More Whatnot

Last Week: Christine made it to the final challenge only to lose, Coach and Albert didn’t fall for Ozzy’s poorly acted ruse, and Cochran’s flip left Keith singing the blues.

Quick Note: J-Pro says we should expect two eliminations tonight. Dun dun dun…

39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Here is the tribe as it currently stands…

The Te Tuna Tribe (wearing yellow)
Albert – 26, Baseball/Dating Coach
Brandon – 19, Oil Tanker Crewman
Coach – 39, Slayer of Dragons
Cochran – 24, Harvard Law Student
Dawn – 41, English Professor
Edna – 35, Anesthesiologist
Jim – 35, Medical Marijuana Dispensary Owner
Ozzy – 30, Challenge Destroyer
Rick – 51, Rancher
Sophie – 22, Medical Student
Whitney – 27, Country Music Singer

Currently Residing on Redemption Island (wearing hatred for Cochran)
Keith – 26, Water Treatment Tech

Cochran? You got some splainin’ to do.

This shindig gets underway with some hardcore Cochran abuse. Ozzy bats leadoff, taking Cochran aside and blaming him for ruining the game. Brandon the Protector does his best to keep it from getting out of hand, but even he couldn’t stop Ozzy from calling Cochran a wiener.

Yeah, you read that right. Thousands of insults in the English language and Ozzy went with “wiener.”

Jim does a bit better, as he lets Cochran know that he’s a “piece of (expletive deleted) coward and a poor excuse for a man.”

Whitney gets her turn next. She claims that her and Keith had saved him on three separate occasions. She gets off a Grade-A rant and tops if off by telling Cochran that he disgusts her. Wow, they finally let her talk and she knocked it out of the park. Keep it up and we can put the Purple Whitney nickname to rest.

OK…My Thoughts on Cochran’s Big Move: I’ve taken some time to think about it and I’m officially coming out against Cochran’s flip, and here’s why…

If he stays with Savaii, the worst thing that can happen is he pulls the wrong rock and goes home. The odds on that aren’t great. If Savaii wins the rock pull, he’s safe for a while.

With his lack of challenge skills, there is little-to-no reason for anyone to target him. As the numbers dwindle, he’ll have more opportunities to make things happen without turning potential jury members against him.

If Savaii loses the rock pull, he still has some time to make some moves. Ozzy, Jim, and Dawn would all be seen as bigger threats. And, when Upolu breaks down he’ll have a chance to do something.

As it stands now, every former member of Savaii who joins the jury (and it’ll be up to five of them) will see his betrayal as the reason they were booted out of the game.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled recap…

The next morning, the Upolians approach Cochran and ask him who he’d like to see go home next. He sees Ozzy as the biggest challenge threat, but Jim’s harsh words are fresh in his mind.

And with that, it’s already…

Immunity Challenge Time: Players will toss coconuts into a ring. The first four players to get a coconut into their ring move on to the final round. There they’ll crack open a coconut and get a mouth full of coconut water (how trendy). They’ll then maneuver through an obstacle tower. Once they’re through the tower they’ll spit their coconut water into a tube. First person to fill their tube wins immunity.

Dawn, Whitney, Jim, and Sophie hit their shots and advance to the final round.

Not much to describe in the final round except for coconut crackin’ and water spittin’. Jim and Sophie are neck and neck (and spit) through the majority of it. It looks like Sophie just about had it won, but she got winded and spit up her water. This allowed Jim to pass her and win immunity.

Back at camp, Brandon wonders how many times you get to vote off someone like Ozzy. Cochran shows off his fancy Harvard education by replying, “Apparently two.”

Meanwhile, Ozzy and Coach are having a heart-to-heart in the woods. Ozzy isn’t ready to go home, but it isn’t lost on Coach that Ozzy wasn’t so interested in friendship when the deck was stacked in his favor.

Fun Fact: Ozzy and Coach seemed very open to working together before the game started.

A little later on, Jim hatches a crazy plan. He wants to give Ozzy his idol at Tribal, then make a speech that ten of the remaining eleven players have honor and that if Upolu votes Cochran out, they’ll still have a six-to-four advantage. His hope is that since Upolu won’t have a chance to discuss who else to vote for, it might throw them off.

Jimmy’s trying, I’ll give him that. But, he’s basically saying that he can’t win without his Savaii voting core.

That night at Tribal Council, Cochran refers to his reception after the previous Tribal Council as “luke warm.” Yeah, that’s like saying Dr. Houseman was a little miffed that Johnny Castle was hanging out with his daughter.

Don’t judge me.

Jim admits to taking Cochran’s flipping personally. Cochran doesn’t regret the move as it gave him an opportunity to play with the kind of people he wanted to play with. Savaii, not surprisingly, takes offense to that statement.

Jim then says that he, Keith, Whitney, and Ozzy had all stuck up for Cochran at different times. And that the Upolu tribe is far too honorable to let someone else fight their battles. Oooo…a little sucking up before dropping the bombshell?

Brandon feels like Savaii were a bunch of bullies and that Upolu has Cochran’s back 100%.

Jim then admits to his plan to give Ozzy his idol. This statement causes Coach and Brandon’s eyes to pop out of their heads. I can only assume that somewhere Eliza Orlins is smiling.

Jim continues with his speech saying that they can send a message that honor means something in the game of “Survivor” by voting out Cochran. Coach disagrees, saying it would send the message that if you stand up for yourself, you’ll be screwed.

This Tribal is starting to take on an after-school special kind of a vibe.

Ozzy finishes the festivities by letting everyone know that he’s only going to get stronger and more determined at Redemption Island. If you strike him down he shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

Don’t judge me.

Before the voting starts, Jim ultimately decides to keep immunity.

Voting Time: Jim votes for Cochran, Cochran votes for Ozzy, and the rest await Jeff’s tallying ways.

One vote for Ozzy, one vote for Cochran, one vote for Ozzy, one vote for Cochran, three votes for Ozzy, and the first person this season to book a return trip to Redemption Island is…Ozzy.

And…we learn that Whitney and Dawn both voted for Ozzy.

Over at Redemption Island, Ozzy gets to work finding fish to fuel his challenge run. However, in a questionable move, he decides to feed his competition too.

Keith thinks the fish Ozzy caught is the freshest he’s ever had. Dude, you just watched him yank it out of the ocean.

Immunity Challenge Time…Again: All of the players will stand on a narrow beam while balancing a ball on a bow. As the challenge continues they’ll move further down the beam. Last person balancing on the beam with their ball on their bow wins immunity.

Man, that’s some alliteration. Now I’m kind of hoping Brandon wins.

Probst offers the players the opportunity to step out of the challenge in exchange for a delicious selection of pastries and iced coffee.

The Upolu members are very excited at this news, but Coach says he’s ready to compete. However, to remain united with his crew, he decides to sit with the rest of his alliance.

So, they built all of those beams and bows and balls and only Jim, Whitney, and Dawn are going to use them? Seems wasteful.

During the feast, Probst tries to ask Brandon a question. Brandon responds that he doesn’t want to talk, he wants to eat. In other news, Brandon is winning me over. Which is tough for him after voting out my girlfriend Mikayla.

Jim is the first one out, Brandon does a terrible job of hiding his excitement.

Dawn tells Jeff that she’s going to try to stay in the challenge as long as possible so the Upolu folks will have more time to eat. Not a bad way to win friends and influence people.

Note: The sloppy pastry eating is kind of gross. Not ripping-pork-off-of-a-pig-carcass-with-your-hands-tied-behind-your-back gross. But gross.

Both Dawn and Whitney survive the first round. Apparently that’s long enough for the Upolutians to eat their fill.

Dawn almost loses it, but manages to hang in there. Again, Brandon does a terrible job of hiding his excitement that she’s able to keep competing. Whitney takes this personally.

Eventually Dawn drops out and Whitney wins immunity.

Back at camp, Jim points out that Cochran is playing a wonderful 3rd-place game at this point. Can’t argue with that. Jim takes Sophie and Albert aside and goes over the numbers with them. Jim’s plan is to get rid of Edna. Albert, however, sees Dawn as more of a threat.

Sophie thinks it’s too soon to rock the boat. She wants Jim gone.

That night at Tribal Council, Coach admits that either Jim or Dawn is going home.

Sophie thinks that Dawn is strong, but that she’d go for Jim every time. Albert thinks that Dawn is more likable and probably the strongest female player this season.

Dawn admits that given the chance, Savaii would pick Upolu off one by one. She then says that if the numbers were in her favor she wouldn’t have sat out during the balance beam bow ball challenge.

Brandon takes offense to that statement because she agreed to stay in the challenge to allow them to eat.

Wait, what? I thought Brandon and her were BFFs. And…I fail to see a contradiction.

Brandon then breaks out a trademark Brandon Rant and goes off on how the Savaiians are only nice because they have to be.

Quick Aside: I’m glad they’re sticking to tribal alliances, because I’m not comfortable calling them “Te Tunitians.”

Whitney thinks she’s played the game honestly and she’s upset that she is being vilified. She has a bit of a breakdown as she doesn’t think she was ever a bully to Cochran.

Note: Cochran is running around in Coach’s jacket. Adorable. If he does it again next week I propose the nickname “CoCochran.”

Voting Time…Again: No votes are shown.

J-Pro does some tallying and returns. We’ve got three votes for Edna, five votes for Jim, and the tenth person to make a trip to Redemption Island is…Jim.

Verdict: Nothing too shocking this episode except for Upolu turning on Dawn. Here’s hoping it doesn’t get boring between now and Upolu’s eventual meltdown.

Who’s Going to Win: There’s something about Sophie.

Power Rankings Update: I was really sweating when they were talking about booting Dawn and Edna. But fortunately (for me) I was able to get both of the eliminations right this week and finally break Andrea Boehlke’s three-episode winning streak. I had Ozzy in tenth and Jim in eleventh for twenty one points, while Andrea had Ozzy in eleventh and Jim in ninth for twenty points. The current score is Team Boehlke 120, Team Holmes 122.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Coach is voted out this week, Andrea will receive 3 points and Gordon will receive 6 points. Also, each player will pick who they think will win at Redemption Island. If they choose correctly they will receive a bonus point. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: South Pacific” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

Last Week: For the third straight week, Andrea has picked it perfectly. Fortunately, Gordon got it right this week too. Both players had Keith getting the boot and Ozzy winning at Redemption Island. The current score is now Team Boehlke 100, Team Holmes 101.

Wanna Play? Tag Gordon (@gordonholmes) in your own Twitter Power Rankings. If you do better than Gordon does, (which is highly likely) he’ll give you credit in his weekly recap.

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Current Score: 100 Got any advice for Andrea? Drop her a line on Twitter.	.	Current Score: 101 Got any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter.

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#1 Sophie: First of all, anyone supporting a fierce braidy-braid like Sophie did last episode is bound to do well. Sophierce has found herself in a really good place. Her tribe has the numbers, they got Cochran to flip and spill the “already loose” beans and she isn’t as big a target as Albert and Coach. Sophie is totally taking this game, braidy-braid and all.	.	#1 Sophie: Team So-Co-Bert (I’m not as good at the nicknames as Boehlke) is officially running the show. However, Sophie seems to be in the best spot right now in case someone gets a case of backstab-itis. Coach is a returning player and a leader and Albert’s a challenge machine. Sophie has a fair share in all the maneuvers without having to assume a target.

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#2 Brandon: Okay, now I’m confused. Is he a creeper or an ultimate sweetheart-protector? Can someone be both? Beats me, but I thought Brandon reaching out to Cochran at Tribal Council was touching. Maybe that is the hopeless romantic in me—ohhhh that’s right, he’s married. Yep, not going there.  Needless to say, Brandon is loyal to his alliance and less of a target than the other Upolu dudes.	.	#2 Edna: You’re not seeing things. Edna really is this high in my bracket. Why? Because she just squeaked into the merge and is now super safe. What possible reason would someone have for targeting her now? Because she’s Coach’s buddy? Just go for Coach.

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#3 Coach: I know that this is the time I am probably supposed to drop Coach in the rankings. These people DID see my season and saw Rob coast to the end and make us all look like sillies. However, I do think Coach had spoken the truth when he said his B.R.A.C.E.S. weren’t budging— and now he has Cochran on his side. Unless Sophie and Albert do something anti-Upolu (which I don’t think they will…yet) he is safe.	.	#3 Rick: If they ever decide to do a “Heroes vs. Villains vs. Mimes” season, Rick is a first-round pick. Also, he’s uber safe this week.

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#4 Albert: Albert is another one of my favorites—he is smart and savvy much like Sophie, just lacking the braidy-braid. My biggest fear is that he will ride the Upolu wave just a little too long and be voted out much like Grant in my season, but I have a hunch Albert’s not going to let that happen. He better not, his pictures are the best thing to happen to Gordon Holmes’s Power Rankings and are quite the hit with our lady readers.	.	#4 Brandon: I’m not going to lie, it was kinda endearing to see Brandon stand up for Cochran last week. I assume Mikayla was somewhere throwing things at her TV set. Either way, there are too many Savaiians to eliminate for Brandon to be in any real trouble this week.

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#5 Rick: Ohhhh Rick. I often try to figure out what is going on in Rick’s head. I usually fail. I can tell you that he was shocked that his name came up last Tribal Council, but that’s about it. He will be safe as a loyal martyr but I really wonder if he is ever going to take the game into his own hands.	.	#5 Albert: I’m willing to bet that everybody in Upolu is safe for the time being. Will they go the distance and bump all of Savaii in a Zapateran rerun? Possibly. But “Boston” Rob’s dominance has to be fresh in the minds of the people on the lower half (Rick, Brandon, and Edna). If they are able to swing the numbers, Coach will go first and Albert will go shortly after.

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#6 Edna: Coach said it himself, the B.R.A.C.E.S. aren’t budging. (I would hope not, B.R.A.C.E.S. weren’t meant to budge. Painful.) When it gets down to six Edna may have some trouble because she wasn’t a part of the original Upolu 5 and someone (man of his word Brandon) will be the first to point that out.	.	#6 Coach: Right now it looks like Coach, Albert, and Sophie have made reservations for the final three, but is it possible that Coach is following the “Boston” Rob template of taking a crazy person and a coattail rider to the end? Albert and Sophie wouldn’t fit that description…but Brandon and Edna certainly would.

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#7 Whitney: Oh snap. You do not want to come between a girl and her man! Whitney and the rest of Savaii have some major work to do now that they were betrayed by Cochran. She won’t be an immediate target on Savaii but she needs to weasel her way in somewhere stat.	.	#7 Dawn: As a member of the tribe that was just stabbed in the back, you’d think Dawn would be in serious trouble. I don’t buy it. Dawn’s liked, Dawn can blend. If she can find a crack in Upolu she can make a move. I won’t count her out until she drops a challenge at Redemption Island.

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#8 Dawn: Mama Meehan is really likable and proved to be awesome at challenges. That’s….not good right now. I don’t think she will be targeted before Ozzy or Jim, but let’s not forget she is on the sinking ship of Savaii. Basically, Dawn is too awesome to keep around.	.	#8 Cochran: Repeat after me; a flipper is never safe. No matter what Cochran does for the rest of the game, someone will be able to say, “Savaii trusted him, and look what happened to them.” I’m not willing to write off Cochran’s move as a complete mistake, but it will be an uphill battle from here on out.

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#9 Jim: Even though I feel Cochran’s move was best for Cochran, I definitely felt bad for Jim. He saved Cochran several times, put effort into keeping the Savaiins together, was ready to pick a rock, and got royally screwed over by the Cowardly Cochran.  If Ozzy wins immunity, Jim could very well be targeted as a physical and strategic threat. However, of anyone on Savaii, Jim has the best chance of stirring things up. Stir, Jim, stir!	.	#9 Whitney: It looks like Whitney will take the decision to boot Keith personally. (Cue: “Stand By Your Man”) That is the worst way to play Cochran’s flip. As the least threatening member of the remnants of Savaii, she still has a little room to maneuver. That all goes away if she mouths off and puts a target on her back. She could be reunited with her BF pretty quickly.

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#10. Cochran: Welcome to the dramatic life of a flipster. I think Cochran’s best move was to flip given the circumstances (he hates his tribe and he doesn’t particularly fancy death by rock), but these next few episodes will show if his move paid off. In the previews it shows Jim gunning for Cochran. Could there be a huge mash up from both sides? Either he made a great move that takes him farther in the game or next episode will be the sequel to “How to Lose a Cochran in 3 Days.” Whitney will be playing the part of Kate Hudson.	.	#10 Ozzy: Does anybody have more backstabbing scars in “Survivor” history than Ozzy? Seriously, he should have a punch card and get a free sandwich with every tenth backstabbing. Anywho, I decided to have him over Jim for two reasons; Ozzy’s more likely to win individual immunity and previews show Jim having a meltdown back at camp.

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#11. Ozzy: Things are not looking swell for Ozzy. He is now idol-less, on a tribe down in numbers, and probably dropped from his Off-Broadway contract. If Ozzy doesn’t win immunity, you would have to be pretty foolish to keep such a challenge threat in the game.	.	#11 Jim: I don’t know poker well enough to make an analogy comparing Cochran’s betrayal to getting the wrong cards on the flop or whatever, but the fact remains that this hand isn’t over until you’re forced to burn your buff at Redemption Island. Jim blowing up after Tribal isn’t going to do him any favors. Hopefully Jim can find a new angle and rebound.

Last Week: Coach prayed to find an idol that he already had, Cochran proved that when it comes to challenges, he’s really quite bad, and Ozzy sacrificed himself and has possibly gone mad.

39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Here are the tribes as they currently stand…

The Savaii Tribe (wearing red)
Cochran – 24, Harvard Law Student
Dawn – 41, English Professor
Jim – 35, Medical Marijuana Dispensary Owner
Keith – 26, Water Treatment Tech
Whitney – 27, Country Music Singer

The Upolu Tribe (wearing blue)
Albert – 26, Baseball/Dating Coach
Brandon – 19, Oil Tanker Crewman
Coach – 39, Slayer of Dragons
Edna – 35, Anesthesiologist
Rick – 51, Rancher
Sophie – 22, Medical Student

Currently Residing on Redemption Island (wearing a chance to return to the game)
Christine – 39, Teacher
Ozzy – 30, Potential Dumbest/Savviest Player Ever

The show gets underway back at Savaii beach after Tribal Council. Cochran breaks down Ozzy’s crazy gamble (I won’t call it a dumb move) where he sent himself to Redemption Island in hopes of defeating Christine and returning to the game at the merge.

Cochran says he was willing to take Ozzy’s place, but Keith doesn’t quite believe him.

Cochran then shares with us the second part of the plan that involves him infiltrating the Upolu tribe as a double agent. He thinks this should be no problem as he’s been pretending to like Savaii for weeks. Zing!

I think Savaii deserves a tilted head and an arched eyebrow because they don’t see that Ozzy would make a way better double agent. Savaii voted out his cuddle buddy, then voted him out. It’s the perfect back story.

Meanwhile at Redemption (not an) Island, Ozzy meets up with Christine. He tells her that Cochran screwed him over by playing an idol. Ozzy later claims that this mission will either be the stupidest thing he’s ever done or the craziest thing he’s ever done. Oh Ozzy…it can totally be both.

Everyone is in attendance for the Redemption Island challenge. Before it gets underway, Ozzy does the worst (read: THE WORST) job ever of pushing his “Cochran is the devil” agenda. I’m sure Upolu saw better acting during last week’s screening of Adam Sandler’s “Jack and Jill.”

Albert proves he’s as perceptive as he is dreamy when he turns to Coach and says, “I don’t buy it.”

Oh jeez, as if I wasn’t rooting for Christine before…

Redemption Island Duel: The two combatants will stand behind a big bamboo door. They’ll use sticks and twine to create a long pole. They’ll use those poles to try to retrieve keys. The first person to retrieve all three keys and open their door will return to the game and promptly be voted out by Boston Rob. (Well…if history tells us anything.)

During the pole-building portion, Christine uses less poles that Ozzy. This proves to be a mistake as her pole isn’t strong enough to bring any keys back. Ozzy is suffering similar problems.

Quick Aside: I like this challenge because it reminds me of the time on “Friends” when they made the long poking device to see if Ugly Naked Guy was dead.

Ozzy adjusts his poking device and has little trouble retrieving all three keys, winning himself redemption. Cochran did his best to look sad.

Good job, Savaii. You booted a woman who was dying to join your tribe.

After the challenge, Probst throws the merge buffs to Cochran. I’m assuming he did this because he knew nobody would appreciate new “Survivor” swag more than him.

Oh, and the new color is yellow, keeping with the primary colors theme.

The merge feast takes place on Savaii beach, which is a shame because Upolu beach is way nicer.

Cochran and Coach share a heart-to-heart where Cochran explains how mean the Savaii tribe is. Coach immediately tips his hand, telling Cochran that he thinks Savaii intentionally sent Ozzy to Redemption to eliminate Christine.

What?! That’s preposterous.

Coach tells Cochran that Upolu won’t budge and would rather pull rocks in a tie breaker than turn on each other. He then gives an amazing speech, telling Cochran that he has a chance to change the game for himself.

Wow, I don’t know if Cochran bought any of that, but it made a lot of sense.

Later, Cochran meets up with Coach’s brain trust (Sophie and Albert) and tells them all about Ozzy’s plan. Then, he spills the beans to Brandon about how mean Jim and Keith have been to him.

Cochran then gives the immunity idol back to Ozzy because he’s a mastermind, but not an evil mastermind.

After that, Cochran and Dawn discuss strategy. Dawn isn’t a fan of how Cochran has been treated and is tempted to make the jump with him. She has a bit of a breakdown as she doesn’t like the idea of turning on Savaii. That and she wishes she had stood up for Cochran more.

Jeez, what was going on over there? I know Keith was short with him, but were they giving him buff wedgies?

Immunity Challenge Time: Each player will balance on a perch while holding a coconut between two ropes. As time goes on, the ropes will be extended, making it more difficult to hold the coconut up. If a player steps off the perch or drops their coconut they’ll be eliminated. The last female and male standing will win immunity.

Not much to describe here except for standin’ and coconut holdin’. Edna and Cochran are the first to go. (Ahem…shocking.)

We lose Whitney and Sophie at the start of the next round. So, Dawn wins female immunity.

Note: Dawn doesn’t stay in the challenge to prove how tough she is (ala Jane Bright from “Survivor: Nicaragua”). Why? Cause Dawn’s smart.

Coach and Rick are the next to go. Then Jim and Keith are out with only a few seconds left in the round.

It’s down to Brandon, Albert, and Ozzy. Brandon’s the first one out and he’s followed by Albert. Ozzy wins male immunity.

Politicking around camp starts with Savaii trying to figure out who Upolu is least likely to give their idol to. They decide on Rick and Sophie.

Jim thinks they should give the immunity idol to Whitney as she’s the least threatening member of their tribe.

Keith isn’t quite sure that Cochran is going to stay loyal. He’s right to think that as Cochran isn’t a fan of having a one-in-ten shot of being eliminated if they pick rocks.

Cochran shares Savaii’s plans with Sophie. He tells her he wants to vote with Savaii for the first vote so they don’t hate him as much. Yeah…I doubt that will change their opinion of him.

Sophie says she’ll do her best to make it look like he hasn’t coughed up the info. She then wins 100 “Survivor” nickname points by referring to Cochran as a “dodgeball target.”

Coach thinks he’s done everything he can to lead Upolu through the evening’s Tribal Council. He lays out every “David vs. Goliath” cliché possible except for actually saying “David vs. Goliath.”

Uh-oh…Dawn’s changed her mind about flipping. She’s worried that Upolu won’t keep their promises. Apparently Dawn spent some time praying over this. She thinks that sounds cliché. She shouldn’t tell Coach that.

That night at Tribal Council, Coach and Ozzy both tell Probst that they’re probably going to see a tie vote.

J-Pro breaks down the tie breaker process, saying that the people who got votes are safe and everyone else has to draw a rock. The odd rock out goes to Redemption Island.

Edna thinks that someone who feels like they’re on the outskirts of their tribe might switch sides. Edna said that? Cue Alanis Morrisette…it’s like raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain on your wedding day…

Jim doesn’t think anyone from his tribe would leave to join Upolu.

Albert thinks Ozzy was doing his best Broadway show at Redemption Island and he didn’t believe him. Maybe, “Miss (Direction) Saigon?” “Guys and Dolls and Obvious Lies?”  “How to Tell a Terrible, Unconvincing Story Without Really Trying?”

Sophie was offended by Ozzy’s hammy performance. Ozzy plays it off by admitting he was acting and confessing to having an idol.

Voting Time: No votes are shown. You can cut the tension with some crispy rice.

Before the votes are read, Ozzy stands up and plays his idol, handing it to Whitney. Upolu doesn’t seem concerned.

Six votes for Keith, six votes for Rick…we have a tie.

Re-Voting Time: Again, no votes are shown.

Six votes for Keith, five votes for Rick, and the eighth person to pay a visit to Redemption Island is…Keith.

As Keith is making his way to the podium, Cochran admits to Savaii that he is the one who flipped. Jim just looks at him and says, “Coward.” Brandon comes to his defense.

Verdict: Alright, we need to touch on a few things here.

First: I think Savaii is done. The Upolu alliance is built on Coach’s cult-like trust. The only people who seem capable of making moves are Sophie and Albert, and they already have Coach in their pocket due to him lying about having the idol. I think that trio might be our final three.

Second: Coach killed it this episode. The way he defused Savaii’s ruse and used it to bring Cochran on board was inspiring. I’m actually starting to wonder if Coach’s goofball persona is his biggest asset this season. Players went in there expecting the crazy Coach they’ve seen on TV and are meeting the bright, well-spoken Coach that actually exists.

Third: Did Cochran make the right move? Doubtful. Flippers are never treated well by their new alliance.

Who’s Going to Win: I think it’s going to come down to Albert, Sophie, and Coach.

Power Rankings Update: For the third straight week, Andrea Boehlke has picked it perfectly. Fortunately, I got it right this week too. We both had Keith getting the boot and Ozzy winning at Redemption Island. The current score is now Team Boehlke 100, Team Holmes 101.

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

The Rules: Each week our two combatants will create separate power rankings. The ranking of the person who is voted out of the next episode will determine the number of points the two players will earn. For example, if Coach is voted out this week, Andrea will receive 2 points and Gordon will receive 10 points. Also, each player will pick who they think will win at Redemption Island. If they choose correctly they will receive a bonus point. At the end of the season, the person with the most points will be named the “Survivor: South Pacific” Power Rankings Challenge Champion.

Last Week: Andrea Boehlke pitched back-to-back perfect games! She had Ozzy in spot twelve and Christine winning at Redemption for a total of thirteen points. Gordon had Ozzy in eleven and missed the Redemption Island extra point. The current score is Team Boehlke 88, Team Holmes 89.

Wanna Play? Tag Gordon (@gordonholmes) in your own Twitter Power Rankings. If you do better than Gordon does, (which is highly likely) he’ll give you credit in his weekly recap.

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Current Score: 88 Got any advice for Andrea? Drop her a line on Twitter.	.	Current Score: 89 Got any advice for Gordon? Drop him a line on Twitter.

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#1 Sophie: Finally folks, it is time for the mergey-merge! And I thought last week was rough. Now what do I do? Well, I don’t start out with Alpha Males and I don’t start out with Savaii peeps.  Sophie is smart and savvy enough to realize where the numbers are. I also love how real Sophie is: she notices if you’re being sketchy about praying and she only laughs if she finds the movie funny. (Future Sophie suitors, take note!)	.	#1 Sophie: Yikes, making picks the week of the merge is the worst. Especially if you aren’t sure a merge is coming. The best bet is to put people who are safe either way higher in the listing. Sophie is a perfect example of this. Without a merge, they’ll probably axe someone like Edna. With a merge, challenge threats like Albert and leaders like Coach are in trouble.

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#2 Coach: In theory, Coach should be a target heading into merge-town. However, Coach has his tribe intact, he has an idol, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Ometep—oh, I mean Upolu Pagongs Savaii.	.	#2 Brandon: Brandon’s another one that falls in the same category as Sophie. If there’s no merge, he’s safe as he is Coach’s right hand, and if there is a merge, he won’t be an obvious target for the Savaiians.

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#3 Dawn: Personally, I think that Savaii is screwed. They don’t have the unity of Upolu or the CRABS; they don’t even have an alliance name for goodness sake! However, of anyone on Savaii, Dawn is less of an immediate merge target: she isn’t an Alpha Male or a girlfriend of an Alpha Male. Mama is safe for a few rounds.	.	#3 Rick: OK, the more I think about these rankings the more of a headache I’m getting. If there’s a merge, either Ozzy or Christine are coming back and making a beeline for Savaii, thus making the numbers even. Add to that the fact that both teams have an immunity idol. I have no idea what’s going to happen. However, I doubt Rick will be a target either way.

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#4 Albert: Alpha Male, Yes. (Apparently I love saying Alpha Male.) However, when it comes down to Upolu vs. Savaii, C.R.A.B.S. vs NoName, I can’t see Albert’s alliance turning on him right now.	.	#4 Whitney: Under-the-radar, riding coattails, “Survivor” ninja…whatever you want to call it, Whitney is doing it. Her worst-case scenario right now is Upolu aims for her for fear of a more obvious target playing an idol.

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#5 Rick: Rick is not just any Mustache. He is a loyal Mustache. Since Rick is loyal to his tribe and Coach, he will probably go pretty far. And then be blindsided silently.	.	#5 Edna: Alright, we’re getting down to the people who are in big trouble depending on if we hit mergeville or not. If there’s no merge and Upolu loses immunity, Edna is going home. Coach simply can’t afford to raise any doubt amongst his C.R.A.B.S. alliance.

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#6 Brandon: So we have established that he looks pretty darn good in a bra and likes to have outbursts at Tribal Council. Normally this is recipe for pre-merge oustings, but once you make the merge, isn’t this possibly a guy you want to sit next to in the end? I think Coach sees Brandon as someone who he can use for votes, since Brandon has pledged his loyalty and honestly and what have you.	.	#6 Dawn: Why’s Dawn this low? Don’t we love her on the XFINITY TV Power Rankings? Yes we do, but say there’s no merge and Cochran is still holding the immunity idol. Jim, Whitney, and Keith won’t turn on each other while Dawn’s still around.

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#7 Cochran: Cochran was really good at being on the chopping block and finding a way to come back to camp each night. Now that he has the idol and it’s merge time, the world is his oyster. These next few episodes are critical to how Cochran’s end game plays out. He could be loyal, flip, flop, swap, betray, stay. Exciting but scary stuff.	.	#7 Cochran: What can I say about Cochran? He went from being next to go to Redemption Island to being handed an immunity idol. The kid’s bulletproof! However, he may have the most question marks surrounding him this week. If there’s no merge and Savaii loses immunity, he’d better play that idol and hope to jump to Upolu after a merge. And what if Ozzy returns and asks for his idol back?

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#8 Edna: I don’t think Edna will be a target this episode, but since she is someone who knows her placement in her tribe, she may try to mix things up or flip. In doing so, she could be seen as a flipper and put a target on her back.	.	#8 Albert: Tribe swaps and merges are never good for challenge threats, and Albert is definitely the biggest challenge threat on Upolu. I’d hate to see him go, but out of everyone left in the game, I’d bet he has the best chance to Redemption Island his way back into the game.

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#9 Whitney: I don’t think Whitney herself is a huge merge target, but everyone and their mom’s cat’s cousins can see that her and Keith have a strong love bond. Couples tend to get targeted these days on” Survivor,” so Whitney’s days may be numbered.	.	#9 Jim: If Jim’s following all the angles, he has to be a little worried that Ozzy might come back into this game and jump to Upolu. Why wouldn’t he? Ozzy has already been stabbed in the back by his Savaii tribemates. And, why wouldn’t Upolu take him in? He was voted out by Savaii. And who’d ever believe that Ozzy asked to be sent to Redemption Island?

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#10. Jim: Jim took a pretty drastic drop. Why? Well, in mergey-merge land, he is a target for being an Alpha Male, will probably be seen as smart and strategic, and he is on Savaii. Wah wah.	.	#10 Coach: As the obvious leader over at Upolu and a returning player, there’s gotta be a big target on the Dragon Slayer’s back. I think his alliance will stay loyal for a while, but it looks like this episode might come down to which tribe can give the idol to the right person on their team.

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#11. Keith: Keith is normally awesome but now has three things going against him. He is an individual immunity threat. He is on Savaii which seems to be less intact than Upolu. He has an island girlfriend. Three strikes you’re out…to Redemption.	.	#11 Keith: Jim hinted that Keith is basically Savaii’s version of Albert, and I think he’s right. The reason Keith gets the bottom spot this week is because I think Upolu is tighter than Savaii. It’s not out of the realm of possibility that Upolu could pull Ozzy, Cochran, or even Christine onto their side.

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Redemption Island Pick – Ozzy: Unfortunately, all good Elrods must come to an end. Would it be awesome if Christine pulled it off? YES. Will she? Ehhhhh I’m thinking this is the last we see of Christine “legitimate force” Shields.	.	Redemption Island Pick – Ozzy: Basically this comes down to Christine’s impressive streak vs. Ozzy’s challenge prowess legacy. My gut tells me that Ozzy can do it. If he doesn’t, last week will go down as the dumbest move in “Survivor” history. Erik Reichenbach (“Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites”) will be giddy.

Last Week: Ozzy thought his alliance was totally dead-na, Brandon searched for the idol because he was misled-na, and Rick cast the deciding vote to boot Mikayla and keep Edna.

Quick Aside for Zelda Fans: Doesn’t it look like Ozzy has a Tri-Force on his chest?

39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Here are the tribes as they currently stand…

The Savaii Tribe (wearing red)
Cochran – 24, Harvard Law Student
Dawn – 41, English Professor
Jim – 35, Medical Marijuana Dispensary Owner
Keith – 26, Water Treatment Tech
Ozzy – 30, Slayer of Challenges
Whitney – 27, Country Music Singer

The Upolu Tribe (wearing blue)
Albert – 26, Baseball/Dating Coach
Brandon – 19, Oil Tanker Crewman
Coach – 39, Slayer of Dragons
Edna – 35, Anesthesiologist
Rick – 51, Rancher
Sophie – 22, Medical Student

Currently Residing on Redemption Island (wearing hatred for the term “Upolosers”)
Christine – 39, Teacher
Mikayla – 22, Lingerie Football Player

We get down to business over at Upolu beach. Edna points out the obvious by saying that Brandon’s wild mood swings make him a tough person to have an alliance with. In other news, water is wet and the sky is blue.

Rick lets Coach know that he’s worried about Brandon’s loose cannon ways. Coach compares Lil Hantz to Lennie from “Of Mice and Men” and says sometimes you have to put a bullet in someone’s head.

Tell me about the immunity idols, George…

Redemption Island Duel: Each player will take apart a crate and use the pieces to build a bridge. They’ll cross the bridge, then use some of the pieces to complete a puzzle. First person to complete the puzzle wins immunity.

Albert and Sophie are in attendance for Upolu, while Ozzy and Cochran represent the Savaii delegation.

The duel is very even. Albert shows his allegiance by openly rooting for his buddy Mikayla.  Christine manages to cross her bridge first, but Mikayla is right behind her.

The puzzle portion involves recreating a logo that’s featured in the Redemption Island set. Mikayla doesn’t figure it out. Christine does. Christine wins yet again.

Ozzy isn’t sure where Christine will go once the tribes merge. Um…has he been paying attention to the way she’s been tearing apart Upolu every time Probst lets her talk? He thinks it might a good idea to send someone to Redemption Island to knock her out.

An Open Letter to Ozzy Lusth

Dear Ozzy,

You are an amazing physical specimen. Maybe the best challenge performer in “Survivor” history. In a footrace, or a swimming competition, or a tree-climbing contest you would decimate Christine.

However, the Redemption Island Duels aren’t physical competitions. What’re you going to do if you ask to get voted out and then have to beat Christine in Monopoly or Tiddlywinks or a sweater knitting contest, or any other bizarre competition John Kirhoffer comes up with?

Think about it.

Your Friend In Time,
Gordon

Back at Savaii, Ozzy proves that they don’t have access to XFINITYTV.com on the beach. He tells Cochran that his “Worst-Case Scenario” plan is to send himself to Redemption Island to get rid of Christine.

Ozzy even agrees to give his idol to someone in the hopes that they’ll give it back to him when he returns.

Somewhere Erik Reichenbach is stoked that his Dumbest Move in “Survivor” History moment in Micronesia could possibly be topped.

Over at Upolu, Coach is harnessing his chi in an attempt to figure how to cheer up his tribe. He comes to the conclusion that the best way to do this is to “find” the hidden immunity idol with the entire group.

This isn’t a terrible idea. Everyone on the tribe who doesn’t know he has it (Brandon, Edna, Rick) are already pretty loyal to him.

Before they start their wild goose chase, Brandon and Coach lead the tribe in a prayer asking for help finding the idol and winning the next challenge. Sophie is understandably wigged out that Coach is praying for an idol he already has in his pocket.

As they’re “looking” for the idol, Sophie and Coach discover tree mail that tells everyone to use body paint to turn themselves into identical sets of twins for the challenge.

They return to camp with the idol and Brandon takes this as a sign that the man upstairs is on their side. I guess that’s true if Coach happens to be sleeping on the bunk above you.

Immunity Challenge Time: One set of twins will be callers, while the other two sets of twins will be blindfolded and attached to a rope. The blindfolded twins will follow the rope to retrieve bags of masks. Once they have all of the masks they’ll have to put the masks in a proper order. First team to do this wins immunity and an exclusive sneak preview screening of Adam Sandler’s new movie “Jack and Jill.”

What?! That’s why they’re twins?! Oh man, I’d throw that challenge in a heartbeat.

Oof…and Whitney’s super psyched at the prospect of seeing that movie. Her enthusiasm for that movie dials back her hotness by about 20%.

Coach and Rick, Brandon and Edna, and Sophie and Albert are paired up for Upolu. While Keith and Dawn, Ozzy and Whitney, and Jim and Cochran are twins of Savaii.

Wow, these paint jobs are amazing. It’s like “Braveheart” mixed with “Avatar”

Quick Note: Yes, Brandon and Albert have on body paint bras.

Another Quick Note: You know, I pick on Brandon quite a bit in these recaps, but I think deep down he’s a good kid who is letting his brain get the best of his instincts. At least he has a sense of humor enough to go on national TV painted up like that. I hope he comes out of this “Survivor” experience with a lot of good things to build on.

Yet Another Quick Note: If I were in this challenge I’d paint my face like the Ultimate Warrior and my tummy like Kamala.

Jim and Cochran will call for Savaii while Coach and Rick will call for Upolu.

Not a lot to describe early on except for some comical bumping into things. Savaii did have a bit of a lead, but Upolu was able to make it up when the Savaii twins became tangled in their ropes. Cochran, who is responsible for the hooking and unhooking of the pairs, is apparently screwing this up royally.

Upolu has all of the masks first, but Savaii isn’t too far behind. Coach makes like Burt Bacharach and says a little prayer for his tribe. Apparently it works as Upolu wins immunity.

Ozzy is not pleased. He violently kicks at walls and slams his hands down on the table. While he’s going ballistic, Coach leads the Upolutians in a prayer. A merciful God wouldn’t make you watch “Jack and Jill.”

When Probsty asks Ozzy what happened, Ozzy has a fit. He doesn’t throw Cochran under the bus specifically. But it didn’t take much to connect the dots.

After the break, we meet up with Upolu as they’re watching the movie. Coach lets us know that the movie is funny, but it has a message that family comes first. Jeez, Coach…spoiler alert.

Meanwhile, Ozzy still hasn’t calmed down over what he considers an easy win. It’s almost like their manager called to the bullpen and asked for the wrong pitcher.

Ahem…

Ozzy doesn’t beat around the bush, as he says that Cochran cost them the challenge. Cochran says he feels horrible and should be held accountable. Ozzy thinks his previous plan isn’t such a good idea now that he’s faced with the prospect of actually going through with it. Way to be a stand-up guy, Oz.

The tribe eventually comes to the conclusion that Cochran can redeem himself by going to Redemption Island and eliminating Christine. It’s amazing how the tribe went from “You suck, you blew it” to “You can totally beat Christine” within a few cuts.

The following morning, Ozzy claims that he had a dream that he should be the one to take out Christine. Cochran agrees with Ozzy’s nighttime inspiration, saying it’s more likely that Ozzy would be able to come back into the game.

Keith and Jim, however, are worried that the merge might not be as soon as they think it is.

That night at Tribal Council, Ozzy admits to blaming Cochran for the immunity challenge loss.

Cochran confesses that he had panicked during the challenge.

Dawn tells us about their plan to oust Christine.

OK, am I the only one who watches the show where Christine Elrod hates her old tribe? It’s on Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET on CBS.

Ozzy tells Probst that he’s prepared to go to Redemption Island for his tribe. He sees it as redemption for not following his heart during “Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites.”

He also tells us that his plan is to tell Christine that Cochran pulled a fast one on the tribe by finding the immunity idol and using it against them.

Quick Aside: I disagree with this move too. Wouldn’t it be better to act like Ozzy was an outcast? If he gets back into the game he would have a reason to pretend to side with Upolu. He’d be like a “Survivor” sleeper cell.

Keith doesn’t love this idea. He thinks it’s Cochran’s chance to be a team player.

Voting Time: Cochran votes for Ozzy and the rest of the votes aren’t shown.

J-Pro…you know…tallies. He asks if anyone wants to play the hidden immunity idol. Ozzy plays like he’s changed his mind, but instead he hands the idol to Cochran. So weird.

Three votes for Ozzy, and the seventh person to pay a visit to Redemption Island is…Ozzy.

Verdict: Ozzy mentioned this exact strategy during the pre-game interviews. I thought he meant it as a last-ditch effort. Apparently I was wrong.

I always felt like JT giving Russell the idol in “Heroes vs. Villains” was more of a big gamble than a dumb move. How was JT supposed to know Russell was the devil?

This seems like a way bigger gamble with a very small upside. If he’s sent packing by the Christine Express next week, or if the merge doesn’t happen and he finds himself squaring off against Cochran, he’s going to look dumb. So, I’ll reserve judgment.

Who’s Going to Win: Upolu might have this in the bag. Go Sophie.

Power Rankings Update: Andrea Boehlke pitched back-to-back perfect games! She had Ozzy in spot twelve and Christine winning at Redemption for a total of thirteen points. I had Ozzy in eleven and missed the Redemption Island extra point. The current score is Team Boehlke 88, Team Holmes 89. Tweeter @SherriErwin also picked a perfect game and became the first Tweeter to defeat me all season. Don’t get used to it, Sherri…

Any Questions? Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes