get to just add me to the power rankings whenever you want. Now, I have to make rankings graphics for us. (See above) And I always give you credit when I use C.R.A.B.S. in my recaps. And you never save me any crispy rice! I LOVE the crispy rice!

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Redemption Island Pick – Christine: Christine wins. Hey, get out of her way—she is pullin’ a Matt!	.	Redemption Island Pick – Christine: Stacey proved she’s super strong last week, but Christine has the one-on-one-challenge experience edge. So…I’m going to stick with Christine.