Dear Mr. Smith,
When I was a kid, you’d often hear this exchange in the Holmes household.
Little Gordon: Mom, I’m done watching “Ghostbusters.”
Gordon’s Mom: Did you like it?
Little Gordon: It was awesome!
Gordon’s Mom: Good, now go outside and pretend you’re a Ghostbuster while mommy finishes up this box of wine.
Then I’d rush outside and take down imaginary full-torso free-roaming vapors with a stick I was pretending was a neutrona wand. Good times for sure.
That’s right, free cupcakes, baby!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pitch some wrestling-centric plot ideas to my co-workers over at “Community.”
I was fortunate enough to get to travel to Nicaragua this past summer to visit the set of CBS’s “Survivor.” While I was there I had a chance to chat with reality TV guru Mark Burnett. The topic of “Celebrity Apprentice” came up, and everyone started tossing out their casting picks for the next season.
I popped on my reality TV producer hat and tried to figure out what I’d look for in a “Celebrity Apprentice” contestant. I decided that the ideal candidate would be relatively famous, free-spirited, and certifiably insane.
It was then that I decided that the two people who best fit that description were ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage and Gary Busey. I pitched those two ideas to Mark and we all had a laugh.
For those of you who follow the program (I don’t) you’ll be glad to know that Mr. Busey will in fact be suiting up for Mr. Trump’s next attempt to do whatever that show is intending to do. I will accept all due credit every time Gary sets something on fire or stabs a fellow contestant with a letter opener.
Sadly, Randy Savage was left on the sidelines.
It was announced this morning that “Survivor” Hall of Famers Russell Hantz and “Boston” Rob Mariano will round out the cast of “Survivor: Redemption Island.” This will be Hantz’s third and Mariano’s fourth appearance on the popular reality competition. Neither player has ever claimed the show’s million-dollar prize.
When asked how he’d approach another opportunity to play “Survivor,” Mariano said, “Each time I’ve played I have tried to recognize what mistakes I have made in the past and have tried to not make them again. Also each time you play, you will be in a different situation whether it be who you’re playing with, how many contestants there are, how many tribes there are, the location, etc. There are too many variables to have a set game plan that you are going to stick to. Adaptability and being able to think on your feet and outside the box are good traits to have.”
This isn’t the first time a pair of popular players has squared off against an all-new cast. In 2005, Stephenie LaGrossa and Bobby Jon Drinkard returned to compete in “Survivor: Guatemala.” Drinkard was the 10th person to be eliminated from the game, while LaGrossa managed to make it to the final two. She was eventually defeated by Danni Boatwright by a vote of six to one.
“Survivor: Redemption Island” will premiere Wednesday, February 16, 2011 at 8 p.m. ET on CBS.
The new contestants for the 22nd season of “Survivor” were unveiled by CBS this morning. These sixteen players, who will compete for a million-dollar prize, will have to deal with a new twist…
When players are voted out of the game they won’t go home, they’ll go to a location known as Redemption Island. The first person who is voted out will live there alone. When the next person is voted out, the two castaways will square off in a one-on-one challenge. The winner stays, the loser goes home. At some point in the game, the remaining person on Redemption Island will be allowed to return to the game.
Note: Two former “Survivor” contestants will join this cast. They’ll both be revealed in the near future…
 |
. |  |
| Name: Andrea Age: 21 Current Residence: Random Lake, WI Occupation: Student Tribe: Ometepe |
Name: Ashley Age: 25 Current Residence: Benton, ME Occupation: Nurse Tribe: Ometepe |
 |
. |  |
| Name: David Age: 31 Current Residence: West Hollywood, CA Occupation: Defense Attorney Tribe: Zapatera |
Name: Francesca Age: 36 Current Residence: Washington, DC Occupation: Attorney Tribe: Ometepe |
 |
. |  |
| Name: Grant Age: 29 Current Residence: West Hollywood, CA Occupation: Yoga Instructor Tribe: Ometepe |
Name: Julie Age: 50 Current Residence: Oceanside, CA Occupation: Firefighter Tribe: Zapatera |
 |
. |  |
| Name: Krista Age: 25 Current Residence: Columbia, SC Occupation: Pharmaceutical Rep Tribe: Zapatera |
Name: Kristina Age: 46 Current Residence: Malibu, CA Occupation: Law Student Tribe: Ometepe |
 |
. |  |
| Name: Matt Age: 22 Current Residence: Nashville, TN Occupation: Pre-Med Student Tribe: Ometepe |
Name: Mike Age: 31 Current Residence: Del Mar, CA Occupation: Former Marine Tribe: Zapatera |
 |
. |  |
| Name: Natalie Age: 19 Current Residence: Acton, CA Occupation: Dancer Tribe: Ometepe |
Name: Phillip Age: 52 Current Residence: Santa Monica, CA Occupation: Technology Executive Tribe: Ometepe |
 |
. |  |
| Name: Ralph Age: 45 Current Residence: Lebanon, VA Occupation: Farmer Tribe: Zapatera |
Name: Sarita Age: 36 Current Residence: Santa Monica, CA Occupation: Visual Effects Producer Tribe: Zapatera |
 |
. |  |
| Name: Stephanie Age: 26 Current Residence: Long Beach, CA Occupation: Waitress Tribe: Zapatera |
Name: Steve Age: 51 Current Residence: Huntington Beach, CA Occupation: Former NFL Player Tribe: Zapatera |
“Survivor: Redemption Island” will premiere Wednesday, February 16, 2011 at 8 p.m. ET on CBS.
I hate hypocrisy. Just the notion of saying one thing and doing another drives me nuts. That’s why writing this blog is going to suck. (I’m sure reading it won’t be much of a picnic either.)
In 1987 you weren’t going to find a bigger Mark McGwire fan outside of Oakland, California than me. Mark played first base, I played first base. My sister was dating the brother of Iowa’s second-string quarterback. Mark McGwire’s brother Dan was Iowa’s first-string quarterback. In my eleven-year-old mind we were practically related.
When McGwire was traded to my beloved St. Louis Cardinals in 1997, that cemented it. Here was the guy who was going to take the reigns of my baseball allegiance in the post-Ozzie Smith world.
If you look to the left, you’ll see a picture of my bedroom. Some would say it’s a bit forward of me to invite you into my bedroom, but we’re all friends here on morewhatnot.com.
Anywho…I love my bedroom. It’s located in my ancient house which is 120 years old, is located in a historical district, has original hardwood floors, and contains more pro wrestling and ‘Ghostbusters’ memorabilia than the law should allow.
Now if you take a close look at that photo, you’ll realize that there are a ton of pillows on my bed. Why would one bed require so many pillows? How many heads do I have? Chill out, pillow haters. I can explain.
If I had to estimate, I’d say that I’ve seen “A Christmas Story” about a jillion times. I love it. Can’t get enough of it. When TBS breaks out the 24-hour marathon, I’ll sit through about half of it.
Good times.
When I rewatch a movie, I think it’s really cool when I pick up on things I hadn’t noticed before. As an example, for the first time tonight, I noticed that every light in the house was on when Ralphie’s mom turned off the leg lamp to save electricity. Hilarious.
However, sometimes you notice something that can sour you on a character.
Note: We have a rule in the Holmes household that any gift that is meant to be enjoyed during Christmas should be given before Christmas. So don’t worry, this blog post isn’t spoiling my alliance partner’s holiday gift. Not that she reads my blog anyways…
“Community” is my new jam. It’s the show I watch on Thursday night, then put on again later that night while I’m writing. The alliance partner loves it too. In fact, after the claymation episode a few weeks ago (‘Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas’) she could not stop laughing at the sight of Senor Chang (Ken Jeong) in claymation form.
So I decided to make her a Snowman Chang of her own.
Some would argue that relaxing and playing under the radar, then winning every immunity when you’re in danger is a terrible strategy for winning “Survivor.” But it sure worked for Judson “Fabio” Birza.
Smart strategy or not, the floppy haired youngster from St. Louis, Missouri pulled it off and is now a million dollars richer. (Well, before taxes.) I spoke with the man with the unfortunate nickname the morning after his big win to find out if he bought Sash’s lies, why he never took his socks back from NaOnka and what he intends to do with the million dollar check.
Judson “Fabio” Birza: What’s up, dude?
Gordon Holmes: How’s it feel to be a millionaire?
Fabio: Dude, it feels great. They say money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can fix a lot of things.
Gordon: Now I know you’ve been through an awful lot, but I think the most important question on everyone’s mind is; how do you feel about the St. Louis Cardinals signing Lance Berkman?
Fabio: (Laughs) The Cardinals have the best fans in baseball.
Gordon: I agree.
Fabio: So, hopefully he likes it and will stay and help us out.
Gordon: Let’s start from the beginning, something I heard a lot is, “Why didn’t Fabio take back his socks from NaOnka?”
Fabio: Could you imagine if I would’ve taken my socks back? All hell would’ve broken loose. It was just better to let NaOnka look like the bad guy. I tried to get a little sympathy, let the girls feel bad for me.
Gordon: How are you and NaOnka now?
Fabio: Immediately when we got out of the game we were at Ponderosa (where the jury stays in between Tribal Councils) dancing. It was pouring down rain and we were all together laughing and stuff. Even during the game we had our little moments where we got along.
Gordon: We didn’t see a lot of your strategy, but then at the same time we are seeing things like Purple Kelly wearing your yellow jacket.
Fabio: You know when Sash does jury work that it’s obvious? I spent the whole month like that. I’d planned to get to the final three. I visualized my speech every day. I just set myself up. I didn’t need to do jury work because I’d established my relationships with everyone. And it paid off, I had Chase and NaOnka coming up to me and telling me what they knew. It’s more about listening than running around and thinking you’re a game player. It’s like Marty, he’s a good game player, but he’s putting a target on his back.
Gordon: I’m glad you mentioned people seeing through Sash. Because at home I’m watching it, and I’m not buying it. Now, that’s easy to say from the comfort of my couch, but could you sense it when you were out there?
Fabio: Yes, there’s this look in his eyes. We were all watching the second-to-last episode together and I told him “Did you know we could see right through you?” It was a weird look, and I was like, “What the (expletive deleted).”
Gordon: One of the arguments against you was that you didn’t have to lie because you didn’t really know what was going on.
Fabio: That’s not a case of me being clueless, it’s a case of people liking me more and people trusting me more. I call it a trust bank account. I swam in high school so I talked to Holly about that. Brenda and I discussed South American culture, Chase and I talked about music, Marty and I were just homies. You’ve got to let people see the potential for a game relationship with you.
Gordon: Speaking of Marty, did it break your heart when you found out he wasn’t really a chess grand master?
Fabio: I said in the interview, “It makes sense that Marty’s a grandmaster or whatever.” He is very intelligent. But that was me getting fooled.
Gordon: You were very upset when Chase didn’t take you on the family reward. Your mother talked you down, got your head back into the game. How important was she in helping you pull through and win the game?
Fabio: It was great. I first got emotional on the Sprint 4G phone. They only showed my mom on TV, but it had both of my parents who’ve been divorced for a while. And them with my brother and sister there all together it was awesome. And then when I saw my mom out there I just let it fly. When you have an emotional reaction or you respond truthfully, it’s like a cleanse. And had I gone on the reward with her I probably wouldn’t have won the game.
Gordon: She seemed to know exactly what to say.
Fabio: Oh no, she always does have the right thing to say. When I was growing up she’d say, “Juddy, you need to talk to people in a tone of voice that’ll help you get what you want.”
Gordon: When are we going to see your mom play “Survivor.”
Fabio: I don’t know if I’d sign her up for that.
Gordon: I think she’d clean up. I think there’d be two millionaires in the Birza family.
Fabio: That’d be crazy, dude. Then we’d have to go on “TheAmazing Race.”
Gordon: Last night when Dan was finally allowed to speak, he had a few things to say about your buddy Sash. Had that been going on for a while?
Fabio: (Laughs) Yeah, Dan is such a vindictive guy. I was usually laughing at whoever he was going at. Chase probably knows it, but Dan would talk (expletive deleted) on him. He’d talk (expletive deleted) on everybody. I laughed when Dan was doing his thing at final Tribal.
Gordon: Yeah, we all laughed.
Fabio: Sash got embarrassed at that final Tribal Council.
Gordon: He did, I kind of felt bad. I felt like his strategy was sound, but he wasn’t a very convincing liar.
Fabio: Yeah, it’s his tone of voice. It’s always the same. You can tell he works in the business world. In the final Tribal Council, they didn’t show this, but Purple Kelly said “If you give another diplomatic answer we’re going to tune out and not listen.”
Gordon: That’s exactly what he did.
Fabio: Yeah, he was doing it again. I don’t know if he’s aware of it or doesn’t know how to fix it. It’s like when we saw our Moms…wait this wasn’t part of your question.
Gordon: Eh…go for it.
Fabio: OK, it wasn’t an emotional thing for him. And he said this thing about growing up without any money, which may be true. Maybe it wasn’t fake, but some people aren’t as emotional or free. I think being an open book in “Survivor” is a good thing. Nobody had a reason to question me or investigate because they thought they had me figured out.
Gordon: OK, word association time. Let’s start with Benry.
Fabio: Party.
Gordon: Alina?
Fabio: Misunderstood.
Gordon: Dan?
Fabio: Dan…wiseguy.
Gordon: Shannon?
Fabio: Shannon’s gotta be a good one…ignorant? There are so many words for what he did, and what he did again last night.
Gordon: Sash?
Fabio: He thinks he’s cooler than he is. Right now when I think of Sash I think of sympathy with the way it went down. He’s such a super fan and he did not get justice at the end.
Gordon: Marty?
Fabio: Awesome.
Gordon: Holly?
Fabio: For Holly it’s gotta be eavesdropper. She would just stand there and look over her shoulder, and I could see her listening to other conversations.
Gordon: Let’s wrap this up with Chase.
Fabio: Cowboy.
Gordon: Alright, Mr. Millionaire. Now that you’ve got that big check, what’re you going to do with it?
Fabio: I’m starting a production company. We’re just gonna do 45-minute short films. I’d like to do a little bit of stand-up, I think it’d be really fun. I’ve written like 60 poems. Some really cool stuff.
Gordon: Anywhere we can see that stuff online?
Fabio: No man, I gotta get a Twitter and a Fabio Facebook.
More Whatnot 